All songs are from The Mikado except for Speedy's song, which is 'How Am I Supposed To Live Without You' by Micheal Bolten.
Scene 8
Interior of BIG CHEESE'S main office. BIG CHEESE is sitting at a white desk, currently on the phone.
BIG CHEESE (on the phone):
No, no, no! I want the finest China that you have in your shop! I want at least 35 of them delivered to my main palace by next Wednesday. I also want the best silverware, a complete set for each plate. And MAKE SURE I get it by next week, I'm getting married and I want it all perfect! (JERRY ATRIC then enters with a scroll as BIG CHEESE hangs up) Come in.
JERRY ATRIC (waving scroll)
Your Highness, a message for you from Her Royal Highness, the Princess Violet of Little Tokyo.
BIG CHEESE:
Fine, read it.
JERRY ATRIC:
Right now, your Highness?
BIG CHEESE:
Yes, right now. But make it quick, I got a wedding feast to prepare! Hurry up!
JERRY ATRIC (unrolling scroll):
Yes, Big Cheese (mumbling to himself) Only cause you can't read yourself..
BIG CHEESE (quickly standing):
WHAT DID YOU SAY?!?!
JERRY ATRIC (quickly correcting himself):
I said, I will read out loud myself!
BIG CHEESE (sitting back at his chair):
That's all I ask. You may begin.
JERRY ATRIC (clearing his throat):
A Royal Message from Her Royal Magesty the Princess Violet of Little Tokyo. (AL DANTE enters just in time to hear this) Dear Mr. Seymore Cheese, it has come to the attention of the Royal Court that your branch of Little Tokyo has not been fulfilling it's execution quota. It is imperative that this get fixed at once and the quota restored or the Royal Court will have no choice but to strip you of your title and reduce the Town Of Little Tokyo to the rank of…(gasps)…village!
BIG CHEESE:
WHAT?!
JERRY ATRIC:
It is imperative that this get..
BIG CHEESE:
I HEARED WHAT YOU SAID, I KNEW THAT THE FIRST TIME!!
JERRY ATRIC (continues):
Pleasee take this matter into careful consideration. If one more execution is performed in Little Tokyo in 2 months, than the land can remain as is. If not the rank will be diminished to village and you will hereby be removed as Lord High Executioner. Your humble and Magestic (drumroll is heard) Princess Vi.
BIG CHEESE:
One more execution!!! We need to off at least one person!
JERRY ATRIC:
You'd better do it quick! Imagine the shame we will have to endure if Our noble and beautiful Kingdom was reduced to nothing more than a …village!! (AL DANTE and BIG CHEESE both gasp) Oh, Big Cheese, if you are merciful, PLEASE, PLEASE execute someone as soon as possible! All we need is to get rid of one person and our reputation is saved!!
BIG CHEESE (taking out his list):
Yeah, yah, get rid of one….but gee, WHICH one?! There's so many here…
AL DANTE:
You?
BIG CHEES:
WHAT?! ME?!
AL DANTE:
Face it, Big Cheese, you WERE the next one to be executed when Princess Vi made that 'no flirting' law…which if I recall lead to your promotion as Lord High Executioner. YOUR name was next on the list (which could also explain why you haven't killed anyone since you've had this position!)
BIG CHEESE (slowly turning red):
YOU DARE TO SUGGEST I TURN A SWORD ON MYSELF?!?! YOU DARE TO EVEN SAY THAT?! NEED I REIND YOU SUICIDE IS A CAPITAL OFFENSE IN LITTLE TOKYO, NOT TO MENTION IT IS CONSIDERED A DANGEROUS AND FOOLISH THING TO DO?!?!
JERRY ATRIC (to himself):
That should fit you very nicely!
BIG CHEESE (yelling):
WHAT WAS THAT?!?!
JERRY ATRIC:
DUCK!!! (BIG CHEESE blows up, leaving all of them in soot) Uuugh…
BIG CHEESE:
Now, what was it you were saying?
JERRY ATRIC:
I was saying we have tio find someone ELSE to execute!
BIG CHEESE:
Thank you….maybe YOU, Jerry Atri, would LOVE to volenteer!
JERRU ATRIC (as music starts):
Who, me?
BIG CHEESE:
Golly, I don't know do you SEE anyone else here with your name?!
JERRY ATRIC (sings):
I am so proud,
If I allowed
My family pride
To be my guide,
I'd volunteer
To quit this sphere
Instead of you
In a minute or two,
But family pride
Must be denied,
And set aside,
And mortified,
And mortified.
BIG CHEESE:
My brain it teams
With endless schemes
Both new and old,
For Tokyo,
For Tokyo;
But if I flit,
The benefit
That I'd diffuse
The town would lose!
Now every man
To aid his clan
Should plot and plan
As best he can.
\AL DANTE:
I heard one day
A gentleman say
That criminals who
Are cut in two
Can hardly feel
The fatal steel,
And so are slain
Are slain without much pain.
If this is true,
It's jolly for you;
Your courage screw
To bid us adieu.
Second time together
BIG CHEESE (speaking):
WHAT?!?!
AL DANTE (quickly):
Nothing, Sir!
BIG CHEESE (speaking):
Good! (sings)
And so,
Although I'm ready to go,
Yet recollect
'Twere disrespect
Did I neglect
To thus effect
This aim direct,
So I object —
JERRY ATRIC:
And so,
Although I wish to go,
And greatly pine
To brightly shine,
And take the line
Of a hero fine,
With grief condign
I must decline.
AL DANTE:
And go
And show
Both friend and foe
How much you dare.
I'm quite aware
It's your affair.
Yet I declare
I'd take your share,
But I don't much care.
TOGETHER: AL DANTE, BIG CHEESE, JERRY ATRIC:
I must decline
So I object
I'd take your share but
I don't much care
\ To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,
In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,
Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!
To sit in solemn silence in a dull, dark dock,
In a pestilential prison, with a life-long lock,
Awaiting the sensation of a short, sharp shock,
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!
A dull, dark dock, a life-long lock,
A short, sharp shock, a big black block!
To sit in solemn silence in a pestilential prison,
And awaiting the sensation
From a cheap and chippy chopper on a big black block!
(all fall silent, thinking)
JERRY ATRIC:
But, what can we do, Sir? If something isn't done…we'll have to call ourselves, a village!!
AL DANTE:
What shame!! What shame, oh we have to do something, Sir!
BUG CHEESE (glances out the window…light falls on SPEEDY, sitting on a rock, crying quietly to himself. BIG CHEESE slowly smiles):
Excuse me, Gentilemen, I think inspiration has hit me! (he exits)
Scene 9
Palace courtyard. SPEEDY is sitting on a rock by lovely sparlking pool, sobbing quietly and holding his head in his hands. )
SPEEDY ( sings to himself):
I could hardly believe it
When I heard the news today
I had to come and get it straight from you
They said you were leavin'
Someone swept you heart away
From the look upon your face I see it's true
So tell me all about it, tell me 'bout the plans you're makin'
Then tell me one thing more before I go
Tell me how am I supposed to live without you
Now that I've been lovin' you so long
How am I supposed to live without you
How am I supposed to carry on
When all that I've been livin' for is gone
I didn't come here for cryin'
Didn't come here to breakdown
It's just a dream of mine is coming to an end
An how can I blame you
When I built my world around
The hope that someday we'd be so much more than friends
And I don't wanna know the price I'm gonna pay for dreaming
When even now it's more than I can take
And I don't wanna face the price I'm gonna pay for dreaming
But it's not like your dream has come true
Tell me how am I supposed to live without you
Now that I've been lovin' you so long
How am I supposed to live without you
How am I supposed to carry on
When all that I've been livin' for is gone
(he puts his head between his knees as BIG CHEESE comes up to him and listens quietly.)
Polly…how am I supposed to go on…how do they expect me too?! We've been best friends since w were kittens! God…when have we ever been without each other? Now he expects me to…oh, Polly I almost lost you when the comet same..Poly, I don't wanna go through that again. But, they want me too!!! (looks at his sword..then throws it down) How the hell can I even hope to be a Samurai if I can't have you next to me?!?! How can I concentrate without thinking of you?! (puts his heead in his hands) Polly…how can I even live without you nar me?
BIG CHEESE:
Do you honestly mean that?
SPEEDY (not even looking up):
What do YOU want?!
BIG CHEESE:
Now, is that any wasy to greet someone who wants to help you out?
SPEEDY:
How can you POSSIBLY help me out?! Unless you can tell me you've broken your engagement to Polly..
BIG CHEESE:
Why, you MUST be psychic!! That's ERXACTLY what I've come her to tell you!!
SPEEDY (quickly looks up):
What?!
BIG CHEESE:
Yeah, I've reconsidered. You can marry Polly.
SPEEDY (overjoyed):
I..you…me..I CAN!!! (suddenly atches himself) Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaait a minute!! What do YOU get out of this?!
BIG CHEESE:
Why, you hurt me! To think I'd ever want anything from you..
SPEEDY:
Quit playing games, Big Cheese, I know you too well. You want something. What do you want?
BIG CHEESE:
How much do you love Polly?
SPEEDY:
What do you mean?
BIG HEESE:
Would you die for Polly's love?
SPEEDY:
What are you talking about?
BIG CHEESE:
Just answer the question. Would you die for Polly's love? Or wouldn't you?
SPEEDY:
Very well, Big Cheese. YES, I would!
BIG CHEESE:
Well, I'm prepared to make a deal with ya!
SPEEDY:
What kind of deal?
BIG CHEESE:
Princess Vi just informed me that if I don't get my execution quota filled in two months I lose my position and this town gets reduced to a village!
SPEEDY:
A VILLAGE?! NO!
BIG CHEESE:
Right. So, what I'm proosing will help both me and the village.
SPEEDY:
Get to the point, Big Cheese.
BIG CHEESE:
I'll let you marry Polly for one month. But by the end of the month, you let me execute you!
SPEEDY:
So, one month of bliss, and by the end of it, you kill me! I don't know..
BIG CHEESE:
Do you WANT the town reduced to a village?
SPEEDY:
Absolutely not!
BIG CHEESE:
Do you want to live without Polly?
SPEEDY:
I don't know if I can.
BIG CHEESE:
Well, I'm giving you a chance to have your love, and to save our villag at the same time!
SPEEDY:
Polly won't go for this!
BIG CHEESE:
Who's gonna tell? Look, I'll make it look like an accident so that she won't know. (to the audience) Then I'll comfort her, be there for her, and marry her! (to SPEEDY) You get Polly for a month, then the town is saved and everybody wins! Polly doesn't even have to know this!
SPEEDY:
I don';t know…
BIG CHEESE:
Thank about it. I'm gletting you have all you want AND the chance to die a hero!
SPEEDY (to himself):
Polly, I love you. But I love this town..and the last thing I want is for this to be a village. I get to have you for a month, and a month is better than nothing….(to BIG CHEESE) It's a deal.
BIG CHEESE (shakes his hand):
Excellent!
(they exit)