Disclaimer: I do not own Gackt, Hyde or Moon Child and am not trying to accurately impersonate Gackt or Hyde's actuall personalities. Never met 'em in my life, unfortunately...
Beeeeep… Beeeeep…
The microwave's piercing alarm broke the discomfited stillness that had settled inside Gackt's empty apartment. Toji was gone. He just left a note on the door that said, "I think its better this way." But Gackt was not at all distressed by it. He was actually looking forward to a quiet and uneventful afternoon alone. Good time to think.
I'm gonna have to start doing a lot more of that. He thought, pulling a steaming bowl of ramen out of the microwave.
He had placed himself into an incredibly awkward situation with Hyde and was quite unprepared for it. Knowing all too well what he wanted, he had approached him prematurely.
Big mistake. He thought, breaking his chopsticks in half for good luck.
Gackt took a seat on his fluffy leather couch, one of the few pieces of furniture that was unpacked. He would have had something better than cup ramen if he had more of his kitchen stuff as well. But there was something about the empty rooms, white walls, and smell of fresh primer that was surprisingly refreshing. It made the ramen taste a lot better, too.
Suddenly, Gackt heard a sound that made him almost choke on the stream of noodles he was carefully drawing into his mouth. It took him a moment after he finally swallowed until he realized it was the doorbell.
Toji? No, he wouldn't come back. It can't be Komaji either; he doesn't humble himself over anyone…
He got up and headed towards the door, wiping his mouth with his sleeve. Just as he opened it, however, he froze. His shoulders tensed and his wrist still pressed against his lips, helpless to any further motion. Hyde was standing in front of him, hands stuffed in his pockets and his eyes curved in a sympathetic frown. They both stood as still and silent as the other for what could have been several minutes. Finally, Gackt couldn't stand another second of this painful awkwardness so he dropped his hand and opened the door a bit wider.
"Just… come on in." He said, practically doubling the amount of words exchanged between the two.
Hyde remained silent as he entered. Gackt watched him examine the room, visibly intimidated by the high ceiling and empty walls. He had absolutely no idea why he was here, or what he planned on doing. Rest assured, however, he was going to find out.
"What are you doing here?" The man inquired.
Hyde had wandered off to the living room, but Gackt slipped into the kitchen to fetch his noodles. When he spoke Hyde turned to him with lifted brow, as if he were too distracted by his surroundings to even realize whose house he was in.
"I want you."
His voice was bold, simple, and rather forward. Gackt would have choked on the noodles, had he been eating them at the moment, but luckily they hadn't reached his mouth yet. He did drop his chopsticks, however, and turned to Hyde with an eyebrow reaching for his hairline in alarm.
He continued, "I know it's not a good idea, with the press and all, but I just don't care anymore. I was…" The boy continued to babble on in a thoughtless sort of way.
As he spoke, Gackt had gotten up and carried himself towards him, as if getting a closer look would prove to him that reality had not been torn at the seams when his back was turned. Meanwhile, Hyde was at a loss of words as he looked up at Gackt's vacantly mystified expression.
"Hold me like that again."
He didn't need to be told twice. It a swift, fluid movement Gackt seized the man, holding him ardently close, like a precious treasure. His warm presence made Gackt's body feel complete, and like Velcro, he did not want to be separated from him. For a moment not a single thought fazed him. He simply reminisced in a state of pure bliss. Then he suddenly came to a realization.
This is too easy…He was right. This wasn't enough of a challenge. Sure he wanted Hyde, but as greedy as Gackt was, he wasn't going to be satisfied until he milked all the fun he could get out of it. He pushed Hyde away, hands on the man's shoulders, and looked away in disappointment.
"No, its not right…"
Hyde appeared confused at first, but soon resorted to more of a determined expression.
"Your loss…" He said, removing Gackt's hands from his shoulders and trudging shamelessly towards the door.
Gackt didn't watch him leave, but heard the door shut behind him.
Shortly after a few long and painstakingly quiet minutes he spent leaning against his bar counter, he opened his folded hands and started at his empty arms. He never felt like that when he was holding anyone else, but when Hyde was inside these arms he felt like a part of him had become complete. More than complete, filled to the rim with the most warm and tantalizing sensation. Like coming in from the cold snowy weather and taking a sip of hot cocoa, feeling the warm liquid trickle down your throat, soothing you from the inside out.
But no,
He denied himself that pleasure. He decided to stay out in the cold and watch from the frozen window the warm fire and steaming mug of cocoa go completely neglected, somehow drawing the conclusion that if he waited in the cold just a little bit longer that the fire and cocoa would be that much more refreshing.
He now realized that he had made a mistake. By the time he would find his way back inside, the fire would have burnt out and the cocoa became a lukewarm cup of chocolate, leaving him shivering and helpless on the old shag carpet.