Before you read: This is written Diary style just to get my out of my writers block. I'm warning you its a dissapointing chapter but go ahead.

Disclaimer: I do not own Gackt, HYDE or Moonchild

September 3

I'm sorry, Hyde.

I'm sofucking sorry.

I almost had you. You practically gave yourself to me, and I refused. WHY THE HELL DID I SAY NO!? …Why the hell did I let you walk out of my house like that?

Because I wanted you; I wanted you too much to let you come to me so easily. But now, I want you even more and my hopes of having you are gone.

I was… a complete idiot. So selfish and reassuring, all I had to do was hold onto you and shut my goddamned mouth but I couldn't.

You've made me regret everything I've done since I came to this city, and now I will never leave, now I'm stuck here, cursed by you and my damned feelings.

September 9

Please, for Christ's sake hear me! YOU'VE WON! …You were right.

I made a mistake…

Why wont you listen? I'm on my fucking knees for you. CANT YOU SEE ME!?

September 20

I've been so close so many times. It's dangerous, you know, when I have to hold you for a picture and I can feel your unwillingness sending chills through you. That's what pulls you away after every shot, isn't it?

It's dangerous…

September 23

You're lying again.

You tell them that were happy together. I have to nod.

Then you tell them about how much fun we have, how much we have in common and I just smile a bit.

But you're just lying, right?

If I had the chance, I would give you my word that I would never lie again for as long as I live so when I speak to the press and tell them how much I care about you, you would realize that I was telling the truth.

October 2

Don't smile at me…

Even if we're on one of those fake dinner dates, with our agents right there blooming with conversation, even if what I said was clever, don't you dare smile at me.

You've kept up with your ignorance, your frustrating ability to be absolutely irresistible without intending to, and you've been merciful enough to steal every last ray of hope I've been foolish enough to notice so don't you dare

October 13

Was that what I wanted? Was that really the reason that I pushed you away?

A fucking chase

I'M TIRED OF IT!

I APOLOGIZED!

…I wanted you, AND I KNOW YOU WANTED ME, TOO!

Hyde dropped the book where he found it and took a few cautious steps back. There was more where that left off, but frankly he was too terrified to read any more. That first entry had been written about three months ago, but reading it then just brought him back to that first day. Hyde had been stupid enough to turn up at Gackt's apartment, prepared to beg for him. How foolish he was...

Three months ago Gackt and Hyde's agents had hooked them up as a couple for the tabloids, and it worked. Albums and Magazines were flying off the shelves and the two appeared in just about every talk show in the country. They were almost considering a joint album until their agents changed their minds. It had been two and a half months and their publicity started to plateau.

The agents saw only one solution: break them up.

It at first seemed a welcome relief for Hyde; he needed to get away from that man. But it only took a couple weeks for him to start felling incredibly nostalgic of him. It was true; he had wanted him before, badly. Unfortunately that hadn't changed, but so many people had encouraged him otherwise.

He has to be the biggest player you will ever meet, Hyde. Don't let him take advantage of you.

Do you realize how many hearts he's broken? This guy is merciless; I wouldn't trust him.

He could replace you in a second. He has no morals.

But he couldn't help it. For so long he resisted. Like what Gackt had written about the photo shoots, it was hard for Hyde, too. He wanted to pretend that, for a moment, Gackt wasn't all those things people said he was and he could stay there in his arms. But that triggered so much doubt and confusion in Hyde's mind he found that the only escape was to flee from the man, so he would always pull away quickly and awkwardly.

He stared down at the book on the floor, so many things running through his mind. The first thing he considered was that Gackt actually wasn't the type of man Hyde thought he was. He's known him for more than three months, but he ignored him so much that he's practically still a stranger. Is it possible that if he had just given Gackt a chance, that things might've worked out? Well, it's a little too late for that thought. Hyde hasn't seen him in more than a month, and was planning to never see him in person again.

But that was before he found this.