Broken

Disclaimer: Whaaat, you didn't read the last chapter? Ok. Fushigi Yuugi and all its characters ect belong to Yuu Watase and the licensing companies. I like to play with them though.

Warnings. Implied M/M relationships. Tasuki's language.

Tasuki sighed as his memories finally released him.
"I knew ya were gonna leave from the moment I kissed ya, Chiri. Yer a monk, an' you'd never given the slightest sign you liked men. Hell, I don't think I ever saw ya give a sign ya liked a woman either. After what happened with Kourin an' Hikou I guess I don't blame ya." He crossed the room to Chichiri's bed, which was cold and unmade. It unnerved Tasuki to see Chichiri's bed like that, Chichiri had usually been up by the time Tasuki came to see him and the bed was always neat. He quickly began straightening the blankets but stopped after a few seconds and laughed roughly, looking around the now almost tidy room.
"Heh, look at me Chiri. I've turned into a fuckin' maid." He sank down onto the bed and looked around the room again. It now looked much like it had when Chichiri had stayed there, but there were a few differences. The desk was too tidy; there had always been some scroll or another that Chichiri was working on laying on top of it. Tasuki realised the room lacked the aura of life that had been there with Chichiri. His personal items, while few, had made the room look lived-in. Now it just looked empty. Like I feel. Tasuki fell back onto the bed with a sigh and stiffened.

Gods. It still smells like him. Tasuki breathed in deeply, finding it harder and harder to keep his grip on his emotions. But, how is that possible? Tasuki decided he didn't care and lost himself in the images that were forming in his mind. A slow smile spread across his face as he remembered one of the few times Chichiri was not up before him.

Chichiri had been up late into the night reading over some new scrolls Taiitsukun had given him. When Tasuki had staggered past his friend's room late that night he had been surprised to hear a soft voice from inside. He had moved to the door and, being as careful as he could, opened it a crack and peered inside. Chichiri was seated cross-legged on his mat muttering the words of a spell with his eyes closed. The aura of power surrounding him jolted Tasuki out of his drunken state. As a fellow Seishi he could feel the aura, though he doubted any of the other bandits could. Chiri... It's not often I see ya so powerful. It's like yer ashamed of yer powers... 'Cept when they help ya save someone's life... I think that's the only reason ya practise with 'em, so if yer ever needed you can provide protection. Slowly Tasuki closed the door again and walked to his own room. He undressed and slipped into his bed, his thoughts still on the monk meditating in a room not far from his own. As he lay drifting on the edge of sleep he realised he could still feel the other's chi. I'm not usually this good at sensin' chi. Tasuki thought sleepily. Either Chiri's usin' a hell of a lot of power, or I can sense him more easily when I'm half asleep. He closed his eyes and opened himself to the sense of Chichiri's life force. It seemed to carry the sense of great power, restrained behind tight control. Knowing Chichiri was so close and in such obvious command of his abilities made Tasuki feel safer and he fell asleep smiling, dreaming of the monk.

Tasuki woke unusually early and dressed slowly, feeling more in control of himself than he usually did in the mornings. I don't have a hangover... But why? He might have shocked me out of it last night but surely I should still have a hangover? Not that I'm complainin' or nothin'. He smiled, showing his fangs. Guess Chiri did me a favour last night. He walked out of his room and down the hall to Chiri's room, meaning to ask him about what he was studying last night. Tasuki knocked on the door and waited. When there was no answer he began to grow worried and carefully opened the door to look into the room. He had to stifle a laugh when he saw the curtains were still drawn and Chichiri was still asleep. Ya must have tired yerself out last night Chiri. Tasuki walked quietly towards the bed with a fanged grin, stopping dead when he saw Chichiri. He had tangled himself in the blankets so they lay around his legs, leaving his upper-half bare. Who woulda guessed Chiri slept without a shirt on? Tasuki thought to himself as he approached the bed. Standing beside the bed in the half-light, Chichiri's sleeping form was one of the most beautiful sights Tasuki had ever seen. He lay on his back, arms at his sides, stretched out along the bed. Chichiri was mask less and his face was relaxed, smiling slightly. His bangs fell into his face and Tasuki reached out to brush them away. He gently traced the scar that crossed one eye. Why do ya need to hide it Chiri? It don't make ya any less beautiful. Chichiri's good eye snapped open in sudden surprise at Tasuki's touch. He brought his hands up to the rosary that still hung around his neck and a shield formed around him, forcing Tasuki backwards.
"Chichiri! It's me! Wake up damn it!" Tasuki yelled as he was pushed against a wall. Chichiri sat up and glanced around the room hurriedly for what had woken him, fearing attack. Seeing Tasuki held against the wall he quickly let the shield dissipate.
"T...Tasuki, no da? What are you doing here, na no da?" He asked as he gazed at him in shock. Tasuki gasped in air quickly for a few seconds, feeling his breathing return to normal.
"Wakin' ya up Chiri. It's almost mid-mornin'."
"Nani?! Hontou?"
"Hai, Chiri. I thought you'd have been up by now so I came to check on ya."
"I guess I used more power last night than I thought, no da." Chichiri said ruefully as he began to untangled himself from the blankets.
"What were ya doin'?" Tasuki asked curiously, wondering what new spells Chichiri had learnt.
"Oh, just learning some new spells no da. One's you wouldn't be interested in, na no da." Chichiri's reply was just a little too fast and the slight blush that had arisen on his neck made Tasuki instantly suspicious. What the hell could he have been doin'? Now he was able to move, Chichiri hastily stood and moved to the chair he had left his shirt on the previous night. Pulling it over his head, he picked up his mask and turned back to Tasuki, thankfully not putting it on just yet.
"I'm going to the baths, Tasuki no da." Tasuki shuddered at the mention of water, even if it was just the shallow baths and tried desperately to think of a way to keep Chichiri with him.
"Hey Chiri. Why're ya always sayin' 'no da' ?" As soon as he had said it he regretted it, it sounded so stupid. Chichiri looked at him with amusement evident in his eye.
"It's just the way I am Tasuki, no da."
"Well, it's a little annoyin' sometimes." Tasuki grumbled, annoyed at being laughed at.
"Tell you what Tasuki, I'll stop saying no da when you lose your accent and talk properly, na no da." He smirked at Tasuki.
"But, that's impossible Chiri!"
"Exactly Tasuki, no da." Chichiri smoothed his mask onto his face, covering his triumphant grin with one which, although happy, was far too fake now that Tasuki had seen the real thing.
"See you later, na no da."

"Yeah, see ya." Tasuki echoed himself as he returned to reality. With the room as it was now it was almost as if Chichiri had just walked out of the door. Almost. Lying now fully on the bed Tasuki fiercely wiped at his treacherous eyes.
"Bandits don't cry, God damn it!" He growled to himself. Sprawled on his back in Chichiri's bed, surrounded by Chichiri's things Tasuki found himself loosing the battle with his emotions and decided he really didn't care anymore. Here, in this moment, there was no one to see the tears fall, no one to hear his broken sobs.

Before he lost himself entirely he reached slowly into his coat pocket and carefully drew out the folded piece of paper. Tasuki had found this on Chichiri's pillow the morning after the terrible night he had given in to his urges and ruined everything. With shaking hands he unfolded it and once again read the words that had shattered him.

Tasuki,
Last night, I don't really know what happened. Well, I do but I don't know what to think. Maybe with a little time my own heart will become clearer to me. Maybe with a little space I can work things out. Until then you will not see me. Please, don't let my leaving hurt you, go on with your life.
Until I see you again, be happy.
Chichiri.

So few words, such a devastating effect. Those words made him burn with rage and want to cry at the same time. Go on with my life? Without you I have no damn life! Chiri... how could ya leave me Chiri?
"Fuck it!" Tasuki cursed. Throwing the paper as far away from him as he could, he buried his face in the pillow and the scent of Chichiri. Giving himself freely to his tears, he cried without feeling he could ever stop.

Why must I be so evil to Tasuki? Huggles poor Tasuki I'll make it better! Ahh, the angst.. Too much, too little?

Next Chapter: Chichiri shows up! Why is he back? Will he be able to get to Tasuki in time? Where has he been and why'd it take him so long?