A/N: Okay, so because nobody was kind enough to say what the hell they wanted to see in the story, I'm doing it all myself. Poo you all!!! Anyway, sorry if the last chapter sucked… it'll get better, I swear on my bunny (whose name is also Lola!) Anyway, because I heard some of you didn't understand what went on in the last chapter, there was a reason for that: Sirius's mind is as mixed up and crazy as mine is! I know some of it didn't make sense, and not all of it was supposed to! So… interpret the text in your own special way, okay peeps? Anyway, right then. Chapter Two:

Alright, so, after the Firewhiskey incident, I had a lot on my mind.

Which is saying something.

You know that feeling you get in your "bits" when a really sexy girl comes around? Well, I was starting to feel that whenever Remus's owl Prometheus came around.

Eww! No! I wasn't thinking about the bird, you sickos!!! It's just, whenever Promy came around, that meant another letter from Remus.

Alright, for those of you who think more logically, let's do a little math:

Promy plus letter equals happy Sirius.

See now? I was getting WAY too excited when his letters came around. My poor owl Epimetheus was getting older, and, with the amount of letters I was sending Rem every day, he was sure to get exhausted. No worries, I made sure he was comfortable every night, and he slept on my mattress in a little quilt I conjured up for him, so that he got his rest. Poor Epie….

Anyway, point is, I was sending Rem a hell of a lot of letters.

More than I sent my girlfriend.

Now, mind you, I didn't choose for Narcissa to be my girlfriend. Hell, she's my frickin' cousin!!! But my mum threatened to send me to Durmstrang if I didn't take her out every once in a while, so I had no choice.

She never said anything about cheating, though.

Argh! Back on topic! Sorry, mates, I tend to go on strange tangents. There was this one time when James and I were talking about the Chudley Cannons, and I ended up reciting some huge monologue about how sex is necessary for existence... Yeah, I lose focus a lot...

Woah… did I just go on a tangent about a tangent?

Sirius! Focus!

Alright, so, Rem and I had been owling back and forth, and I kept getting excited like I would if that new singer Celestia Warbeck started owling me.

Now don't get me wrong, I love gay people! Hell, two of my best friends are (although one of them doesn't like to admit it….) But I, Sirius Black, the sexiest ladies' man to ever grace the Hogwarts grounds, proud record-holder of the most girls fucked at the same time(16 and let me tell you, 'twasnt easy!), couldn't POSSIBLY be…

Could he?

A/N: Was this the tiniest bit better? I don't think it was, but tell me what YOU think! I know it was short, but I didn't know what else to do. See, this chapter right here? THIS is what happens when y'all get lazy and don't tell me where you want the story to go. Also, if you check out my profile you can find my email address, and I heck my email every night . Cheers!