Regret
I am sitting in the forest watching as the moonlight filters through the trees. I look up and see the stars dancing far above us, a map of the heavens. It feels so…normal to be here. To sit and let Rosalie stroke my hair, to sit and let Alice's chatter run over me like the burble of a creek. I idly play with Alice's hand, turning it this way and that to see the moonlight glint on it. Alice turns to me, her face clouded.
"Do you wish you had never met us?"
I close my eyes and think about this. I think about the way Emmet carried me when I couldn't stand, I think about the way Carlisle told me our history and made sure that when I felt the most alone I had someone by my side, I think about the way Esme held me and cried with me, I think about the way Jasper just sat with me in silence, I think about how soothing Rosalie's hand feels as she strokes my hair, I think about how Alice sits and listens to me. No. Of course not. As much as I have lost, I have gained so much. I sit up and take their hands.
"No. How could I? You are my family."
They smile and we hug each other. We lay back and point out the constellations, all sorrow and pain forgotten. We are no longer mythical creatures, feared by all. Now we are just girls, talking and enjoying the feeling of friendship. I think that this is the most precious gift that they have given me.
As the dawn breaks, we reluctantly return to the white house in the woods. We laugh as we think about what is waiting for us there, a mother and a father who loved and accepted us when no else would, three men who love us, a family that is far too good to be true. We open the door and are swept up in a wind whirl of hugs and kisses. We look at each other and roll our eyes before returning the hugs. In a film, this would be where it ends. A perfect family all safe and happy, loving each other. You would see us all greeting each other, the shot would cut on the closing door and you would hear peals of laughter from the house right before the screen went black and the credits rolled. You would not see what makes me stop laughing, what makes my eyes water, what makes me hold onto Owen for a dear life, using him as a shield against the pain. A piano. A simple grand piano makes me cry. And the boy who played it, coaxing the most beautiful sounds out of thin air, making the piano say what he could not. It is such a simple thing but so sad. I wonder if I will ever be free.
The light breaks on the house in the woods. Owen is downstairs with Jasper. I am alone, for now. I pick the brightest star out of the sky, the one that shines hard against the light, pulsing, beating. Trying to stay alive. I gently blow a kiss to Edward and turn away, letting the melody of his song wrap around me. The music plays on creating a bittersweet sound that rises until ends in final note. It is a dancing of sweet, sad chords that flies up and catches the stars. It is a note of sorrow, a note of farewell. Then there is nothing, nothing at all. Owen leans against the doorframe. He hugs me, holding at bay all of the monsters of the past. I am so cruel to let him do this but I do. It is just one more simple thing that helps me survive.