The Half Blood Prince

Vs.

The Know-All Queen

Collision Theory

I'm in my room and preparing for the duel, which I think I've already established is an occasion where life comes back to bite you in the arse. I pull yet another black robe over my duelling outfit, trying and failing to hide the awful crimson padded vest, which feels like an ironing board that has been placed across my body. My breasts now have such a lift I'm actually afraid they're going to take my eye out, and I now have all the curves of a perfect rectangle; albeit a perfect rectangle that can't bare to breathe without stifling a wince. As I put my wand in my pocket I have an idea, and I must say it's a damn sight better than the last one.

ooo000ooo

Walking rapidly towards the Great Hall I have the sneaking suspicion, that I may actually win this. I enter the Hall and I see that Minerva has already set up the duelling stage and my students are already gathered around it. I walk past them and step on to the platform and raise my arms to get their attention.

"Quiet, please!" I call, which miraculously has the desired affect. They look at me expectantly and I start to speak like I did when we formed the D.A. "O.K., glad to see that so many of you turned up. Professor Snape and I will be using non verbal spells. So I would like you at the end to tell us which spells we each used. You will then duel each other, again using non verbal spells. You will be marked on speed, skill and quick thinking. Now then," I look around the Hall to see where my snarling assistant is. "Ah, there he is. Right then, everyone, quills out, pair off and we will begin shortly." A coughing Snape stands along side me. "Professor Snape, would you like to say something?" I ask politely, already knowing full well that he does.

"How many of you have had previous wizard duelling experience?" he questions them like they are some sort of prisoners. Despite this, three brave students raise their hands. "I see your Defence against the Dark Arts classes are somewhat lacking, if you are not permitted to practise defending yourself." He gives me a sideways sneer. But I actually don't care; I will win and then we'll see who's 'lacking'. "The first thing to do in a wizards duel is to bow to your opponent, this is common courtesy. You will then each turn to face your opponent, hold your wand in confrontational position and then the duel will begin. Professor Granger?" he says, in a tone of voice that wouldn't lull you in to a false sense of security, even if you were deaf. He gestures for me to face him in the middle of the platform. We face each other and I bow. Snape gives an almost nod.

"When I win, you will replace the boomslang skin, lace wing flies and I do believe, you also took some powdered horn of a bicorn," he mutters.

"Fine, but when I win, you have to thank me for the potion items that I gave to you." I grin behind my wand.

We face each other and begin. He tries to hit me with a stunning spell; he's quick, but I'm quicker. I just dodge the red flash and try a body bind. But it's a complete non starter; well I suppose a former Death Eater would have a slight advantage. He's about to strike again, but I think I remember this from the duelling club when I was in my second year. This was the opportunity I was waiting for; he needs to raise his wand and…my Expelliarmus has worked! Now if I can just…ACCIOWAND! I shout mentally. Snape's wand whizzes towards me and I hold it in the air like it's the Union flag. I smile broadly, until I realise Snape is mentally murdering me slowly and painfully. Time to move swiftly on then, I see.

"O.k. then, class, what can you conclude from that demonstration?" I look around waiting for something along the lines of: 'non-verbal spells makes it harder for your opponents to guess what you're doing', or 'sometimes the simplest magic is the most effective'.

Instead I receive an enthusiastic cry of "That was awesome, Professor Granger!"

"Thank you, Mister Alraque, but I hardly-" I try to say, attempting to turn this back to somewhere along the lines of education.

"Way to beat Snape!" Someone else shouts, hidden behind the others.

"Professor Snape," I correct them, "and it was only a demonstration." This isn't working exactly as planned. Of course actually planning it would have helped, but still a little support would be nice.

"Yes," Severus apparently agrees. He's decided it's his turn then, I suppose. "This is what we arranged to do, was it not, Professor Granger?" He tries to smile at me meaningfully, but woefully fails and ends up bearing his teeth, like a great white that's just spotted a bare bottom in the water.

"Yes, yes, that's what we did." I'm quite sure that the students believe it as much as I do, however the lesson must go on. After a few students focus long enough to identify the spells that were used, it's time for the students to practise. I walk over to Maria Vandisi and her partner Victoria Francis. "Miss Francis, can you join me for a moment?" She walks towards me brushing her hair from her eyes. With a slightly confused but open face she stands in front of me and asks respectfully, "Yes, Professor?"

"Here," I say, then mutter an impervious charm on her face, the bare part of her arms and her neck "just to be safe."

"Thanks, Professor." She grins and jogs back to Maria.

"What was that all about then, Hermione? Surely you don't teach them how to cheat, do you? I admit they do look rather dim witted. However, if you feel the need to stop wasting their time then maybe we should just make them leave; then we can all get back to doing something remotely productive," snaps Severus, who has managed to creep up behind me, without making any noise at all. I swear that man floats across the floor, atop all the students' spirits he's crushed, bearing a remarkable similarity to Hades. However I must say it's miraculous how he manages to sound arrogantly intelligent, terrifyingly sinister and irritatingly sexy all at the same time.

"No, I was not actually. I was merely ensuring the safety of my students. Miss Vandisi is a student who - how do I put this politely?" I pause briefly to try to say that she's as dim as a candle lacking it's wick, without sounding too cruel " - whilst most students drink deeply at the fountain of knowledge, Maria Vandisi prefers to rinse and spit."

"Oh but I think you did cheat, Hermione." There it is again, that annoyingly suave voice chilling my spine. Gods this is bloody ridiculous I'm 23 not 13.[I thought she said she was 22? To make things worse he has put his hand on my shoulder, and my weekend escapade has regurgitated feelings that shouldn't have been there in the first place. "How else could you have beaten me in a duel? It is only logical that you should lose," he declares.

"Careful, Severus. Don't inflate your ego too much; we have doors to go through later," I say all too seriously.

"You will meet me at 10 o'clock and repeat this duel, only this time you will not cheat," he snarls. "Besides what do you have to lose? An experiment is only proven correct if the results can be repeated." Twat, he always has to find a reason. I could always say no, but beating him a second time is rather tempting. After all he still owes me a thank you for winning this time.

"All right then," I say as we begin walking slowly back towards the students. "But you'd better be prepared to up the stakes a little." I'll show him. I didn't get the job as Defence against the Dark Arts Professor for nothing. I sit at the table for dinner with a smile, as I picture myself casting Scourgify on his hair.

Just to say sorry I took so long, thanks for waiting and hope you like it! I know my chapters are a little bit short but that's where I feel they finish. Anyway I ramble on again, hoping you enjoyed it and love as always x x x