Chapter 12
"Hales, can you do me a favor? Will you go pick up the pizza? I forgot to have it delivered." Rachel shouts to me from the living room. I'm in the kitchen on the other hand, grabbing numerous cans of soda and beer, as well as other types of food.
"Sure." I call back. Rachel and I decided to just have a chill day today; basically we're just gonna hang out in our pajamas and watch movies and get fat off of junk food. I haven't seen Nathan since we kissed, exactly a week ago today. We've pretty much avoided eachother in school, me partly because I was confused, mad, and couldn't stand the thought of not kissing him whenever I see him. Not that he would care much, seeing as how he believes it never should've happened. Whenever he and Rach hung out this week, he came up with random excuses so that she'd have to go to his house.
I was actually supposed to go to Charleston with Brooke and Peyton today, but those plans kind of fizzled out. After recieving one too many meaningless bills, Brooke's parents threatened to cut her off if she spent any more money this month. And Peyton, as it turns out, had to babysit her niece Jenny for Jake, her older brother. So this is how I ended up here, a weekend with no plans, just completely bumming it.
I set down the drinks on our coffee table and grab my car keys. "I'll be back in a few!" I call to her, she's now upstairs.
"Wait!" She replies, running down the steps. "Can you pick a few things up at the store?" She asks, handing me a list with a few items on it. I scan them quickly and nod my head.
Typical Rachel, to give me work on a supposed workless day.
With a "Bye Ho!" on my wait out the door, I leave her to do whatever as I go to the store.
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3rd Person - Rachel's/ Haley's House
Rachel was busy picking out which movies she wanted to watch, knowing perfectly well that Haley would object to all of them; She hates sappy chick flicks. She smirked to herself as she eyed The Notebook. The sound of the doorbell pulled her out of her thoughts, and she got up to answer it.
"Nathan! Hey baby!" She greeted him, wrapping her arms around him in a hug and giving him a peck on the cheek. "What are you doing here?"
He shrugged, "I don't know, I was out running, and figured we could hang. I don't really have anything else to do today."
Rachel smiled, "Sure baby. I was just gonna hang out and watch movies, but come on, join me." Not even waiting for a reply, she pulled him inside the house.
She dragged him over to the couch and started to make out with him. After a few moments Nathan pulled away.
"What's wrong?" She asked, slightly confused, not to mention hurt. Even though she isn't exactly faithful to him or their relationship, she still cares about him a lot.
Nathan was quiet for a moment. He couldn't help but feel guilty for cheating on his girlfriend, with her sister none the less. And what was worse, was now he was unwillingly comparing their kisses to the other person's. He'd already determined that Rachel's were constantly fierce and hungry and animalistic in such an appealing way, while Haley's were sweet and passionate and sexy in a way that drove him wild with desire. Knowing this made him feel even worse about what he'd done.
"Nothing." He replied after he noticed that she was giving him an odd look. "Do you think we should start watching that movie?" Eyeing the dvd case on the coffee table and noticing it happened to be The Notebook, he added, "Or maybe not." Nathan just wanted to take the focus off of kissing his girlfriend.
All week he'd been deliberating back and forth on whether to tell Rachel. On Monday in school, he'd half expected the fiery redhead to storm up to him in the hall and call him out on it right then and there. When she didn't, and came up and passionately greeted him instead, he was beyond surprised at the fact that Haley hadn't told her. God knows that she must've felt pretty guilty about it too. Maybe she too felt that it meant nothing, so there was no reason to tell Rachel, and open up that whole can of worms.
There really was no point in telling her honestly. The kiss, or kisses as it actually turned out to be, were a mistake. If they told her, all it would do was relieve their own guilt. Rachel however, would be crushed, completely distrust the both of them ever alone together again, not to mention that her suspicions would actually be correct. His relationship with her would diminish completely, but he didn't care about that. Well, he did, but he cared more about her relationship with Haley. They had to live together, no doubt it'd be awkward and uncomfortable for them. Yeah, telling Rachel would do more harm than good; granted, kissing Haley had done the same thing. Not only does Nathan feel guilt in the pit of his stomach everytime he sees Rachel, but Haley and him will probably never be as close again.
"We can't start yet. We have to wait for Haley." Rachel explained. Nathan didn't have time to hide his surprise as he heard the front door slam.
"I'm here!" Haley yelled from the direction of the foyer after hearing her name, "What movie are we -?" She stopped dead in her tracks as she entered the living room and noticed the guest. "Hey Nate." She said.
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Haley's POV
Whoa. Talk about a shocker. Here I am, minding my own business, buying some groceries and stuff, ready to come home and chill, but who's there other than Nathan? So much for hanging out, there was immediate tension the second I walked into the room. Luckily, Rach seemed oblivious to it. By the looks of it, Nathan was just as surprised to see me as I was him.
"Hey Hales." he said after a moment, locking eyes with me for the first time in a week.
God, I love those eyes.
It's too bad there's nothing but awkwardness and confusion written in them. He turns to Rachel, "I should probably go." He moves to get up but she grabs his hand.
"Baby, you told me that you were free all dayyyy." She whines, as if she hasn't seen him in weeks. "Stay please? We both want you too, don't we Haley?"
Great, put on the spot once again. "Uhh yeah, sure we do. You should stay." His eyes catch mine once again and I suddenly feel really nervous. How can Rachel not have an inkling to what's going on? She's completely ignorant to the situation.
"So, what movie are we gonna watch?" I ask. "What about The - " Just as she's about to suggest that stupid movie, both Nathan and I yell "No!". If it hadn't been so awkward in this room, it would've been quite comical. She shrugs. "You guys are missing out, The Notebook is a classic."
"Classically boring." I reply.Tired of standing in the doorway, I finally settle into the room. I move over to sit in a chair, but Rachel, lovely sister as she is, stops me. "What are you doing?" She asks, giving me a strange look.
"It's called sitting down. Or would you rather I stand the entire time?"
She rolls her eyes. "No, what I meant was, what are you doing over there? Come sit with us, there's plenty of room for your fat ass." She jokes. Regretfully I move to the only available spot on the couch...next to Nathan. I sit as far away from his as possible, which unfortunately for me, is only a few inches at best. It's still enough to smell his cologne, see the evidence that he didn't shave this morning, or even hear him breathing. It's going to be a looooooooong day.
Rachel's cell vibrated, and Fergie's song 'Clumsy' began to play. "Oh shit. I have to take this, you guys pick out a movie. This might take a little while." She says, walking out of the living room and towards the stairs. It's pretty obvious that Cooper is on the other end of the line, well, obvious to me anyway. Once she leaves the atmosphere of the room becomes even more intense, if that's possible. I stand up so that I don't have to be 2 inches away from him, a move that makes me sad and relieved at the same time.
"What are you doing here?" He asks, not in an angry tone, but definitely a confused one.
"Funny. I was about to ask you the same thing. The difference is, I live here." I don't care that my tone is sarcastic. Haley tutorgirl James does not have to be perky 100 percent of the time.
"Woah chill...I just thought you were in Charleston this weekend. You mentioned it last week." He's still pretty calm.
Something in my head clicked. "So that's the only reason you came over, because you thought I wasn't here?"
He nodded and began to smirk, not the lovable one he usually has, but more so a defiantly cocky one. He's challenging me, and apparently enjoying it too. "Did you think there was another reason?" He's hinting at last weekend, and I hate him for it.
"Of course not." It's blatantly obvious to the both of us that I'm lying. I pause for a moment. "It's not like I would've even come in if I had seen your car in the driveway. Nice invisible paint job, is it new?"
"I was on a run and decided to stop over and see my girlfriend. Is that okay, or do I need a permission slip to see her next time?"
I shrug. "Do whatever. Come over, make out with her, cheat on her. I mean, it's not like it's anything you haven't done before." His eyes flicker for a moment. Finally I struck a nerve in his tranquil little appearance.
He stands up too so that we're facing eachother. Well, sort of anyway, he still towers over me. "Can't we just forget it happened? I mean, we both agreed it was a mistake." His voice pleads with me.
By now my emotions are boiling over. I've got no control over what I'm saying. "What the fuck do you mean 'we'? As I recall, you were enjoying yourself until my cell rang. Then you put your clothes on, claimed it never should've happened and left before I could get a word in edge-wise!"
After my little rant, it took us both a minute to fully process what I just blurted out. "What are you saying?" He asks me slowly, looking me directly in the eye.
Oh crap. It's now or never, either I admit my feelings towards him, or bury them forever. "What the hell do you think I'm saying Nathan?!" I say defeated, and sit back down against the couch. I'm exhausted. "I like you."
We both know what I mean but he cares to clarify anyway. "You mean as a friend?" He says it like a statement rather than a question though.
"Oh please. I wish it were that easy." My sarcasm has returned. Nathan looks genuinely shocked at my confession though.
"Why are you so surprised? You think I make out slash practically sleep with with all my best friends like that?" The room is so quiet you could probably hear a pin drop.
"Do you think we would've actually had sex?" He asks after a few moments, sitting next to me once again, completely serious. Great, so now not only do I already feel like a fool, but he has to embarrass me by pretty much saying he'd never sleep with me.
"How else did you picture it ending?" I ask, glancing over to him.
"Honestly, I didn't think about it."
Wow. Stick another knife in my heart boy, it's almost stopped beating.
"Look, what I don't understand is why you barely seem guilty about this at all. She's your fucking sister Haley."
Moment of truth, part two. To tell him, or not to tell him? That is the question. To tell him is to potentially crush him, not to mention taking the heat from Rachel, who can be Queen Bitch if provoked. To not tell him, well, doesn't that go against best friend code? So...tell him it is.
Nathan's still looking at me expectantly, waiting for a response. Inside his head I can picture him thinking about how big of a bitch I must look like for not caring about my half-sister. If only he knew.
"Uh, well you see Nate, the reason I um, don't really feel as, uh guilty, as you think I should is," I can't do this. I don't want to do this. Why should I be put in this position of telling my best friend slash whatever he is that his girlfriend is cheating on him? Is this like some sort of karmic retribution for kissing him?
I open my mouth again to finally spit it out when the living room doors open and Rachel pops back in. "Hey guys. Pick out a movie?" I can't help but to notice that she's grinning wider than the Chesire Cat. I roll my eyes. It's one thing to cheat on him, but to do it when he's in your house? That's just uncool.
Nathan nods his head. "Yeah, I think we should watch 'Just Friends'. It seems like the perfect movie for a day like today." He says with a pointed look at me.
Rachel's grin gets wider, if that's even possible. "Definitely. Comedies are perfect on days like this." She says, not catching his actual point. "Plus, Ryan Reynolds is bangin! Though, not nearly as bangin as you baby." She gives him a wink and pops the movie in. We all settle in on the couch, Nathan unfortunately inbetween us.
At first a little ways into the movie Nathan grabs Rachel's hand, and gently rubs circles on it with his thumb. Every so often I can feel him looking at me, but I keep my gaze fixed on the screen. I'm not gonna give him the satisfaction that he's upsetting me. I can't believe he's actually purposely infuriating me because I didn't answer his stupid question. Out of the corner of my eye I can Rachel's hand creep up slowly over his upper thigh. She starts to run her nails up and down against his basketball shorts, to which he begins smirking immensly. Finally after about 5 minutes of this, I can't take it any longer. I get up and start to leave.
"Hales, where ya goin'?" Rachel asks me, turning her head away from the tv to face me.
"Refill." I say, grabbing the nearest cup. Nathan turns to look at me as my favorite line from the movie plays:
The truth is that I'm afraid to be your friend because I'm always gonna want more. But then I got to thinking that I'd rather have you in my life as a friend than not at all.
I know he notices the line too, and I can't help but shake my head at him. I can't believe how big of a jackass he was today, on purpose! So I just walk out and head up to my room.
My tears begin to fall even before my door is closed. Nathan can be so hurtful when he wants to be. I just can't believe it's directed towards me. I fucking admit to him a secret I've been holding for years, just to have him reject me! And he made the first move last weekend, so what am I supposed to think?! God, and not only this, but how on earth are we supposed to stay friends, which is the main reason I didn't want to tell him in the first place! Geez. No best friend and no Prince Charming. This blows.
A little while later, there is a knock on my door. I grumble in response; whether the visitor chooses to accept it as permission is up to them. They do. Or he does at least. He never knocks, this must be a first.
"Hey." Nathan starts. Once again he looks ever so calm whereas I probably look nothing short of a train wreck.
"What do you want?" I ask him, not caring about whether or not I sound rude.
"Can we talk?"
"Are you sure?" I snap. "I mean, Rach isn't around to give you a blow job while you're doing it, so it sort of defeats the purpose of trying to hurt me."
"I'm sorry." He looks up. His eyes look sincere but right now I don't want to hear it.
"Tell it to someone who fucking cares." I turn over on my other side so my back is facing him. I hear my door shut and after a few moments of silence I presume he left. I presumed anyway, until I felt a weight down on my bed next to me.
"You might want to rethink this. Remember what you started last time?
Nathan rolls his eyes. "If you're gonna be immature..."
"Says the guy who purposely wants me to watch his girlfriend be all over him."
"So, she has a right to be all over me, she's my girlfriend!"
"You kissed me!" I shout, then realize that my voice could've easily echoed through the house. I immediately clap my hand over my mouth. "Shit!"
Nathan remains completely chill. "She's gone...went to the store a half hour ago."
"So what've you been doing for the past thirty minutes then?"
"Getting up the courage to come talk to you." He answers honestly.
God, I can't let him charm me. Not now. Not after all this that he's done today.
"Hales, I'm sorry. For everything. I"m sorry for all that shit today, and ya know, leading you on last weekend, I just, you're her sister."
"Nate, urgh. I don't even know what to say. I mean, how can we even go back to being as close as we were now that you know how I feel?" I feel butterflies in my stomach, and I want to do nothing more than shoot them. "Especially since you obviously don't feel the same way. You're confusing the hell out of me Nathan! Who do you like, who do want to be with, why go through all this shit, why put me through this hell?"
He shakes his head. "I don't know."
"What?"
"It's my answer...I don't know."
" To which part?"
"All of them." He's completely serious right now, which is only adding to my already confused state.
"Do you really mean that?"
"Yeah." His eyes are so dark they could pass for black almost. He's so aggravating. One minute he's pissed because I don't feel guilty, the next he says he doesn't know who he likes, then he's purposely trying to hurt me, then he's apologizing. Everything is so confusing, and I the only thing that makes sense to me is the most wrong thing of all.
So I kiss him. And it takes him all of 2 seconds to respond. Forgetting all the tension between us, I pour all of my anger over him, all of this confusion, into this kiss. If I had actually thought this through though, I would've realized that the consequences are a whole lot higher now. If the first time could be considered an accident, the second time was definitely not; these types of mistakes don't happen twice.
Nathan quickly wraps one arm around me; the other is running through my hair. My hands are already under his shirt, my fingers tracing over every ripped edge of his abs. Suddenly he pulls away, and for a second I'm afraid that he's come to his senses again, but instead he slides his shirt off over his head. I use the time to do the same thing, and once again we're in the same position that we were in a week ago.
I place my hand on his chest and feel his racing heartbeat. I smile into the kiss because as much as he might try to deny it later, he's into it, this, right now.
Using a free hand, he begins to pull down my shorts. His thumb traces over the edge of them, and he teasingly begins to pull on them. I can't help but begin to become impatient because he's taking his sweet time.
Kissing Nathan now, as bad as it may sound, is familiar. It's so incredibly invigorating, and intoxicating, and liberating this time around. Is it so wrong to think that he may feel the same way? I mean, he didn't pull away...in fact the only thing he's pulling on right now is my shorts. It's about damn time he took them off. With his hand he brushes them off the bed and pulls away for a minute.
He's smiling. Not a smirk, but an actual full on smile. All he's doing is staring at me, smiling. It's actually quite uncomfortable, yet surprisingly comfortable at the same time. Does that make sense? Probably not, but that's the effect Nathan has on me. Nothing about him makes sense.
"Hi." I say shyly, biting on my bottom lip, but still smiling.
"Hi." He smiles, and bends down to kiss me.
And it's at this point that I realize there's no stopping. He won't pull away, freak out, or do anything to stop this from happening...unless Rachel comes home.
"She could be home any minute." I test him. Bullshit. There's no way she's at the store, I was there earlier for her. She's with Duke boy, whatever his name is, I don't care. I'm with Nathan, that's all that matters.
"I don't care." He replies, kissing my neck gently, over and over again. His warm breath hits my neck and I almost lose my mind.
I love this boy.
Nathan discards his shorts onto the ever-increasing pile of clothes on my floor. While I pull down the last remains of his clothing, he works on taking off my bra. Finally we're both free from the restrictions of clothing, and I'm loving it. I mean, it's not like Nathan and I haven't seen each other naked before, but it's never been anything close to this context. I move my hands down his body, learning every ripple, every contour of his abs until I finally reach well, you know. Nathan moans quietly into my neck as I begin to massage him and I can't help but shiver in response.
He begins to push forward a little. "Nathan...wait." I stop him, pulling my hand away from and resting them on his chest. He lifts his head to look at me, slight confusion in his eyes and I know he's thinking I'm stopping this. "Are you okay?" He asks, resting one hand on my hip and using his thumb to trace circles on it, an action he used hours ago while holding Rachel's hand.
I can't help but marvel at how incredibly sexy he looks right now. His hair is messed up, his breathing is ragged and he's sweating just a little. Not to mention the fact that his entire naked body is pressed down onto mine. Yeah, that kind of helps too. His eyes are intense and passionate, yet concerned about whatever I'm going to say or do next. This entire moment seems extremely pivotal.
"Condom." I breathe out, lightly scraping my nails against his muscular chest. The confusion in Nathan's eyes turns to relief and a small grin reappears on his face.
"Be right back." He says quietly into my ear, as if it's a big secret know one else can know about. Well, technically it is. He pushes himself off the bed and walks towards the bathroom.
Dear lord he's got the cutest ass I've ever seen.
I smile to myself, and readjust so that I'm under the covers. Nathan walks back into the room, and my breath catches in my throat for a moment. He's just that amazing. Sliding into the covers, he looks over at me.
"You ready?" He asks.
Staring him straight in the eye, I lean up to kiss him again, hoping my answer is suitable.