Part 9:

"Hey. Don't put that on my account."

"I only wanted half."

"Nobody smokes half cigarette."

"I do. And I'm trying to quit."

'Oh, back to that, are we?"

"I like routine."

"Yeah, like disappearing on me."

"I know. I'm sorry."

"It's... no problem. You had bigger concerns."

"Yeah, like ruinning your vacation."

"Who knows? You might have saved me from a shark attack."

"Run away Carter. Run as fast as you can."

"Where's Maggie?"

"She went home."

"Minnesota?"

"Please."

"Well, wanna hide out at my place for a while?"

"Did you hear what I said about running away?"

"I block about half of what you say."

"Only half?"

"Negative half. Sorry."

"No. You're right. I am negative. It's hard not to be when you attract misery everywhere you go."

"I'm not gonna let you do this."

"I'm like a magnet for it and you shouldn't have to deal with this."

"Now you're pissing me off."

"Maybe you should just cut your losses."

"You know, Eric is alive. You could take two seconds and rejoice on that."

"I did. I hugged you and then I ran away to find my crazy mother. And I never even came back to say thank you. Thank you for travelling all night. Thank you for working all the day just to be with me."

"You're welcome."

"Cause you know, my life is on hold. It will always and forever be on hold. You don't wanna be on hold."

"Then don't put it on hold."

"I have no choice, you do."

"Right. Your life sucks. Now and forever there's nobody you can love and there's nothing you can do about it."

"You don't want me to love you."

"Can I decide that for myself?"

"Fine. Decide. What you want?"

"What I want? I want you to stop being so afraid."

"I'm not afraid."

"I want us to stop being so careful!"

"I just..."

"I wanna marry you!"

"What?"

"I wanna marry you!"

"Oh you're proposing?"

"Yeah!"

"You're crazy!"

"Well, then I'll fit right in!"

The memories filled my mind as I kept staring at the wedding ring. And I regretted for not going ahead and proposed properly. We would be married by now. Things would be different. Of course I couldn't expect her to change. I loved her and yet I gave up on her. I gave up on love. True love. I am really stupid. That's what I am. You only give things the value they deserve after you lose them. I had lost Abby. Forever. And I gotta say it doesn't feel good. I feel empty. Like someone has just stolen everything from me. She means everything to me. I should have listened to her. She wanted me to stay. She was probably willing to work things out. And once again I blew it. Because of Luka. Stupid croatian. With Abby, everything was secure, was good. Quickly my world began to be dependent of hers. Every little thing I did or said was about her. She was on my mind twenty four hours a day. If one day our shifts didn't allow us to meet each other, I got in a completely bad mood and couldn't concentrate. She had that effect on me. And I think she always will. We've both struggle real hard to make our relationship work. Then there were a time we fought like all the time. That was the time I decided to leave. I never should have listened to Luka. He dragged me into this world. We fought for her and then he did this low thing by taking me away from her. I'll never forgive him. Well, he got what he wanted. He's not gonna have her either. I gave an awkward laugh. This isn't funny. It's painful. It hurts. I'm not going to have her in my arms ever again. And it hurts. It hurts to know that – or who – you want most you can't have. Life is great isn't it? When you finally realize what you did wrong life plays a trick on you. And you fall straight into the hole in your way. And I fell into it once again even though I did other times. I can never seem to learn from my mistakes. I fell into thi hole like three times. It was needed for her to oppose against my marriage to get my eyes open. The worst part is I only spent six months with her. It passed by as fast as an eye blinking. I regretted not being able to spend the rest of my life, as I thought it would be since the beginning. I'm sure that was what she expected too. I stood from the couch. I made my way to my room and took a box in my hands. I picked a syringe and put the box over the chest of drawers again. Then I made my way to the balcony and injected the drugs in my vain.