Part 15

"John. It's going to be okay. It's gonna be okay"
"Oh dad"
"I know"
"You don't know how much I needed you", I stepped away.
"You've been through hard moments John"
"And I caused that"
"No. Stop blaming yourself. It's not your fault"
"I could have prevented it. I never should have yelled at her". I moved to sit on the couch and put my hands on my face. "What should I do now? I'm so confused, so… lost"
"It's okay to feel that way son. You lost someone really important. Someone you really cared about"
"It's more than just cared dad. It was love. True love. Love, that I thought I had with Kem, but I didn't. When I realized it was Abby, she is taken away from me. Just like that"
Dad just nodded his head, listening carefully to me.
"I never regretted about something as I regret leaving her like that. She wasn't just any woman, she was my soulmate. The love of my life. And the worst part is that Luka dragged me away from her. That stupid Croatian bastard. He had planned everything". I said with hate and anger in my voice.
"Easy son"
"What am I gonna do without her? And the baby?" My father was puzzled. "She was carrying my child"
"Oh"
"She was afraid she would miscarry it", Tears began to fill my eyes again.
"John"
"Yeah. I said she would do great" Tears began to fall from my eyes. "I wish I could be more understanding. She was terrified. And I really thought it would be just fine this time. That I would finally have a baby. I've been dreaming for this moment for my whole life"
"I know son"
"If only I could tell her how intense my feelings towards her are"
"Maybe you didn't have the chance"
"No dad. I did. I just didn't know how to take them. I don't know, I thought she would always be around. The truth is it's not this way. It's comfortable to think love lasts forever. In life it doesn't work that way"
"Love is a complicated thing"
"Tell me about it"
"I must say, I liked Abby more than Kem. I mean, you just went to Africa and came back with a pregnant woman and…"
"I know dad. That must have been pretty shocking for her"
"Imagine her getting pregnant by another man while you were still getting over her"
"Thanks dad. I get it" I said a little loud.
"You got over her too fast"
"I get it okay!" I shouted this time. Tears falling down again.
"Honestly I knew since the beginning that you and Kem weren't made for each other"
"You knew?" I asked in disbelief. "And you didn't tell me?"
"I'm not supposed to comment on your love life. I have no right to tell you what to do. Not anymore. You're grown up. And whatever you decide to do or not to do is up to you now. The consequences is the price you'll have to pay in the future"
"I think I'm already paying it" I said in a sad tone.
"Yes, you are"
"Oh dad. I just want to have her here with me. And never let her go"
"Well, you can't have her. Not anymore"
"I want to be with her forever. Follow her whenever she goes"
"You're desperate"
"I am. I am. I'm desperate cause I don't have her. I threw it all away. Once again"
"Don't blame yourself"
"Dad, I need her"
"I know son. I know", He got up and put a hand on my shoulder. "But now you need to say goodbye to her"
"I don't know if I can. Don't want to"
"But you need to"
"I'm not ready to that yet", My eyes filled with tears.
My father just stood in front of me, concerned. And his way to show me he cared was stepping towards me and hugging me. I hugged him back and rested my head on his shoulder. Then I cried like a baby. We remained like this for like fifteen minutes. My eyes were all red from crying. I stepped back.
"Thanks for coming over dad", I said as I wiped away my tears.
"Don't thank me. I did what a father is supposed to"
"Thanks", I smiled.
"I should really get going now"
"Okay", I walked to the door.
"Take care of yourself son. I really mean it"
"I will. Thanks again dad"
He hugged me one last time before leaving. Then I felt pain again. Like a punch in the stomach or something. This could be me leaving right now after a sincere conversation with my son or my daughter. I hated myself for thinking it. It only made things worse. Way worse. I looked through the window. He had already gone. I turned around and headed to the bedroom. I looked over the sheet. It still had the flower sheet. I guess it hasn't been changed in ages. No point to change it now, huh? I sat on the bed and put the blankets over my body. Then I rolled to her side and tried to sleep. It took me a long time but I could get some sleep.