A FAREWELL TO SORROW

Me and my anachronisms.. Featuring Dongwan

For now, I won't leave you, no matter what. But I won't promise you eternity- I can't.

I don't want you to anyway. I know you'll leave me soon enough, so don't worry.

Don't you worry. I know I'll be in line before you, but I'll leave you in good hands

Shut up and rest. I'll live… I don't need any support-other than yours.

What, you can't live without me? Don't nod your head and smile, I'm serious.

It wasn't a wonder, was it, my love, why you never got promoted? You always scraped through, and never got anything more than a mark short of the top score- and you never made that appeal did you, you liar? You even got your pants on fire for that didn't you? Like they say: liar, liar, pants on fire.

But you managed to get everything else on fire, didn't you? What sort of a lie was that, that actually had the strength to kill you, to kill me? Because I'm just physically alive, you know. I told you then, and I've said it before as well- I can't live without you. I can't live without you, so why don't you just get out of wherever you are and come here and stand before me. Stop hiding already…

Stand before me, you coward, so I can at least get an explanation out of you. No matter how irrelevant, no matter how dumb it is, I'll listen to you. I'll hear you out, and accept you. I'll hold you close and listen to your every world. I'll forgive you, so why don't you come back and look at me in the eye to tell me whatever you want to, damn it? I tried to be with you but you-you pushed me away, didn't you, you fool? Why? Why must you hate me so much? Why must you block my every attempt to breathe freely? Why can't you come back? Why won't you? Why won't you love me anymore? Why won't you let me love you? Let me live, dearest heart, let me live because I can't go on.

I'm scared… I want to live… I don't want to die…

He was.. A good kid…

And what about you, you lamb? You knew you weren't cut out for a martyr's job, didn't you? Who told you to defy your parents? Wanted to be a real rock start, didn't you, you fool? Wanted to be revered by the whole race and have at least a street named after you, didn't you, you glutton? Or was it that you got the save-the-day syndrome like a stack of other idiots? Nobody asked you to protect them, not even your own lot-they were all sensible people, weren't they? They had brains, didn't they? So what happened to you? You go in like a hero and come out a whining whelp- what was the point, I ask you, what was the point in it all? You think your life is a poem- and an unfinished one at that- which I have to critically analyze and comment on?

Forgive me, my friend, for I have no more kind words for you. My mouth is a blank now, as is my heart. I don't know what to tell you anymore. Your absence isn't really felt- that's all, really. It was a stupid death, my friend, a senseless departure. I told you, didn't I? I told you not to come into the picture, to stay where you were. I got forced into this, but what about you? I told you to be a little intelligent, not to be a complete jackass and practically beg for death. But you didn't listen, did you?

Nobody ever listens to me, not even you. But I'm right at the need, aren't I? I'm always right. I've always been right, but it's never been put to good use thanks to all of you.

It's not a wonder, then, is it? Yes, I have every right to be angry. But what right did you, or any of the others, have to make me angry or to let me be angry? So, you see, my friend, I loved you and I still do, but I have nothing kind to say. My throat is dry with sorrow and I've been deserted in a desert, with no oasis in sight.

Please, cooperate with us. We have had enough. There is no need to take up arms again.

Aw, shut up already, woman! I didn't even go out to the front even once!

I am so over Lacus Clyne- hey, doesn't this mean we're jobless now?

Fancy that! Then again…

Damned idiots are taking so long to figure out what 'cooperate with us' means! I wonder how long they'll take to figure out that they're gonna be sacked too…

Hey, all of you, come over! The food's here! Time to celebrate!!

Do you hear that, my love? Will you come out now? Are you done with hiding now? Look, it's all over. Its peace, come to reign once more. I don't need to hear anything from you. I won't ask a single word from you, I swear. Come back, won't you?

And you, my friend, isn't this what we needed, my friend? We need some music now, something to listen to. Come, come and finish your song. I've done a pathetic job out of it, so won't you at least do this much for me? It's a terrible thing to leave poetry unexpressed. You said that. Isn't it the same for music?

Are you… angry with me? What of you, my love? Have I grown so hideous? Don't you want to see me? Don't you have anything to say to me? Am I so despicable now?

Honour me, at least, my debt. Repay me 94608000 seconds-each of you. I'm calculative, yes. But it's the time I spent on you and solitude has turned me into such a creature.

Ill have to go soon enough and I'll need your help while I'm away...

Where are you going?

You're not really gone, are you?

No, I'm not. I'm right here, even now. I'll always be here.

Well, then, when are you coming back?

I.. I don't know… but I'll be close by, so don't worry. For now… hey, don't do that!

What kind of thing is going to keep you away for so long?

It could be really short, too… look, look at me, and don't cry…

So, brother, it's over. You knew it was going to be over, didn't you? You always do. So where are you? You said you'd come back, didn't you? I won't ask for compensation from you- as long as you come back, that is. Just come back, and we'll be quits.

And that assignment you dumped on me- do you still want it done, or do you need me to throw it out? Either way, you must come back to give me a reply.

Have you noticed something already, that I have nothing much to say to you? That's because maybe, just maybe, you're still around. You're not gone, you're just gone from here. That's all there is to it, right? I know you're hiding too. They told me. That body-it's not yours. You didn't get toasted. See, you're done for now, aren't you?

Great… I get back here and what do I see?

Yeah! Celebrate good times! Whoo!

Stop this nonsense right now! The inspection of troops is starting shortly, and I don't want you all to be embarrassed. The superiors are already on their way, so pack up!

Boo! You're such a spoilsport, Commander!

Yeah! Hercules, Hercules.. whoo!!

Haha, you're wasted!

You! Come here! Where's the Vice-Commander!

Is that how you talk to your friends?! Oh, yeah, it is…

Where-is-the-Vice-Commander?

Chill, dude.. She's not here… check her rooms, maybe she's there…

You'd leave me in good hands, huh? No, you didn't you cheat. You just said that to get me off your back, didn't you? You couldn't stand it, could you, that I was just watching you leave me? Did you feel that release, my love?

Did you really love me? I'm sorry I couldn't kiss you goodbye. I was so scared that I might just hurt you and I… forgive me, dear heart, I am lost. I lost you and now I have nothing left to hold on to. Everyone started to leave after you did. It's all your fault that I have no friend, not even a brother. They're all gone, you know, all of them…

You came back not once, but three times. Each time you'd take on the same form and you'd tell me the same thing, wouldn't you that I can't come yet? I know it was you. I could tell, every time, that it was you in a different form. You came back, didn't you?

Vice-Commander! Are you in there! Vice-Commander!

Y-yes.. I… I'm inside... do give me a moment now... what is it, Sir?

We'll need you downstairs for… a little… crowd control.

Crowd control?

Yes, the whole crew, actually. They're tired and all, but the inspection of troops has to be done soon and then there's that report to file- you know what I'm talking about...

Yes, Sir, I understand.. I'll be there right away..

Good, I'll just count on you in that case. Besides, they can go on later.

Sir.. I.. I have a little condition..

Condition, Vice-Commander?

Yes, Sir…

Go on, what is it?

Yes, Sir.. If I do crowd control and they celebrate later on the way back... please, join in!

I beg your pardon, Vice-Commander?

Forgive me, sir, it just came to me... you must join the crew later in their party-

That's not like you at all, Vice-Commander-

And, you must address everyone personally, not by rank.. The war's over, Sir, finally… and we all need some familiarity, don't we? We might as well be a little lighter…

Yes, we might as well.. I'll see you there in that case- and do change. I don't want to see any uniforms later, not even one.

Yes, Sir, I understand.

And so I bid farewell to you, my love, and to you, my friend, and to sorrow.