1

The Meaning of Forever

The Days Of Mai

Chapter 3/?

By Paperkat

01/31/08

Disclaimer: I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender

Story Synopsis

Just because the war is over doesn't mean the story ends. Mainly Katara and Zuko centric.

Chapter Synopsis

Mai isn't the girl she once was, but old habits die hard.

Mai relaxed back into the awkwardly large lounge her servants had dragged out to the turtle duck pond at her explicit request. Zuko would most likely be miffed that the earth around the water feature had been ripped in several places when the lounge had been dragged into position, but it would be interesting to see if her husband would actually say anything.

It had taken three years of marriage, but Zuko had finally learned to control his emotions enough to present an outward facade of calm, at least in public. Of course in no way was the Fire Prince actually tamed, because just below the surface was a churning lava flow. Having the large chair invading his personal oasis was just one of the many tests Mai had subjected him to over the years in order to teach him the restraint and diplomacy he would one day need to be Fire Lord.

However, three years as Zuko's wife had not left Mai unaffected, though she was often loath to admit it. She no longer had to think about feeling it actually happened on its own now, with or without her permission much to her annoyance. This was especially true when it came to Zuko, or Ty Lee or even her genuine regret at betraying Azula in the end. And not even under pain of death would Mai confess that she also cared about her country and its people. Before she could have watched it all slide into the ocean without blinking, but now she thought that she might be disappointed if the Fire Nation failed to prosper.

In truth the braking of the wall her emotions use to hide behind had started with that Agni awful vacation they had spent on Ember Island. The four of them around the fire made from Zuko's memories, speaking of things that had never been said in the ten years they had known each other. But it wasn't when Zuko had pulled her confession from her that Mai began to feel without thinking, or even after her minor outburst at Azula. It had been seeing the look in Zuko's eyes when he said he was scared that he didn't know the difference between right and wrong.

This boy that had finally gained back everything he ever said he wanted was still tortured with something that Mai had never even cared about. When one had Azula as a close personal friend things like right and wrong were meaningless in the face of what you wanted. Mai could have almost understood when the Prince had been obsessed with regaining his honor. After all it was for the honor of her family that she had been made the way she was, but to be so torn by a sense of self and duty as Zuko had been was something Mai had never honestly thought about until that moment.

That's when Mai finally understood the truth of Zuko. He had always burned to do what was right, always. It had always consumed him, even when they were children. The only thing that had ever changed was his understanding of right and wrong. But once he found it, found it for himself so that he knew that it was true and pure, the fire that was in Zuko only burned twice as fiercely. And it was that fire that had earned him the love and respect of his people, of his friends and of his wife, even if he still had a hard time seeing it for himself. And right now one of those friends was sitting across from her, looking unquestionably uncomfortable about all the activity fluttering around her.

Mai hid her smirk behind the teacup her servant had just given her. Katara was flustered and on edge and that's exactly how Mai wanted her. The smirk turned to a frown as the unwelcome and annoying feeling of guilt started to surface. Mai quickly squashed that down under her mask of indifference. She needed this woman's help and Mai felt far more comfortable calling Katara on a debt than asking for her for a favor.

The 'debt' was minor as Mai saw it. She had already decided to help Zuko in whatever way she could, it just happened that the first opportunity had been when Azula had been fighting the waterbender, preventing Katara from helping her friends, helping Zuko. The Fire Princess and the Water Tribe peasant had been evenly matched in skill and resourcefulness, but Katara was slowly gaining an edge as she became more and more desperate to reach her friends. She would have won despite Mai's interference; Katara's attacks had progressed from merely subduing Azula to removing her from her path, permanently. But the waterbender had been the one to initiate the debt after Mai had used a sleeping dart on her former friend.

"I owe you one," Katara had said, as she slid by Mai and down the hall to the Fire Lord's inner chambers.

"Remember it," Mai had replied unthinkingly in return as she faced Azula's unconscious body, bracing for an attack that never did come.

Mai had never thought on it again until her need for the Master Waterbender's help became evident. She had sent the note to Katara not knowing what would happen. The message had been purposefully vague as Mai had been unwilling to plead for the other woman's assistance. But on some level she knew that Katara would answer the call. Zuko had once told her that Katara would never turned away from those that needed her. And Mai needed her, because she also owed a debt. A debt she hoped to repay to her husband for loving her despite of who she was.

Mai slipped her hand across the hidden compartment in her robes and felt the carefully folded parchment there. At first Zuko's note explaining his actions had angered her. She had felt hurt, betrayed, abandoned, but then it suddenly occurred to her that she honestly felt something. Zuko had not poured out flowing words of love and devotion. He had only expressed his regret for what he had done to his uncle, what he was doing to her by leaving, and that he one day hoped to ask their forgiveness.

He had hoped to return for her forgiveness, not for his throne, not for his honor, but for her forgiveness, and he had. Mai still remembered clearly Ty Lee's look of shock, which probably mirrored her own, when Zuko had bowed down before her. The only thing that saved her from humiliating herself with the tears that had threatened to fall was that idiotic Water Tribe boy Ty Lee was always going on about back then.

He had walked through the room they had been standing in, his arms laden with linens. He had looked over, his eyes widening in surprise to see Zuko on his knees before her. Maybe Sokka had adrenaline coursing through him, or maybe he had thought with the way she had her arm stretched out towards Zuko she was going to attack, but whatever it was he had dropped the sheets and had his boomerang ready for an attack in an instant.

Mai had been too taken by surprise to react. The look in the boy's eyes had promised death for threatening one of their own. Somehow in a few short months, and even after everything he had done to them personally, Zuko had gone from being their most hated enemy to being a trusted ally, and she was going to die for reaching out to him. That is until Katara ran into her brother's back, throwing him off balance enough to almost make him fall.

"Sokka, what are you doing?" the waterbender had demanded, trying to see what was going on over the mound of lines in her own arms.When the girl had finally looked their way, Mai had seen Katara looking back and forth between Zuko and herself.

"They're fine, Sokka."

"What?!" the Water boy had demanded, his boomerang had been ready to throw again, but after his sister's words there had been a doubt of purpose in his eyes as he pointed his weapon at her and Ty Lee. "They were trying to kill us just last week!"

"That was last week," Katara had huffed shoving her pile into her brother's gaping arms. She had given a nod in Mai's direction before pushing her brother ahead of her.

"So, here we are."

Mai was jerked out of her memories by Katara's nervous attempt to gain her attention. To hide the start she had gotten, Mai smiled vacantly at the waterbender before sending her servants away.

"Here we are," Mai agreed only after they had been left completely alone. "More tea?"

Katara looked down at the full cup in her hand as if she had not known it was even there. She murmured a 'no' before placing the delicate pottery aside on the table that had been placed beside her for just such a purpose.

"Lady Mai, I'm not sure what's going on here..."

"I'm not surprised," Mai cut in viciously and inwardly winced. It had been automatic for her to deliver a cutting blow to display her dominance of the situation. It was common practice in court life, but she had not meant to actually anger the girl. And Katara was livid if the fire in her azure eyes was any indication. Zuko had told her stories about the waterbender's explosive anger, but she had never really believed him until now.

"Look, I just sailed half way around the world because of your stupid note," Katara spat out as she jumped to her feet to leave. "If all you wanted was to ridicule me..."

"I am unable to bare Zuko's child!"

The silence that echoed in the garden was a suffocating vacuum to Mai. She had just unceremoniously blurted out her most dire secret, and all the Water Tribe girl could do was stare at her. Mai turned her eyes away, willing the tears she could feel forming to simply vanish. She sat unblinking for what seemed like forever before she heard the scrape of porcelain on stone. Mai looked over and was grateful to find Katara not looking at her but into the depths of her teacup.

"Have you spoken to a physician or healer?" she asked softly. "Are you certain?"

"I have told no one," Mai told her truthfully, the time for maneuvering was over, only honesty would win her Katara's help now. "You are the only one that knows."

Mai had expected for the Master Waterbender to assault her with sympathetic niceties to soothe her, but Katara only nodded, accepting what she had said without question.

"Tell me what has happened so far."

It was then that Mai poured out all that she had been hiding inside for almost three years. She told the waterbender of her many failed pregnancies from the month after her wedding to just two moons past. She told her of all the things she had tried to keep the babies within her, but to no avail. And when Mai was done Katara sighed softly once and gave her only reprimand.

"You should have told Prince Zuko. He would have wanted to know."

Mai felt rage well up, but it came crashing down when Katara continued.

"But I understand why you didn't."

Mai searched those blue eyes for any hint of mockery or pity and found none. "Can anything be done?" she asked and Katara sighed again.

"Honestly I can't tell you until I've examined you for myself." Katara looked up into the clouds and towards the sun that had moved lower in the sky. "There will be a full moon tonight. My powers will be at their fullest then."

"Where shall I meet you?" Mai asked, relieved that Katara seemed to be as eager as she was to solve this problem.

"Here at the pond."

"Here? Why?"

"Waterbender, remember," Katara said with a shrug and a grin. Mai's lips turned down slightly, almost frowning at the other woman's amusement. "And plan on getting wet."

Mai blinked, uncertain if the girl across from her was teasing or serious. When Katara continued to return her stare, Mai was forced to realize that the waterbender was completely serious.

"Can't we do this in the baths?" Mai asked, appalled at the slight whine hidden in the contempt of her voice.

"No, that water is too hard. It's been treated with minerals and fragrances. The pond is clear, natural and alive."

"It's also full of algae," Mai said with distaste.

"That would be the 'alive' part," Katara said, her eyes smiling over her teacup, only making Mai frown more. "Don't tell me you've never been swimming in something that wasn't man made."

"Not intentionally," Mai groused.

"Well, it will be a new experience for both of us." When Mai's only reply was a raised eyebrow, Katara explained. "I've never been swimming with a Princess before."

Mai snorted, but found herself almost smiling in genuine amusement.

After confirming with Katara when to meet, Mai escorted her to her rooms where the waterbender could prepare for their meeting later on that night. Katara had told her to rest also, but that had not been an option for Mai. She was the Fire Princess, and the only female royal in residence; therefore it fell to her to see that all of their guesses were comfortable and content. This task kept her busy until the early evening when she went to her rooms to dress for the evening meal.

"What are you up to Mai?" Zuko asked the moment she opened the door.

"And how are you my Lord Husband?"

The cool reply made Zuko step back a moment, and without actually having to say it, let him know that she was not pleased with his open attack, no matter how accurate it actually was.

There was silence while Mai removed her day robes, but when she crossed the room to select something for the formal dinner she couldn't suppress the laugh forced out by Zuko's pouting frown.

"Are you going to sulk all through dinner?"

"Did you know Katara was coming?" Zuko countered, and Mai simply rolled her eyes. She knew he was suspicious. She could feel it radiating off of him, but she knew how to dispel such feelings, she had been doing it for years.

"No," she told her husband honestly. After all she hadn't known if Katara would actually comply with her request. Zuko nodded his head in acceptance and then frowned even deeper. Mai sighed.

"What's wrong now?"

"Katara wouldn't leave home unless something was wrong."

To that Mai snorted in real amusement, "Please Zuko, she's been to the Earth Kingdom, the North Pole and even here several times without anything being wrong."

"Yeah, but she's never been alone before. It just doesn't make sense."

Mai shrugged, giving the first excuse that came to mind, "Maybe she's looking for a husband. She can't very well do that with her over protective brother and the Avatar bearing over her shoulder. And from what I remember she isn't all that pleased with the men available in the Water Tribes."

To Mai's surprise the idea of the waterbender searching for a mate sent her husband reeling.

"What? Marriage?" Zuko had the most comical look of horror on his face, as if she had just suggested returning his father to the throne. "She's too young for that?!" Now it was Mai's turn to be shocked.

"Zuko, she's only, what is it, two years younger than us, and we've been married for three."

The logic of her suggestion only seemed to disgruntle her husband, so Mai let it drop, though she was highly entertained watching Zuko glare suspiciously at every male that happened to speak to Katara during dinner that evening. Oh, how much fun it would have been to reveal that it was she that Katara was secretly seeing. That would really set Zuko's head spinning, she thought with a smirk. But of course the reason Mai was privately visiting Katara in the garden kept her mouth firmly shut.

At midnight and with her husband safely asleep, Mai crept from their room; her never used bathing clothes hidden under her robe. When she arrived Katara was already waist deep in the water, clothed in only simple white bindings at her breasts and hips. The waterbender's hands and arms moved gracefully over the pond's surface, pulling and pushing the water in long smooth movements.

The moon was glowing on her skin and in her hair making them seem an even richer shade of brown than in the harsh sunlight and the water was shimmering from within as if the stars had been pulled out of the ether of the night sky and suspended there. For the first time Mai felt awed in the Master Waterbender's presence. She had seen Katara's powers in battle, but she had never seen anything like this.

"The water's not deep here," Katara told her softly her hand now outstretched and beaconing.

Mai felt pulled towards the water and vaguely wondered if she had fallen into some kind of waterbending spell. Her robe was left behind on the bank when Mai took her first hesitant step in. The pond was warmer than she thought it would be, and when Katara directed her to lie back, Mai didn't question it.

She floated there for what seemed like forever, Katara's fingertips flowing over her skin, along the lines of chakra, never stopping, never hesitating until the waterbender came to her womb. Katara lingered there, one hand below and one hand above. For a moment Mai thought she felt her stomach turn to liquid and Katara's hands pass through and into her. Then the sensation was gone and the cold Mai had expected to feel when first entering the water closed in around her.

"Something is wrong with me, isn't there?" Mai asked, but she already knew the answer. She could see it in the way Katara refused to look into her eyes. "Tell me what it is."

"You have Mother's Cure in your blood."

Of all the things it could have been, Mai had never suspected that. Mother's Cure was a poison given to woman that had birthed too many children. It wasn't toxic to the mother in the prescribed dose, but with enough treatments it rendered her womb incapable of holding a child.

"That's impossible," Mai choked out, her voice breaking with her heart. "I never...How?"

"I don't know," Katara told her softly. "But it's been in your system for a very long time, years."

Mai felt like she was suffocating, like she was drowning there in the damn pond with the koi and the stupid little turtle ducks Zuko loved so much. But the worse part was that she knew that there was more, because Katara still wouldn't look at her.

"Tell me," Mai growled out, her fierceness forcing Katara to fix her tearful blue eyes with her's.

"You're pregnant..."

Katara didn't need to fill in the 'for now', Mai already knew. Mai felt like screaming, crying, throwing up and dying all at once. She would never be able to give Zuko a child, an heir. The royal bloodline would end with him, because even as obsessed as he was with returning honor to the Fire Nation, Zuko was equally obsessed with never dishonoring himself again. He would never take a concubine or set her aside for another wife, just to produce a child. The idea would be abhorrent to him.

"Save it," Mai commanded.

"If I could have removed the poison when it was first..."

Mai wouldn't let her protest. "You are a Master Waterbender and even the Avatar himself says that there has never been a more powerful waterbending healer. You brought the Avatar back from death itself, so do not tell me you cannot save a life that is already here, that you would not save the life of a child."

Katara looked away, the tears were falling from her eyes in great streams now.

"Mai, I have no idea what it will do to you..."

"I don't care!" she raged and Mai no longer cared who saw or heard her. "You owe me this!"

It was an empty declaration, but Mai saw Katara's will buckle. Maybe she had just needed an excuse to do something that was against her code of honor of causing no harm. But whatever it was Mai didn't care as long as it meant that Zuko's child would live.

Katara said nothing as she lifted her face to the night sky, her eyes were as white as the full moon above her. The water around Mai turned warm again and soon that liquid sensation returned. But instead of it focusing solely on her abdomen Mai felt like her whole body was melting away and the only thing keeping her together was the powerful will of the Waterbender holding her.

Mai felt her spirit leave her body for a moment, and in that instant she saw the tiny life that was struggling to survive inside of her poisoned womb. For the first time in her life, Mai felt unending, unconditional love and knew that she had made the right decision, no matter what it cost her in the end.

The next time she opened her eyes, Mai found herself laid out on the bank of the pond. Her swimming clothes where already dry, testament to how long she had laid there even if the moon low in the sky had not already told her. Mai splayed her hand across her flat stomach almost expecting something to have changed.

"Should I even bother asking why you're here, or is this one of those things I just wouldn't understand."

Mai sat up, but did not look in her husband's direction. She could tell by his tone that Zuko was furious even though he hadn't raised his voice above a whisper. Mai remained silent as she pulled on her robe lying beside her. When she lifted her hands to pull her hair from under her robe, Mai caught a glint of silver in the shadow of the tree on the other side of the pond. She fiddled with her hair a bit more as she stared into the inky black smudge and gasped when a pair of faintly glowing blue eyes opened and stared back at her.

"Mai, are you alright?" Zuko asked, concern softening the annoyance in his voice. He came to her, almost standing directly between Mai and Katara's listless eyes. She accepted his silent offer of a hand up, but immediately dropped his hand and straightened the sash around her waist. Just to the left of Zuko's elbow, Mai saw Katara nod her head slowly, and somehow she knew what the waterbender was trying to tell her. It had worked, the baby would live, but when silver tears started racing down the other woman's cheeks Mai also knew that the cost was final.

"Look Mai, I know that you're keeping something secret from me…"

"You are going to be a father by summer," Mai quickly broke into Zuko's tirade.

The Fire Prince stood unmoving, his mouth still slightly open from being caught in the middle of talking.

"Say something," Mai told him, her uncertainty turning to bitter anger the longer they stood in silence. She had just given her life to give him a child and all he could do was stare at her!

"You're serious?" Zuko asked, his paralysis now broken as he closed the remaining distance between them. "Of course you're serious. You're always serious, and you would never lie about something like this."

Zuko reached for her, but didn't seem to know where to place his hands. Finally he settled for draping his arms around her shoulders and pressing his scar against her face. Mai let him hold her, thankful that his building excitement masked the stiffness of her body.

"I can't believe this. I mean I believe you…You're sure, right? You've had someone…" Zuko paused his wild, almost frantic rambling to push Mai away to look into her pale amber eyes. "Katara. That's why Katara's here," Zuko laughed then, pulling Mai into a tighter hug. Mai watched Katara took away from them, her hands coming to her face to silence the sobs she saw rocking the waterbender's shoulders.

"I know you have a thing about always having the best of everything, but having Katara come all the way from the South Pole is a little extreme, don't you think?" Zuko continued sounding bemused at his wife's extravagance, unaware of the turmoil circling around him in a silent storm.

Mai said nothing, but held Zuko tighter as Katara disappeared from her sight. The darkness had swallowed the waterbender whole, leaving no trace that she had even been there. Mai had gone into this willing to give her life, but never once had she thought of what it would also cost Katara.

-------------------------------

I respond best to constructive critique and cookies, not flames.