Chapter 6

Chakotay's legs felt numb as he ran through the corridors of the U.S.S. Victory. The Victory. The Victory of Admiral Elizabeth Bashir. And of her mysterious lover.

It all made perfect sense, even to his fumbled mind. She made perfect sense, every tiny little action of hers was grasped by him now. He could understand. But not relate. At least he thought he couldn't; he hadn't quite yet gotten to that part.

It had all been so carefully foreplanned…each detail, each event, all preceeded by Admiral Bashir. It was a brilliant plan, and ingenious plot in the full meaning of those terms-so ingenious it was frightening. Chakotay had to feel a tiny bit of admiration…but it would disappear as soon as he thought of the tremendous effects it was going to leave on Bajoran people…if she succeeded.

So he had to stop her.

Even though he had done everything to prepare for the impact of Kathryn's words, nothing could have braced him for it. They had left him dazed, shocked and scared. Yes, they scared him, and he was not ashamed of it. It scared him that he had spent the past few days in the service of Elizabeth Bashir's motives, that he had submitted himself to her, even attempted to feel for her, and had therefore been a part of this ploy.

If that ploy was to be succesful, he knew in advance he could never forgive himself. Never.

Because not only had he been deceived by Admiral Bashir; he had also been decieved by himself. She had, it had struck him moments after he'd left his quarters, manipulated him into deceiving himself.

Miles O'Brien had not exaggerated his warning; he'd spoken it in the full meaning. Chakotay had felt a bit hurt and angered by the fact so many people…Jake Sisko, Sandra, Miles…most likely Julian Bashir and Ezri Dax, too…pehaps even more…had known of this and not said a word about it.

But after giving it better thought, he saw their actions had been prudent. He saw that he could not blame them. It could've been an enormous incident…the aftermath could've been terrible.

He was still unsure why Jake had chosen to speak now, to break the long silence. Kathryn's words were still clear in his mind;

„He…all of them had vowed to let anyone know only when absolutely necessary. This situation qualifies. We are, Chakotay, never to divulge the true story. We only let the Command know an abbreviated version. Without the core of it."

Still overwhelmed, he had agreed. Right now, he still could not see how this secret could've been kept for so long. How could Jake Sisko had borne to let such a woman climb so high withing the ranks of Starfleet, how could he have borne to be responsible for anything wrong she did? It must've taken tremendous effort. That was another thing that made Chakotay's will to keep it secret stronger. All that hard work couldn't be allowed to go to waste.

Breathless, he caved into the transporter room, leaning against the wall for a moment to regain his balance. It was empty. He didn't know why had he come here. Perhaps because he wished to transport to Bajor, warn the Bajorans, perhaps because he wanted to stop Bashir from doing so. All he knew was that this time he'd followed his instincts. He had ignored them for far too long.

This thought was accompanied by a pang of regret.

It took him a few seconds to be able to breathe normally again. As soon as that time elapsed, he pushed away from the wall, heading towards the console. In spite of the turmoil within his head, he saw that a scan was all he needed to determine his next step. Luckily, he knew the ship well enough to be able to cunduct one from here.

His fingertips rushed over the console, accessing the analysis of the Fire Caves. There was one option neither he nor Sparks had explored during the investigation-they hadn't checked the consoles through which the data had been accessed. Because that would've been like looking for a needle in a stack of hay…when you didn't know exactly what you were looking for.

C'mon, he urged the computer, for it took five seconds to display all the results.

Even though he had been ready in advance this time, it sent a firebolt through him.

Admiral Bashir had accessed the data 4.1 seconds before it had been destroyed, from the console in her office. That had not been reckless of her, for nobody would've found anything supsicious in it; nobody but those who knew of her true story. He was among them.

Twirling around, he looked up.

„Computer, locate Admiral Bashir!" He was going to put an end to this right here and right now.

„Admiral Bashir is not aboard the ship."

A terrible realization struck him.

„Computer," He said, his voice edging with nervous, „Who was the last person to beam off this ship?"

The answer came, deadly in its simplicity;

„Admiral Bashir."

It was already dark on Bajor; at least by the Fire Caves. The sun had set long ago. The trees swung threateningly, and clouds had begun forming on the sky. That was the first thing Chakotay noticed upon transporting down to the surface. There is going to be a storm tonight.

How very true that statement was.

The grass more resembled ink, for it was short and midnight in the darkness of the night. With every step he took, Chakotay felt more chills coming down his spine. This is the ink, he thought, and it is yet unshaped. But who will shape it? Elizabeth Bashir or myself? Who will be the writer?

The stupidity of this thought only hit him afterwards. Grass had nothing to do with ink, ink had nothing to do with this situation. He gathered that it was because of the tension. When faced with challenges, people could often find their minds perplexed. And then they'd play various tricks of them and make such illogical assumptions Klingons would shudder at them.

The entrance to the cave was ominous during daylight…now it looked the same, multiplied by one hundred. For a brief moment, moonlight slid over it, but was hidden by a deeply black cloud. Again Chakotay compared moonlight with himself and the cloud with his opponent.

Approaching the entrance, he clutched the phaser in his hand harder. He turned around, looking at Bajor. Was he ever going to see this sight again? Was he ever going to get out of the caves?

That was irrelevant, he decided. If he didn't enter now, he was going to feel guilty for the rest of his life. If Elizabeth Bashir succeeded, he was going to feel guilt for the rest of his life. He'd rather die trying to stop her.

So, taking a deep breath, giving a mental goodbye to everything on the surface, he plunged into the darkness of the Bajoran Fire Caves.

He had never been inside before. It stroke him as a completely ordinary cave, so for a couple of moments he thought he could understand how those three prisoners had gotten lost in here so easily. But then he realized(he hadn't thought of it before) that Admiral Bashir must have hired them.

Chakotay nearly shuddered. So that was why she had fought so hard to prove their innocence. She was afraid they'd compromise her and her position, she wasn't interested in their well-being as she had led him to believe.

As for her attitude towards Bajorans…he had understood that the moment he'd spoken with Kathryn and heard the tale. But why had he not seen it before? It was so obvious, really…but that obviousness made the best disguise. It made it seem incredible, unthinkable of…

I'm dealing with an evil genius.

The main part of the caves was before him; he could see that by the widening of the narrow walls. Excitement grew within him against her will. Was he going to encounter his enemy there? Was he going to encounter both of them? Most likely. He had to prepare for the latter. Bashir must've been aware of his knwoledge, otherwise she wouldn't have disappeared so soon and so suddenly, without even an excuse…

Readying his phaser, he stepped into the heart of the Fire Caves. He did it without much thinking and preparation; therefore he was suprised by his own action. But that surprise vanished soon enough, when he saw the figure in front of him.

It was a tall, slim, dark haired woman with her hair up, except for one strand of it that hung loose. A woman with gently curved eyebrows arching over a pair of flint black eyes, with a longish, slightly wider nose and full, rosy lips. Her head was high up in that arrogant position.

„Admiral." He breathed, and only then realized she'd shot his phaser out of his hand.

„Captain Chakotay." Her voice was cold, openly cold. That coldness, he saw now, had been somewhere in the background each and every time she'd spoken to him; „I've been expecting you. Do come forward."

Chakotay advanced for a mere step, shame flodding him. She had disarmed him so easily, as if he were a mere cadet. Age, surprise, shock…it had all taken a toll on his actions. Gritting his teeth, he looked into her eyes.

„Where is he?"

Bashir laughed, throwing her head back. Under this, dim light she looked even more beautiful. Her hand was still firm on the disruptor she held.

„Don't worry, Captain. Gul Dukat is not here yet."

Dukat. It had been Dukat all along. And it had been so evident. Everything had pointed to that, her behaviour, her techniques, her views, her reactions to him…At the conference, the way she had spoken of him. The feeling she had showed…everybody had believed it was respect for an enemy. But in reality, it all pointed to one completely different thing. One he had been too blind to see for all this time.

„Yes, Captain." Bashir's voice echoed in the cave, „I loved him. I love him still." Her eyes glinted, „Oh, I know how…incredible this must seem to you! I am certain you don't understand. I am certain you are at this very moment wondering how could a Starfleet Officer have fallen so hard for a Cardassian, the former leader of the Occupation of Bajor!"

True. Many years had passed since his Maquis days, and during taht time he had done his best to set aside his feelings when it came to Cardassians. He had succeeded,…mostly. But he couldn't set aside negative feelings when it came to the former leader of the Occupation. That never.

However, he didn't give her an answer. It appeared she didn't want one. She went on.

„Well, I fell, Captain. And yes, it was hard." Her lips turned into a thin line on her face, as if she was holding vast amounts of emotions back, „It was hard, loving someone you were supposed to fight against, it was hard, having to hide it from everyone, it was hard, never being truly his. But it didn't stop me from loving him." She smiled sadly, „It doesn't stop me from loving him."

The pause after that sentence was long enough for Chakotay to conclude it was safe to speak. Unlike Admiral Bashir, his 'negotiation methods' were based on Starfleet and Federation protocoles.

„Admiral." He began slowly. When she didn't interrupt, he continued, „I can't say I understand how you could've loved him. But I understand what it is like to love someone." He breathed deeply, „I also understand what's it like to lose someone you love. But you have to accept that loss---„

Elizabeth shook her head, and when he reached the 'loss' part, she inhaled, snorting sharply. Then, she gave him a melnacholy laugh.

„Starfleet negotiations methods. I never found them too useful, personally." Damn it. Biting his lower lip, Chakotay observed her as she paced around the cave slowly. Finally, she turned to him. Her eyes were dark and focused, but with a relatively pleased look; „Would you, for once, be able to look behind that? Would you be able to set aside these…protocoles and regulations of yours for a few moments and listen to me ? Try to really understand?"

She had spoken it as if challenging him, but she had also sounded…amused. As if it would be incredible for him to really understand.

Chakotay pondered over that. He should have been working on stopping her from having it her way down here, stopping a great misfortune that was to come to Bajor if she did manage to win.

But he was also curious. Even though he had heard Bashir's story from Kathryn, he somehow wished to hear it from the Admiral…the main character…herself.

And there was nothing he could do right now. He needed to gain on time.

So, his mouth dry, he spoke.

„Try me."

Chortling, Elizabeth sat down on a rock. It was not for away from the abyss, which Chakotay had only now spotted. It appeared endless from his angle.

„As you wish. This may take several minutes or more…But it matters not." Her orbs pierced into his skull, as if reading his mind, „Time is irrelevant here."

I beg to differ, Chakotay said to himself as the Admiral began.

It all began on DS9. I was a Lieutenant back then, 24, nothing more. And Chief of Intelligence on the station. It was due to a lack of available personnel…even though now tabloids would say it had happened due to my early recognized brilliance.

It was my second year on the station, and the second year of its operation. I'd already gotten acquianted with everybody on the station, and had made a few friends. Jadzia Dax, for example. And Julian…my late husband Julian Bashir. Miles O'Brien was a friend too. We'd all meet at Quark's in the evenings, mostly to discuss how our day had been and for a visit to the holosuites.

It wasn't there that I'd met him, though. That was someplace else.

Sisko…Commander Sisko back then…had a birthday that day. Since it came near to the anniversary of him being the Commander of the station, he'd decided to thorw a huge party. It was held on the Promenade…so there I met Dukat.

And that was why I couldn't have borne a look at it after his death.

Everybody on the station was attending. I was no exception; I'd always adored to dance, and they were playing some nice music. I can still recall our first dance; the tango…Oh, but I haven't told you about how he had come there yet.

Before, he had come to the station…for a reason unknown to Sisko. He was like that…he would come by when he wanted to see Terok Nor…or whenever he felt like coming. He needed nobody's permission, and he never asked for any. That was what I found so attractive about him. A part of his irresistable charm.

So, he had walked to the Promenade just when the tango was about to begin.

I still remember-I was wearing a long, red dress with a triangle cut that revealed my right leg…I still keep it in my armoire. And in my heart. I have also kept the heels-black, shiny stilettos.

He had his uniform…the uniform that made him look even better. He moved with grace and charm, his head high up in an arrogant posture. It was clear he had a high opinion of himself, it was clear he was proud and strong. I would've described him as imperious.

He eyed the promenade, and all the free women, as if assessing us. I didn't mind when his eyes stopped on my decolletage…on the contrary. I could've felt his dark eyes all over me. But I threw my head back with pride, sipped my wine, and even dared to look at him. Our eyes met…

And my life was changed forever.

That very moment, when he walked towards me with a grin on his face and asked me to share the dance with him.

Had it been any other man, any other at all, I would've played a game, stalled, flirted. But when Dukat came close to me, when he took my hand and looked into my eyes, I found that I couldn't say no to him.

„Of course." I'd replied smoothly, with a smile.

That was only the first of the many dances we had.

Next time I saw him was about two months later. This time, he'd come to the station because of the Demilitarized Zone and the terrorists…your fellow Maquis, Captain. Those who had so wonderfully abducted him during that visit.

Just prior to that, I'd had a drink with him at Quark's. He hadn't seemed overly precoupied with the business that had brought him here. He'd complimented my dancing, so I'd suggested we danced once again…Quark had heard this and had had the computer play music. Perhaps he'd hoped we would order some more drinks. You've met him-he doesn't do things for free.

I still recall the dance very clearly…it was wonderful. So wonderful. That night, that very night, as I watched him leave Quark's with his guard, I knew one thing; I knew I loved him.

Yes, I'd seen him twice in my life…but I loved him. I was certain of it.

Next morning, I was told he had been abducted. You can imagine how I felt. Enraged, scared…the way you'd have felt had your Kathryn been in his place. That's why I feel nothing but contempt for the Maquis.

Ironically, I was placed as the head of the away team that was supposed to imprison the leader…Calvin Hudson. Traitor!

I'm sure you've been told of this…I'm sure you know of my insubordination back then. Yes…my methods were rougher than Starfleet wanted them to be. But I'd gotten them what they wanted-the hiding place of Hudson.

Sisko never reprimanded me for that…lapsus. Said I was still young and that he had high hopes for me. How ignorant he'd been of everything back then…

Anyway, soon, Dukat was safe again, on the station. I'd visited him briefly before his departure, but we'd solely talked. For a long time. I was afraid…yes, I was afraid. Afraid of being rejected by him, afraid of loving him and not being loved back.

We'd shared our first kiss the morning after. He was leaving…and was about to board his ship. I was there to see him get safely on.

"Well, Lieutenant, I hope we'll…dance again soon." He said to me with a smile.

"I hope so as well, Gul Dukat." And I hoped for so much more, but dared not say it. My eyes watched him turn around, make the first step away from me, the second, the third…I watched him climb the airlock…

And then he spun around. He did it so suddenly I didn't have any time to remove my gaze. Our eyes met, and he changed direction…he headed back towards me. He grabbed me, and pulled me closer to him. I was too surprised and taken aback to say anything.

"Elizabeth, " He used my first name, "There is something I have neglected to give you…and I would not want you to remain without it."

Gul Dukat leaned in and his lips pressed against mine. You can't possibly imagine how happy, how thrilled I was back then…I was kissing him, the man I'd fallen for after seeing him two times in my life…and he was kissing me…

That evening, I was confused. Confused because I was unsure whether he had kissed me because he loved me…or merely because he found me attractive. I so desperately wanted to believe the former, but I didn't want to deceive myself, I didn't want to experience the pain afterwards.

I could talk to no one, and that was a problem to me. Not even today I know whether he truly loved me back then…but he did fall in love with me later.

All of my concern vanished when he contacted me the following morning.

He told me I was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen to him…He told me he wanted something more than friendship with me. Of course, I said yes. I was feeling so satisfied…All the flattery had given a boost to my self-confidence. He even said he'd visit the station as often as he could.

Nobody had noticed anything during the following year. Some of my friends did wonder why would I cleanly turn down each and every guy that would ask me out. They asked for explanations, and I used the oldest one in the book; I'm waiting for the right one. The right one had, in this case, already come to me.

I would meet Dukat once a month or so. Sometimes, he'd come aboard some passenger ship incognito, and come straight to my quarters…or the holosuites. Our favorite place was the airlocks, though…we'd spend hours there, gazing at the stars…talking, kissing…or whatever we felt like doing.

It wasn't until the War began that my secret was out. It was during negotiations…The Cardassians had already joined the Dominion. On those very negotiations, the Federation had refused…and war was declared.

That moment remained cut into my mind forever. I was waiting in front of the conference room…together with quite a number of people; Dax, Kira, Jake Sisko, O'Brien and Worf. We were all impatient…especially me. The last thing I needed was my secret lover's people to go into war with mine. I prayed for the Federation to agree to at least an alliance…

The first thing I saw was the door slide open. Then Dukat and the Vorta…Weyoun left. By the look on Dukat's face, I could tell what had happened. But I didn't want to believe it. My eyes sought pleadingly for his, and met them. The determined look did not disappear, but it faltered slightly. And he stopped, looking at me, and then at all of us.

„We are at war." He announced, an evident edge of frost in his voice. His eyes met mine for a couple of seconds, and then he turned around, walking away.

I must have been pretty obvious. I stood there, my face stricken with desperation. It took me a few seconds to react. I rushed out after Dukat, not knowing what I was doing. Now that I reflect on itl…we were lucky that Sisko was the only that had seen us that day. Lucky that Weyoun had already boarded the ship and that Dukat was alone in the airlock.

He heard me coming and turned around. His face was a careful mask, one that revealed no emotion. His eyes were different; there was grief within them, but it was obviously he didn't want me to see it. So I pretended I didn't. I always knew how to make him pleased...

„Dukat…" I wanted to say something, but was left speechless. There just weren't words strong enough to express the sadness, the despair, the helplessnes, all of them building up inside my heart, making it swell near explosion.

I didn't know what was I going to do…I cared about him more than about anyone or anything else…but I couldn't leave with him if I cared for his reputation at all. It hurt so much…having to leave someone you loved because you loved them.

He saw that words weren't necessary…and that any at all would've been inappropriate. None could fit, not in English or Cardassian.

He reached for me, his strong arms taking me into a grip. I closed my eyes; I wanted to remain there forever. Then, he took my face into his hands, and kissed me, kissed me with all passion one could fathom. Tears were gliding down my cheeks, and I wanted to scream, to say no, to do something, anything just to be with him…but I had no strength for it. I let go when he did, and my eyes fixed on his face, on his lips when he whispered those three little words that meant so much to me;

"I love you."

I love you too! Don't leave me! I wanted to say, and I opened my mouth, but my voice failed me and all that came out of me was a small squeal. I was choking in tears. Dukat raised his head high, straightened and turned around. But just prior to that, I'd seen one thing I never forgot, one thing that had kept me going for all those years; one, single tear at the corner of his eye.

All of this had been witnessed by Benjamin Sisko.

I wasn't even aware of his presence back then. I was too mesmerized in my pain, watching Dukat disappear behind the closed doors of his ship. I just stood there, frozen. It was like that until Dukat's ship could've been seen through the airlock as a far away spot…and until it disappeared in a flash of light. Then, I felt Sisko's presence.

I turned to face him, for he was standing right next to me. Even though my tears had dried, the pain was still strecthed over my face, and everything was clear to him. I could've seen it by the look of his features. Sisko knew it all.

I realized what had happened, that our secret was out, but at that point I coul've as well been facing my end; it would've made no difference. I was too numb to see anything but Dukat walking away, to feel anything but my burning love.

But there must've been some reason left within me as well, because I didn't try to justify myself. Probably because I had no force for it…but it would've been pointless anyway. All I did was stand there, stare at Sisko emptily and do nothing.

"How long?" Sisko's voice was ice cold.

I swallowed deeply, "Two years."My voice was a bit more than a whisper.

Sisko seemed appalled. It was obvious in every aspect of him he was not going to show any understanding at all…that he couldn't fathom our love. Before, I had disliked him…from that point on, I have hated him.

That hatred had made me lift my chin, defiance springing into my heart. As much pain as it had brought me, as hard as it had been, I was proud. Proud of loving Dukat.

I don't know whether Sisko had seen it or not, but I seemed not to have affected him.

"Lieutenant." His tone hadn't changed, "This…I will pretend I didn't see. Up to now, I've thought you to be a woman of dignity…a Starfleet officer, above all. To see that you've been involved in a romantic relationship with…this man..." He frowned, "I will look upon it as over. And therefore I will do nothing and tell no one. But be careful, Lieutenant…he is an enemy now, and you wouldn't want to be accused of collaboration."

So he left me there, alone with all those feelings.

A part of me had to wonder…what if he was right and this relationship was completely over? Of course it was, it had to be…for reasons I've stated above. But Sisko had brought that very much closer to me. I wasn't thankful to him for that.

The next year was terrible…all those fights, all those casualty reports…Back then, I had felt slightly guilty when a casualty report would come in, and my eyes would, without even checking our part rush to the part of fallen enemies. Every time his name wouldn't be there, I'd feel relieved, but I'd also know that until the next report, I'd come close to madness once again.

I never stopped loving him. I couldn't get over him. There were times when I thought it was possible, though…I had a brief affair with Julian…and a Lt. Commander Stenson…but it wasn't it, for when I was kissing them, his face would spawn in front of my eyes. I never stopped loving Dukat.

It wasn't long until he took over the station.

I could've felt Sisko's eyes on me then…he must've expected me to betray our side. I'd proved him wrong…but believe me, Captain, had Dukat asked me to betray, I would've done so in a blink of an eye.

But I did commit treason, in a manner of speaking. Because when the station was taken over, just prior to the forces of the Dominion activating the shields, I transported myself onto it.

On the Defiant, from where I transported, were Dax, Julian, Worf, Sisko, Jake Sisko, O'Brien, Kira Nerys. The people that knew of my secret. Some of them still know. That was when they'd found out. Or rather, Sisko had told them once I left.

They'd all agreed on proclaiming me missing in action.

To avoid scandal, as they've most likely told you.

Some of them might've actually done it because they cared for me…Julian, Dax, O'Brien. The others had truly wished to avoid scandal. They couldn't understand. Jake…he'd tried. He'd tried to understand, but couldn't have. He told me that a few months ago…thirteen years after our last conversation.

The security had taken me and had me brought to Dukat's office. Our reunion…I can recount it to you precisely.

He was turned towards the window when we entered. The moment he spun around, I could see surprise in his eyes…surprise, disbelief and…was that content?

"Leave us." He said, and the guards obeyed right away.

He approached me, and for a few moments we just stood there staring at each other. Then he lunged forward and kissed me. I returned the kiss with all the passion I could've gathered. During the kiss, all of my concerns were once again erased completely. I was with him. I was with him. We were together. It was all that mattered.

"I've missed you." He pulled away, still holding me.

"I've missed you too…and I couldn't stand this, you being so near and me just going away…" I feared of what it could do to his reputation, for I only remembered why had we parted now.

"It's all right." Dukat stopped me, "It's all right."

"I'm sorry if---"

"There's no need to be sorry." I noticed his voice becoming slightly colder.

"Is something wrong?"

He moved away, dropping into his chair. I remained standing, my quizzical stare fixed on him.

"My wife…has divorced me." He finally sounded.

"Did she find out?" I asked. Impossible. Had Sisko perhaps---

"No. She didn't. And I don't mind the fact we're divorced, because I stopped loving some time ago." His dark eyes sought mine, "It's the reason for that divorce that you have to know of."

After a brief pause, during which all the horrible possiblities lined within my mind, Dukat sighed, and went on.

"Elizabeth…I have a daughter."

I was confused; I knew he had seven children. He'd already told me---

"Not that daughter, Elizabeth." Somehow, he read my mind. I wasn't surprised...he had learned to read me like a book even before, "Another daughter. Illegitimate. Half-Bajoran."

A chill came down my spine. It was not the daughter that bothered me; it was the mother of that daughter. At that moment, jealousy ran through my heart; was he trying to tell me he now loved her, not me? She had an advantage I did not; the child…

"Don't worry. The mother is dead." As wrong as this was, I felt relief, in spite of the grimness within his voice; "The daughter is here with me."

I breathed a long sigh.

"That's it?" A nod was sent my way; "Well…I'm fine with that." Darkness disappeared from his face, and a grin came instead; "If she is…"

He got up and hurried back to my side.

"Elizabeth…do I honestly strike you like a man who would ask for his daughter's permission to have a relationship?"

He kissed me again, even more passionately than before.

"Now…as the head of the Cardassian government and the commander of this station…I believe I have the right to choose…my first lady."

The time I spent with him after that…it was maginificent. We no longer had to hide. He gave me everything I wished upon, took me to romantic dinners, surprised me, loved me…I even got along well with Ziyal, his daughter.

I don't want to go at great lengths while describing this…because it didn't last long at all.

The Federation was soon back to regain control of the station. They won…I won't describe that as well…But I will tell you the important part.

Ziyal had been killed…by Damar. She had collaborated with the Federation. I wondered how she could've done it…I wonder the same now.

Dukat lost his sanity. Seeing her dead…it had ruined him.

Sisko placed him in the brig, and he was to be trialed as a prisoner of war. As for me…what I wanted to do was spit into Sisko's face, kill him with my bare hands, choke him, break his neck…

But my love was what prevented me from doing that. I had to pretend I was back on the Federation's side. That was the only way I could do something for Dukat.

I told Sisko I had been the collaborator, not Ziyal. I told him I had used her name to hide my identity. Surprisingly, he believed me. I had put up quite of an act, but still...the rate of my success surprised me.

After that, I asked to see Dukat. I asked Odo. Yes, I forgot…he knew it too…my secret.

Odo let me in…and gave us some privacy. He knew there was nothing I could do, even if I intended to.

Dukat was sitting in a corner, his head buried in his hands. Slowly, I walked towards him, kneeling down.

"Dukat…" I whispered.

His head bolted up, and a look of vague recognition passed his eyes. You can't imagine how it pained me, Captain, seeing him like that. It took me tremendous efforts not to begin crying my eyes out.

"Elizabeth." He finally said. Then he repeated it, my name, as if calling the memory of me back.

"Yes…yes it's me." My voice reduced even more, and my eyes began to water.

"Elizabeth…they killed her. They killed Ziyal…Damar did it…"

"I know." I soothed, "I know. I know what they did." Tears ran down my cheeks now, "And I'm gonna make them pay. I'm going to make every single one of them pay…"

"No." He reached for my arm, "No. Don't. I forgive them. I must forgive them. She would've wanted me to forgive them."

I forgive them toothen, I thought, I forgive them for Ziyal. But I'll never forgive them for you.

And I never did.

Dukat was trialed. I couldn't be present, but I got all the information of it I could've. Enough to find out when was he going to be transported.

I wanted to get him out, I was determined to do it. But alone, I was helpless. I needed aid. So I contacted Damar…my only hope at the moment.. Damar…he felt so sorry for what he did. I couldn't help but blame him, though. I never forgave.

Damar wanted to help, and that had redeemed him partially in my eyes. But the Vorta…Weyoun. He wouldn't let him. Damar tried everything, but without effect. The Vorta had suddenly stopped liking Dukat at all. Furthermore, he was determined that he was a threat to Cardassia and the Dominion.

I was enraged, because all alone, I stood no chance.

You can imagine how I felt when I found out Dukat had escaped. The shuttle had crashed and Sisko had been found unconscious.

In spite of all my hopes, of all my expectations…he didn't contact me. Not until a month had passed. I felt so lost during that time…so lost. Because I had lost him. Still, a part of me believed that we were going to be together again. That he still loved me. As incredible as that seemed then.

My trust had paid off.

I saw Dukat again nine months before his death. It was on Bajor. He had sent me a letter…telling me where and when to meet him. I requested a shore leave from Sisko, and got it easily. He didn't seem to consider me a suspect of any sort any longer. He was wrong there…I like stating that, even if it did me no good.

We met in a secluded place near the Fire Caves…yes, the Fire Caves. The place of his death.

After the fiery reunion(we hugged, we kissed, I cried, we made love), he explained to me why had he not kept in touch.

He'd been possessed by Kosst-Amojan…a Pah-Wraith. The opposite of the Prophets. He was their Emissary.

You might think I had a problem with that. But I didn't. He promised to me the Kosst-Amojan would let him go the moment the Pah-Wraiths ruled over Bajor.

You may find me a monster, Chakotay, you may find me incredible, and you may just understand me. But I didn't…and still don't…care for Bajor. For Bajor and all the Bajorans…as long as I got my Dukat back.

I didn't know this was the last time I would see him. Our goodbye was heavy, but the thought of us being together forever, and soon…it gave me strength. The last of him I remember…is him standing in that grove, a smile on his face…as I transported to my shuttle. One of my most precious memories.

Two months later…I was certain that I was pregnant.

Julian…yes, Julian knew of the father of my child. I didn't want to know whether it was male or female…I wanted it to be a surprise. A surprise for both me and Dukat.

I carefully concealed the pregnancy with Julian's help…using holoprojectors. It was, he later told me, the most difficult task he'd ever done. It had required him to be a bit of an engineer as well as a doctor.

Anyway…those months were hopeful. I was actually looking forward to a brighter future. .One man then ruined all of my dreams.

I was in sickbay when Benjamin Sisko had killed Dukat…yes, he'd killed him…in the Fire Caves. I had just given birth to twins.

Illari and Procal, I'd named them…the boy, Procal, after Dukat's father. I'd wanted us to choose the names together, but since he wasn't there…I tried choosing names he'd like.

I don't remember exactly what I did when Julian told me the new…that Dukat was dead. The only clear thing in my mind is that I didn't believe it at first, then I started crying, screaming, cursing Sisko to hell…and then I fainted…

All the six years of hope in my life had disappeared that very moment.

It took me weeks, months to recover. I won't even begin to describe all that went on inside my mind during that time. I didn't want to go on, I wanted to die with him…But our children gave me strength. I had to survive, I had to go on…for them. It's what he would've wanted.

I do remember one…how extremely mad I was at the point when I heard Kira talking to Bashir.

"It's going to be difficult for Jake." She was referring to the fact that Sisko had been…missing in action…taken by the Prophets to become one, actually, "We will all mourn for his father for a long time. But we must try our best to be there for him. We're his family now, all that he has left."

That filled me with rage.

Why was no one thinking about MY children? Why wasn't anyone mourning for THEIR father? I saw that as highly unfair.

As soon as I could think clearly again, I contacted one person that I could've entrusted with my children; Dukat's eldest son from his first marriage.

He was reasonable; after I told him the whole story, he understood completely.

"Take good care of them." I told him, "And tell them only the best of their father."

I wasn't giving up Illari and Procal. I merely didn't want to raise them among humans…where they'd always be looked down upon because of their heritage. I decided to see them at least once a month. Now, I see them two or three times.

After that, my life went on as it could. I tried to survive, I tried not to think of him too much, I tried to move on. But I never did.

I married Julian Bashir after Ezri Dax died. I did this in a futile attempt to forget Dukat…and because Julian loved me. I think he knew it…I think he knew it for all the time, that he wasn't the one holding the keys to my heart. He had kept up with me nonetheless.

I began devising this plan five years ago. I'd been on a mission to Bajor, and a drunken Vedek approached me. He went on, rambling and rambling about things of no significance, when suddenly he mentioned the Pah-Wraiths.

It had brought such a terribly strong wave of memories I was left stupefied. When I had recovered enough to hear what he was saying, my hopes started to get up…for the first time in eight years.

That Vedek layed out the fundaments of my plan…this plan that I am finishing right now. He actually told me, unconsciously, how to bring back Dukat.

I have to free the Pah-Wraiths. I have to let Kosst-Amojan rule. Then, Dukat will be returned to me.

I'd hired LeRose and the others for that very purpose. I'd hired two others as well, but they weren't caught. They have stolen a copy of the Bajoran Book Of Pah-Wraiths…I won't tell you from where. You are better to be left in ignorance of that matter. This was why I had erased the files. Because I didn't want you to see high energy residuals from the equipment I had LeRose bring in here.

Yes, Captain…that's it.

You've just fully uncovered my best kept secret…and my greatest pride.

And what he left behind...