Chapter 10: Deepest Loathing

A/N: Here is Severus's side of the story. I'm sorry it's so clichéd!! I find him very hard to write for some reason….. I usually just stick to Lily, but I know I need to write from his point of view for this chapter so eher it goes:

Disclaimer: JK Rowling owns it all.

Severus walked into potions class. He was about ten minutes early, something not uncommon for him since it was one of his favourite subjects, but today he had a reason. He had to apologize to Lily. She'd been determinedly avoiding his eye during breakfast, and they didn't have first period together.

He'd been fidgeting so much during Care of Magical Creatures that Professor Kettleburn had let him go early as he was disturbing the Kneazles. Apparently, as Profesor Kettleburn put it, "Kneazles do not take well to suspicious characters like yourself." Although Severus rationalized, by this point they had started hissing at him and barring their little fangs. This was fine by him. It allowed him to get to class faster and therefore closer to Lily.

He sat in his usual table at the front of the class, the one he shared with Lily. He had done much thinking last night, and he knew exactly what he would say. His friend, Narcissa Black, had helped him a little, or maybe a lot too.

Severus sat by the beach tree near the Black Lake. The sun was setting, shining gloriously over the dark water. The light breeze gently blew his dark, lank hair into his face. He didn't bother to move it.

He was running the day's events through his head over and over again. How he wished he could take the words he'd said back. Or did he? It was all so confusing. He had meant everything he had said to her, but the outcome had been rather unfavorable. Seeing Lily's face so hurt and angry had been pure torture for him. He couldn't believe he was the one who had caused it. He was always to one to fix Lily's problems, always the one with a shoulder for her to cry on, not the instigator.

Severus shook his head, as if hoping it would help clear his thoughts. On one side he was full of guilt and remorse for what he had done to his best friend, his girl friend, the love of his like. On the other side he still felt a hint of anger towards her. Why couldn't she just understand? Why did she have to be so difficult?

"Severus?" He was broken out of his reverie, by a soft voice. It had spoken his name so quietly that he wasn't sure if he was imagining it or not. Could it be Lily?

Tiredly he turned around to see the slight figure of Narcissa Black. With her cloak drawn around her and her translucent skin she looked very frail.

He attempted a smile at his old friend, but it came out as more of a grimace.

She seemed to notice this as she immediately sat down beside him and inquired, "There is something off, are you alright?"

Just as he was about to deny that anything was wrong he looked into her pale searching eyes and felt compelled to tell her what happened. And so he did. It was not the kind of thing he did often, even with Lily.

After he finished pouring what he felt like his heart and soul to Narcissa he felt immensely better. It was like a weight had been lifted of his shoulders. He relaxed ever so slightly.

Sympathy was visible in her eyes. After a few moments of surprisingly comfortable silence she said, "I see what you mean."

"Hmmm?" He asked

Narcissa looked like she was thinking, choosing her words carefully, "You feel horrible for how mush you hurt her, but you know that you only hurt her because maybe your words hit a little too close to home with her."

Severus frowned and thought of this. It did seem to make sense.

"Maybe she realized she was wrong, but didn't want to admit it. I do not know her, but she seems to be very stubborn."

Severus nodded. Lily was a very stubborn person. It was part of her charm. She stood up for what she believed in.

"Now that we know why she's mad," Severus said, and continued somewhat uncomfortable, "how do I get her to forgive me? I mean you're a girl. You know what she would want to hear."

"Severus, what someone wants to hear is not always what they need to hear. Just tell her the truth. If she loves you she will forgive you and herself for this little, shall we say, 'lovers quarrel'." Narcissa finished and gracefully got to her feet.

"Thank-you, Narcissa." Severus said quietly as he digested her word getting to his feet as well.

"Don't mention it. Please actually don't. Lucius would not be happy with me for giving you advice about Lily, I mean the mudblood." She said seemingly remembering that she was supposed to hate Lily.

"'Night, and good luck." She her tone soft again. She hugged him, then pecked him on the cheek, and pulled her cloak more tightly around her before heading up the sloping grounds up to the castle.

Narcissa's closeness unsettled him. The only person who had ever held him that way since he was a young child was Lily.

Severus looked at the full moon, now visible in the sky. Everything seemed to make sense now. He breathed in the cool night air. Tomorrow he would find Lily and set things right. He would tell the truth. The truth, that wasn't a word he didn't use often. This might be a little harder than he thought.

After the bell signaling the end of first period rang, the class slowly started trickling in. Where was Lily? She loved potions, and was usually one of the first in the room.

Maybe she wasn't coming? It couldn't be because of him, could it? He banished the vain thought, as quickly as it came, disgusted in himself.

Hopefully something hadn't happened to her. History of Magic was he first class. The worst that could have happened was that she had been bored to death by Professor Binns. But no, she actually enjoyed the class. He pictured he captivated expression as the ghost professor told of goblin rebellions and ancient sorcerers.

He sighed. When he had almost given up hope a flash of red caught his eye.

There she was walking into class arm in arm with Winry Lane. He tried to catch her eye, but she would not look at him. His hope vanished as she stopped short of their table by two desks and instead pulled up a stool to sit beside Winry and Serena. He noticed Winry look between them pity visible in her eyes. On the other side of Lily Serena just rolled her eyes haughtily. Lily kept her eyes fixed on her cauldron.

He kept looking in her direction, using all his will power to plead that she look up. As if she had heard him her eyes shot in his direction. He faintly smiled. That smile faded as quickly as it came, for in her eyes all he could see was an emotion Lily normally reserved only for Potter. No, she had never looked at Potter with this much hate. She looked at Severus with the deepest loathing he had ever seen in his life, before her eyes returned to her cauldron once more.

A/N: Thank you for reading. Now, is there any chance of reviews? They're what keep me going. To heck with food and water! I need reviews!! Please!!