Fourth Wheel

Chapter Two

It was Monday.

Mondays were the worst for Tweek because he knew he had a full week ahead of him. A full week of standing behind that counter for eight hours until his father took over for him, having to deal with the early morning and lunchtime rushes without any aid. When he was still in high school, he would work in the afternoons after classes and Mr. or Mrs. Tweak would be there to supervise him, but ever since the start of the previous week, he had to switch to the earlier shift and go at it alone.

Something about gaining more responsibilities now that he was an adult. After he had had the proper amount of therapy sessions, of course.

Tweek's gotten as used to it as he could by now. The bell on the door would still sometimes scare him when business was slow and customers were infrequent. There were still the occasional spills and every once in a while, an angry customer he would have to deal with by spazzing until the offender in his otherwise routine life left.

Tweek lived for that daily routine. Unfortunately, Tweek also didn't have any room for intruders in that routine. So when Kenny left Harbuck's that morning, after freaking out then promising he'd return despite this, the first thing Tweek wanted to do was sprint to the back room to call someone on the store phone. Anyone familiar. His mother or father, Craig, Clyde, even Token, though his parents would kill them if they found out he'd used that phone for long distance calls.

But Tweek restrained himself. He told himself he had to learn to calm himself down. Deep breaths. He closed his eyes, breathing as deeply as he could, until he felt as if he could move from behind the safety of the counter.

First, he had to clean up the mess left. Tweek returned to the table that he and Kenny had inhabited. He carefully picked up the cup that Kenny had taken a drink from and had given the coffee the addition of Kenny's spit, avoiding touching the lid that contained Kenny's germs. After throwing that and the little donut bag away, he retreated to the back room, then reemerged with a wet clothe that he used to wipe down the table to cleanup the donut crumbs. In the back room again, he disposed of the clothe and washed his own hands, then returned to the counter.

Tweek glanced at the clock. It was almost lunchtime. His fingers were once again tapping the counter. The coffee shop was empty now. The calm before the storm. Tweek could never tell which was worse.

His mind wandered back to the phone. Fuck what his therapist said. He needed to call Craig.

He pulled a piece of paper out of his pocket and unfolded it, then smoothed it out on the counter. Computer printed was a table that contained Craig's daily class schedule. Below this, written in blue ink, was Craig's cellphone number. Tweek's eyes darted through the Monday class listing, then dropped to stare at the ground upon realization that Craig was sitting behind a desk at that very moment.

No, no, this is good, Tweek reasoned. He couldn't keep relying on someone else to calm him down. He'd been leaning too heavily on Craig the previous week when his classes first started. It was also the first week that he started to work unsupervised.

That week, he had also promised Craig that he would slowly work on his short term goals of being alone outside of his own home for an hour without having a panic attack. Unfortunately, the location of the phone was too convenient for him to be able to resist calling Craig whenever he didn't have classes, or Clyde whenever he wasn't working. Sometimes even when he was. Craig didn't seem to care much; Clyde did.

Tweek slowly folded the paper back up and returned it to his pocket. He wouldn't call any of his friends or his parents either, he decided.

So, up until the lunchtime rush hour, Tweek sipped on coffee and tried to concentrate on making himself stop shaking to keep his mind off of the store phone in the back room, serving the occasional customer. Lunch came and went. Harbuck's was crowded with anyone and everyone in South Park who held a job and could afford to take their lunch breaks in there, ready to get a quick shot of caffeine to help them get through the rest of their miserable day.

After the quite successful lunchtime scramble (he only freaked out once and spilled a cup of coffee on one customer, Tweek would later proudly tell his father), Tweek occupied the rest of his time helping the odd customer and cleaning the coffee shop.

It was two when Mr. Tweak arrived to switch shifts with his son, and when Tweek left the coffee shop with the largest cup of coffee Harbuck's had to offer, he found Craig standing on the sidewalk by the building, flipping off a group of passing teenage girls, who shot indignant looks and confused glares right back at him. Tweek sighed and pulled off his green apron as he approached Craig.

"You didn't call me all day, Tweek."

Tweek stopped just a couple of feet short of Craig. He sounded angry, but just looked annoyed. Still, Tweek didn't want to take his chances, even if Craig did stop being a physical bully towards Tweek at least a half a year ago.

"Ergh, you told me I needed to stop calling you so much!" Tweek screeched out in his defense.

"And it took you a good week to, so now I'm used to talking to you every day, and I've been lonely all day today. Now you're going to spend the rest of the afternoon with me while I do my homework." Craig took a set of keys out of his pocket and strode over to the parking lot where his old blue Ford was parked. Tweek hated that car, and he hated riding with Craig.

"You never do your homework," Tweek pointed out, opening the back door and sliding into the seat behind the front passenger's side, then buckling his seatbelt. Safety first in the safest seat a car could have. If one could call a car safe.

"Yes I do." Craig jammed the key into the ignition, but didn't turn it. "Jesus Tweek, did I already start the car, or is that you vibrating back there?"

"Gah! If you're just going to pick on me, then I'm just going to go home!"

Tweek's only answer was a middle finger as the engine finally roared to life and Craig swerved out of the parking lot of Harbuck's. Tweek instinctively grabbed onto his seatbelt with his left hand, the door handle with his right as they sped down the street. Sure, Tweek hadn't received any punches to the arm whenever he said something that was stupid or "gay" from Craig in a long time. However, this seemed to be replaced with Craig trying to freak Tweek out whenever he possibly could. Well, more so than before.

Tweek closed his eyes, and didn't open them until Craig was parked outside of his house. He grabbed his backpack from the passenger seat and slung it over his shoulder, then opened the door for Tweek, who unbuckled his seatbelt and stumbled out.

"You're going to get us killed, you douchebag!" Tweek cried out, giving Craig a light shove.

"Don't be such a pussy, Tweek," Craig responded airily.

Both walked up and into the house, Tweek following Craig. The house had remained practically the same over the years. The same family photographs with a few additions each year as the children of the family grew older. The same old furniture. But it was the familiarity that Tweek liked most about Craig's house. It was like a second home to him.

The boys trudged up to Craig's room (but not after Tweek greeted the family in the living room, where he was giving the family salute from Craig's parents and younger sister before they returned to watching the television), where Craig tossed his backpack by the door, then started to dig through it. Tweek kicked off his shoes and took his normal seat on the bed. He took a sip of his coffee as he watched. When Craig found the book and papers he was looking for, he settled down on the floor with his back resting up against his bed by Tweek's dangling legs.

And then there was silence, except for the occasional flip of a page and scratch of a pencil.

Tweek closed his eyes to savor his coffee as he slowly ebbed away at the contents of the cup. This quiet was a nice change of pace. Normally, when he was at Craig's, he was forced to play video games with him- something he was absolutely horrible at because he couldn't concentrate or keep his fingers steady- or help him with chores.

"Tweeeeek!" The blissful peace was interrupted by the voice Craig had adopted to say his name around the same time the punches to the arm and the painful noogies stopped. It reminded Tweek of the occasional whine Eric Cartman emitted, except it had a hint of a nasally voice and made the hairs on the back of Tweek's neck stand on end. It was but yet another method Craig had picked up over the past year to mentally torment him.

"Jesus Christ Craig, don't do that!"

Craig chose to ignore his protests. "You're going to a party with me this weekend."

"Ugh, no thanks."

Again, Tweek went unheard. "It's at this dude's place in Westhaven. Fatass is driving down from Denver to come, so it'll be like old times again, except the jackass on the other side of the country, of course. It's BYOB, so you'll have to bring enough coffee to last a few hours. I'm sure they'll let you use their microwave if it gets cold."

Tweek responded with only an eye twitch. Craig slammed his book shut and returned it to his backpack.

"There's no way you're done already."

"I'm not, but I'm bored. Let's see how quickly I can kick your ass at Halo."

"I don't feel like... ergh, I don't feel like playing video games today."

"Well there's nothing else we can do."

"We could just talk."

"Don't be such a fag, Tweek."

"You're the fag!" Tweek retorted, his voice starting to strain again. These conversations he's had with Craig several times before, but it still stressed Tweek out. Trying to keep up with the comebacks was just too much pressure.

Craig just shrugged and sat Indian-style beside him on the bed. "So what did you want to talk to me about, sweetie? Are those mean kids bullying you at school again? Oh, when I have a talk with their parents..."

"Gah! You're such an ass!" Tweek gave Craig another small push.

Craig just calmly took Tweek's coffee from his hands, got up, and set it on top of his dresser in front of a Red Racer poster and by Stripe's empty cage.

Tweek cried out a "Gah!" in protest. Then Craig turned back around to face him, and realization hit him like two semi trucks on an interstate. He quickly leapt from the bed and started to sprint towards the door, but his long legs didn't carry him too far before Craig tackled him to the ground.

The two struggled with each other on the floor for a few minutes, but Tweek never really stood a chance. In the end, he just wound up flat on his stomach with Craig sitting on his back victoriously, reminding Tweek that he had been on the high school wrestling team for two years.

They stayed there in silence, until Tweek finally said, "My stomach's starting to hurt, get off of me!"

"It only hurts from all of that caffeine. Now tell me why you didn't call me all day."

"Gnh!" Tweek started to chew on his lip, but stopped when Craig gave him a little smack on his head.

"That's a bad habit."

"So is calling you all the time."

Craig rolled his eyes, even though Tweek couldn't see him doing so. "You're hurting my feelings, Tweek."

"Fine. Kenny came in Harbuck's this morning. It really, ergh, he really freaked me out! He made me sit down and talk with him, then I, then he took out his cigarettes. He was going to start smoking in the middle of the place! So I took them from him and threw him and he flipped out on me and left but said he'd be back tomorrow! That kid's crazy! Now get off of me!"

But Craig stayed there, frowning. "He didn't hurt you or anything?"

"No, he just talked about his friends."

"Why didn't you call me afterwards?"

"You were in class. Then I was too busy. Gnh, get off."

"No. You're like one of those vibrating chairs."

Craig lifted his legs up and used his arms to do a quarter turn so that he was aligned with Tweek, then lied down so that his back was up against Tweek's and his head was resting on Tweek's neck. His feet barely extended past Tweek's like this; he had a couple of inches in height on Craig.

Tweek just continued to stare off to the side. "Ugh, the bottom of your bed is filthy."

"I'll clean it before I move out. Any word on the new Harbuck's?"

"No."

"Well tell your dad to hurry the hell up. I want to get out of this shithole."

They fell in silence once more. Tweek gazed around what little of the room he could see from his position. A few boxes and some odds and ends, such as a red toy car that had been collecting dust for some time, were resting underneath the bed. He could also spot a few cobwebs. The rest of Craig's room was just as messy. To Tweek, absolutely filthy. However, he had been over at Craig's house enough times to get somewhat used to it. Oh, he still wanted to run out screaming at the sight of what seemed to be the abandoned home of a spider or two. The only difference from now and when he first started visiting Craig was that he didn't do just that.

"How the fuck did you get so tall? I thought coffee stunts your growth."

Tweek started to shrug, but that hurt his neck too badly.

Then Craig rolled off of Tweek, who immediately jumped to his feet and returned to his place on the bed. He went back to his dresser and opened the top drawer, digging around in it until he found a bag of Warheads. Tweek stared at them. Did they even sell those anymore? If not, then that bag had to be ancient.

Craig retrieved Tweek's cup of coffee and planted himself beside him on the bed, handing the cup back to his friend. He then opened the bag of candy and set ten pieces on Tweek's lap and ten on his own.

"Ugh. Do those things expire?"

"I don't know, but it's only been five years since I bought them. Ready?"

Tweek picked up a piece, ready to tear it open, and nodded. Craig picked up one of his own and mimicked Tweek. Both looked at Craig's alarm clock, and as soon as the red seven to the far right changed to an eight, they tore into the tiny bags and started jamming the candy into their mouths.

Tweek's mouth immediately began to water, but he resisted the temptation to pucker his lips and show any sign of weakness. One after one, the boys crammed in as many Warheads as they dared. Tweek was the first to need refills from the larger bag, and after stuffing his thirteenth in his mouth, Craig jumped up and ran towards to the trash bin to spit out the remaining Warheads in his mouth.

"Mmhm!" came Tweek's gleeful cheer as he pumped his fist in the air. He crunched down on and swallowed the rest of the candy in his mouth and washed it down with coffee, which left a horrible taste. "We haven't done that since we were ten and I still kicked your ass!"

Craig just gagged and plopped down beside Tweek once more. Then, before Tweek had any time to react, Craig quickly grabbed back of his shirt and yanked him down on the bed. The sudden jerk caused the cup of coffee to go flying out of his hands, and he heard it land somewhere on the floor. The lid probably snapped off, too. Oh God, Jesus Christ, there would be coffee everywhere. He wanted to leap up to get it, but Craig was still holding him down, his hand painfully between the bed and Tweek's back as both boys lied on the bed side by side.

"Jesus Christ, Craig! You're starting to- ergh, you're starting to freak me out, man!" His head jerked to the side as his left eye twitched.

Craig turned his head to the side to look at Tweek. Tweek turned his head to stare right back.

"You're such a dumbass, Tweek," Craig grumbled.

"What?" Tweek shrieked back indignantly. "You're the one who invited me over just to watch you do your homework!"

Craig shrugged and yanked his hand out from underneath Tweek's back, then folded his arms across his chest. "What do you want to do now?"

"Ngh, I don't know!"

"Calm down, Tweek."

Tweek bit his right cheek and closed his eyes to once again start his deep breathing treatment. After a minute, he felt his heart rate go down, and the shaking subsided slightly. Then there was a sudden stabbing pain in his earlobe. His eyes flew open.

"Ack! You asshole! You bit me!" Tweek screeched, jolting upwards.

And the bastard laughed, grabbed Tweek's shirt again, and pulled him back down beside him. "You're too fucking easy." He then pressed his hand against Tweek's chest. "Jesus, you're going to have a heart attack."

"Ergh. Can't you just go back to punching me and, ugh, giving me wet willies?"

Craig seemed to consider this for a moment. He then stuck his finger in his mouth, removed it, and jammed it in Tweek's left ear.

"Gnh!" Tweek flinched when the finger entered his ear, and his right eye twitched.

"Nah. Not as fun." He sat up and strolled over to his window to close the blinds.

Tweek was about to close his eyes and go back to his breathing exercises when he heard that "Tweeeeek." He felt the wind get knocked out of him when Craig sat down a little too roughly on his stomach.

"You know I only pick on you because I like you, right?" Craig grinned down at him.

"Sure," Tweek responded reluctantly.

Craig crossed his legs on Tweek's stomach, facing him, and rested his elbows on his knees, folding his hands together and setting his chin on them, a thoughtful look on his face that was rare for him.

"And you do like me, right?"

"Would I hang out with you otherwise?"

"Probably, since you're scared of me, and you're such a pussy."

"Stop calling me that!"

"Pussy." Craig reached down and ruffled Tweek's hair, somehow managing to make it look messier than it already was.

"Urgh." Tweek stared up at the white ceiling, eyebrows furrowed. He could smell the coffee that was lying on the ground by the bed, probably soaking into the carpet as he lied there. Such a waste. He looked back up to Craig, who was still on his stomach and had a shit-eating grin plastered across his face. "What?"

He just kept on grinning, and stuck his hand back in Tweek's hair, combing through the tangled mess with his fingers. Tweek felt his stomach flip-flop. He squirmed around a little uncomfortably. This was... a change of pace from the usual. Tweek hated change. His routine was being disrupted again.

"I'm going to, um, go home now." Tweek tried to sit up and push Craig off of him, but Craig just grabbed his shoulders and kept him pinned on the bed.

"You're going to go out with me," he said matter-of-factly, but still firmly.

"What?"

Craig frowned. "I'm romancing you, dumbass. Pretend I have flowers or some shit. I just asked you to go out with me. Now is the part where you say yes."

"You're just trying to fuck with my head! And I know it was you who's been stealing my underpants for the past few weeks! I haven't seen the gnomes around, it must have been you." Tweek struggled to break from Craig's grip, but to no avail.

"Goddamnit, Tweek." Craig rolled his eyes. "I'm not messing with your head, now say yes."

"Jesus Christ, I'm not gay and you know it!"

"Dude, I've never seen you even look at another girl. You're a total fag."

"No I'm not, and neither are you. You're, ergh, you're going out with Red, anyway."

"I broke up with her last week. Say yes."

"Ngh!" Tweek could feel his heart rate speed up, his panic level rising. What the hell was Craig up to this time?

Craig sighed and released Tweek's shoulders, then crawled off of him. Tweek leapt up as soon as he could, feeling coffee sink into his socks when his feet hit the floor. He resolved to let Craig clean it up himself, and started to move towards his abandoned shoes. He had to get the hell out of there and return to his routine. There were chores to do at home.

However, Tweek didn't even take two steps towards his shoes before he was tackled to the ground once more, this time already landing on his stomach, and before he knew it, Craig was kneeling on his legs and twisting his arm behind his back.

"Say yes!"

"Ack! Jesus Christ, okay!"

Craig jumped up triumphantly, giving a victorious whoop then extending a hand to help Tweek up. Tweek took it and allowed Craig to hoist him up.

"Ugh, this doesn't make me a fag."

"Yes it does."

"Then it makes you gay, too."

"No it doesn't. I like women, and I just happen to like you, too. You're the only fruit loop here."

"Gah!"

Endnote:Some things that were mentioned here will actually be explained in the next chapter, like the new Harbuck's thing. Also, Token's name isn't just going to get tossed around once or twice, and that's it. He'll have more involvement, as will Kyle and Stan. Just not as much as Clyde and Cartman, obviously since they're closer to "home". The title will get explained eventually, too.

Also, thanks to my reviewers! It was nice getting some feedback that actually went indepth and described what was liked. Don't hold back from really criticizing me if anyone feels the need to, though! This is pretty much just a learning experience for me, so any type of feedback would be very helpful. Updates will also be regular, probably once every weekend.