AAAAAAAAAAAAACK! Oh, my GOD, you guys! I'm sosososososososososo sorry I haven't updated! I've had these chapters written forEVER! ...Don't know why I didn't post them. Now, let's see if I have enough time to write up review thank-yous before the bell rings and I have to go take that stupid Standardized State Test.
Uhm...who all reviewed? Besides the normal people who are already included in the self insertions here, thanks to Geojas378 for asking me to update, even though it took me four months after asked to do so until I actually did...bah.
Anyway, as my apologies, here's THREE chapter updates! HURRAH! Sorry it took so long. I'll do better next time, I promise!

It was freezing

It was freezing. That was the first observation Beast Boy made as he wound the funky little video camera that had suddenly appeared in his hands.

"December 24th, 9p.m., Eastern Standard Time."

Robin, while tuning his guitar (badly, mind you, as he had no idea how to play one), turned to Beast Boy with his eyes bulging and jaw dropped. Beast Boy...was singing.

"From here on in I shoot without a script. See if anything comes of it—instead of my old shit."

Wha--? This wasn't like Beast Boy at all..."First shot: Roger, tuning the fender guitar he hasn't played in a year."

Haven't played in sixteen years. Instead, he said, "This won't tune!" Oh, so it wasn't him that sucked?

"So we hear," Beast Boy retaliated casually, then announced to his camera, "He's just coming back from half a year of withdrawal."

Withdrawal? As in, drugs withdrawal? Wow, this version of him sucked. "Are you talkin' to me?"

"Not at all!"

This silly, scripted banter went on for some time until the phone rang. The first time, it was Mad Mod, claiming to be "Mark's" mother (we can only assumed by now that "Mark" is Beast Boy).

Then it was Cyborg, singing a distorted Christmas carol. Shortly after, Cyborg was somehow mugged on his way over. Then the phone rang again, and it was Robin's favorite love-hate target.

"Ho, ho, ho!" Not nearly as jolly as the greeting implied, Slade brooded on his end of the line. He did not approve of this situation.

Then they all got in a fight over Robin and Beast Boy paying Slade rent, then they all broke into song and were joined by the rest of the cast for the rest of the song.

Once they had gotten the point across that they were not going to pay this year's, last year's or next year's rent, those to whom it applied suddenly vanished and left behind a battered Cyborg.

And then there was Gizmo. In a dress and stilettos.

"You okay, honey?" greeted the midget pleasantly, against every other instinct within him.

Cyborg limped back as fast as he could limp in the direction away from the freaky little nasty boy in drag. Oh, yes. He knew where this was going.

"I'm afraid so." And, what the hell? He was singing again.

So they unwillingly flirted in rhyme, shared the fact that they both had AIDS ('We do?!') and set off for Gizmo's apartment after establishing that Cyborg was to be addressed as "Collins" and Gizmo as "Angel" (at this, every Teen Titans fan snickered due to the irony).

Back at the loft, Beast Boy announced that he was going to find Cyborg, instructed a still-brooding Robin to take his AZT, and set off on his futile quest.

Robin continued to brood and was interrupted by...

...the 80's comic version of Starfire. Or, at least, the 2003-2006 animated version of Starfire cosplaying as the 80's comic version.

Her cherry boobs had flattened somewhat, and her amazing Tamaranean tan and muscles were gone. And she was shorter than Robin, who had acquired go-go boots and was now roughly seven feet tall—a technical error to be worked out in the next commercial break.

She asked him oh-so-sensually if he could light her candle; he obliged while stating that he'd seen her before—but where?

They continued to flirt shamelessly and sensually, often repeating sequences of the previous paragraph, and in doing this established that Starfire was a drug addict, a stripper, and to be addressed as "Mimi."

Then she left, leaving behind a very horny, very drool-coated Robin.

Beast Boy came back to find Robin brooding because he was still going through withdrawal and hadn't gotten any.