Crapass Wordpad. Check.

Horrible idea for a horrible story. Check.

Low self esteem. As above, check.

Bold text. Check (snazzy, this bold text is...)

Tails smiled. Today was going to be a great day, after all. They had found a van, and it had been full of monsters like the ones on Shadow's ceiling, but they had managed nonetheless. Tails ripped off one of their bladed arms to make a weapon, then they dumped the corpses and drove off. They had ascended four, maybe five times in the past forty-eight hours... It got harder to survive as you went along. The van was almost out of gas now, and he didn't want to have to walk through Serial Killer Monster Lane with nobody but his dead best friend's stalker for company. The two had spoken alot, mostly to keep from going ka-ka-kraay-zay, but he thought she was nice, if a bit clingy. She had gone from unceasingly following Sonic when she shouldn't to unceasingly following Tails when she shouldn't. But usually, she ended up getting him out of trouble, so he didn't mind too much. He wondered why she seemed to care that much, though...

She looked back at him. He was pretending to sleep, like usual. He didn't do sleep anymore. He didn't really think she did either. It was fun to pretend, though. She gave him that look. Oh, shit. That look? The Sonikku heart look? He smiled internally. Well, there's our 'why,' I suppose. Just gets curiouser and curiouser... He smiled outwardly, and she rolled her eyes before turning back to the wheel. Amy gasped. Tails' eyes shot open. "What is it?" Asked the kitsune. Amy gestured to the road. "Him... Sonic..." Tails froze. Shit. This didn't look good. Sonic was already dead, so killing him didn't look too possible. But maybe... "Amy!" Tails yelled, "I'm going to go and try to talk to him. If things get ugly, come and help me out." Amy nodded slowly. "Be careful..."
He didn't say goodbye.

"Sonic!" Tails called. Sonic waved sarcastically. "Sonic! What the Hell is your dysfunction? You tried to kill us!"

"Only doing as I'm told. And I'm told to listen. So ask me whatever you want. I can answer."

"Okay--why are you doing this? How are you not dead?"

"One at a time. First, I'm doing as I'm told, like I said. Second, I'm not alive, but I guess I'm not dead either. You can thank the master for that. We have a deal." Sonic frowned. "I got the short end of the stick."

"So you don't want to do this?"

"No. I have to do as I'm told. I can't stop myself."

"I see. And who is your master?"

"No!" Sonic yelled. His eyes grew dark. "You weren't supposed to ask that. He knew you would. Now he's telling me to kill you. Run!" Sonic lunged at his friend, but Tails socked him in the gut. Sonic yelled out in pain and joy. "If you beat me until I die again, I'll stay dead! But I don't think you can right now!" Amy intervened by clubbing Sonic to the ground with a well-placed hammer strike. "Don't hurt him, you creep!" Amy said. She grabbed Tails. "Since you're such a jerk, I have a new best friend-slash-romantic interest! So take that!" Sonic smiled, then asked Tails, "Has she let you have third yet?" Amy gasped, kicked Sonic in the head, and screamed, "You swore you'd never tell!" Before carrying Tails to the van. He yelped as she tossed him into the passenger's seat, and screamed as she floored it, intent on running over Sonic. The hedgehog smiled as the van ran into him, but a shocked expression dominated his visage as he began to disappear. "No!" He screamed, and then was gone.

Amy drove until the van was out of gas. Then she turned to Tails. He had been silent ever since she hit Sonic. How many hours had it been? Three? Four? He didn't know. She spoke.

"He said 'no' if it makes you feel better..."

"Oh... Oh... Okay..."

"Sorry if I startled you, but he really did promise. I was joking... I..."

"It's okay. I understand." You don't even know if you really like her or not. Maybe a little, but still, MAYBE. This is too crazy. Abort! Abort!

"Yeah, in case you couldn't tell, you're my newest little obsession-object."

"Goodie." Shit now she'll fucking kill and rape you she's fucking crazy shit--

Instead of what Tails thought, she just smiled and said, "I'll try hard not to scare you off. We can start slow." Then gave him that look again. Tails sighed. This wouldn't be so bad. Then she grabbed him, locked him into an embrace, and kissed him passionately on the lips.

Oh, bugger.

Poor boy. Read. Review. Kill. Repeat.