One look at the title and you should know exactly what happens. I suggest you listen to some atmospheric music while reading this chapter, either Pain by Three Days Grace, or Last Resort by Papa Roach. And now on with the demented rat...

"Perhaps it was true. Perhaps she was a monster."

Deepest Night. Chapter 2.

Bleed Away the Sorrow.

"I'm going to die…" Flay murmured, "I'm going to kill myself if I'm trapped here any longer." She was pacing fretfully back and forth in her room, her breathing was heavy and she was going faster and faster each time she went across the room. Her turns were sharp and erratic, her odd eyes blazed in frustration.

As a rat her natural instincts were to roam, to prowl around. But the white rat was confined to her room almost all day and there was no way to release her pent up energy or aggravation.

"You're not going to die, Flay." Preypounce said from the doorway, she smiled slightly but her eyes were troubled as she gazed at her foster daughter. Flay stopped pacing and locked her gaze with Preypounce's.

"Yes I am." Flay replied sullenly, "I'm going to claw my way out of my skin if I can't get away." Her eyes blazed with the fury embedded in her words. She is so full of hate, Preypounce reflected. It was true, Flay was brimming over with hatred, for the rats who had killed her mother, for the Council who kept her confined, for the very walls that held her. There was no other choice but for Flay to live in the Palace, but it was torture for her, slowly eating away at her sanity.

And her mind wasn't exactly stable in the first place. Mania ran in her family on both sides, and she had spoken to no one save Terrormaw for half of her life. She was constantly an object of abhorrence and scorn, from rats and humans, the legacy of her father weighed on her and she was confined all the time. No wonder her reason was slowly slipping away from her.

"Oh, Flay." Preypounce lamented and walked over to the young rat, Flay buried her face in the older gnawer's thick grey fur, "Oh, love. I know it's hard."

"You don't. You have no idea." Hot tears slowly trickled down Flay's face, and though her voice shook angrily she kept her face buried in Preypounce's shoulder. The older rat curled her tail around the pup and nuzzled her gently.

They stayed like that for a few moments and soon Flay calmed herself, exerting the control that had helped her survive the past few months. It was a trick she played with herself, pretending ice was spreading over her, concealing all her emotions and covering all the bad memories that reached out to claw at her. The memories caught up with her at night, but the important thing was that no one see her. Only Erin and Preypounce had ever seen her cry after that fateful day when Terrormaw was killed, and Flay intended to keep it that way.

The white rat withdrew from Preypounce's embrace and inhaled deeply, "I'm alright now." she said. The other rat smiled,

"Good, I'll be sure to speak at the next Council meeting to try and get your boundaries extended, I-" The gnawer was cut off at the appearance of a servant.

"Preypounce, the gnawer, your presence is requested." The servant said loftily, he spoke slowly and precisely as though talking to a lower being. But Preypounce took it in stride, she was used to it and swiping at the servant wasn't going to change anything. Unfortunately.

"I'll come back later, Flay." Preypounce assured the young gnawer, she gave her a smile and then slipped out of her room. The servant remained in the doorway, staring at the legendary white rat, probably so he could head to the servant's quarters and gossip.

Well, decided Flay maliciously, let's give him a good story to tell. Her lip raised and her body hunched forward like she was going to attack, a ferocious hiss came from her throat, the servant's eyes widened and he fled. Flay chuckled, a sadistic smile on her face. The smile soon faded however…the distraction was gone, and she was anxious once more.

It was like an itch, to move, to do something. And then she made up her mind, she was going to leave. Ripred had mentioned a tunnel under the Palace that lead out into the Dead Lands, she would slip out there and come straight back once she had breathed free air.

"I'll only be gone an hour or so…" she mused aloud, "Preypounce will come back and I'll be here. It will be lovely to be out and…" Her voice trickled off-she had just realized what she was doing.

Furiously Flay clawed at the wall, "Dammit." she swore vehemently, "Now I'm talking to myself."

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Flay flattened herself against the wall, she was doomed. Luxa and Ripred were walking side by side coming her way, they were deep in conversation but it would be impossible for them not to notice her. She was out of bounds, the white rat had made it down to the bottom floor with no problems but now she was going to be in so much trouble with Ripred.

Flay closed her eyes and stopped breathing, the corridor was dim and there was about a one in one thousand chance they would miss her, she willed them to walk faster and pass her. Right when they were on top of her Ripred stopped, Luxa stopped as well looking confused, the grey rat took a deep sniff. His brow wrinkled, puzzled, he smelled something that wasn't right but he couldn't put his claw on it. He looked around curiously as did Luxa. Flay felt ice run down her spine.

And then, miraculously the two walked on after both had stared right at the spot she was standing. "What just happened?" Flay mused quietly, not finding an answer she hurried down the corridor, opened the stone door and shot out of the Palace, into freedom.

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Fliers were considered the travelers of the Underland, but what people underestimated was the speed of the gnawers. A healthy gnawer could travel at speeds impossible to humans or insects, and when you were a gnawer like Flay, who was running for the joy of being free, you could sprint at incredible speeds. Flay was pacing along the river close to Ripred's old nest, his smell was everywhere as well as the scent of the other gnawers that had lived with him. The white gnawer didn't need her eyes, but she had gotten used to the continually burning torches in the Palace, she clicked waiting for her echolocation to tell her were everything was.

Where was she going to go? She had thought about fishing in the river, but she would get too wet and it would be obvious she had slipped out if she came back smelling of the river. Her next idea was to go back to the cave she had lived in with Terrormaw, but that would bring too many dreadful memories. And so, she merely paced along side the riverbank, heading away from Ripred's old hideout.

The young rat found herself facing a series of caves, the river went into a waterfall, she could follow it no longer. "Now what?" she mused. The waves her voice created went out and bounced off of something, how odd…the stone had strange nicks in it over on one of the walls. Flay crept close to it curiously wondering what the marks in the stone were.

"Writing?" she asked confused. She could read very well, she spent much of her time in the library of the Palace, her grey eyes squinted to see the letters, they were small and fairly weathered.

HERE LIES MY BOND ERIS-As loyal a flier as one could wish for.

And a little bit lower,

HERE LIES AZUREEYE THE GNAWER-A courageous gnawer who managed to overlook prejudice.

Intrigued, Flay crept into the cave, there was an area to the back blocked off, she assumed it was where the flier and gnawer were, but there was also a chest jammed into a corner. There were scorch marks, signs of a fire, on the ground, and bones that had been gnawed on close to it. So a human, flier and gnawer had lived here. Curious about why this had happened Flay headed toward the chest, it opened with a touch, inside were papers that looked like scouting reports, a sword, some leather armor, a skin of water, and-and a diary of some sort. After leafing through the papers and finding no information Flay turned to the diary, she took it out, leaned against the wall and began reading.

On the front page it said in clear crisp writing:

Day one-My name is Leta, and I am a Regalian scout. The year is 472, and I have recently contracted the plague. I caught the contagion from my bond Eris, the two of us fled Regalia and are now in the Dead Lands to avoid contaminating anyone else. Eris is mad with pain the disease causes, and I cannot fish enough to catch food for both of us.

Day two-Today I had the fortune to meet Azureeye, a truly wonderful gnawer of the likes I never thought to meet. She says she came from Ripred's band, but when she caught the plague she left for the same reason Eris and I did. She is a little worse off than I, but she hunts superbly and is helping me take care of Eris. I never thought I would be grateful to a gnawer before but Azure is different, I like her.

Flay read hungrily, she fairly flew through the pages. Only a few were written on, apparently Leta had died before she could write very much. The white gnawer read swiftly at first, and then she saw a name that was very familiar to her. She paused, puzzled, and then read on, slower this time. Her face morphed into amusement, confusion, and finally horror. As she finished the last sentence of the diary she screamed and threw it from her.

Day six-The madness of the plague has settled upon Azureeye, without her to hunt Eris died yesterday. I gave her a funeral in the back of the cave in which we are living, I do not block it up yet however. I have a sinking feeling that I am going to have to add Azureeye's corpse to Eris's soon. In her madness Azureeye rambles about her life.

Flay managed to pull herself together slightly and snatched the book up, she ran to the river and tossed the diary into the flowing water. It was quickly torn to shreds in the rough current, the parchment dissolved in the water and it was gone. No one could know any of what was written in that book. It would ruin her. She thought people stared at her with fear and loathing now, what if they found out what was written in the scout's diary? She daren't think about it. And yet, the passages kept floating to the top of her mind, repeating those dreaded words.

Day seven-I now feel such sorrow on behalf of Azureeye! She had pups! Five of them she tells me, but they all died save for one called Terrormaw. Even with the madness of the plague compelling her to speak, she could barely make herself heard through her tears.

Perhaps it was true. Perhaps she was a monster. Flay had begun to cry softly, all will to return to Regalia had been sapped from her by reading that cursed book. Preypounce would be frantic looking for her, she had been gone two hours, Ripred and Luxa would find out and everyone of the citizens of Regalia would say she was a traitor. But right now Flay didn't care, she felt wretched. Perhaps it was her destiny, her father had been an insane genocidal fiend. Blood always tells.

Day eight-I will never think of Azureeye the same way again. She has grown in my respect for all these days, and her revelation only makes me regard her more. After a meager dinner of a few fish I managed to catch, Azure came out of her madness and spoke a few sentences. A few minutes later she died. I am amazed at her ability to see past the prejudice of most gnawers, and even more amazed she trusted me enough to tell me her secret. This will be my last entry, I am dieing.

Azureeye's Last Words: "My mother sent me away just before the War of the Grey. She said my father was mad, she said I must find a safe place. Leta, you have been a loyal friend, and you will be the only human to know of my heritage. My father, I am ashamed to say, was King Gorger."

"I am a monster." Flay repeated this to herself over and over her voice choking. The only one of Azureeyes's pups to survive the plague, Terrormaw, that was her mother. Flay was descended not only from the Bane, but from King Gorger as well. The two most infamous rats in the history of the Underland. What was next? Was Twirltongue her godmother? "I'm a monster."

Why had she even struggled? Tried to change her fate? She was being swept along a river that inevitably led to the same path as her father, it was no use struggling in the current. Flay stopped crying. Her lifeless grey eyes roved over her body as though she was staring at someone else. She felt like she was looking at a stranger. A glance of her reflection however assured her that she was still in there, trapped in a body cloaked in white.

White. It was this damn white fur!! If she had been black like her mother no one would have needed to know she was the Bane's Daughter, she could have been a normal rat pup. Her mother would have lived, she would have friends. A sudden feeling of rage and resentment flooded her in a wave. Flay shouldn't be living in the Palace, confined to her room; she should be with other gnawers her age, sparring and playing and just beginning to feel the first stirrings of love.

If she wasn't white!! Flay swore again, and then the ice overtook her. It started at her heart and worked it's way all the way to the tip of her tail, paws, and ears. A numb chill, somehow more dangerous than her raging bitterness.

An odd impulse took her, she placed a long honed claw on her left foreleg, her claws were razor-sharp, she had never killed anything but Preypounce had taught her to fight. Slowly the claw slipped through her silky fur, and pierced her skin, sliding effortlessly into her flesh. With a smooth motion of her right paw the single claw traced a river of crimson into her foreleg. It was painless, as if she truly was numb to everything.

Blood welled from the now numerous claw marks on her limbs, her eyes closed. It was as if she were marking someone else, someone who had stolen her body for a few minutes. Oddly enough, she felt better. Her lifeless grey eyes opened, she watched her white fur slowly stain a dark red color and reflected on the irony that the first creature she had ever harmed was herself.

Exhausted for some unknown reason, she rose to her feet. Flay winced slightly, her limbs were beginning to sting a bit. She had been gone for nearly four hours, they would be frantic. Flay began walking north, toward Regalia, because there was no where else to go. With a sigh she paced along the river bank, after about twenty minutes she plunged into the water, it rinsed the blood from her pelt and stung her wounds.

She already had a story thought up, she heard a noise and went to investigate. Then she found the door and fled, she met up with a band of cutters and subsequently was attacked. It was a good story, Preypounce would believe her, even if Ripred did not. Blood loss was making her slightly dizzy, but she forged ahead, stubbornly making her way to Regalia…

And the white water ran red…


Mutilation out of sight
And I'm contemplating suicide