"Let's waste time…chasing cars…around our heads…"

Deepest Night. Chapter 5.

Secrets

The anger at not being allowed in the war meeting had melted. Flay was now amused that Ripred had actually considered her a threat. Normally he would have let her in, certain that she couldn't do anything that might interfere with the plans. His concern that she would betray them, his fear; it showed that he respected her. And Flay was content in that knowledge. At least, that is what she told herself.

Deep down however, those dark thoughts were running rampant in her mind. They thought she would betray them. They knew she would betray them. Because she was a monster, because it was in her blood. Flay saw the looks they gave her, and she hated them. Hated the looks, the whispers, and the people. Hated them for making her feel different, and for reminding her of her blood and madness ridden past. Hated them for the sake of hating something.

Why was she filled with so much hate? So much anger? For so long she had been empty of everything, and when she did feel something it was a kind of echoing sorrow. But now…now it was like she was constantly filled with loathing for everyone and everything. Nothing amused her, and nothing made her happy. It just filled her with an uncontrollable rage, and the desire to lash out at something. Unfortunately for her, the only thing she had the power to harm was herself.

Flay sighed and looked down at her forelegs. Her vibrant white fur was criss crossed with jagged black scars. It looked like shattered glass. The fur grew quickly over the wounds, but if anyone looked too closely at her they would see the marks of her tormented life.

With a small grunt she pushed off from the wall upon which she was leaning and continued down the narrow tunnel. It had been a simple thing to sneak out of the Palace; the guards were so inattentive, because the warrior was in the city. Gregor's presence made everyone feel more secure.

She had just made it out the door, and she smiled, allowing herself a sigh of relief. Finally, she was out of that jail cell they called the Palace, and she was never ever coming back. The white rat hummed a few bars from a song. It was an Overland song that Erin had let her listen to. Although she would never admit it, Flay adored the music Erin had introduced her to. Most of the songs seemed to have something to do with love, and a lot of them screamed, but either way Flay loved the music.

"Let's waste time," Flay sang quietly, one of her favorite songs although she didn't exactly know what the words meant, "Chasing cars, around our heads. I need your grace, to remind me, to find my own."

"You sing beautifully." A low voice echoed in the narrow tunnel. Flay jumped violently, and twisted around to see the origin of the voice. She saw a scarred grey rat who looked faintly amused and just a bit disdainful. "You didn't think we were just going to let you go did you?"

Flay's grey eyes widened in fear, some voice within her rose to the occasion. Soon she was engrossed in a mental battle. He'll kill you if he catches you. He wouldn't do that. Oh yes he would. You are a threat. What do I do? Run!

-----

"Why did you bring her down here?" Luxa demanded angrily, her eyes were hard, but she looked close to tears.

Gregor was pleading with her, "I didn't bring her down! She came on her own! I had no choice!"

Luxa scowled, "You always had choices! You could have chosen not to tell her about the Underland-"

"She would have told the authorities-"

"You could have chosen to stop her from leaping-"

"There was no stopping her-"

"You could have told the bat to bring her back-"

"She wouldn't have gone-"

"You could have done something!" Luxa finished angrily; tears glistened in her violet eyes. Gregor knew he was in trouble, but he couldn't help noticing how lovely she was, even this way.

"Luxa…" He said softly attempting to put his hand on her shoulder.

Luxa glared at him, and stepped backwards away from his outstretched hand. "There is no excuse for this Gregor!" she told him.

Gregor got angry again, "Maybe there isn't an excuse, but there is an explanation!" he retorted.

"Oh?" Luxa challenged.

"Yeah!" Gregor yelled, "You're a spoiled, stubborn queen, who can't deal with someone who stands up to you!"

"How dare you!" Luxa shrieked. The two were in her quarters, and this had been going on for fifteen minutes now. As soon as Rae was safely on a bat to the Overland, Luxa had dragged him to her quarters where they had begun fighting.

Gregor glared at her fiercely, and attempted to ignore the tears threatening to pour down her pale, flawless skin, "Why did you have to jump down her throat? She didn't do anything to you!"

"Didn't do anything?" Luxa was at the boiling point now, they two were inches from each other's face, "She did everything!"

"So sorry to interrupt." drawled a low caustic voice from the door. Ripred stood staring at the two, a small smile played around his scarred face. He knew exactly what he had stumbled into, and it was plain on his face he didn't care.

"Get out." Luxa ordered, "You have to right to be here now."

"Oh, but I do," He said and dragged Flay into sight; he was grasping her by the scruff of her neck. The white rat struggled in vain and scowled. Her shoulder was sliced open from her attempt to escape in the tunnel. Ripred was much faster than she had given him credit for.

"What is the meaning of this?" Luxa demanded, she was slowly regaining her composure, a trembling hand reached up to straighten her crown.

Ripred threw Flay into the room, she stumbled and fell. Standing up, she glared at him angrily. "She was attempting to escape."

"Is this true?" Luxa questioned, she gave the white rat a stern look.

"Never a truer word spoken." Flay spat, "I could hardly wait to leave this place." The white rat radiated waves of fury, and disgust was plain on her face.

Gregor stared at her with a mixture of surprise and fear. "How did she get out?" he asked Ripred.

"The tunnel we practiced echolocation in. She's clever, I'll give her that," he said grudgingly. Flay merely sneered. "Where were you going?" Ripred demanded of her.

"To talk to someone." The white rat said in an infuriating sing-song voice.

"Who?" Gregor pressed.

"Friend of the family." Flay replied evasively. She was clearly enjoying herself.

Ripred, however, had enough. The intimidating grey rat bore down on the young female, "Friend of the family?" He laughed unkindly, "Both of your parent's were insane. Bane was a murderous fiend. Terrormaw was an anti-social, murderous fiend. Who, dare I ask, would this 'friend' be?"

Flay held her ground stubbornly, her gold-flecked eyes glaring into Ripred's, "Gushgore." she told him bluntly, "Happy?"

"No." Ripred spat. "Traitor."

Flay laughed mockingly, "Are you going to kill me?" she asked, a smirk on her face. Gregor stared at her, how could she be so calm? And then he saw her eyes. Flay's eyes hadn't changed a bit from when she was a pup, they were still grey with flecks of gold, but looking close he could see what lay within. Under the broiling anger, the cynicism, he saw a sad pleading look. He saw pain.

"No, we aren't." Gregor said. Ripred turned and stared at the Overland boy,

"What do you mean we aren't?" Ripred protested, "I don't think you get it, boy. She sold us out."

Gregor shook his head and walked over to the white rat who was regarding him with wonder and confusion. "No, she didn't betray us. I bet she meant to this time, but she didn't betray us." He looked at Flay, "Did you?"

Slowly, Flay shook her head, she was still baffled. Why had he stood up for her? She had insulted him, and tormented him emotionally, if not physically. More importantly, how had he known she wasn't a traitor?

Ripred sighed, and slouched up against a wall; Luxa sank into a chair as did Gregor. Flay was the only one left standing. "What have you done?" Ripred asked wearily, all traces of his anger were gone.

Flay sighed, and immediately decided what to tell them, and what to keep secret. "The first time I left," she said, "I just wandered, I visited your old cave," her eyes were locked on Ripred, refusing to look anywhere else, "But…after that I couldn't stand being trapped in the Palace, I snuck out again. Freedom…" Her face lit up with remembered happiness, "it's indescribable when you've been stuck in one place all your life.

"I went a little further from Regalia. I left the main part of the Dead Lands…I was very close to the rat's lands when I met him. We talked a bit." Her eyes narrowed, "You lied." she told Ripred, "You never said a thing about Bane trapping you in a pit."

Ripred didn't miss a beat, "I didn't lie, I just withheld information you didn't need to know."

Flay smiled grimly, it could definitely be called an evil smile, "You didn't want to admit you were weak." She hissed accusingly, "You didn't want to admit who had made you weak."

Ripred shrugged, "If it makes you feel better that your insane father trapped me in a pit, then you just keep telling yourself that."

"The third time," Flay continued without giving any indication that she heard Ripred, "We talked more, he told me that there were still those who would follow me. Because of my father. Because I was white."

Ripred gave her a knowing look. "Rebellion is addicting isn't it?" he asked gently. There was an odd look on his face that neither Gregor nor Luxa could identify. But Flay understood.

"Addicting?" She gave a short laugh, "It is intoxicating." Ripred nodded regretfully,

"And this last time?" he asked prompted gently.

"He told me to gather information, and then leave. He said that I never had to come back…never…" Flay shook her head, her voice had dwindled to a whisper, "I wasn't going to come back…I want to leave. I want to leave…" she sobbed. A single tear fell from her eye to the carpeted floor.

Gregor wanted to reach out to her, comfort her in some way, but he held himself back unsure of how he would be received. Luxa sat staring at the white rat as if she had never seen her before, an odd thoughtful look on her face.

Ripred merely shook his head, "Go back to your room, Flay. Don't try to sneak out again." Flay stood up and took a deep breath. Suddenly, it was like a switch had been flipped. There was no trace of the sorrowful, scared rat who had been there moments before. Once again Flay was sullen, cold, and vicious. A sneer was fixed firmly in place, and she stalked out of the room. Before she left, she allowed herself a backwards glance. Gregor felt those eyes stabbing him, I don't know why you did that, Flay told him silently, but it changes nothing.

"That one," Ripred said, breaking the silence, "I worry about." Luxa nodded in mute agreement.

Gregor said nothing, did nothing. Only sat there staring at the spot Flay had been just a moment before. He didn't understand it. Flay practically screamed for someone to help her, pleaded and cried. Then, when someone tried to reach out to her, she pulled back into her shell. Drove them away with her snarls, glares, and harsh words.

The boy shook his head. None of this made sense. Out of all his trips in the Underland, this had to be one of the most confusing; there was no prophecy to vex them, but so many things were going on: Flay attempting to betray them, Luxa and Rae's argument, Erin and Howard's odd relationship, wars, fights, assaults; it was all too much to handle.

"Someone kill me." Gregor murmured, and Ripred laughed a bit,

"Tell me about it."

Flay: This chapter was Beta'd by Rojo.
Rae: Gawd. This story SUCKS since I was taken out.
Author: Actually it's better. So shutup.
Shadowshiv: Hello...what happened to me? You promised I'd have a role in the story.
Author: Next chapter.
Flay: Why was I singing Chasing Cars?
Author: It was an inside joke. Lulu, do you get it?
Flay: Whatever. Read and reply people!
Ripred: Cause she'll go cut herself if you don't...
Flay: HEY!
Ripred: EMO.
Author: -sigh- there will be no more self mutilation. Well...maybe, but not much.