Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, or the wacky Cullens. I just make them act like freaks.
(At the High School in a random auditorium)
Announcer-dude: Now, I present the contestants in the Forks beauty pageant! (Pageant-type music as the people walk onto the stage) The contestants are: Mike Newton, Rosalie Cullen, Edward Cullen, and Philippe the sexy squirrel!
Mike: (In a tux doing a pageant wave) Hello, my adoring fans!
Girls: GET HIM OFF THE STAGE!!!
Mike: Noooo! (Screams like a girl as security pulls him off the stage)
Announcer-dude: Okay… there are now three contestants! And now, the swimsuit competition!
Audience: YAY!!! (Applause)
Contestants: (Now wearing swimsuits) Oh crap.
Announcer-dude: Rosalie Cullen! (Rosalie walks out in bikini)
Group of guys: (Scream and climb onto stage) we love you Rosalie!
Rosalie: AHHH! STALKERS! (Runs off stage)
Announcer: Okay then… Edward Cullen!
Edward: (Walks on stage in swimsuit)
Group of girls: EDWARD CULLEN! (All tackle him and chase him off stage)
Announcer: Aaannndd…. PHILIPPE! (Philippe walks out in swimsuit)
Entire audience: WE LOVE YOU PHILIPPE!!! (All pass out)
Bella: HEY! He's mine!
Voice from the sky: Okay, even I'm creeped out by this.