Chapter 8: Everyone's a Philosopher

Mical had impressive arms.

He usually tried not to be too vain about his upper body, but now, carrying Visas to the medbay, he could not help but be grateful for it. Visas was dead weight right now; Mical had never seen her so relaxed.

It was not something he ever wanted to see again. Visas was not at all herself when she was this unconscious: her dignity was gone, not a trace of her usual poise as her limp arms flopped about. It was a frightening sight.

Mical called over Atton to help him, and they lay Visas out on the medbay.

"Thank you." Atton nodded, and Alainna shooed him away. Frowning, Atton left.

Mical took a quick read of Visas' vitals.

"She's not sweating profusely... her breathing, her heart rate... they're returning to normal." He looked up at Alainna, who stood, concerned.

"She simply passed out," Mical said. "Whatever it was that made her pass out must have been... psychological."

Alainna threw up her hands. "I kind of figured. I mean, she was kind of screaming."

Mical shrugged. "Whatever it is, we're going to have to wait for her to wake up before we get to hear about it. Luckily, I don't think it will have to be a long wait."

Alainna nodded. "Can I stick around?"

"By all means. It should only be a matter of minutes."

As per Mical's belief, Visas soon stirred.

She began, with obvious difficulty, to speak. "I..."

Alainna hushed her. "Take it easy, Visas. You can talk to us as soon as you're ready."

Atton appeared in the doorway.

"So," he said, "we're about to dock."

The room went into a dark silence, and everyone looked to Alainna, who looked to the ground.

Mical finally spoke. "I was going to go, but... I suppose I should stay and monitor Visas."

Alainna nodded. "Bao-Dur will go in your place."

Atton tried not to look disappointed.

"Atton?"

Atton perked up, hopeful.

"Yeah?"

"Can you go let Bao-Dur know?"

Atton bit his lip. "Yeah, I'll get on it."

As Atton walked to find Bao-Dur, he felt very much like giving up. He tried not to fight and he tried to be useful, but it seemed to him as though they were giving up on him anyway. Why not help them out?

He shook his head. He knew he could never leave Alainna. So long as there was the slightest chance that he could help her, he would do it.

It would be so much easier to do it if he got to set foot off the ship once in a while, though.

"Query: Might I ask where you think you're going, meatbag?"

Atton jumped. "What... why do you care?"

"Explanation: Because, meatbag," HK-47 said, "you have been through this room four times now and still appear to be looking for something."

"Oh." Atton looked around. "Right. I'm... I am. I guess I got kind of carried away."

"Conjecture: Perhaps you are looking for something on a metaphorical level as well, meatbag Rand."

"What do you know? And why are you suddenly going philosophical on me?"

"Irritated Statement: I do not 'go philosophical,' meatbag. I merely believe that if you could solve said metaphorical puzzle, you would manage to be of more use to the master. Or, at least, stop pacing around the same room."

Atton shot HK a look of mistrust.

"Resigned Statement: All right, meatbag, go ahead and be as useless as you want. Clearly, I cannot stop you."

Atton took a step towards the droid. "I... am not useless."

HK-47 turned its photoreceptors to look straight at Atton. "Recommendation: Say it with feeling, meatbag."

"I am NOT useless."

HK-47's photoreceptors flashed, almost with glee. "Encouragement: Bravo, meatbag! Perhaps you are a piece closer to solving your internal dilemma than you thought. Or, at least, it is a start."

Atton nodded. "Yeah. You know, I... really don't want to thank you, because you're a droid, but if I ever get to a point where I'm all right with that... then remind me to thank you."

"Begrudging Statement: You're so welcome, meatbag."

Atton walked out of the room, this time paying attention to where he was going.

I am not useless. I am NOT useless. I am not USELESS. I AM not useless. I am not useless...

It was hardly his ideal self-esteem level, walking around and running errands while repeating to himself that he was not useless. But as HK had said, perhaps it was a start.

He found Bao-Dur doing what looked like warming his hands on the hyperdrive.

"Hey, Bao. Big cheese wants you and Mira planetside. We've docked, and Mical's busy with Visas."

"Thank you, Atton."

"What are you doing over there?"

Bao-Dur turned away from the hyperdrive and began to walk towards the door of the engine room. "Nothing," he said. "Reading the energy from the engine."

"What, through the Force?"

"Through the Force."

Atton sighed, uselessness dragging down his mindset again. "I didn't even know you could really do that unless you were like... I don't know, some sort of Jedi Emperor or something."

Bao-Dur chuckled.

"I always was better with machines," Bao-Dur.

"Seriously, what's up with that? Everyone..."

Atton hesitated. He had never contemplated talking to Bao-Dur about his crisis without it ending in one of them killing the other. Still, it was worth a try, he supposed.

"Atton?"

"Everyone has something. Mira can read people like crazy, you can... you can talk to the machines or something, I don't know, Mical can heal people, Visas... I don't know exactly what she's good at, but whatever it is is so creepy that it makes her freak out."

"Oh yeah? What about Alainna?"

"She's good at everything."

"Mhm. So?"

"So here I am, still not all that great at lifting rocks."

Bao-Dur looked at him, and his face was serious. Atton had expected more mocking on Bao-Dur's part. Not that he was complaining at being taken seriously for once...

"Atton, you know, you're not useless."

"So I tell myself."

"You wouldn't be here if you weren't needed here, you know. We go and drag you back from cantina after cantina when you've run off from the Academy, and we don't do it for our collective health. We don't do it because you're fun to pick on, Atton."

Atton frowned.

"We do it because you're part of the team. Just because you don't think you're good at one particular thing doesn't mean you're not necessary."

"Yeah, but I'm not good at anything."

"No, Atton. What you're not good at is you."

"Cryptic is not helpful, Bao-Dur."

Bao-Dur frowned.

"Atton, you've changed your identity so many times, been so many different people... I don't think you know who you really are. I don't even know if you want to know, anymore. But... you have to, Atton."

Atton shook his head. "No one should know me the way I was."

Bao-Dur frowned. "You need to know who you are, Atton... this is the way."

"Right." He shook his head and turned to leave, calling back, "You'd better get planetside."