Disclaimer: I don't own Inu-yasha, much as I'd like to. The poem 'Fear' is my own work, though, so please don't use it without asking and giving me a little credit. "Quotes"talking 'Single Quotes'thoughts Dear Diaryentries from Kagome's diaryXXXX scene change
Fear
Chapter 1
"Sesshoumaru, what about my sister" Sesshoumaru looks at the girl he is holding coldly. "What about her" "I don't feel..." He can smell her fear. "I will leave you now. I do not like you being afraid of me." The young girl looks at him sadly, her eyes full of guilt. He is aroused, but if he ignores it long enough it will go away. "Thank you." He hears her whisper those two words softly behind him, but it doesn't help. He walks through the doorway and calls for his horse. He had decided that it is time for a ride.
"Sesshoumaru is so sweet! He has brought me flowers again. I can't wait until I marry him. Oh! You could marry his brother, Kagome. Then we'd be living together again." Kagome looks at her older sister Rin. (A/N: I know that Kagome is supposed to be older then Rin, but it wouldn't have worked in this story.) She feels guilty, but she can't tell her sister what had been happening. She couldn't tell her sister, her kind loving sister that her betrothed, Sesshoumaru, was coming onto her younger sister.
It had been happening for a while, but she had been too afraid to say anything. Mostly because she didn't think anyone would believe her and, also, because she didn't want to hurt her sister. And it would hurt her sister if she ever told. So she feared the day when her sister found out.
Dear Diary, July 12, 1501
I was sitting in front of the fire this morning because I couldn't sleep. It's probably because I feel so guilty. I don't know why Sesshoumaru does it, but he came onto me again. I want to tell someone, but I'm too afraid of hurting Rin. You know as well as I do that I liked the attention in the beginning. I had taken something from my sister and that had never before been possible. It had always been, 'why can't you be more like your sisters, Kagome?' And I could never be like them. I have always been too loud. Too interested in school. Too much, period. I have never been as good as them at sewing, calligraphy, or anything else that I'm supposed to know. For me it's always been reading, or archery, or sneaking out and climbing a tree. But you already know that. I fear the day when my sister finds out, but at the same time, I long for it. I wish I had someone to tell this to, besides you that is, Diary. I wish I had someone that was only mine; that only loved me. But that could never happen. I wish it could, but it's just a childish dream. I've tried to forget it, but I can't. What am I to do?
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX"Why do I have to mate! Just because your want to give up your freedom, doesn't mean that I do! Fuck! I'm only 17! I'm too young to settle down to a wife and children. You've had your couple of hundred years of fun, yet you won't let me have mine! Damn it! You're ordering me to mate! You're not even letting me pick my own mate! I don't even know the stupid girl" Sesshoumaru looks at his half-brother coldly and Inu-yasha stops his tirade. "Regardless of whether or not you want to mate, you will mate with Lady Rin's sister, Lady Kagome. She is a nice girl and quite beautiful, if a little bit too opinionated." Inu-yasha glares at Sesshoumaru. "If you like her so much, why don't you mate with her yourself?" "If she was older, and more like her sister, I would." That stops Inu-yasha's ranting and he runs out of the house and into the forest.
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX'Stupid Sesshoumaru! Who does he think he is? He has no right to order me to mate. Besides, I probably won't even like the girl. Especially if she's like Kikyo used to say. He closes his eyes and remembers.
Flashback
"Hello, my love." Kikyo hugs Inu-yasha. She looks sad and they sit down on the small, grassy hill. "What's wrong, Kikyo?" She looks at Inu-yasha and smiles sadly. "Oh, nothing much. I just miss my family, especially my twin, Kagome. My parents disowned me after I refused to marry the person that they wanted. I wanted to become a miko, and they wanted me to marry Lord Onigumo, and after he died, his cousin, Lord Naraku. Because I knew that if I married I could never be a miko, so they disowned me." "What was your sister like?" Kikyo smiles softly and leans against Inu-yasha. He puts his arms around her and holds her loosely. "She was my exact opposite. She probably still is. When I was off practicing my manners, she was off climbing a tree, or sneaking into the village in order to play with the boys. She was always really stubborn, and she probably still is. It was funny.
"She'd never use the same way to get out twice. One time she'd dress like a village boy, another she'd sneak over the wall. You could never predict what she would do next. That's another thing about her that will probably never change. She was always my favorite sister. She was the only one that ever understood me. She was the one who helped me escape before I could be forced into marriage. She and Kaede were the only people in my family that I loved. She used to hate it when Mother would ask her why she couldn't be more like Rin, or Kaede, or even me. Of course, I doubt that she's being compared to me anymore."
Flashback
'Kikyo...Why did you have to go after that stupid demon on the one night that I couldn't protect you? "If you had just waited until dawn, I could have killed it for you and I would have turned into a human for you. We could have married, we could have been happy.' He starts to make his way back home. 'Sesshoumaru's going to be pissed at me for being gone so long, but fuck it. I don't care.' He reaches his castle and goes inside.