Part [2 of 3

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"Oh—oh no."

"What is it?" Edward whispered back.

I didn't answer right away, choosing instead to roll over to my other side to examine the damage. I touched the bracelet on my wrist gingerly, inspecting it carefully. The tiny wolf charm, still dangling from the silver, remained intact.

"Well?" Edward asked gently, slowly stroking the edge of my bare shoulder with his fingertips. I sighed.

"No, don't worry," I turned onto my back quickly, but kept my eyes on the wall across the room. "it was just... another false alarm." Edward remained still for a moment, before nodding slowly.

"I see," he said.

"I'm sorry," I said, the guilt in my voice sounding painfully familiar. "I didn't mean to—"

But Edward placed his hand over my mouth before I could finish.

"It's all right," he said. And with a gentle smile, I believed him. I returned the favor.

I turned back over on my side again, leaning my back against his chest. It was silly, I knew, for us to be… reenacting such human habits as sleeping, but I missed it. Even though I could see the sun's rays peeking through the heavy curtains, clear indicators of it being broad daylight, the thought of resting peacefully in Edward's arms for hours on end, with no one else around... It held an appeal that nothing else had. Well. Almost nothing, as Edward reminded me with a lingering kiss in the crook of my neck.

But once Edward had settled back into his comfortable position, I quietly raised my wrist up closer to my face, to get a better look. My senses had strengthened exponentially, but I was still accustomed to the habits of my mortality, quirks and gestures that I had taken for granted before, I suppose. There on my wrist, encased in the blackness, sat my tiny little wolf charm, its chestnut hue always darkly gleaming in the moonlight. It stared back at me silently as I stroked its hard fur, before gently—ever so gently, barely at all, lest I break it—touching the tip of its tail.

I hadn't realized the fragility of the world through a vampire's eyes until I experienced it myself. Edward hadn't been kidding, obviously… not that I ever thought he was. At first, I was afraid to wear the bracelet, convinced that my clumsiness—which apparently failed to leave me when my mortality did—would allow me to lose it or break the tiny, little fragment of wood. It took days before I could even look at it again, let alone wear it and even then, I regarded it with the utmost caution. Edward was amused by my antics initially, but I could tell that the greater my concern became, the greater his became as well.

At one point during my first year, when I had started to grow confident in my strength, I had lost it. I was playing baseball with the Cullens one night for the first time in our new home, immortal style, and feeling completely liberated in all of my new form that I failed to notice when the intense running was finally too much for the poor, tiny clasp, and my miniature Jacob fell to the ground, without a sound to my sensitive ears. It was only hours later, when I had returned to the new house with Edward before the break of dawn (I had not yet ventured out into the sun in my new form, for our neighbors were closer than we'd have liked and were not prone to taking vacations), that I realized that the only object attached to my bracelet was the diamond Edward had tricked me into accepting.

I think if Edward's heart had still been beating, it would have stopped at the sound of my gasp. It was short and almost inaudible, but the sound cut through the comfortable silence as if I had slashed through it with claws… I no longer needed oxygen to survive, but suddenly, I remembered the horrific feeling of suffocation. Edward rushed to my side immediately, begging to know what was wrong, but the words could not escape my lips. I merely traced the circumference of the bracelet with my pale fingertips, hoping that it was just my eyes playing tricks on me, that it was really there, but my new eyes had not adjusted to their surroundings just yet. To no avail.

Edward understood immediately, though he displayed no reaction other than comprehension. Now, looking back on it, I can only imagine what could have been going his mind then. He told me once, months later, that he constantly feared that I had made the wrong choice. That it was Jacob, not himself, who I should have married and should have chosen to spend the rest of my life with. As much as I have assured him that that is clearly not at all the issue, my episode with the lost Jacob figurine has left him unconvinced. I think it will take years for him to believe me.

When I had finally regained my ability to speak, it had still unfortunately left me inarticulate. The only words I could manage, in no particular order were, "Jacob," "lost," and "no." Edward brushed his fingers through my hair, soothingly, as I could expect from my beloved, but it only managed to provoke a dry sob. I looked at him then, not entirely knowing what to think, but something in my eyes must have held some sort of plea, for Edward stepped aside, allowing me to bound through the door for the woods, with him close behind.

I spent hours that day searching. It is one thing, when you are human, to find a missing object, for the path that you've traveled is never too far and the possibilities limited (not that I ever really appreciated that fact when I did lose something, back when I still had a beating heart). Now, not only could I not remember every place I'd run to during our game, but I realized that, had I been able to, I still would not have been able to have a clear idea of where the little wolf could be… I had been going far too fast and running much too erratically that it could have whipped off in a different direction as I made a too severe turn or came to too much of a screeching halt. My hopelessness was endless.

I didn't even realize when the sun began to rise, spreading its new rays through the thick branches and kissing my skin. Edward had told me that he'd tried so hard to help me look for it, this little piece of wood that obviously meant a great deal to me, but apologized, saying that he was so distracted by the patches of shimmering skin along my body and my oblivion to this new development that he wasn't very much help at all. Even my glittering complexion wasn't enough to divert my attention for very long. I stared at my glowing fingers, arms, and legs for but a few moments, taking in this unfamiliar sight, before I was reminded of my task at hand when the sun glinted off the millions of multi-colored facets of the lone charm on my wrist.

Finally, I had to stop. It was not exhaustion that brought my search to an end, for honestly, fatigue was no longer a concern of mine. Instead, it was the general hopelessness that I felt in not only having lost my personal sun, but in having lost the only physical piece of him that I had left. Even seeing the real sun again, bright and stinging to my golden eyes, for the first time since I had left Forks, did nothing to lessen my sadness.

Edward and I returned to the house in silence. I didn't know what to say to him. Not only had I just lost my only shred of Jacob Black, my personal sun, but caused Edward, my love for eternity, to be concerned as well. It seemed that my knack for torturing my loved ones had not died along with my body either.

Edward held me for a long time then. I only remember hearing, "just lay down for awhile now, don't worry," he had whispered. "I'll be right back." So much in a daze was I that I followed his orders, laying on our bed, not even bothering to slip under the covers (as I normally did, out of pure habit) while waiting for him to return.

I don't know how long it was before he came back, only that the sun was starting to set when I felt his slender fingers trace my spine. I turned to him, prepared to apologize for doing the selfish, immature, and ultimately Bella-ish thing that I did, when, right before my eyes, he placed the tiny wolf on my pillow. I stared at him in genuine, unadulterated shock, but before he had time to explain himself, I launched off the bed into his arms to kiss him with such fervor that, had I been human, I would have most likely have given myself a concussion. After a million apologies and a million words of "thank you," Edward and I settled back down the next morning to feign sleep, merely relishing in being in each other's arms. I haven't stopped worrying about my little wolf charm since.

"Maybe you should visit," Edward whispered suddenly, the soft sound pulling me from my reverie with a snap of my head. "It might be for the best. "

"Edward," I pleaded, feeling the remainder of my words lodge themselves in the back of my throat as he held up a single finger against my lips.

"We'll leave as soon as possible," he declared sullenly, forcing the tiniest of smiles to his perfect lips.

"But—"

"That's final."

I lowered my head down to the pillow slowly, finding myself at a loss for what else to say. Edward merely looked down at me, knowingly, understandingly, in that perfect manner that no one could ever match. And again, for the one hundred and twenty-three millionth time, I asked myself what had I ever done, in any lifetime, to deserves such a beautiful creature?

And without any warning, I lifted myself up and kissed him.

"Thank you," I whispered, pulling back just the tiniest bit. He only laughed and leaned in again.

But as I could feel his fingers beginning to sweep themselves over my shoulders, something that had been haunting me since my wedding day resurfaced. I tried to stop myself from tensing, but it was futile to try to hide it. Edward froze immediately, pulling back only enough to see my face. "What's wrong?" he asked me. I didn't answer right away.

"It's just—" I paused, taking a deep breath out of sheer, mortal habit. I vaguely wondered if Edward was ever annoyed at my still-human antics, now that I had changed… or, maybe, if they ever made him sad. I looked up at him. "What if he doesn't… want to see me?"

Edward said nothing at first. He only brushed his fingers through my hair. I wondered if he was remembering the horrible sound of my pointless, futile cries to Jacob in the woods, as I was.

"You're still Bella," he whispered gently. "And you will always be. You may have changed in the past few years, but… the Bella that both he and I know very well hasn't left this body at all." He leaned in closer, barely touching my lips at all. "And no one can ignore that."

I yielded to him as he slowly pushed me back down to the bed with his lips, surrendering once more with the vague, discontented realization that he hadn't answered my question.