Author's Note: This time around, I have no excuse. I slacked off writing. I'm sorry. If you still give a damn about this at all, though, please sit down with some delicious, chocolate filled pastry and watch it get regurgitated out of your mouth in disgust as you read this chapter, filled with nakedness, sexual content, stupidity, and Family Guy rip-offs, entitiled...

Chapter 6

Teru Mikami was not a brute, nor was he a man given to profanity, but as he stepped inside his small office at exactly 8:00 am (as he did every morning, give or take a few seconds) the uncharacteristic amount of swear words it brought to his head would have sent every resident in the building run out screaming had he voiced it out loud, but he kept his face in a perfect facade and re-entered the elevator.

When he reached the desired floor he took a quick look around before setting off to his right; Mikami rarely ventured out of his office during work hours, and he had never been on this floor at all. Setting off at his usual measured pace he strolled down the hallway, briefly looked at a sign declaring TAKESHI pinned to the front door, and entered.

"Whassup, mah homey dawg?" said the pimp sitting in the middle of the room, surrounded by a bunch of giggling girls in lingeries. Mikami eyed the pornographic wallpaper with distaste, then gingerly stepped towards Takeshi's desk and looked him straight in the eye, a feat that made his coworker flinch quite violently.

"What were you doing in my office last night?"

"W...w...say wha?" stuttered the pimp in terror, gripping the girls next to him so hard that they promptly started turning blue, "I didn't...leave no...whatchou sayin', man? You mah homey dawg."

"Face it Takeshi, your Japanese," snarled Mikami into his face, "You will never be black, no matter how hard you try. Now you and your...friends...will go and clean up those love stains in my office right now, before I turn Super-Mikami mode and rip your throats out with the sheer force of my glare. I sthat clear?"

All of the sex addicts nodded in unison.

"Good. Now get going." Without waiting for a reply, he turned and went down to the lobby, where he poured himself some coffee and tried to get his mind off the present stae of his office. It turned out to be much easier than he expected when suddenly a black helicopter smashed through the entrance and causing the foundation to cave in forming cracks within the ground in which lava poured out and engulfed the room.

"Oh," Mikami murmured to himself as he kneeled on the reception desk, eyeing the flowing lava below him, "That's why they call it 'Devil Wears Prada'." he glared pointedly at Meryl Streep, who was standing within the lava as though it were just bath water.

Out of the helicopter came three drunken boys, two of them holding beer bottles, one with what looked like melted cheese with green stuff in a cup. The man in front, who had messy black hair and bags under his eyes, raised his glass in a toast to no one in particular.

"To being fucktards!" he screeched to the afternoon sun leaking through the cracks in the ceiling.

"Being fucktards!" the men behind him hollered in unison, and they downed the their glasses.

The man with the cheese-looking drink stumbled over to Mikami and was apparently carrying and equally drunk looking Goth girl (who Mikami had not noticed at first, seeing as the boy had her inside his shirt).

"Hey..." whispered Maria in a melodramatic whisper, "Hey you...in the black coat..."

"Yes...?" Mikami was slightly unnerved (and more than a little turned on), but otherwise straightened his tie and tried to look proffesional as his crotch started riding up in his pants.

"He's knocking in th back door!" she yelled happily.

"...what?"

"Brian's knocking on the back door!" she laughed, hitting the boy's head with the bottle, "Should I let him in?"

Mikami was utterly confused, seeing as he was not a sex addict or an alcoholic, and did not understand the expression. Suddenly he felt a tug on the back of his shirt, and looked around. The boy with the messy black hair had settled next to him.

"You...you look familiar..." said L, regarding Mikami through bloodshot, glassy eyes, "You look like...that man I slept with...except...he didn't look like you at all..."

The poor black suited business man was at an utter loss for words, and all of a sudden he heard the smash of a beer bottle against the wall and saw and angry Light Yagami standing within a pool of lava with flames in his eyes...literally.

"You talkin' about my dong...you talking about me!" he screamed, and Light hollered a battle cry as he streaked towards Mikami.

"No," somehow, Brian had cralwed out of his or the girl's shirt, and was standing bare chested between Mikami and Light, his hands held up in a Native American symbol of peace and was holding a cigarrette, "All problems can be solved with love and compassion. Now come. Smoke the peace pipe, and be at peace with nature."

Light burst into tears. "You were right. I was blinded by ambition. I never paused to see...see the light of a path...that led to happiness!" Light sumbled over to Mikami and grasped his coat. "WILL YOU MARRY ME?"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!" Mikami cried in agaony, jumping onto a towering filing cabinet overlooking the lobby, "YOU'RE MONSTERS! ALL OF YOU! BEGONE, THY DEMON, AND TAKE YEE BEASTLY WILL WITH YEE!"

Wait, wait, wait...

I'm sorry, I should have explained what happened to Light, Brian, and L while Mikami was looking at sperm splattered all over his office. Now we shall go back...back to the future!!

(Whirling pictures roll by in a Vantage Point rip off as the clock goes back ten minutes)

Light and L were out of the helicopter now, and the Task Force was standing in a circle around the two combatants, both of whom ha drawn katanas and were standing in a battle stance that was almost a rip off of Samurai Jack. L pointed his katana at Light.

"You have disgraced my honor...and my family's honor! I shall kill you here and now!"

"You shall not defeat me," said Light, "Your meager samurai skills have done little to improve your strength! Now we shall see just how pathetically Brian-sensei has taught you!"

"Don't call me that-" began Brian.

"SHUT UP!" screeched Light, "Draw thy sword, sensei, and watch as your pupil is defeated!"

And after several long hours of talking and a ten second brief sword fight, Light fell to the ground.

"You have not seen the last of me...!"

"Well...! Um..." L couldn't find anything to say, so he merely threw down his sword and said to everyone, "WANNA GET DRUNK?"

"OKIES!" everyone screamed back, and that was how everything turned out the way it was!!

(The clock moves ten minutes forward and back to the lobby)

"...and that's how it happened." Light finished explaining.

"I...see..." said Mikami, rather preoccupied by the fact that Brian and the girl making out in the back of the room. "Wait..." relevation hit Mikami like a train, "You mean that you told ALL OF TOKYO to get drunk?!"

"YEP!" screamed L, "Oh, wait, shit, that's a bad thing..."

Brian paused in the middle of unhooking Maria's bra. "That's my line, idiot!"

"So you mean..." Mikami's horror grew stronger, "That there are a billion drunk people outside this door right now?"

Mikami's question was answered by a huge banging on the door, and the drunken zombie people of Toyko lumbered into the lobby.

"Must make non drunks get drunk..." they murmured in unison, "Must make non drunks get drunk...must make non drunks get drunk..."

TO BE CONTINUED...