okay, so i realized that i have not yet posted a disclaimer as i intended. i do not own csi or any of its characters, okay? trust me, if i did, there'd be a lot more GSR.

anyways, i have never really perfected the art of grissom (this chapter is mostly him) , but he is a character, so his emotions might be a little...different than a typical gil grissom thing.
also, this leads to me saying: this story is completely A/U, meaning that things are going to happen that would never happen in the show.. just relax and read. also, please note, that i am writing this story as we go along, so if you have any crimes/moments/scenes in here, email me, mmkayy?

- PORSHA !

He was quiet, not knowing what to say, but he still held onto her. If he let her go, who knew what was going to happen. "I'm sorry you feel that way, Sara, but I do care. If I didn't care, why the hell would I be here?" He did care; he cared a hell of a lot more than he wanted to explain to anyone, but he did. His voice, as usual, though, had no emotion to it. It was dead flat.

"Because I am your employee and you need me; that's all that you ever needed me for. When I first met you, I was amazed and I was lost in your eyes—I loved you the moment that I saw you. You asked me to come here and I jumped at it, thinking this would be good. But I asked you out numerous times and, each time, you'd blow me off, but you could always manage Cat or Sofia for a night out. Hell, for what I hear, you even managed Lady Heather!" She shook her head back and forth. "I don't matter." She was breaking down; Sara Sidle was finally breaking down.

Grissom shook his head. "No, you have it all wrong, Sara," he told her, trying to force her to look at him. She resisted and he stopped, not wanting to hurt her. "I do care, more than you know and that is why I said no. I wanted to say yes, but I couldn't. Sara, San Francisco was different than here. There we were simply friends, so we could do as we wanted. Here we are boss and employee. The lab is all that I have. I can't loose it over some girl."

Some girl. She was just some girl to him. "Let me go, Grissom! Let me go!" she was yelling it over and over again, pounding his chest with her fist. "You don't care," she screamed, crying again. "Let me go!"

He was trying to talk over her but it wasn't working. He didn't mean it like that—never like that. She was more than girl a girl to him; she was so much more, he just couldn't help it from coming out. He wanted to say it a different way. He wanted to say he couldn't loose the lab because it was all he had, but that would piss her off, too. Either way, he was going to loose this. Finally, she stopped yelling and was pounding his chest, all of her anger coming out, and he let her. She needed this.

After five minutes, her hands just seemed to be hitting every ten seconds, and it wasn't very hard. "Feel better?" he asked, but he got nothing. Instead, she had tears coming down again. I am just a girl. I am just a stupid girl. "God, Sara, I am sorry! I didn't mean it like that, I swear," he said, kissing the top of her head gently. "I swear, I didn't."

It was breaking him.

Seeing her like this was breaking him into one hundred pieces and he had to idea what to do.

He held onto her and, before long, sleep overtook both of them. He tried to place her on the bed, but she remained attached to him. "Don't leave, Grissom," her voice pleaded. "You always leave; don't leave me tonight, please. I need you." Of course, she was asleep, but it was what she felt. She needed him there.

She loved him.

With her death grip, he leaned back and moved so that they were both laying down, her on top of him.

This was when Gil Grissom finally told Sara how he felt; too bad that she was asleep and wasn't going to hear one part of it.

"I'm scared, Sara," he whispered. He feared waking her so his voice was something that he could barely hear. "You're wasting your life waiting for me. I am fifteen years old than you; you're going to want someone that can keep up with you, not someone like me." He smoothed her hair back and kissed her forehead. "I hoped that you would give up on me, maybe move on, but it never worked; it never worked for either of us. I get jealous," he admitted for the first time, "and I am an ass to you, I am sorry. I just…I can't stand the thought of someone touching you."

That was Grissom for you. He couldn't tell her how he felt, he could tell her to move on, but he'd still get pissed whenever she tried to get someone else. It was something that he wasn't used to, but he hated the feeling. When he saw someone touch her, his stomach would twist and he felt as though he'd be sick. He wanted to yell and tell them that she was his, but that would never work.

"But I can't tell you any of this, Sara," he admitted. "My lab is everything, but only because it keeps me from you. I'd give it all up for you, but I can't. All I can ever seem to do is hurt you, and I am sorry." He shook his head and moved with her so that they were under the blankets. "I care for you; I care for you more than anyone I have ever met, but I just can't."

He loved her, but he couldn't say it aloud. He had never even said to it himself, he couldn't say it to her now.

"I am so sorry, Sara."

hmmm, so, review, as always. i am on the third chapter, as you see, and i don't have many reviews. (as i write, i have three) however, i have a lot of views. just review saying "love it/hate it/update" and i'll post faster.
PORSHA !