Summary:
Kuga Natsuki thought this is what she really wanted. She had told Fujino Shizuru about her feelings but never about how Shizuru's love for her scared her beyond anything she could ever know. But Natsuki will soon find out that there are worst things in life than Shizuru's love... And that's loosing her love.
Disclaimer:
I do not own Mai Hime or the characters. They are owned by Sunrise and various Companies, Productions and Corporations. I am only a fan who is writing for leisure. So please get your lawyers out of my house before I sick my dogs at them.. I am simply an insomniac anime amateur writer who can't find any decent sleep.
This story is slightly AU and may contain some OOC. This is my first time writing a Mai Hime fic so please be kind.
This story is beta-ed by renny-chan. Thank you very much.
I've only seen the Anime Subbed Mai HiME so my knowledge of Mai HiME is limited so please be kind with the criticisms.
Italics means thoughts
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"Now are you sure you'll be ok?" Mai asked once again. It wasn't as though she didn't trust Natsuki with Mikoto but Mikoto has a habit of disappearing and being able to disappear before her carers. One fine example would be Chie and Aoi. How Mikoto was able to get away from the two girls remains a mystery to her, since there were two of them and only one Mikoto to look after. She really didn't want to know how the two girls got distracted when they're supposed to be looking after the wayward brunette.
"I told you Mai, I'll be fine! Jeez!" Natsuki huffed irritatingly. Seriously, how bad could it be to baby-sit a 14 year old?
"Well if you're sure…"
"For crying out loud Mai just go already!" Natsuki shouted.
"Ok! See you guys later!" Mai took her leave before Natsuki changed her mind about minding Mikoto.
"Mai…" Mikoto whispered dejectedly as she watched Mai quickly leave the apartment before turning her attention to Natsuki.
"Well it's just you and me kid." Natsuki spared a glance towards her ward.
A slight chill ran up and down Mikoto's spine as Natsuki spoke those words.
"Are you sure you don't want to come with me?" Nao asked once again. She was sitting on plush sofa in the Shizuru's living room. She was supposed to go home to her mother's place. While their relationship was amicable, it was still a bit awkward.
Nao didn't move back to her mother's apartment and stayed in the dormitory with Aoi and occasionally slept over at Shizuru's. She had told her mother that it was easier to stay in the dormitory and would visit her during the weekends. The moments were still awkward between Nao and her mother because it had been a while since they had last bonded. Her mother is still in shock about the length of time she had been "asleep".
Shizuru smiled as she watched the red head. She knew Nao would never resort to begging, she could tell Nao really didn't want to be alone with her mother. But If Shizuru continued to allow herself to accompany Nao whenever she visited her mother, their relationship will never progress and they will continue to be uncomfortable around each other. What they needed was to really spend time with each other and get to know one another once again and not use her as a buffer when that awkward silence between them arises.
"I'm afraid I have some papers I need to finish." Shizuru lied. She can finish them on a later day but she really didn't want to give Nao an excuse to bring her along.
"Are you sure? I mean I don't want to leave you here where you can be ambushed by your fan club." Nao replied back. She closed her eyes. She's so very close to begging Shizuru to come with her or at least drag her kicking and screaming.
Shizuru quirked an eyebrow. "Since when was I ever bothered by the attention they shower me?" Again another lie.
Nao grinned as she snorted. "Yeah right. What ever, this is your last chance."
Please say yes or I'll sic that fan club of yours on you. Her gaze silently said to Shizuru.
Bring it on. "I hope you have fun." Shizuru replied back with a smile.
Nao huffed slightly. I warned you. "I'll see you later then." She said before making her way out of Shizuru's apartment. She would only need to accidentally bump into Shizuru's fans and inform them that their precious kaichou-sama would be at the school grounds. She really didn't want to do this but Shizuru made her do it. Maybe in doing so, Shizuru would think twice in refusing her.
Shizuru watched Nao go then sighed in dismay. It won't be long until her fan club would know she was still in the school grounds. It's time to play hide and seek. She'll be sure to get her revenge later but for now, she needed to go to the student council room and be around Haruka to scare off her admirers.
"Natsuki, I'm hungry." Mikoto whined as her stomach grumbled in agreement.
"It's not even lunch yet," Natsuki replied back rather harshly. She was trying to catch up on some of her reading for literature class but nothing was getting through to her which annoyed her.
"But I'm hungry." Mikoto protested.
"Fine, fine. Let me see if I got some food for you." Natsuki grumbled but was secretly relieved to get away from the evil book. She got up and looked through the small bag Mai had left her in her room.
Mikoto on the other hand was a little impatient and wondered why Natsuki went to her room instead of the kitchen. Suspicious as to what exactly Natsuki was up to, she decided to fend for herself and inspect Natsuki's kitchen.
Mikoto went to the kitchen and began to open the cupboards only to find microwave-able dinners and instant meals. Mikoto couldn't help but winced at Natsuki's choice of foods, no wonder Mai always made extra food for her.
Natsuki then returned triumphantly into the room and called out to Mikoto.
"Mikoto! Food!" Was all she needed to say. Within mere seconds, Mikoto was in front of her eyeing the large yellow package she carried which was no doubt the packed lunch Mai made for her.
"Here you go, knock yourself out." Natsuki handed the package to Mikoto as she got back to her work. Glad that the crisis was over, little didn't notice a small note attached to the package which was fully ignored by Mikoto as she opened its contents and began to dig in.
The note fell lifelessly unto the floor. The note contained a very specific instruction, too bad it was ignored.
Haruka angrily glared at the student council president, ignoring Yukino's silent pleas. If looks could really kill, Shizuru would be nothing more but ash now because of the intesity of Haruka's glare.
Outside the student council room stood a dozen or so admirers of the Kyoto woman. All trying to plead and demand that Shizuru be given a break from her duties since it was clearly lunch time and have their kaichou eat with them.
Their protests were getting into Haruka's nerves, escalating her evil glare even higher. Yukino was trying to hold Haruka back from violently opening the door and threaten Shizuru's fan club. Yukino looked pleadingly towards Shizuru who was calmly drinking her tea, undisturbed by the ruckus her fan club was making.
Kanzaki Reito watched all this with wry amusement. It was clear the reason Shizuru was at the student council room was because of her fan club and was willing to bet that her whole plan was to sic the blonde executive on them. As much as all this amused him, he did feel sorry for Yukino and decided to intervene.
"Well since everything seems to be in order why don't we end this meeting early." Reito stated, loud enough to make sure Shizuru's fan club could hear him from the other side of the room.
Various cheers were heard from the other side of the door, much to Haruka and Yukino's relief and Shizuru's dismay.
"Mou, but there are still much to be discussed." Shizuru pointed out, as she directed her gaze to her vice president. Letting him know in subtle but very serious manner not to thwart her plans.
"Yes I agree, but we can always cover them tomorrow. But if you insist then we can go over them after lunch. We have covered a lot of ground today and I believe that a break should be in order." Reito replied back with a disarming smile.
Shizuru couldn't help but give him a smile of her own. One that promised a little pay back.
"Great!" Haruka piped up, before violently opening the door. "Out of my way you brats! You coming Yukino?" she was eager to get away from the bubuzuke woman. Haruka was one step away from seriously strangling her for attracting her annoying fan club at the council room and proving how much more popular Shizuru was than her.
The two executive council members then left the room, which was quickly replaced by a dozen of Shizuru's fans.
"Fujino-kaichou, please have lunch with us!" one of girls spoke for the rest of the club while one or two took the time to thank Reito for his graciousness of granting their request/demand.
"You could come too, Reito-sama!" One of the girls who thanked Reito invited. It seems some of the girls from Shizuru's fan club was a fan of his as well, or a member of KFC (Kanzaki-Fujino Club). A fan club dedicated to stalking/observing any subtext between the vice president and their student council president.
"Yes Kanzaki-san, why don't you join us?" Shizuru smiled sweetly at him but her eyes said another. I won't suffer alone.
"I would love to, but I'm afraid I would have to decline." He smiled apologetically. Not on your life Shizuru. "I just remembered Takeda-san wanted to speak to me about his club."
A few of the girls sighed dejectedly as Reito stood up and began to head out. "I'll see you later Fujino-san." Reito excused himself then winked at Shizuru playfully, making the girls in the room squeal.
Shizuru now felt trapped. She was alone with her fan club. She sighed dejectedly. She gave her fan club a pasted smile. This is going to be a long day, she thought to herself.
Poke…. Poke…
Twitch
Poke… Poke…
Twitch… Twitch…
Poke…
"Do that again and I'll break it off!" Natsuki snapped at Mikoto who was poking her shoulder, trying vainly to get her attention.
"I'm hungry." Mikoto whined.
"You just ate half an hour ago?!" Natsuki cried out incredulously.
"But I'm still hungry!"
Natsuki twitched again. Then noticed a note lying on the floor. She picked it up and began to read its contents.
Natsuki,
This is Mikoto's lunch but I must warn you not to give it to her all at once. Just give her half of it. More likely she will insist about being hungry later.
Mai
Natsuki groaned, "Now she tells me."
"Natsuki…" Mikoto continued to whine.
"Well it seems I have no choice." Natsuki said to herself as she stood up and headed towards the kitchen. She then began to take out a pot and pan from the cupboard as well as cooking oil, eggs, salt, flour and other ingredients on the kitchen counter.
Mikoto followed her to the kitchen and watched curiously as Natsuki began to set up the kitchen counter with an assortment of ingredients.
"What are you doing Natsuki?" Mikoto asked curiously as a strange chill once again began to run up and down her spine.
"Cooking of course! Why don't you sit down and watch some TV while I prepare us something to eat?"
The word cooking and the way Natsuki said the word so enthusiastically was enough to scare the cat girl. The last time she tried any of Natsuki's so called cooking, she had lost her sense of taste for a full day. It was the worst thing she had ever tried, even worst than anything spicy.
She began to slowly back away from the kitchen. Natsuki who was too preoccupied with the task of cooking did not notice the terrified look upon the cat girl's eyes nor did she notice Mikoto jump out of the window to escape her.
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Mikoto ran as fast as her legs could take her, terrified of the notion of eating Natsuki's latest cooking creation. Without Mai's guidance, the food Natsuki was sure to cook was something inedible or enough to make someone have a mild case of food poisoning.
It didn't help that the extra activity only burned off the extra energy she had stored and was now making Mikoto even hungrier than before, until she caught whiff of the sweet scent of food not too far away. Determined to eat, Mikoto began to follow its faint trail.
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Shizuru sat on the picnic mat, surrounded by her fan club. In front of her was enough food to feed at least a dozen people. Shizuru could tell that each dish was cooked meticulously and was made painstakingly judging from its elaborate presentation.
It made it even harder for Shizuru to reject her fan club's offer as each of them looked at her expectantly, all of them eager for her to sample their food.
The food was certainly enticing. Before her was an array of different food. From egg rolls to pasta to pastries and other mouth watering dishes. There were also various deserts to be had like cheese cake, short cake, apple crumble, cream puffs, etc.
"Oh my," She sighed in dismay. Oh my indeed, how can she refuse such delicious offers and not break anyone's heart? Thankfully the heavens seemed to have answered her prayers as a humanoid blur came charging at them, making her fan clubs scream in terror and frightening them all away.
"FOOD!" the little terror cried out as she eyed the feast right before her eyes, drooling as she did so. She then caught sight of the lone person sitting on the picnic mat.
"Ara? Mikoto-san?" Shizuru cried out as she looked at the dark haired brunette in bemusement.
Remembering the manners painstakingly taught to her by Mai, she did not devour the food before instead silently plead the woman before her if she could have some. "Hungry," Mikoto replied back, hoping that the Kyoto woman could hear the desperate request from just one retort.
Shizuru smiled at the little terror. She had to admit that Mikoto was adoringly cute, especially with her amber eyes pleading at her and who was she to deny such a request? Mikoto after all had just liberated her from her fan club and such actions should be rewarded.
"It seems that the others have left us, would you mind eating with me? I cannot finish this feast alone." Shizuru asked the cat raised girl. In truth though, she really didn't want to eat alone either. She had grown used to eating with someone.
Mikoto, not needing to be invited twice sat next to her and began to eat whatever she laid her eyes upon, making Shizuru giggle and further amusing her with how cute it was to watch the bottomless girl eat so energetically. Mikoto would pause from time to time and would even hand Shizuru a pastry or two urging her to try it with her and asked her opinion on it. Soon almost ¾ of the food was almost finished.
"Damn it! Mai will kill me!" Natsuki grumbled as she searched the school grounds looking for her charge. "When I get my hands on you Mikoto, I will strangle you!" she cried out in frustration.
Shizuru was a bit surprise when Mikoto, after finally having her fill, laid her head upon her lap and snuggled against her.
"You're so nice." Mikoto sighed as she began to get comfortable. Now that she was full she wanted nothing more but to doze off and have a quick nap. Shizuru was just as comfortable as Mai was and she also smelled nice too. Soothing lavender and gardenia began to envelop Mikoto's senses as Shizuru began to run her hands against her ebony hair.
Shizuru was surprised at Mikoto's hair texture. It was unbelievably soft and shiny despite its unruly style, reminding her of another person dear to her. She began to remember running her hands through dark blue black hair as it sifted through her fingers. She sighed heavily as her heart yet again began to constrict as images of the past began to assail her.
Mikoto who was very perceptive despite what everyone thought sensed her melancholy and looked up to her comforter. Shizuru had the same melancholy eyes as Natsuki.
"Ara? What is it Mikoto-san?" Shizuru found herself asking as she felt Mikoto's inquiring gaze at her.
Mikoto didn't answer her, but raised her hand to touch her cheek, the gesture surprising Shizuru. "You look just like her you know? She's very sad too."
"Ara? I do not know what you mean." Shizuru answered her, making Mikoto shake her head negatively as she retracted her hand from her person.
"She cares for you and misses you so much." Mikoto continued, making Shizuru's chest constrict with pain as she found herself having difficulty breathing.
"I miss her too." Shizuru said honestly and almost in a whisper.
"So why are you two so sad? Don't you like each other anymore?" Mikoto asked innocently.
Shizuru wanted to laugh at such an innocent question. She shook her head as she answered the brunette on her lap. "I'm afraid my like is different from hers."
"Is it love?" Mikoto asked tentatively. During the HiME carnival there were still things she didn't understand, love and like are the same aren't they? They just differ in the extent of emotion the person has or so she understands.
Shizuru remained silent. She knew she loved Natsuki but her love was impure compared to Natsuki. Her affection was more of a disease, destroying lives due to its selfishness and obsession.
Sensing Shizuru's trepidation, Mikoto decided to impart her own knowledge to her to help comfort her. "Love is good," she grunted as she snuggled against Shizuru once again. Mikoto was happy that she found another person to snuggle to. Shizuru's chest wasn't as big as Mai's but it was just as nice.
"Not for someone like me" she whispered to herself as she continued to stroke the other girl's dark hair and eventually lulling Mikoto to sleep.
Natsuki finally reached the one place she had not checked yet. She finally found her charge near the rose gardens and she was not alone.
To say Natsuki was surprise would be an understatement. The little imp was lying on her Shizuru's lap fast asleep while Shizuru stroked her head like she would to a kitten. The sight would have been classified as cute and endearing that is, if she wasn't suffering from jealousy at wishing she was at Mikoto's place right now.
She knew what it felt like to find comfort in Shizuru. It felt as though nothing in the world mattered and that she was safe as long as she was around. She gave off an air of peace and tranquillity that forced her to succumb to it even if she fought against it.
She approached them slowly, unsure and awkward. It seems Shizuru was so deep in thought that she didn't even notice her approach. A mild sting of hurt went through her at the thought of Shizuru's indifference, when in truth it was her that occupied Shizuru's current thoughts.
"Shizuru?" Natsuki called to her tentatively. Her name still rolled off her tongue so smoothly and sweetly that it caused so much pain within her.
"Ara? Natsuki?" Shizuru replied back as she was brought back into reality. It couldn't be could it? It can't possibly be her standing awkwardly before her.
"I see you found the little hell raiser." Natsuki laughed awkwardly trying to fight off the awkwardness she felt.
"Got away from you did she?" Shizuru couldn't help but smile, she can already guess that Natsuki was looking after Mikoto before Mikoto decided to run off.
"You can say that," Natsuki smiled back, taking Shizuru's happy reply as an invitation, she sat herself across from her. "This is quite a picnic set-up you have Shizuru, so where's the fan girls?"
Shizuru couldn't help but smile once again, Natsuki knew her (her fans to be in fact) so well. "I think they had quite a fright when this little miscreant stumbled upon our little picnic." Shizuru answered as she continued to comb Mikoto's hair with her fingers, still marvelling at how soft Mikoto's hair was.
"Little huh?" Natsuki couldn't help but be sarcastic as she noticed the empty dishes that was on the picnic mat as well as the left overs. She had to admit though the food did smell quite appealing, making her stomach growl, reminding her that she had yet to eat herself.
Shizuru couldn't help but giggle as she watched Natsuki blush from her hunger induced reaction and making Natsuki frown at her in irritation as a response. It felt dangerously too familiar.
"Please feel free to have some, Kami knows I wouldn't be able to finish it all by myself, maybe if I wait for Mikoto to wake up?" Shizuru chuckled as Mikoto was known to have a black hole for a stomach. No doubt the girl on her lap would be famished once again, once she wakes.
Natsuki was still glaring at her but grudgingly accepted her offer. Despite her outer appearance of annoyance, deep inside Natsuki was wondrously happy to once again be reunited with her at such an amicable atmosphere.
She couldn't help but notice how beautiful she looked or how the gardens flowers accentuated her graceful beauty. It was a beautiful afternoon, where the sun was out and the clouds where white and fluffy. More importantly, they were relatively alone. Natsuki knew this would probably the best time to finally reveal all of her pent up feelings for Shizuru but at the same time she was afraid of what reaction she may receive from her. She decided that the best way to convey her feelings was to first establish the truth.
"I miss you…" Natsuki said in almost a whisper as she shyly looked at the woman before her after having her fill with food.
Shizuru felt her heart lurch at the barely heard declaration. Natsuki's honest and shy declaration brought an all too familiar feelings of butterflies flying wildly in her stomach. Shizuru fought hard not to read between the lines as she was already hurt and wrong before. Reading something that may not have been there could only bring more pain and heartache. It was so typical of Natsuki to utter something so innocent and pure while she wanted so hard to believe those words means otherwise, twisting Natsuki's innocent words to what she wanted to hear.
After what seemed to be like an eternity to Natsuki, Shizuru finally replied back but she was confused as to how schooled Shizuru's features were. "I missed you too."
Though Shizuru's words were honest and true, Natsuki could sense a hint of bitterness within them. The bitterness in her answer made Natsuki panic as she rapidly shook her head in denial. "No Shizuru, I meant I really missed you!" She almost yelled at Shizuru.
Shizuru gave her a bitter smile. "Ara? As I said Natsuki, I share the same sentiment."
Natsuki wanted nothing more but to grab Shizuru by her shoulders and shake her until she finally got a clue as to what she was trying to say. Why was it so hard for Shizuru to understand? Why were words stuck in her throat?
Natsuki shook her head once again. "I care for you Shizuru that's why I worry about you." she said softly and as honestly as she could as she felt her cheeks grow warm.
Natsuki's words felt like barbed wires, slowly tightening within Shizuru's chest. She couldn't risk falling for Natsuki again. She couldn't risk hurting Natsuki again with her tainted affections. So even if it hurt, Shizuru plastered a serene smile upon her face as she smiled at her. A smile that never reached her eyes or the true feelings she wanted to convey.
"I care about you too Natsuki, so very much." So much in fact that she was ready to renounce her vows of redemption so that she could hold Natsuki within her arms once again and never let go. But that was the problem wasn't it? Shizuru loved her so much that she was going to suffocate her. She couldn't, wouldn't let that happen. Natsuki was her most precious love and she would never hurt her again.
Natsuki felt elated by her words to register the way Shizuru has spoken her reply. To Natsuki, she only heard the honest and sweet words, she desperately wanted to hear that she didn't sense the sadness laced within them.
"Well isn't this all quaint?" a sarcastic yet familiar feminine voice made her presence known, making Natsuki growl in response.
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Author Notes:
Hope you like the latest update.
I tried to make this chapter as light-hearted as possible but it seems I keep drifting to a more angsty type writing, but I do hope you've enjoyed reading this.
I'm trying to write the next chapter as fast as I can before my inspiration runs away from me again.
Many thanks once again to renny-chan for helping me out and beta-ed this chapter. It really was greatly appreciated.
As always please review. Your reviews to me are like what mayonnaise are to Natsuki.
Ja Ne