Hey! Back again for another installment. Hope you people are having as much fun reading as I am writing this.
Kefka: You realize that you're ruining our character's right?
Yes! Isn't it delicious?
Kefka: It is! Uwee hee!
Sephiroth: This hyperactive moron does not own us.
Kuja: And we that whatever god, not you Kefka, that helps villains for that everyday.
I've just realized that despite everything I've explained, I never told you how the three of us met. Which you truly shouldn't want to know about. Really, who do you think you are getting involved in the inner workings of my mind? You should be running in terror of my name. So run now… shoo! Scram! Get! Shoo! Shoo!
I noticed you didn't shoo. I hope you can feel my glare. The voices don't like you much either now.
Very well, but don't go crying that nobody warned you. So I was telling you about when Kuja, Sephiroth and I met. This needs a little history lesson.
When we died, as I refuse to say were killed, it's so unfair! I was so powerful! Ahem. Pardon, so unfair. When we died our punishment was to be sent to this other world, Earth, they call it. And that's where we met up.
For the most part it was quite a nice place, sometimes sickeningly so. We learned some interesting things. For example… um, oh! Terra, Gaia, Midgar these are all names that mean Earth. Its odd how many names they have one thing on this planet. Take me for example, God, Ra, and Buddha… uwee hee hee hee hee hee hee…. I'm going to stop now; Kuja's giving me that look. Can't laugh around him, I swear.
So the only problem we had was people coming up to us and telling us what "awesome, super cool, totally wicked cosplay costumes" we had. But we didn't kill these people. Kuja figured it was best we turn over a new leaf. Well that was until we found out what exactly they were talking about.
Ever heard of the Final Fantasy series? You know those role play, action/adventure, numerical, turn based fighting games? I thought you did. Well we were in them. The sixth, seventh and ninth to be precise. That was quite flattering. Uwee hee hee hee hee! More people deserve to know about me after all.
But what we realized next was infuriating. They call us villains! US! Well that hardly could settle with us. How were we villains exactly? I was changed to be this way. Sephiroth was born that way. Kuja was doomed and forced to be that way. Were we really so wrong?
Seph and I were saving everyone, by insuring they could never destroy themselves. We took on the dirty work! And Kuja. Poor Kuja, no world has the right to live if something so beautiful had to die! You want your villains? Blame the scientists!
We should have been the heroes of these games. Uwee hee. Wouldn't you love to play as me?
Back to the task at hand, deciding to seek revenge on those who played these games we did some research. Our discovery: Majority teenagers. Zitty, filthy, little hormone bags. And thus, our quests for domination of the institutes that melt their brains began. We would take over all schools!
So we've arrived back to our dilemma. Obtaining our first portion of the school. The gym. Luckily we planned our attack after the final bell had rung. The room was empty, save for the few steroid induced creatures that stayed behind to further expand their bulge; I don't refer to the lack of one in their pants either.
So the task was in front of us, how to get them out of the area so we could claim it? It hit us! I'll never forget the look on Kuja's as we both eyed him. It was almost humorous that he attempted to hide behind the sleeping child in his arms. Well it was until I was forced to hold said sleeping child. But sacrifices needed to be made.
So Kuja's part in the plan may peak your curiosity. Or to be more specific Kuja was the plan. When Garland made that creature he must have wanted both male and female, but not a hermaphrodite. Kuja was the ideal for such a description.
He went in one door, rounded hips swaying over the necessary amount. He went parading through the gym, pretending to not notice the eyes following him. He went out the other door with a large group of morons following him. Oddly Sephiroth wasn't included. No he was too busy growling. But we secured our victory.
We darted into the room and I forced Seph's son into his arms as I magically began locking all entrances, save the one that Kuja darted back in through and locked himself. And thus! We had conquered the gymnasium. Uwee hee hee hee hee hee!
It was lucky for us that the next room Kuja wanted was right next door…. The cafeteria!