A/N: I love this song… :sighs happily: It's such a sad, pretty song… PERFECT for Kuro/Fai-ness, yes? Um… warnings? Random time jumps, lack of plot, shameless fluff, and several small spoilers throughout. The POV is subject to change, due to the fic's odd nature. The change is generally specified within the first three to five sentences.
This differently formatted chapter (each little line is like a fic in it's self! They don't all connect until the ending.) is to The Goo Goo Dolls' "Iris".
Chapter Four: Iris
And I'd give up forever to touch you
'Cause I know that you feel me somehow
With a sigh, the man reclined back against the glass, wondering just how dense his ninja friend was. All his constant flirting was taken as meaningless babble, meant only to annoy. Sure, that was half of the reason. With another sight, the mage wondered why he shouldn't just give up.
He tipped his head to the side, gazing fondly at the sleeping man next to him. He brushed his own golden hair out of his face.
"Hey… Kuro-kyuu," he whispered, making the swordsman start.
Kurogane opened a crimson eye, glaring at Fai. "Why aren't you asleep, mage?"
Fai smiled, closing his hurt-heavy eyes as he did so. "Not sleepy!" he crooned, leaning over Kurogane. "I was thinking!"
"Don't do it too much; you'll hurt yourself," the swordsman grunted, pushing the magician's face away.
Fai grabbed Kurogane's hand, holding it tightly. "That was mean," he whined softly, gently waving the warrior's hand back and forth as he swayed. "Make up for it, Kuro-kun, 'cause I know you won't apologize!"
Kurogane's eyes narrowed dangerously. "And what do you want?"
Fai's face slackened; he didn't realize that Kurogane would oblige him. "I… I, uh…"
"Spit it out."
Fai gripped Kurogane's hand tightly, holding it against his chest. "Le…Let me hold your hand for tonight," he whispered, his fingers pressing into the calloused palm of the swordsman's hand.
Kurogane frowned; it was an odd request, but with a shrug, he closed his eyes, allowing Fai his wish.
It was all Fai could do to not cry. He tightened his fingers, hoping to convey his thanks and his feelings through this squeeze. He knew Kurogane caught them; he always did.
You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be,
And I don't want to go home right now.
"Hey, Kuro-chan," Fai sang, leaning against Kurogane's broad back, basking in the sun like a cat.
Kurogane looked up from his Maganyan, craning his neck over his shoulder. "What?"
The magician closed his eyes, humming softly. "Do you believe in a heaven, Kuro-puu?"
Kurogane snorted, being used to Fai's odd questions by now. "I believe in this life; right now."
"Yeah, but what about afterwards?" Fai twisted around, hugging his thin arms around the ninja's shoulders. "Do you ever think about that? What would happen if you were to die?"
The ninja gave a noncommittal grunt, shrugging lightly. "I guess there's one. I don't know. In Nihon, there was the re-incarnation cycle. What about you?"
Fai slid off of Kurogane, lying on his back in the grass. He stared up at the sky for a long time, the blues reflecting off of each other. "I don't know," he whispered. "I never paid attention."
In truth, Fai could care less where he went when he died; living happily right now was heaven to him. He'd cherish it now, because eventually, he knew his fate would catch up to him and send him straight to Hell.
And all I can taste is this moment,
And all I can breathe is your love
It really had to be a dream. It couldn't be anything else.
But then, he wondered, why does it feel so real?
He watched, in shock, as Fai pulled away. The mage's face was flushed in embarrassment, shame, and most probably a fever.
"I was worried," the blonde hissed, and he fell against Kurogane's chest, crying softly.
Tomoyo gave a knowing giggle from her corner of the room. She winked at Kurogane, waving. "I'll be leaving you two alone now," she said, leaving the room.
"Hey! Oy…" Kurogane sighed, having no honest clue of what to do now. "Oy, stop crying…"
"Why did you do that?!" Fai growled, pounding a fist against Kurogane's chest.
The ninja caught the mage's frail fist, his fingers circling easily around it. "Calm down."
"Why did you save me!? I'm not worth—"
"I think you are," the swordsman said, dropping Fai's hand and using it to cup his cheek. "Besides the kids would be upset."
"Is that all?" Fai asked, and Kurogane caught the hope and fear that was mixed into his surprise.
"Nah," the black-haired man mumbled, and brought the wizard into a tight, one-armed hug, not having the courage to kiss Fai like Fai had kissed him.
And sooner or later it's over
I just don't want to miss you tonight
Fai shuddered, huddling closer to the fire. He wasn't cold, but he was definitely antsy.
"What's wrong, Fai-san?" Sakura enquired, scooting closer, anxious to help and to take her mind off of the waiting that was, too, driving the magician insane.
"Nothing… It's just…" Fai shrugged helplessly.
"Oh," Sakura nodded softly, picking up instantly. "I'm worried too; they've been gone for an awful long time…" She turned her head slightly, staring wistfully out into the forest that, three days before, Syaoran and Kurogane had disappeared into. "I hope that they're okay… Syaoran's still hurt from the last world," she whispered fearfully.
"Of course they are: Kuro-wan's with him," the blonde whispered in a weak attempt at reassurance.
"They're nearby, so don't worry, Sakura-chan, Fai!" Mokona piped, jumping from Sakura's lap to reassuringly cuddle against Fai's cheek.
"I'll go help them into camp," Sakura said hurriedly, standing promptly.
Fai watched her race off, the nervous pain in his heart getting worse. He and Kurogane hadn't really been on the best of terms—mainly the swordsman was mad, but there had been a throw-about of words that struck Fai where it hurt—and all through the wait, he had brainstormed all the things he could say; all the ways he could say that the ninja was right and that he was sorry, and all the ways he could just convey to Kurogane how much he cared.
"Fai is upset about something," Mokona mumbled, frowning softly.
Fai gave a weak smile. "A little, but I can fix it," he whispered. He stood, waiting for the two swordsmen to come back.
At the point of their return, Syaoran and Sakura were talking, and Kurogane entered as stoically as normal.
His blood-red eyes fell on Fai first, then he swept them around the camp, and then finally returned them to the magician.
"Mage," he muttered, taking a step forward.
Fai stood blank faced for a long moment, then launched himself forward, looping his arms tightly around Kurogane's neck and shoulders.
"I missed you," he breathed, hugging the man he loved tightly.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
There was a reason that Fai's jacket was massively oversized. He hated people looking at him.
There was a reason that Fai only wore white and blue when he had the choice. It was nondescript and people's eyes skipped easily over it.
There was a reason that he smiled constantly. People tended to ignore an annoying idiot; as good looking as he was, if he brooded or let anything else grace his face, there'd be no stopping the staring.
The less people looked at him, the better. That way, they'd not get involved with him.
If they got involved, they'd inevitably end up learning about his past. And they'd never understand that pain.
"The past is the past!"
Fai stared flatly at Kurogane. He had hoped that the one he loved would have a bit more sympathy than that, and so, he executed Ashura's orders without a second thought… Only guilt.
When everything's made to be broken—
I just want you to know who I am!
"No," Fai said flatly, his eye glazing in a desperately denied lust.
"You have to." The blood dripped slowly onto his palm, and Fai had the sudden urge to lap it up from Kurogane's sword-calloused hand.
"No!" The magician gave a visible shudder, trying to repress the vampire side of him.
"Why not; you're going to die if you don't freakin' eat!"
"No!"
Kurogane paused, catching the urgency and harassment in the blonde's protest. He wrapped up his wound, striding towards Fai. He loosely draped his arms around the lithe man's shoulders. "What's wrong?"
Fai trembled, tremors wracking his shoulders as he clung to the ninja's chest. "It's so wrong, it's disgusting, I hate it!" he whimpered.
"But it's who you are," Kurogane muttered, only slightly bewildered.
"No! I don't want to be like that, that's not me," he cried, staring helplessly up at Kurogane.
"Okay then, tell me who you want to be."
And you can't fight the tears that ain't coming
All the moment of truth in your lies
At that moment, he couldn't bring himself to cry. "But, I…" he said, softly, hollowly, all emotion pulled from the crumpled lithe frame.
Kurogane glared at Fai, looking almost haughtily disgusted with the blonde. "How do I know you're not lying?" he hissed.
"I swear, I'd not lie about something like this," Fai murmured, staring up desperately.
The ninja turned on heel and stalked out, pausing at the door. "If you really loved me, then why aren't you crying?"
Fai swallowed dryly, dropping his gaze. "Just go, then."
He stared at the wood flooring, desolation sinking into his bones.
But Kurogane, why would I cry? No matter what I do, you'd still never believe me!
As the mage tried to will himself to shed a tear at the fact his heart was just broken, he missed the swordsman's backwards and sad glance.
When everything feels like the movies
Yeah, you bleed just to know you're alive!
"You're a complete and utter fool!" Kurogane roared, shaking Fai by the shoulders.
"Why, yes, but I'm your fool!" The wizard chirped cheerfully.
"You! I should slap you just to get it through your thick head!!"
A smug smirk spread across Fai's lips, "Get what?"
The enraged ninja closed his fingers tightly around Fai's forearms and the blonde yelped in pain. When Kurogane pulled away, there were crimson finger-prints on the white cotton shirt.
"That's what the hell I'm talking about!"
With a heavy sigh, Fai stripped himself of his shirt, the livid cuts shining red on his pale skin. "And those were healing too, Kuro-yan," he tutted.
Fai looked up at Kurogane, the same smirk showing on his face. "How else am I supposed to know I'm real? No one cares for me. Besides, I don't intend to die."
Kurogane frowned. "I care," he muttered darkly, grabbing Fai's wrists. "So you'd bloody well stop."
And with that he crushed the smirk right off of Fai's lips with his own.
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken—
I just want you to know who I am!
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken—
I just want you to know who I am!
And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken—
Another day, another fight. With a sigh, Fai sipped his tea, wondering how in the world he could apologize for this one. It had been so good, and then there was the tiff about the lying, and the quarrel about the cutting. The blonde's thing fingers dug themselves into his temples, trying to soothe the pounding headache.
The door creaked open, making Fai jump. It was Kurogane, to be certain. Syaoran and Sakura were away on a thing called a 'field trip' with a place called 'school'. They'd not be back until the next day, and they had taken Mokona with them. So, either it was a burglar, or it was the ninja.
Fai would have almost taken the burglar.
The wizard decided not to greet the other man, instead trying hard to get his head to stop hurting, and to avoid the ex-solider at all costs.
"Oi, you sick or something?"
Fai groaned softly. "Yeah, sure, whatever," he mumbled softly.
Kurogane grunted at the insignificant answer. Assuming that Fai was still angry at him, he stalked over to the medicine cabinet and pulled out the bottle of aspirin. He was quick to temper, but not one to hold a grudge; this would be his peace offering.
Fai winced as he head Kurogane sit next to him. He looked weakly up, then blinked suddenly, seeing the bottle in the ninja's hand. "Oh," he whispered softly.
"It's your head that hurts, right?" The raven-haired man said, a little awkwardly.
"Yeah, thank you," Fai murmured, tilting the container so that three little pills fell into his hand. He swallowed them quickly, finishing them with the last, cool remains of his tea.
For the next long moment, the two sat and stared at each other.
Fai finally dropped his gaze. "Look, I… I'm sorry. I was just… I was telling you the truth when I told you I loved you!"
"I figured as much."
"I wanted to cry, I really did," the blue-eyed wizard whispered, a slow tear sliding down his pale cheek.
Kurogane leaned forward, not knowing quite how to deal with the crying Fai.
Fai reacted for him, throwing his arms tightly around the swordsman's shoulders, clinging tightly to him.
Kurogane tipped his head down a bit, kissing the side of Fai's neck. "Well, I know you told the truth… and I love you too."
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
I just want you to know who I am
"Fai," Kurogane mumbled, draping an arm sleepily over the unclothed magician.
Fai rolled over, smiling as he curled tightly against his lover. He gave a cattish yawn, and before falling asleep, he laced his fingers into Kurogane's and whispered, "I love you, Kurogane."