A/N: Let's get the warnings out of the way first. The story's rated M for a reason: This chapter contains mild violence, rape, child abuse, and explicit angst. Now for the author begging for her life:
PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! See, if you kill me, you won't get anymore Gothix! See the end notes for more details, explanations, and terminology used in this chapter... This is the longest chapter I've ever written to anything in my entire life. I don't know how many pages this would be if you printed it from fanfiction, but it's near FORTY on my word processor. The song is "Savin' Me" by NickleBack.
NOTE: This version is NOT betaed. With very limited editing. Normally, I have someone read over these and point out little things. But, this time, the guy who does it for me looked at the number of pages and passed it back, saying "I haven't read chapters one through nine! Sorry!" and ran away. Whimp.
Chapter Ten: Savin' Me
His phone was ringing. Incessantly. He wanted so much not to answer it; he wished so hard that the number didn't exist… and then… He answered it.
"… Aunt Chi?" he murmured into the speaker, hands shaking horribly.
"Oh, good, Yuui, darling," a woman's voice came through the phone, reassuring in warmth, jarring in how ten years had done nothing to change his aunt's voice. "I was starting to believe that the number was faulty."
"No… So… why are you calling? You know it's against the rules, Auntie…"
"Well, it's your father Yuui."
His hands tightened around the phone, his teeth clenched as he tried to still their chattering. "What about him?"
"I know he's done some bad things, but, dear… He's changed."
"…Yes?"
"Well… he's landed himself in jail again."
How ironic.
"You said he's changed," he said coolly.
"Oh, it was nothing of harm, but he just punched a few paparazzi that got in his way. He needs to be bailed out, however."
"Why are you calling me, Auntie?"
"We're trying so hard to keep this from the media," Chi fretted, "And they've got tabs on our bank accounts… And you have your own, and I know you're not going to touch your father's money, but we really need your help with this…"
"Can I wire it over?"
"Well… no…" Chi murmured.
"How long?"
"Three days."
"Auntie, do you and uncle still own that resort in town?"
"You know we do, but ...?"
"We're Flowrights. Get my school to come on a trip there and I'll come in bail him out. I can't just go on my own in the middle of school."
Chi sighed happily, "Oh, thank you. Your father will be so happy to see you! And if you could, you could go see—"
"No family reunions. Too many Flowrights in one place is bad. Auntie, we have to be discreet about this. I like where I am, and I…"
A door opened in the background, and he started, dropping the phone.
"Yuui? Are you okay, you—?"
Chi's voice echoed through the room, and he dove for the phone, muffling the speaker as he pushed it to his chest.
"Fai, are you okay? I heard you drop something."
"Yuui? Who's there?"
Fai looked from the phone to Kurogane and then back to the phone desperately. "NOTHING!" He shouted, "GO AWAY!"
Kurogane's eyes went wide, and he stepped back, "Fai, what the hell's going on here?"
"SHUT UP AND LEAVE ME ALONE!"
Fai shook in terror as he watched his boyfriend's face shift from bewilderment to anger then finally to a reluctant acceptance, "Fine," Kurogane snapped, stalking out of the room.
"Yuui," Chi murmured, confused, "What was that?"
"No one, Auntie," Fai sobbed, "No one." He hung up on her then, letting the phone slip from his hands as he cried. He let the hysterics take over him then, curling tightly against himself. He pressed back into the sofa, the hard lines scoring into his back.
He had agreed to it. How? Why? Was he that much of a masochist? His father, god dammit! He'd agreed to help him out of jail! With this… one wrong step… could leave him high and dry and tear him away from everyone. Forever.
"Kuro-sama," he whimpered, pressing his palms to his face.
Arms wrapped themselves around his frame, lifting him up into the air. "Hush. There's nothing to cry about, I'm not mad," Kurogane chastised, cradling Fai against his chest.
"You should be, oh, you should!"
Kurogane rolled his eyes. "Idiot," he snorted, carrying Fai into their bedroom. He dumped the blonde onto the bed, then climbed on top of him, his face hovering over his boyfriend's. "If you don't quit crying, I'll beat you up."
"So… mean," Fai sniffled, hiccupping softly as he tried to stifle his tears.
Kurogane pressed a tender kiss to Fai's forehead, "I thought you swore you'd tell me everything."
Fai reached up and pulled Kurogane close, closing his eyes, "One day…" he murmured, shaking his head. "Why are you doing this?!"
"This is the only way I know how…" Kurogane murmured, pressing his face to the inside of Fai's neck. "To calm you down when you get like this…"
Fai gave a silent sob, then let the other teen take him, drowning in the guilt of the web of lies he'd ensnared so many innocent in.
Prison gates won't open up for me,
"It's so weird that this trip came out of nowhere," Watanuki murmured, turning back to face the rest of the people in the van. "I don't know where and why Yuuko-san came up with it…"
Fai shrugged, putting on his best childlike face. "You're her adopted son, Watanuki; you should know Principal Ichihara's personality better than we do."
Watanuki nodded thoughtfully, shifting back into his seat.
"Who cares?!" Shaoran replied loudly from the back. "We get a break from school! And, I've really wanted to go to Celes for a long time!"
"Oh, Shaoran-kun…" Sakura sighed distastefully, "If you break any bones snowboarding, I'll not feel sorry for you at all."
Everyone laughed, except for two people. One was Doumeki, who was driving, but never really laughed anyway except to tease Watanuki, the other was Fai.
"You okay?" Kurogane murmured, drawing Fai close.
Fai shivered softly, snuggling into the older teen's side. "I don't like long drives," he said by way of explanation. "I'm going to go to sleep."
Kurogane shifted so that Fai was in his lap, holding the other boy close.
Fai drifted off into an uncomfortable sleep, even though he normally felt quite at ease in Kurogane's arms… it was what he was about to do…That plagued him the entire ride there.
About three hours later, they were standing in a semicircle around a small woman with long blonde hair. "Okay, you all are from Koryo High?" she chimed, clapping her hands.
"Yes," Watanuki, Sakura, and Shaoran chorused.
"Last group of the day! How many of you are here?" She inquired, counting heads. Her amber eyes fell onto Fai and her smile half vanished, "Oh…"
"What is it?" Sakura asked, frowning.
The woman quickly composed herself, "I had expected one more girl… You'll be in a room by yourself, okay?" she informed Sakura, nodding. "My name is Chi, by the way, and I'm the co-manager of this hotel, along with my husband. Now, I'm here to inform you of some things; there's been some construction going on in the hotel. Unfortunately, it's not finished. So, in order to be safe, don't go out onto the balconies or onto floors that have been marked with yellow signs…"
Chi continued to speak, and Fai fell into a reverie, smiling softly. Chi had always been his favorite aunt; it was where he got his energy. Other than his mother, he'd been the only one able to keep up with her.
Kurogane looked at Fai, then to Chi, frowning. That woman could be his mother, he realized. Their hair was the same shade of gold, and their bone structure was eerily similar. And the way the woman's eyes lingered on Fai… Maybe they were long lost family or something…
He didn't bring the subject up, however. Instead, he and Fai settled into their room in silence, the blonde unusually aloof.
"I'm… going out," Fai muttered.
"Where?"
Fai shrugged, shoving his hands in his pockets to keep them from shaking. "I wanna explore!" he said, grinning for all he was worth.
Kurogane stared at him, "Don't lie."
"I'm not. I'm going exploring," Fai protested, his smile fading quickly.
"Whatever, don't tell me," the older teen grunted, flopping back onto his bed. "Just be back before check-in time, or I won't sign you in."
Fai sighed, "I'll be back… then we can go on a date, Kuro-chan. Meet me at six in the hotel lobby. You won't stand me up, will you?"
Kurogane looked at his boyfriend, surveying him up and down, then cracked a small smile, "I'd get hell if I did," he chuckled.
"I'll see you later, then…"
Fai left, leaning against the door as he closed it. He pulled out his cell phone, calling his aunt. "Is it ready?"
"Ooh, Fai! I was so surprised when I saw you. You've grown up so handsomely! Freya would be so proud of you!"
"Auntie, I asked if everything was ready."
Chi sighed softly, "Yes, I've got your suit and a car ready out front. The driver will know who you are. Stay clear of any press," she said warningly.
"Like hell I will…" Fai muttered, stepping into the elevator. "The lost proverbial son, breaking the law to see his screwed up father."
"Yuui… I can tell you, he's changed… But there are other reasons… You know what our family is involved wi—"
"Don't," the blonde snapped. "Look, I have to go. I'll call you or something when it's done."
He hung up on his aunt, pocketing the phone as he made his way begrudgingly through the lobby. An hour later, as he stepped from a black-windowed unmarked car, his appearance could be no more drastically different.
He donned a black suit with no tie, and his hair was not its normal wispy self; instead, it was pulled it back into a ponytail. "I'll be back as soon as possible," he murmured to the driver.
He strode purposely into the city jail, shuddering at its familiarity. "God, has it been that long?" he muttered, shaking his head.
He made his way to the check point, closing his eyes as he was checked for weapons. Once he was cleared, a set of four guards led him down a small hallway with dismal lighting. Fai suppressed a shudder, walking slowly down the cement floor. He was led to a metal door, which one of the guards opened with a key.
The room was ordinary enough, white washed walls with glass panes and a single metal table with two chairs furnished the room, but upon seeing who occupied the room, it was all Fai could do to not turn and throw up.
"Why, hello Yuui. I'm surprised the Marshalls would let you even come to our fair town," said the icy figure from his past.
"Reed," Fai spat between grit teeth, "You're still his lawyer?"
"I don't know why this surprises you," the lawyer said nonchalantly.
Along with his father, Fei Wang Reed was one of the most despised people in Fai's life.
"You should be in jail," Fai hissed. The bastard manipulated evidence, paid off witnesses, and much else besides.
"You make very provocative accusations," Fei Wang said, leaning back into his chair. "I could sue. Or I could make sure you're taken away from your cushy little fairytale life. "
Fai rolled his eyes. "How much is bail?" he inquired, pulling out a checkbook from his pocket.
"Can't resist the Flowright genes can you? It always resorts to throwing about money. Your family has become fairly active in this day and age… for a ma—"
"SHUT UP!" Fai shouted, banging his hands onto the metal table. The guards stepped forward, their hands flying to their weapons. "Ju…just let me pay his way out," he whispered.
A smirk spread across Fei Wang's face; he, like Fai's father, seemed to feed on the misery of others. (This was why he was a lawyer…) "It's not high at all; $2,000. Make the check out to Ruval County."
Fai clenched his jaw as he spelled out his name, repulsed at how it looked against the paper. Yuui Flowright. It was just so ugly; for ten years, he'd been writing his name…
"… Can I see him?" Fai asked, looking to the guards.
"Yeah," one of them answered. Fai gave a cordial wave to Reed, who gave a smug nod in return.
The guards lead Fai into the jail, taking him directly to his father's cell. Time seemed to whirl past his head, seconds turning to minutes and the minutes turning to seconds. It could've been that they kept his father in the back of the jail to avoid attention, or they kept him up front… Fai wasn't sure… but there he was…
Ashura Flowright sat cross-legged on the bed, reading a book in a rumpled suit, looking as if he could care less that he was in jail.
Fai laid his hands to the bars, pressing his forehead to the metal, "… Dad," he mumbled softly. "I've come to get you."
Ashura closed his book with a snap, smiling kindly at his son. "Does your boyfriend know you're here? He made it clear last April that I was not welcome around you."
"We've talked about it… He says it's fine this once," Fai lied.
"My little Yuui, I've always been able to tell when you lie."
"… You never noticed when we were young," Fai said icily. He stepped back from the jail cell, allowing the jailer to unlock it.
His father strode out purposely, placing a hand on Fai's shoulder. "Thank you; it's a shame that my own son has to be sent," he laughed.
Fai shuddered. Ice seemed to creep down his spine, and he felt like a lead brick had been placed upon his shoulder. "I've gotten you," he murmured, looking up at his father's face. "May I leave?"
"No," Ashura hissed, a grin still spread across his face. Only now, its geniality had been lost to a cold, sickening smirk that seemed to take all the color from the world, leaving it in only cold and cruel grays.
Fai gulped, the lead traveling from his shoulder to his stomach. "Where are you going to take me?"
"It won't really matter; all you'll be seeing is the ceiling. Maybe the floor," Ashura said vindictively once they were out of earshot.
"No," the blonde whimpered, "No. No…"
"Little Yuui, are you afraid of me?"
At this point, they were at the check point. Ashura let go of Fai's shoulder as his things were returned to him.
Fai wanted to run. He wanted to take off, sprint back to the hotel, back into Kurogane's arms. He wanted to scream and beg and plead until he was taken back home. He wanted to make himself so small that Ashura could never see him, never find him. …Better yet, he wanted to die.
His hands began to shake, and he curled them into fists, his nails digging bloody crescents into his palms. …It didn't have to be by cutting this time… He could drive himself off a bridge, overdose on something… jump from the balcony… Anything, anything, anything just to get away!
No one noticed how Fai's eyes began to glaze over, how he became unobservant to everything… No one except for Ashura noticed. He gave a secret smirk, and took his son's hand, slowly unclenching them. "Let's go, Yuui. I'll take you out to thank you."
Fai nodded blankly, "Okay," he whispered lifelessly, his hands going loose in his father's.
On these hands and knees I'm crawling on;
Slowly, he was losing what was left of his mind. Every touch plucked at the stray threads that held his sanity together. Every time a burning kiss was placed to his skin, the stitches that held the scars together were being torn. He was left bleeding, the old psychosis returning, oozing from every crack in his façade... His name… his name… suddenly was his name again. After years and years of running from his birthright, it caught up, suddenly and harshly, tearing him into shreds.
"You look so much like your mother…"
Flashes of blood and gore, sweat and tears, alcohol and smoke, bleach and metal came swarming back to him. He gagged, bile bringing his senses back. He raised his hands against the body above him, pounding against the sweat-slicked skin.
"NO!"
Ashura grinned wickedly, pounding into the body below him. "Scream, go ahead."
He never was one to follow orders, but Yuui screamed at the top of his lungs, until he choked, until his voice was so hoarse that all that came out was a strangled gurgle. "Help me! Please… help me… Kurogane…" he whimpered.
The man over him laughed, "My poor little Yuui… He won't come and help you now… You're not who he thinks you are." Ashura reached down between Yuui's legs and squeezed, sending the boy to an orgasm. "I mean, who would actually enjoy this?"
The boy trembled beneath his father, tears flowing thickly down his face. No one could save him now. They were all gone. His beloved mother, his other half, and his love… When Kurogane found out about this, what would he do? Would he still love him? Would he be disgusted at the filthy lies and words? Would he despise him for being so weak…? He wouldn't love him at all anymore… It was the type of person he was; because Yuui was just the type of person he hated. "Why?" he whimpered, his eyes fluttering shut, "Why?"
He never thought he'd be flattered with an answer. "Because that bitch stepped out," Ashura hissed, violently shoving himself deep within his son.
Yuui gave a weak scream, his body lifted off the seat of the car as he writhed in pain. Ashura's fingers grabbed onto his wrists, drawing bloody crescents into the skin. "I wasn't enough for that little slut." With every word, the man grew rougher and rougher, drawing blood everywhere.
"Stop!"
"Then she gives birth to two little blonde brats that weren't mine!"
He screamed, coughing up blood. Something in his back cracked.
"She ruined the Flowright name!"
"ALL WE EVER TRIED TO DO WAS FOLLOW YOUR RULES!" Yuui screamed.
Ashura snapped, his face growing cold. He began to laugh, pulling out of the boy underneath him.
Yuui curled in on himself, sobbing as he bled.
"What if I told you that Fai wasn't dead, my Yuui?"
All I reach for you
Somehow, he had made it back to his room. He crawled into his bed, ignoring the pain that shot through his body with every movement, and the blood that was seeping through his clothes. Sleep. Blissful, blissful sleep. That's all he wanted.
He wanted the darkness to come and take him away, and he wanted to never awake again. He closed his eyes, and prayed for death.
As Fai fell into a fevered slumber, Kurogane sat in the lobby, staring at the clock in irritation.
"Damn him," he hissed, standing from his table. Fai was hiding something, goddammit! First he lied, and then he stood him up!
To say in short, Kurogane was livid. He stomped through the lobby, cursing under his breath.
"Kurogane-san!" Sakura waved the older teen over, standing on her toes to get the senior's attention.
Kurogane stalked over to her, scowling.
"Give this to Fai-san," she said, smiling as she pushed a bag of medicine into Kurogane's hands. "I saw him coming out of the infirmary a few minutes ago. I think he got sick or something," she murmured, frowning softly. She surveyed her friend's face; "Is that why you're so mad?"
Kurogane blinked, his temper instantly cooling. If Fai was sick, then it was a completely different matter.
"Uh, yeah," he mumbled awkwardly, running a hand through his hair. "I'll tell him you're worried…" he took the bag from Sakura, then rushed off, heading straight for their hotel room.
He entered quietly, not wanting to disturb his boyfriend if he was asleep.
He could hear Fai breathing in harsh, shallow breaths. Kurogane frowned, walking into the sleeping area of their room.
Fai was curled up under the covers, his face pink with a fever, his face scrunched into a resolute and pained frown. His chest heaved under the covers with each wheezing breath, and sweat shone on his forehead.
Kurogane sunk down onto the bed, laying his hand on Fai's forehead. The blonde unconsciously shrank from the touch, moaning softly.
The senior rose from the bed, fetching a damp rag from the bathroom, along with Fai's pajamas.
He sat back down on the bed, wiping the sweat from the junior's face and neck, slowly peeling back the covers.
He froze.
Underneath the blankets, Fai only wore a pair of boxers. His wrists were swollen and displayed five crescent shaped wounds that were red and oozing; his chest and stomach sported small bruises and bite marks; blood was smeared down the insides and backsides of his thin thighs…
There were two immediate possibilities. Neither of which were very… desirable to Kurogane.
It wasn't like he didn't recognize the signs. In fact, it hadn't been uncommon until recently for he and Fai to have rough sex every now and again… but the damage was never this bad. This was just brutal.
Which begged the question in Kurogane's mind: Who the hell did this? It wasn't him…
Which lead back to the two possibilities; Fai had either slept with a man that was not Kurogane willingly… or he'd been raped.
As utterly horrifying as it was to even consider it, Kurogane, in the deepest corners of his mind, hoped it was the latter. Because… that meant… that Fai wasn't cheating on him. However, the first began to batter its way into consideration.
Fai's odd, psycho kitty behavior had started when he found out they were going to Celes. He had started making phone calls in hushed tones at odd times, he'd barely let Kurogane touch him, and every other word he spoke was a lie.
Kurogane gave an inward scoff. Fai wouldn't cheat on him… would he?
The senior sighed heavily. It wasn't like he was insecure in their relationship, like most people imagining their other cheating… but… Seeing this made his stomach churn… But even more than that, it made him angry.
He knew Fai wouldn't tell him.
He slowly pulled the covers over Fai's body, shaking his head sadly. He deposited the rags into the hamper, and pulled out a change of clothes. "Sorry. I can't deal with this with a straight head," he muttered to his unconscious boyfr… Fai. He made his way to Shaoran's room, explaining that Fai didn't want him to catch whatever he had if it was contagious, and Shaoran let him stay the night.
The next morning, Fai awoke from blissful black feeling like he had been run over by a truck. "Go to hell, dad," he groaned, sitting unstably. Once the pain that wracked his body was bearable, he stood slowly, collapsing to the ground. "Kuro-sama, can you help me?" he mumbled pitifully. At this point, he was in so much pain that he'd tell his boyfriend the entire truth this time. He looked up, then found that he was alone in their hotel room.
The only light that was on was the dim reading lamp on the other side of the room and the bathroom light. The clock read 5:30—Fai knew for a fact that Kurogane didn't like waking up before six when he didn't have to. The other teen should still be asleep.
He sat up slowly, hissing expletives as he moved. He laid a hand on Kurogane's bed and was shocked to find it cold. Fai bit his lip, standing.
He staggered into the bathroom, the trouble of putting one foot in front of another enough to drive his worries about Kurogane to the back of his head. Once in the bathroom, he pulled his boxers off, tossing them into the hamper. As he did, he saw a rag tinged slightly pink near the top.
Fai's eyes widened, and he looked at himself in the mirror. He raised his hand to a bite mark on his neck that he knew had blood on it when he collapsed—it was clean.
"God dammit," he moaned, sinking to the floor, shaking. Tears fell down his cheeks. He was going to tell him this time! What his father had done! What his father did to him the last time! Everything! So why the hell did the gods that be have to punish him?!
Kurogane was mad at him! He was probably absolutely livid! He pressed his forehead into the cold rim of the bathtub, sobbing softly. He couldn't lose Kurogane now; he couldn't tell him!
He hiccupped, torn between what his boyfriend deserved, and what his ignorance protected. "Why, dammit," he whimpered. He weakly punched the floor, hating himself for bringing himself back into his screwed up family. And no matter how much Ashura hated him, he had to be bitterly thankful that this was the worse that would happen to him. No one would dare kill the boss's son but the boss himself—even if he screwed the boss over.
"Stop crying."
Fai looked up, eyes wide, as he drew a hitching gasp. Kurogane stood in the doorway of the bathroom, leaning against the post, scowl set deep in his features. A slight look of pity mixed with revulsion was drawn into the anger, but it was only a fleeting thing. "Clean yourself up," he ordered sharply.
The blonde stared longingly up at the older teen, "K…uro," he breathed, lips trembling.
He reached out, but found that he was too far away to grab onto his boyfriend.
Kurogane stared at Fai for a moment, debating whether to leave the boy there or not. In the end, his anger was defeated and he stepped forward, pulling Fai up into his arms carefully. "I'm angry, moron," he snapped, carefully depositing the junior on the small chair in the corner of the room.
Fai winced, giving a soft hiss of pain. It hurt to sit directly down. "Kuro-sama, I… I'm sorry," he whispered abashedly, dropping his head. Tears leaked down his face.
"You didn't choose it, did you?"
Fai looked up, confused and hurt at the accusatory tone in Kurogane's voice.
The elder sighed, then turned, turning on the bath. "So you didn't." His hands shook, rage creeping up into the back of his throat; he was so mad that he could see red in the corners of his eyes. "Tell me," he said slowly, deliberately so his voice wouldn't betray his utter fury at the information.
Fai stared at Kurogane's back, watching it shake. "N…no," he murmured.
Kurogane spun around, his eyes burning with completely unrestrained anger. Fai shrunk back; those eyes were something to fear. Ashura wore the same look of fury the night before when he had…
"Tell me."
Fai gulped. He was scared. He knew Kurogane was daunting sometimes, but he'd never been on the receiving end of the senior's infamous temper. "No," he whimpered, shaking, "I can't tell you. I can't."
"Did this guy threaten you?"
Hiccupping as he held back tears, Fai shook his head furiously.
"Then why the fuck won't you tell me?!"
"I can't."
Suddenly, Fai was left reeling, his hands clasped to his face. He could taste blood in his mouth, and he could feel it running down his face from his lip. His head hurt, and the room swayed in front of him. There were four Kurogane's, holding his hand out in a post-striking position. As he recovered from the shock, all that was left was an acute, throbbing ache in his head that made him want to sink to the floor, unconscious. But worse than that, was the feeling that sank into his heart—the complete, unadulterated sting of absolute rejection.
Kurogane, of all people, had hit him.
Tears came then. He began to sob so hard that tears couldn't even come; he drew his knees up to his chest, the pain in his heart and head nothing compared to the aches of the night before. He convulsed violently, choking on air and spit, his nails digging deep into his skin. He could hear his voice choke and splutter out helpless and heartbroken gasps and moans.
It was too much. He needed Kurogane. He couldn't lose him now. He couldn't. Couldn't.
Was he so vile now that it justified hitting him? A harsh sob worked its way out of his throat, tearing at the already raw flesh. Kurogane had never been rough enough to hurt him before. He'd always been careful before, even when he was angry. He never hit to hurt, and everything else was rough in the playful sort of way. The older teen had never used his strength before with Fai; he'd always been affectionate and gentle in such a way that it was obvious that he cared. Or was it just that—that this time was far too much for the older teen to take and he didn't care anymore?
Fai turned his face upwards, bawling; "Why!?" he shouted. This wasn't fair to him! He was protecting Kurogane, not himself when he refused to tell! If he told, Kurogane would hunt his father down and kill him! Then he'd be in prison, and Fai would be whisked away to who knows where and never even get to have a damn visit. If it meant protecting his love from that, he'd gladly go through last night hundreds of times, just as long as he could keep Kurogane!
Kurogane backed up, staring at his boyfriend's face. Angry and hurt, tear-filled blue eyes bore into him, Fai's beautiful face marred with an already-darkening bruise, swollen eyes, a busted lip, and tears turned pink by blood.
He stood staring for the longest time. Finally, water lapping against his feet snapped him from his horrified stupor. He quickly turned, shutting off the water and unplugging the drain. After that, the backed slowly out of the bathroom, completely and utterly aghast and sickened with his own actions. "Fai…"
"Get out!" the blonde whimpered, curling in on himself once more.
Kurogane, too shocked to defy the younger boy or realize how cowardly he was being, turned and left the hotel room.
He ran smack into Sakura and Watanuki.
"Kurogane-san?" Sakura asked, staring up into the senior's face. "We heard yelling and crying."
Kurogane ran his hand through his hair. "Yeah."
"Did you and Fai have a fight?" she asked warningly, a look of what seemed to be annoyance passing across her cute face.
"A bit."
Sakura rolled her eyes, brushing past Kurogane.
The senior grabbed her wrist tightly, pulling her away from the door. "Don't go in there." He honestly didn't know who he was protecting—Fai from being seen in the condition he was in, or himself... He didn't want Sakura to know that he, of all people, had hit Fai. Out of the inner workings of the Gothix, Sakura was the one closest to Fai. She was even more in tune with him than Kurogane himself was. "He doesn't want anyone to see him."
Sakura shook her hand free from Kurogane's grasp. "More like you don't know anyone to know anything," she snapped, glaring up at him. "Don't think you can cover up what you've done. I heard you hit him. Watanuki's room is right next door, and I was in there," she hissed.
Kurogane took a step back. He'd never seen this girl like this. Her face was set into a look of dead determination. "I didn't…."
Sakura reached up and smacked him. "I don't know what you two were arguing about, but Fai is sick right now. You do not hit," she said daintily, then pulled the door open and stalked in, Watanuki following silently after her, acting for the world like Kurogane didn't exist at all.
Which made perfect sense. He stood out in the hall, staring at the wall as he heard Sakura's pained gasp as she discovered Fai. Those two were Fai's friends. They knew more about the blonde than he did. As he thought it over, he realized… it was Sakura who told him about Fai's family situation. Not Fai. It was Sakura who first pointed out Fai that day after school. Fai was the type to never speak up in that situation. Fai even said that those two were his first friends when he moved to Koryo. As much time as they spent together… as mad as he was right now, as hurt as he was—Fai's denial had deeply hurt him, almost like he was betraying the older teen—it couldn't compare to the anger and the pain that Sakura and Watanuki, his oldest friends, would feel.
He shoved his hands in his pockets and stalked off, feeling like complete and total shit.
"H…how could this happen?! I… I love him so much, Sa-Sakura-chan!"
Sakura held Fai close, closing her eyes. It was too late to prevent the ones she loved from being scared by these sorts of mistakes, but she'd be dammed before Fai, or Kurogane for that matter, was hurt again.
Well, I'm terrified of these four walls,
These iron bars can't hold my soul at all
And all I need is you;
While Fai had adamantly refused going to the hospital, Sakura and Watanuki had finally talked him into it when his pain grew so bad that he passed out. Now he was sitting, bored, in a hospital room for twenty-four hour observation, Sakura (again) having cute-ed his way into a room. Hell, he didn't even have to flash his name, all Sakura had to do was flutter her eyelashes and tear up a little bit (much to Shaoran's chagrin).
He laid back into the pillows, rolling his eyes to the ceiling. He didn't hurt anymore, physically, but emotionally, he was beaten. He hated hospitals. Especially this one.
Don't think about that. Don't think about that.
Despite his mental battle, the room began to resemble more and more like the one so many years ago, complete with the smell of blood.
Fai swung his feet to the floor, running to the bathroom to wash his mouth and nose of any remnants of blood; he couldn't take it.
"What if I told you Fai wasn't dead, my Yuui?"
There was no response from the catatonic blonde in the backseat, only a slight snuffle as he recognized his twin's name from the deep insanity he was slipping into.
"He's very much alive," Ashura whispered, gripping the wheel. "That's what saved me. And still saves me. He didn't die within that year. I can no longer be charged with his manslaughter."
"You killed my brother," Yuui whimpered, hugging himself tightly.
"Yuui, Fai is still alive. The doctors say he'll be waking up soon."
"Do…ctors…?"
"Yes. I had to get you to come here; that's why I made sure I was put into jail."
Yuui raised his head, staring petulantly at his father. Ashura laughed at the expression when he saw it in the rearview mirror.
"You planned this?"
"I know you well, don't I?"
Yuui sighed, rubbing his eyes tiredly. "I'd like it better if you'd come to spend time with us every now and again," he whispered childishly, his blue eyes glazed and his pupils dilated.
"Maybe one day," Ashura amended.
"Why did momma have to die?"
"Because a bad man killed her," the man murmured, clenching the wheel even tighter.
"…Fai's gonna be okay, right?"
Ashura nodded, "I've put all my best men in charge of making sure."
Yuui sunk back down into the seat, yawning. "…when Fai wakes up, you'll love me and him again, right papa?"
It was a long time until Ashura answered, but by this time, Yuui was asleep. Ashura parked in the back lot of his sister-in-law's hotel, sighing. He turned towards the backseat, reaching out to stroke Yuui's hair. "I never stopped… Yuui, you can hate me all you want… but I didn't want this life for you, or Fai, or Freya… You three were too fragile for the mafia…"
He was… still alive…
Fai pulled on his socks, then padded to the receptionist. "I want to see Fai Flowright," he demanded softly.
The nurse looked apprehensive at first, sizing up Fai. "We have two here," she whispered finally, looking around conspiratorially.
"The one that wasn't admitted this morning," Fai muttered exasperatedly.
"Are you family?"
"I'm his twin brother dammit!" Yuui snapped, banging his fist against the counter. It made his swollen joints throb, and an acrid taste burn in the back of his throat. His heart ached hollowly. There was no way he was going back to Koryo at this rate. Even if the Marshalls hadn't been keeping strict tags on him, Yuui Flowright, who was dead on the records, had a check floating around, in Celes no less. This boded bad news for the teen, and no matter the family ties, he was sure as hell no match for the FBI. So… he'd lost his boyfriend, he was going to lose his friends, his sanity was washed down the toilet, and his body could probably only handle a few more years of this abuse… Why the fuck should he not abuse his power to see his brother one last time? If it meant running from the feds… Well, his family was good at that; it was genetic almost. "Does the name Flowright not mean anything to you?"
He hated it, though, watching the woman shrink back in fear. He didn't want this power. He didn't like this fear. God, he wished he was with Kurogane right now. Then, he wouldn't have to do all the scaring and threatening. He could hang back and act the fool, cuddling into his boyfriend, and everything could be some semblance of happy until he was forced to leave. How he had hoped that he could have died before Ashura found him! That he could be gone from the world before he was forced to abandon the life he'd created with the Gothix and, more recently, with Kurogane.
"Ward 5, room 2342," the woman said after a long moment.
"Ward 5?"
"Yes."
Fai's eyes narrowed, "If I find out you're BSing me, my father will hear about this," he threatened, sweeping away. It was an empty threat, but ward 5 was nothing to laugh at. It was the psychiatric ward; Fai'd been put in there ten years ago, after he walked into a room full of carnage.
He raced through the hallways, pushing past doctors and weaving his way through patients. Numbers escalated past his eyes, and he only slowed when he reached room 2341.
He leaned against the wall, his head spinning. He knew he'd have hell to pay when the painkillers he'd been given wore out. He straightened, limping the last few steps to his brother's room. His throat clenched tightly as he peeked through the large window next to the metal door; with an audible gulp, he turned the handle, stepping into the dim room.
"…I didn't call for anyone," a hoarse voice breathed.
He closed the door softly behind him, looking at the window. He couldn't even see the hallway—one way mirror, he realized. "…Fai, it's me…"
Sheets rustled quietly as the boy sat up in bed, frowning. "Yuui?" he whispered.
Yuui slowly made his way to the bed, climbing onto it. The state his twin was in was horrible. He was thin and pale; his hair long, one eye was milky white, scars traveling along his face, one eye covered by an eye patch. He hugged his twin tightly, shaking as he held the cool body against his own.
Yuui closed his eyes. He should be fine now. He had his brother to complete him—before, all he needed was his twin's company.
…It just was not so. He couldn't help but let his mind wander to Kurogane, wondering what his reaction would be if he found out about the fact that he was a twin. Would he be mad… or would he just simply be irritated at the fact that there was now two of him?
He hated the walls that he had set up for their relationship. He hated them now that his heart had grown past their limits.
Complete, I'm calling
And all I scream for you
Through the rain, I'm falling
I'm falling;
Fai trudged down the hospital halls, feeling like shit. He'd promised so many years ago that he would protect his brother. He couldn't.
He'd promised months before that he would always tell Kurogane when he was on the verge of crumbling. He didn't. Now he couldn't.
He'd promised Sakura years before that he'd never make her cry, and he'd promised months before that he would keep his eyes open. He couldn't keep that promise.
He longed for it so much that it hurt. A reassurance that he was human. That the blood that flowed from his veins was red, just like everyone else's. That he did not deserve this.
Hell, after all the promises he'd broken, maybe he did.
He made his way back into his room, rummaging for something sharp. Surprisingly enough, he was able to find something. Under the bed, there was a broken piece of the metal frame that was just sharp enough to do. He stumbled into the bathroom, sitting on the edge of the sink, staring at his reflection in the silver surface.
Did he really want to do this?
His hand tightened around the shard, his eyes closing softly. "It's easy enough to start back up… but it's harder to quit," he murmured.
Could he really break his promise to his brother? Moreover, could he break all the promises to Kurogane?
Fai laughed bitterly, "Well he broke his." He dropped his head to his palm, breathing slowly. "…no… he didn't."
Well, he wasn't going to cry just yet. He tightened his hand, the metal biting into his skin. He didn't understand what was happening.
Everything was spiraling out of control. He was slowly losing his grip with reality. Since August, Kurogane had been the one to grab his hand and haul him out of the pit. Maybe he'd become too dependent on the man, but…
"Nng!" Fai squeezed his hand until he could feel the metal enter into his skin, his entire arm shaking.
Why the fuck was he not allowed to be happy?! What was so wrong with that? Why couldn't he just keep something good in his life for once?! Did he have to push that person away? Did he do it on purpose? Or did he just unconsciously do it because he feared this moment?
Sitting alone, crying and hurt and lonely, longing for something, for someone, to take him away, to show him that he was loved. Did he push him away because he didn't want this moment to be like it was? Utterly bone crushing loneliness pressing in at every angle, the questions burning holes in his already battered heart?
He'd never had time to heal!
Tears fell like rain, mixing with the blood, rivulets of rust falling from his fingers.
Everything would just be so much better if he was never alive…
Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing,
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
And say it for me; say it to me,
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me.
Kurogane wandered nervously about, searching for Fai's room. He moved the small bouquet of flowers that Sakura (again!) had talked him into buying from hand to hand, feeling like an utter fool.
He finally found it, shifting from foot to foot, irritated at himself. He pushed the door open, sliding in. "Fai…?" he called, sweeping his eyes through the room.
He caught a glimpse of Fai moving about in the bathroom.
He stepped forward, then froze, scowling.
"You are an idiot, do you know that?"
Fai froze, then whipped his hand behind his back, something small and metal falling to the floor. "H-h-hello," he whispered, his cheeks aflame. "Oh, are those for me, Kuro-myan?"
"Well, yeah, Sakura told me to buy them," Kurogane said uneasily, tipping his head to the side to try and see behind Fai's back. "I know what you did, so no sense hiding."
"Can't get anything past you, hm?" the blonde enquired, holding out his hand.
The senior stared at it, "Do you want to die?"
"It's a scrape; seriously, don't go overreacting on me."
Kurogane dropped the flowers and grabbed Fai's thin shoulders, "Do you. Want to. Die?!" He hissed in short bursts, squeezing his boyfriend's shoulders tightly.
"Kuro-sama! That hurts!" Fai whined, struggling to get free of Kurogane's grip. The older boy was starting to scare him; flashes of his father's face began to merge in his head, and he closed his eyes tightly to rid himself of the comparison.
He couldn't lose him. There was so much he'd yet to have; he'd yet to learn. Not after a year. Too short, too short. He'd never let him leave. He'd defy death to keep Fai near him if he had to. It was selfish, but as long as Fai wanted…
"Fai," he said finally, dropping his hands from the blonde's shoulders. "Just… answer me clearly. Do you not want to be here anymore?"
Tears fell from Fai's eyes, "Yes I do!" he cried, grabbing onto Kurogane's shirt. "Please, take me away from here!"
Take me away, he begged, before it's far too late. Soon, if you don't take me away soon… I'll be gone!
"Then why have friends? Why make someone care about you? Or do you want someone to cry when you die?"
"I don't want anyone to cry, dammit!" Fai hissed, "I'm not!"
"Don't run away from this," Kurogane warned.
Fai set his teeth on edge. "Then tell me! What do you want me to do!? What am I doing that's wrong; fix it! Fix me! If you knew at all, Kurogane, you'd have no idea why I don't just shrivel up and die! No, wait, you would, because you'd know how much I desperately love you!" he screeched, tears breaking his voice.
Kurogane's eyes widened, and Fai stood in shock.
The blonde's hands instantly scrabbled to his mouth, clamping over his lips. The color drained from his face, and he shook his head. He wasn't supposed to say that; he told himself never to say it to Kurogane's face. He shouldn't say it at all, even, but he'd already broken that a long time ago. Saying it to Kurogane was the last barrier keeping him safe. As long as they kept their relationship to general affection and sex, Fai could let go somewhat when the time came.
Telling the older teen that he loved him, however… Left so many doors open. So many places he'd rather not leave vulnerable defenseless.
"What… did you…?"
Fai shook his head, "Forget it, please," he begged. Too much. Too much. It could end now. All end. Forever. No more weeks left to spend, no more days left to hold onto. He was so frightened for the end that was to come… that he'd brought it on himself.
"Did you… just… say?"
Fai couldn't remember the last time he'd ever seen Kurogane so confused. Well, he'd never seen the teen like this. He stood for a few more, silent, awkward moments…
Then he was certain. Kurogane wasn't going to answer him.
He couldn't take it any longer.
He pushed past his boyfriend and ran to his brother's room. He was safe… somewhat… there.
Heaven's gates won't open up for me
With these broken wings I'm falling
And all I see is you;
What do you do when someone confesses their love? Especially like that.
Dramatically. Frantically. Pleadingly.
Fai was so open at that moment. The truest he had ever seen his boyfriend. In that moment, he could see to the bottom of Fai's heart… and he saw himself.
It was scary. Was this how men felt when their wives or girlfriends told them they were pregnant?
A shudder slid down Kurogane's spine. Damn, he was glad Fai couldn't get pregnant.
He sighed. Fai.
This was a problem.
Here he was, wanting the blonde to open up to him, and Fai did so. Maybe for the first time, too. It wasn't like he didn't want to trust the other boy… it was just… hard to. He hid everything, even his body, behind layers of clothes he didn't need and jewelry and a persona… When all the layers were peeled away, Fai was…
Well, broken.
He'd sworn to the boy, back (god, was it only a year ago!?) when they'd first talked about Fai's cutting, that he'd help the boy. He'd help him heal.
"Heal," Kurogane scoffed, "Probably just stuffed another knife to him."
He sat down on Fai's bed, staring blankly at the walls. He wondered if this was how his boyfriend felt all the time; fraying. He could barely remember this morning's incident, much less how he made it from the bathroom to the middle of the hospital bed. Things like memory slipped away from him easily at this point.
It was too much for him to deal with—he was always in control. Always… except when it came to the blonde junior.
He dropped his head into his hands, sighing.
It wasn't like he was the best person in the world. He never was.
The closest thing he'd ever been to pure was back before his parents were killed. Then he was turned into a murder. If it hadn't been for his aunt and her influence, he probably would have been moved around the country if he hadn't been put into jail. He had a temper and was prone to violence. It was something he worked hard to control. Sometimes… he lost it. He always regretted it—if he had the chance; he'd replay this morning all over again.
No… it wasn't like he was an angel. More than likely, he'd end up in hell for some of the things he'd done.
He sighed again.
"You know… Fai was checked out over an hour ago," Sakura said, standing in the door, her arms crossed across her chest. She looked very unhappy.
"But wasn't he here for…?"
"Twenty-four hour observation, I know. I checked him in. But…" Sakura bit her lip, "He called his father, Kurogane. That man! That horrible man!"
The girl stomped her foot, her arms falling slack against her sides, her fists balled up. "That man is the reason he's attempted suicide so many times! He promised me, Kurogane, that he'd live life! He's not living if he just gives up!"
Kurogane stood, shaking his head, "I don't get it."
"What's not to get? Don't you understand him at all!?" Sakura cried, hiccupping softly.
"It's not like he'll ever let me in."
Sakura shook her head, stomping her foot once more. She opened her mouth to speak, but her cell phone interrupted her. She whipped it out of her pocket, gasping as she answered it, "Fai?! Where are you?"
'I'm at the hotel, Sakura-chan. You act like I've been kidnapped or something,' Fai said. Kurogane could hear the laugh in the boy's voice; even through the speaker, it sounded fake and forced. 'I'm in my room now. I'm going to sleep this off, okay? No worries, right, Sakura-chan?'
"You better stay there," Sakura said, snapping her phone closed before Fai could answer.
She turned her eyes upon Kurogane, "We need to talk," she demanded.
Kurogane couldn't say no—Sakura meant business, he could tell from her eyes. The girl was mad… And Sakura had proven before: If she was determined enough, she could do anything. …And it scared him to no end, because he was on the receiving end of her death glare.
These city walls ain't got no love for me;
I'm on the edge of the eighteenth story
And all I scream for you
Complete, I'm calling;
And all I need from you
"You called me," Ashura remarked, looking at his son in interest.
"Yeah," the blonde said sullenly.
"Why would you do that, Yuui?"
"Because… the hate… it's needless now."
"Because of your brother?"
"Because I've given up," Yuui sighed, dropping his head into his hands. "It's no use fighting anymore…"
Ashura shut the car off, undoing his seatbelt. He turned in his seat and reached forward, trailing his fingers through Yuui's hair, then across his cheek, "Where did you get this bruise?"
Yuui shuddered, stammering, "Well, Kurogane… found me… after…"
"Ah. Is that why you've given up?"
"It's no use in caring anymore. He doesn't love me. I'm not capable of being loved. It's all my fault."
"You're not my son, you know."
"I know, you never wanted me or Fai."
"No. As in, you're not my biological son."
Yuui frowned, surveying his father, "Are you… certain?"
Ashura nodded, "I have money. I can do the tests—any moron could figure it out." He reached into his center console, and in a second, a gun was pressed to Yuui's forehead.
"Beg," he commanded. "Tell me why I shouldn't shoot you right here. Tell me why I shouldn't toss you out to Infinity and let them tear you to shreds for sending me to jail."
"I!"
Yuui shook his head… All his life, he wished for death. The cold metal bit into his skin, death seconds away. Why shouldn't Ashura pull the trigger. Everyone in Celes knew who he was… and this rainy day was just the Infinity's type of day for a hit. It was just like his father's mafia to do that. Then drop DNA tests in his lap, letting blood fall onto them like the rain that fell outside his window.
He'd go to hell if he died.
Kurogane would cry if he died.
"I don't want him to cry!" Yuui whimpered, "I promised!"
"Who did you promise?"
"I promised him, and my friends! My school! Everyone who hears me sing! I promised them I'd live! Fai and mother! I promised Kurogane I'd live!"
"Then do it," Ashura said simply, withdrawing his gun. "Don't be half-assed in things."
"Don't sound like Kurogane," Yuui sniffled.
Ashura patted his son on the head. "Let me drop you off with your aunt."
"…thank you dad."
Ashura ignored Yuui, driving along the rain slicked roads like their conversation had never taken place.
Through the rain, I'm falling
I'm falling…
Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing,
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
And say it for me; say it to me,
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me.
Through the rain, I'm falling…
Fai leaned against the railing, his hair matted to his face with rain. He might not have much time left, but he'd make the most of it, he supposed.
He hoped that his feelings could be returned. It was a hard thing…He'd been alone practically his entire life; it was nice to have someone to love, even if it hurt. He needed to hear Kurogane say it, even once. That one reassurance would be enough to wash away everything. He could prove himself, show Kurogane he wasn't all empty promises and lies. So here he was, waiting…
H sighed, leaning his head against his hands.
A slip. A crack.
Down.
And all I need is you;
Complete, I'm calling…
It had only been five minutes into their little 'date' and Sakura had already dragged everything out of Kurogane and onto the table.
"Honestly, Kurogane-san, I think it's a ridiculous thing to fight about," Sakura said tartly, sipping her tea.
Kurogane snorted; Sakura was all politeness and business like now. No more angry shouting of his name.
She looked at her companion with a hardened look in her eyes, crossing her legs. "Won't you admit it?"
"What is the deal with him anyway?!" Kurogane snapped, slamming his fist down against the table.
Sakura sighed, setting down her teacup. "Boys are such thickheaded creatures," she sighed elegantly, waving to Tomoyo as she passed by. Tomoyo giggled in amusement at her friend's obvious frustration with her cousin. "Kurogane-san, do you realize that all the people Fai-san has ever loved have left him?"
Kurogane blinked, reeling as if he'd been slapped. "Well…"
"There's been this entire business with his father and such ruining our trip," Sakura murmured in distance, running her finger along the edge of her cup. She rubbed her fingers together, watching sadly as the ember liquid dissipated between her fingers. "Then his relapse, which, can you really blame him?"
Kurogane opened his mouth to protest, and then closed it with a heavy sigh. "No, I don't," he whispered. "I should have gone to him when I had the chance…"
"Don't go blaming it on yourself!" Sakura snapped. "If you're angry about it, be angry; just don't blame him or yourself!"
"That makes no sense."
"Really," the girl sighed irritably. Kurogane looked around, highly uncomfortable. Briefly, he wondered if the girl was PMSing, because, really, this sort of behavior was very un-Sakura like, but ever since the incident in August, both she and Fai's moods had been squirrelly. "You don't get it. Anyways, then, the one thing that Fai-san has to take comfort in is you. He doesn't come to us anymore," she said sadly, dropping her gaze. "I wish he would sometimes…"
Sakura fell into silence, then huffed. "There once was a time where he told me everything; before I went out with Shaoran-kun, I dated Fai-san," she informed Kurogane sharply.
Kurogane gasped at this new fact; "What?!"
Sakura nodded, fidgeting a little. "We share a lot of the same pain, Fai-san and I do… We had to go through life without our other half. When we were born, and to the day they died, we had someone who knew ourselves so thoroughly, it was like we were one person instead of two… And to be suddenly ripped away from that inexplicable bond… is like torture. It's the highest form of loneliness to suddenly be alone in a room full of people… Horrible things come from loosing a twin, Kurogane-san, and Fai-san was never able to recuperate." Sakura fell silent, then cast a sad glance over to the table where Shaoran sat, reading a book; "And in some ways, neither was I."
"But my point is, Kurogane-san; you are his other half, much like Shaoran-kun is mine. He wants you; he needs you to love him."
"But we…"
Sakura raised a hand, "It doesn't matter if you two go on dates, kiss, or if you two have even slept together. It's not my business, so don't tell me. Even so, if you have done all of that, there's nothing like the fulfillment of being told you're loved! Fai-san's lived his entire life with being told that he wasn't loved, or wasn't needed! He thinks that now that you know some infinitesimal part of his past that you no longer want him, nor love him. In fact, you refusing to answer… has caused him no pain like any other he's ever been exposed to, or inflicted upon himself."
"You sound like an old woman, Sakura," Kurogane said, raising an eyebrow.
Sakura laughed, "Sometimes that happens. Now the question is… Do you love him, truly? I won't let you touch him if you don't."
"Now I can really tell you're the ex," Kurogane sighed. "Yes," he replied after a minute, "I do."
"Then shoo! I have a date," Sakura said lightly, rising from her seat.
Kurogane needed no other instructions; he left, pausing only in the hotel's store, buying something on an incredibly corny whim. After that, he rushed to their room, going at top speed.
He slammed open the doors, examining the room. "Fai?" he called, walking into the bedroom. His boyfriend was nowhere to be seen. "Fai?" He walked through the bathroom into the living area. Still no Fai. A familiar feeling of dread began to fill his stomach. Every bit of peace that had filled him from his decision now was replaced with a hardened fear; what if he never got to tell Fai?
Suddenly, he realized that the door to the balcony was opened, and he rushed out into the rain. "Fai?!" he shouted, realizing that there was no one on the balcony. "Where the fuck are you!?"
And all I scream for you
Every ounce of energy was devoted to hanging onto the railing. Every second that passed by, every onslaught of rain and wind drained him even more. He was cold, and he was tired, and he was hungry. Even more than that, he hurt. Not a physical pain; the rain and wind had frozen him beyond the state of feeling… no… his heart hurt, and his pride hurt.
He should just let go. What difference would it make if he let go and let his eyes close? If he fell asleep, fell into the peaceful oblivion that waited for him? It wouldn't hurt at all.
Fai grit his teeth and diverged a bit of energy to shake his head clear of the suicidal thoughts.
No, no, no! He would not die! It was too easy, too easy to imagine… His body on the ground, Sakura's screams—he'd promised long ago not to make her cry; oh, how he'd broken his promise so many times! Shaoran and Watanuki trying their best not to show their tears… and Kurogane…
What of Kurogane?! Tears fell down Fai's face, mingling with the cold rain. God, it was just too hard to accept. Would the older teen even come looking for him? He'd screwed up so terribly this time, he wouldn't blame Kurogane if…
Then he heard his name…
"Fai, where the fuck are you!?"
Fai opened his mouth, water trickling in. He swallowed hard, then screamed. "KUROGANE!"
Kurogane whirled up on the balcony, hearing Fai scream. For the first time in his life, he felt like he was going to faint. A hand… holding onto the balcony's bent railing for dear life.
Fai's hand.
He stood, rooted to the spot in horror.
"KUROGANE!"
Kurogane yanked his cell phone out of his pocket and dialed as quickly as he could.
Fai could hear the older teen's frantic shouts, and he closed his eyes, grimacing. He called to Kurogane again.
Kurogane dropped his phone, grabbing Fai's wrist tightly.
"You dolt, what are you doing?!"
Fai looked up, smiling, "H-h-hanging ou-out."
Kurogane grit his teeth, reaching his other arm out over the bent railing, bracing his feet against the slick concrete and metal; "Grab my hand you dumbass," he shouted. "You heard the lady! So why did you come out here?"
Fai's face went blank, "She's my auntie, you know," he whispered, dropping his head. He could feel Kurogane tugging him up, and gravity yanking him downwards. While his weight was no problem for the senior under normal circumstances… he wondered if he'd survive this stupidity.
Kurogane could feel Fai shake under his hands; he griped tighter, trying to find purchase in the rain-soaked skin. He could feel his feet sliding out from under him, and he scrabbled. 'Hold on. Hold on at least until emergency services get here…'
"She looks a lot like you," Kurogane commented. "I noticed it when we first got here."
"She's my mom's twin sister."
"Mother must have been pretty."
"She was. Twins run in the family."
"I heard."
"Wh-what?"
Kurogane readjusted his feet, bent halfway over the railing. He could feel one of Fai's wrists slip in his grasp. 'Hold on. Hold on. Keep him distracted so he'll stay relaxed.'
Sirens began to blare in the background.
"Sakura told me. Was your mom as good-looking as you are?"
"Prettier," Fai mumbled, smiling blankly. "My name's not Fai, by the way."
"Huh?"
"You see… I had to take my brother's name after the trial. My father runs a mafia. I wasn't safe."
"What's your real name?"
"… Do I have to tell you?"
"I'll tell you something interesting if you do," Kurogane offered, tugging at Fai's wrists.
Fai winced softly. He could feel himself slipping into unconsciousness. He dug his nails into Kurogane's sleeves, gripping his boyfriend tightly. "It's Yuui."
"… I like it."
"I don't."
"Too bad."
"What did you have to tell me?"
Kurogane growled, watching Fai's eyes grow bleary. His head lolled back against his shoulders and his hands grew limp, "I love you, you dumbass!"
Through the rain, I'm falling
I'm falling
I'm falling…
He never could quite remember what happened next. The last thing he remembered was hearing Kurogane screaming at him, and an odd sensation that felt like floating in water. When asked about it, he'd laugh, and say that Kurogane remembered more about his near death experiences than he did.
This was entirely true. Even years later, Kurogane would still have nightmares about what happened; the horrible sensation that flew through his body when Fai's hands slipped from his own. Or the burst of strength that some god out there delivered to him that allowed him to grab Fai and haul him up.
All they knew was that it happened. …And that Kurogane would never again let Fai near a balcony.
Show me what it's like
To be the last one standing,
And teach me wrong from right
And I'll show you what I can be
And say it for me; say it to me,
Fai sat, once more, in a hospital bed, staring at his arm. "You know…"
"Don't say it, I'm not writing a damn thing on that cast."
"I hate hospitals," Fai interjected, sighing. He leaned back into the pillows, avoiding looking at Kurogane. "When can I leave?"
"Dunno. When the doctors say so."
"But it's already been an entire day," he whined.
"Maybe they're scared about releasing an idiot like you into the world!" Kurogane snapped, shifting in his own bed.
"You don't like hospitals either, do you?"
"No. Not really."
"Ah. That makes two unhappy Gothix."
"Actually, all of us are unhappy. At you."
"Shut up."
Kurogane chuckled, sliding out of his bed, sitting on Fai's. They'd been fortunate enough not to have fallen. The worst injury of that came from the fiasco was Fai's broken arm. Every thing else was treatable with aspirin, a blow-dryer, and a heated blanket. "Hey, idiot," he drawled, reaching out to stroke Fai's cheek. "Let's go on a date after we're released. You owe me."
Fai blushed, nuzzling into Kurogane's hand. "Alright," he whispered. Deep in his heart, he knew it'd be their last. "I love you."
"I do too. Now, promise me you won't do anymore dumbass stunts," Kurogane demanded, pulling Fai's face to his own, staring into the junior's blue eyes.
"But! Being saved by Kuro-sama at the end makes them worthwhile!"
"Do you want me to go gray early?!"
"Eeew!"
"Then I suggest you stop!"
Fai leaned forward, kissing Kurogane chastely. "I'll try my best. That's the best I can do."
The senior huffed, settling in Fai's bed. He pulled the blonde close. "What can I do?"
Fai opened his mouth to speak, but was interrupted by a nurse coming in with their clothes. "Mr. Flowright? Mr. Suwa? You two can go now. The doctor's signed the release papers."
Kurogane sighed in relief, getting out of the bed. He helped Fai out, then handed the blonde his clothes, changing into his own. He patted his pockets, smirking as he found that the item he'd bought the day before was still intact. "Let's go on that date, huh?" He held his hand out, blushing slightly.
Fai smiled, grabbing Kurogane's hand, "I know some good places around here."
"Really? Good meaning actually good, or really ridiculous?"
Fai only gave a musical laugh, pulling Kurogane along behind him.
He led him through the town, to a small cliff that had a region roped off for observation. "I liked to come here when I was a child. Mother loved it here. You can see the valley really well right here," he said, pointing.
Kurogane looked, then laughed, "It's very green."
"Well, it's prettier when it snows!" Fai huffed, putting his hand on his hip. "It's not my fault that we had to come during the off season!"
"Yeah, I remember Shaoran saying something about snowboarding."
Fai smiled, nodding, "And skiing. Celes is famous for its winters. Everything's so pretty, covered in snow. I love it…"
"Do you miss it?"
"Mmm… well, sometimes."
Kurogane wrapped his arms around Fai's waist, "I guess you don't really like it in Koryo, huh?"
"It's not that I don't like it, it's just… winters there are too short. I wished it could've done more than rain while we were here… It never snows back home. Not real snow. Too far south for that… I'd like to spend a Christmas with you up here, everything covered in snow. You'd like it, I think…" Fai spaced out for a moment, but then chuckled, "Or you might hate it a lot."
The senior sighed, slowly letting go of Fai. He took a step back. "Fai… What can I do?"
Fai closed his eyes, holding Kurogane's hand to his heart. He understood the meaning right away. "Tell me about yourself. Tell me how you got so strong, how you came to notice me… Teach me to be like you, so I can grow up. If you can do that, I won't let you down, I promise."
Kurogane pulled Fai's hand forward, and the blonde blinked his eyes open inquisitively. "Only if you tell me first."
"Now?"
Kurogane shrugged, "Why not?"
The boy closed his eyes, "I told you most of it yesterday. I thought I was going to die, so I thought… 'I'm going to lose him, one way or another'," he said softly.
"I'll never leave you."
"I might leave you," Fai said cryptically.
Kurogane smirked, then slid something onto Fai's finger. "You won't now. You wouldn't dare," he challenged, letting the blonde pull his hand away.
The kendo member watched smugly as Fai's eyes went wide, "What is this?"
"What do you think?"
Fai surveyed his finger; wrapped around the base was a slim band of silver, a light blue stone set in the middle. Around which were swirls of engraving that, when Fai looked closer, turned out to be an engraving:
'Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference…'
"It looks like a ring," Fai said faintly, his cheeks growing a nice shade of dark pink.
"Damn right," Kurogane said gruffly, kicking the ground. "… there's another one," he said finally.
The blonde blinked, "Really? What does it say?" He reached out for Kurogane's left hand, "You're wearing it, right?"
"Well… kinda…"
He grabbed his lover's hand, pulling it close. Kurogane's was of similar design, only thicker, with no stone. The words spiraled across the metal, winding in upon the center.
'To every thing, there is a time to every purpose under heaven: a time to gain, a time to lose, a time for love, and a time for hate; a time to embrace…'
"Are they… like…?"
Kurogane flushed, "They were sold as a set. Like a promise ring or somethin'," he muttered, averting his gaze from Fai's. "I figured it'd… you know… help… or…yeah."
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me
Through the rain, I'm falling
Fai's eyes widened in shock, his face shining with joy. He opened his mouth to speak, but when nothing came out, he simply shook his head, throwing his uninjured arm around Kurogane's shoulder, shaking softly.
"You don't have, to, like, wear it or anything," Kurogane said brusquely, reaching out to rest his hands on Fai's waist.
"I'll wear it," Fai gushed, looking up at his lover. "I'll never take it off. You have made me a very, very happy person… I love you so much."
A rare smile worked its way onto Kurogane's face, and he hugged Fai tight. "And you thought you could scare me away," he chided, kissing the blonde's face.
"It would have scared me away," Fai whined, the smile on his face contradicting his complaint.
"That's you, dumbass."
"So you'll save me, right? Next time I fall down? Huh, Kuro-koi?"
"I may just push you off this cliff if you don't kick the crap."
Fai laughed, then leaned up to kiss Kurogane deeply. The two were so wrapped up in themselves that they didn't hear the multiple car doors slam, and feet coming their way.
"Excuse me; we hate to ruin the moment," a man called, tapping Fai on the shoulder.
The junior pulled away, spinning around to look at the speaker.
His face paled, and all the joy seemed to evaporate from the air. He backed up into Kurogane, shaking his head. His hands scrambled backwards, grabbing at his lover, his nails digging sharply into the older teen's arm.
Four men in black suits stood in a semicircle around the two, looking somber with their arms crossed.
"Mr. Flowright, you need to come with us."
"Fai… who are these people?!"
Fai turned to look at Kurogane, tears in his horrified eyes. "The...they're… the US Marshals…" he whispered. "I knew it… I'm so sorry!"
And say it for me; say it to me,
And I'll leave this life behind me
Say it if it's worth saving me
This was the saving Fai had been speaking of. The boy didn't need rescuing from his father, or his past, or even the mafia. He'd been 'rescued' from that…
What he needed was to be saved from being saved.
He could've been the one to take him away…
But it was far too late, and he doubted he'd ever see the blonde boy with the broken smile ever again, no matter how much he wished for it.
"I still love you."
Even now, years later, he'd whisper it up to the sky, no matter how tired or hurt or depressed he was. He'd always find a way.
Because he still hoped to be the one to save him.
A/N2: Oh. My. God…. You guys are going to kill me, right?? Anyway… Here's ten things to know about this chapter:
1)The prologue for the 'real' story; go read it—it speaks briefly about Kuro and Fai's reunion. They meet again—go read the 'real' story to find out. 2) Yes, they were engagement rings. Kuro's too shy to admit that. Fai knows it, though. 3) Fai's ring bears an adaptation of the serenity prayer, while Kuro's is an adaptation of Ecclesiastes 3.1-8. (Interesting how that works, hm?) 4) The US Marshals are part of the Witness Protection system. Fai's confidentiality was breached, and so he had to be moved, STAT because… 5) Ashura is the head of the mafia in Celes, called "Infinity". It's really more of a gang than a mafia, but it's family operated, so I opted to call it such. The Flowrights are very, very, very rich because of this. 6) The real Fai was in a coma for nine years. 7) Ashura really isn't Fai's real father— his real father's identity is yet to be known, not even to me. Freya was his mother (from Chobits). His cousins are Sumomo and Hatoko. Ashura really isn't evil… Well. Mostly. He loves Fai and his brother dearly (Fai is his favorite to torture, so I think that love borderlines on the incestuous type...Uh…), and only wants them to get away from the lifestyle he leads, as he was born into it. His motives are sorta pure… Maybe. (He's just fun to write…) 8)Celes is in Ruval County, up in the north section of the United States; if I were to put it anywhere, it'd be Washington or something. Koryo would be in California. Koryo is part of Shirasaki County. I've just randomly placed them in the US, because… well… I was lazy. (No, they don't really exist in the US.) 9)Tomoyo and Ameterasu are Kurogane's cousins. Sonomi (from CCS) is his aunt. Fai's first foster parent was Misaki from Angelic Layer. When she got married, Fai moved to Koryo, simply because he couldn't stand all the romanticism. 10) Sakura corresponds to the clone Sakura from the original series, hence her determination. If we set chess Sakura into the world… Well, we'd get Gothix Sakura. She loves Fai dearly, and mother hens him a lot. Fai doesn't mind. Kurogane does sometimes. Sometimes Sakura minds Kurogane's relationship with Fai, but she's too kind to say anything about it. (Sorta like Touya minds Sakura's relationship with Syaoran.) Watanuki also cares a lot for Fai. Shaoran won't admit it, but he does to. He's actually closer to Kurogane than Fai, however, because of his personality. Since he corresponds to clone Syaoran, he's a little bit uppity.