A/N I passed all my finals and I graduated. Thank you for being patient with me. The only thing I didn't get done was my work on my own book which I really want to get done. Well I will eventually so here you go this is chapter 7 there will only be one more chapter but I have some other ideas I think you guys will like.

Upon the Horizon

Ch. 7 Scares

I turned back to go to Anthony when I heard several 'gasps' comes from behind me; I turned to look at everyone.

"What are you all staring at?"

"Bella dear your back it's all cut up." Esme said still glaring at me.

"How could you not feel that ... it looks really bad? Owe!" Felix said. I just shrugged. I didn't feel it not really well not until they mentioned it now it kind of hurt.

"You know it's not the worst of the scars I've got." There was no elaboration required Felix understood. "Besides it will heal eventually all scars do on the outside anyway." I wasn't sure if I was the only one who noticed the double meaning in my word.

6 hours later back at the castle.

Anthony fell asleep just as we landed so I carried him home and put him in bed. I turned to see Edward staring at me from the door way. I just walked past him. That seemed to really hurt him.

"Bella you are going to have to talk to me eventually. Please I'm begging you just please talk to me." Edward said pleading with me. But he was right I would have to talk to him sooner or later we were going to have to work out our parenting arrangements.

"Fine Edward what do you want to talk about? How you left me to raise our son by myself, or how when you left I didn't want to live because you ripped my heart out and took it with you when you left me 

standing there that day. Is that what you want to talk about?" I could see as I spoke how his face cringed away from my words he looked as though I had ripped out his heart.

"Well we can start there . . . let's I need to explain that to you I want you to know the truth." Edward said back.

"Fine explain, I'm listening." I said.

"Bella I have always and will always love you the way I feel about you will never change. I left because I wanted to protect you after what happened with Jasper I just couldn't keep risking your life. I left to protect you and that is all I have ever wanted to do, protect you." The love and compassion in his eyes almost killed me maybe he really did care. I wanted to believe him I really did but I didn't want to get hurt again.

"That's all well and good but I just don't know if I can believe you it was hard for me when you left I just couldn't deal with it if you were lying to me know. I mean you could just be doing this because of Anthony, I mean if you think that I wouldn't let you see him. I would let you I would never try to keep him away from you your his father." I stopped talking; I'd been rambling on about nothing because I hadn't been sure what to say at all. This was all so confusing.

I spent the last five years believing that he didn't love me, that he was avoiding me, that he didn't want me. Now he was telling me he loved me, that he had always loved me. How was I supposed to deal with this I didn't know whether to trust my heart or me head.

"Bella I love you and if you love me you will see that I love you to; I know I broke your faith and trust in me but I need you to find it again. Bella I need you to love me, to know how much I love you I never meant to hurt you." Edward was begging for my forgiveness and what I wouldn't give to forgive him I just didn't know how to do it.

"Edward I love you more than you can ever know but I'm just so scared of being hurt again. I'll try and see if I can learn to trust you again but it took me a while to live again after you left it wouldn't be hard for you to completely destroy me if you left again. When Anthony was born I loved him I really did but even as a baby he looked like you and it hurt so badly to look at him my chest burned with a fire so strong every time I did." I had never told anyone that even now it was easy to talk to Edward things just flowed out when I was with him.

"Thank you Bella I suppose that's all I can really ask for anyway after what I did to you. You need to understand though I should never have left it was the biggest mistake of my very long life not just because of Anthony but because my life is nothing without you I may not have thought I had a soul before I met you but I found a part of it when I first saw you and without you I'm more empty than I was before." He leaned over to cup my cheek his hand felt good on my face it felt right. He gave me half hearted smile that didn't reach his eyes.

A piece of my hair fell in front of my face something Edward had always felt the impulse to fix by pushing it behind my ear. And so he did what he did what I expected he moved it back behind my ear. As he did this his fingers brushed agents the scares on my neck that I normally required my hair to keep hidden from the world.

"Bella where did you get these scars on your neck they look painful. Who did this to you?" Edward looked beyond angry I could tell he was trying to control his voice. He was obviously contemplating how he could kill the person who had done this to me; it was nice to have him here to protect me. Little did he know though that the one responsible was his own son.

"It was Anthony but before you freak out let me explain." I said as I lead him over to the couch this was going to be a long story we might as well sit.

"Ok, Bella explain why our son did this to you." Now Edward was really upset not just angry that someone we love had done this.

"When Anthony was born he was hungry like all babies are but he didn't like human food and when I tried animal blood he wouldn't eat that either. I was worried he would die or something I was really starting to get scared when this idea or maybe it was instinct I don't really know but I thought maybe he needed my blood. So I cut myself and well it worked he drank and didn't get sick or anything." I was glad to be able to share this with Edward to share our son. He needed to know these things.

"Didn't that hurt you to have him drink from you to cut yourself?" He didn't like the idea that I would hurt myself.



"Yes it did but it kept him alive when he was two and a half he started hunting on animals with my help of course. Doing that did mean that I had to hunt like three times a day but it was worth it." I really hope he understood this because no one else ever did, well except Felix.

"How did you do that by yourself? I should have been there Bella I should have helped you I missed everything the good and the bad." This time he didn't try to hide the pain in his voice it rang loud and clear.

"Edward you didn't mean to not be there and you did it with the best of intentions. Besides I didn't do it by myself it is hard when you're in pain to hold a baby to your neck or wrist so Felix always helped me everyone else thought I was nuts for doing it. So I wasn't alone, and I know you well enough that you would never have let me do that to myself no matter how necessary it was." He knew I was right.

"That's what you ment before when you were talking to Felix about scares."

"Bella I just can't stand to see you in pain you are such a beautiful person inside and out you should never have to hurt and the thought that I caused you pain or that I wasn't there to help you threw the pain it makes me sick to my core. I swear to you I will never be the cause of you pain again and I will make certain that you never feel pain again." The sincerity in his voice almost killed me it was so deep strong and purely heart felt. I really did love him and maybe just maybe he loved me to he really did love me too.

Leaving because he thought it would help me didn't seem like an un Edward type thing to do he always did dumb things that he thought would help, but so did I.

"Thank you Edward that means a lot." I smiled I really wanted to kiss him but that seemed like giving in to me and that was not something I wanted to do. But I would give in sooner or later.

A/N There you go please review.