While Astrometrics was now almost completely functional, the form of the room was still lacking. The screen was functional but the bulkhead had yet to be replaced around it, so instead it was framed by blinking circuitry and jagged metal where the wall had been cut away to make room for the display. Were it up to Seven of Nine, the task would be complete as aesthetics were irrelevant but Janeway liked clean lines and polished metal, so there was still work to be done.
Tom stood next to Seven at the console, entering in data and watching the display shift and change in accommodation of new information. Seven had done remarkable work – had practically put stellar cartography out of business. Seven wasn't chatty and they'd spent most of their time together in silence but Tom didn't mind the quiet. He was, however, surprised when Seven was the one to break it.
"Lieutenant Paris, I want to apologize for my remarks in the briefing room."
He glanced up and saw her looking at him, her face emotionless but open and sincere.
"Oh," he said. "Apology accepted."
She turned back to her display.
"It's really the Captain you should apologize to, though," he added. She turned back to him.
"I had planned on doing so," Seven said. "The Doctor has been aiding in my social development and has informed me that people do not like being told of their own romantic preferences."
"I suppose that's true," Tom said. "Especially when they haven't even admitted them to themselves."
"I do not understand," Seven said.
"I just mean… no one likes to be informed of their own feelings, especially personal ones," Tom said. She stared at him blankly. "Captain Janeway isn't the type to be open with her feelings anyway."
"Curious," Seven said. "It is Captain Janeway who most encourages me to be open with my emotions."
"And that's a little thing we like to call irony," Tom said. "She's right to encourage you to be open, I just wish she'd take her own advice once in a while."
"When you and Captain Janeway were linked, you were a collective." Seven said it as if it was a statement, but he was pretty sure it was a question.
"I hadn't thought of it like that, but yes," he said.
"Did you find the experience enlightening?" she asked.
"Are you asking me if I liked it?" he asked. She nodded. "I didn't think I would, but yes. There were some good parts. There were some bad parts, too."
"I find I often miss the feeling of being a part of the collective," Seven admitted. "When I heard about what happened with you and Captain Janeway, I felt…" She trailed off, searching for the correct word.
"Jealous?" he supplied.
"Envious," she said. He didn't bother to point out that meant the same thing.
"Just call me Two of Two," he joked but of course, Seven didn't smile. They fell back into their work and it was only a few minutes later that the doors hissed open and Janeway herself strode in.
"Speak of the devil," Tom said.
"I'm afraid to ask," Janeway said. Tom looked away, wary of staring at her too long. This was the first they'd seen of one another since the previous night and with Seven in the room, they didn't need to take any chances.
"Captain, I just wanted to apologize…" Seven was launching into her speech again so Tom turned back to his console and tried to think of anything other than how kissing the Captain had felt. How kissing Kathryn had felt. They were both on duty and the only way he would be able to continue was if he could learn to separate the two.
"It's fine, Seven," Janeway was saying, though her voice had lost that patient quality.
"Seven, show the Captain your latest modifications," Tom interrupted. Seven shot him an icy look but complied. Janeway headed for the screen so she could get a closer look at what Seven was bringing up on the display. When the construction of the room was complete, there would be steps up to a dais. As the room was now, the steps had been laid out but not attached. Tom saw Janeway lift her foot and winced.
"Captain, be careful!" he called, but she'd already brought her foot down. The panel of deck plating slid out from under her and she went flying back, landing hard on her backside. The metal slid down onto one of her ankles with a loud clang.
"Ow," she said after a moment. Tom rushed over to her.
"Seven, get the medkit," he ordered.
"This room is not yet equipped with one," she said.
"Well then go find one!" he yelled. Seven hurried out the door while Tom pulled the deck plating off her leg.
"I'm all right," she hissed, sitting up.
"You're bleeding profusely," he noted. The metal had cut a large gash into her leg. It'd ripped her pants and her blood was quickly soaking the cloth around the area.
"I think it's just my dignity seeping out," she said, but hissed when he pressed his hand directing to the cut to staunch the flow. "Ouch!"
"Where's Seven?" he asked.
"Are your hands clean?" she asked.
"Probably not," he said. "We'll let the Doctor deal with any infections."
"Great, I…" She faltered for a second.
"You okay?" he asked.
"A little dizzy," she noted. Seven returned, a medkit in her hand. Tom grabbed it and pulled out the tricorder. He handed it to Seven.
"Scan her," he ordered. He didn't want to take his hand away from the wound.
"She has fractured her tibia," Seven noted.
"Let's stop the bleeding and get her to sickbay," Tom said. He pulled his hand away and was pleased to see that, while she was still bleeding, it had slowed to a trickle. He used the dermal regenerator to close the wound. "You okay?" he asked her.
"Woozy," she said.
"Come on, we're going to sickbay," he said. "Seven, help me."
Tom pulled her to her feet and she gasped. Tom took one arm and Seven the other. They shared the brunt of her weight and they limped out the door to sickbay.
oooo
"You are having quite the accident-prone month," the Doctor said, having repaired the fracture. "Perhaps you should consider being more careful?"
"Doctor, I…"
"Kathryn." Tom had heard the ire in her voice and had said her name softly to head off a fight that they all would regret. She glanced at him and sighed.
"Yes, Doctor," she said, through clenched teeth.
"Come on," Tom said. "I'll walk you to your quarters."
"I'm fine," she said. "I can return to duty."
"You're fine, but your pants aren't," he said, looking down. She looked at her leg and smiled.
"All right," she said. They boarded the turbolift just outside sickbay and Tom realized it was the first time they'd been alone since the previous night. Janeway seemed distracted by the state of her uniform and when she looked at him, she frowned. "You'll have to change too."
"Huh?" he asked.
"My blood is on your sleeve," she said. He looked down at the fabric. It was hard to see the blood on the black cloth – uniforms were resistant to stains and most elements but when the looked closer, he could see that the gray sleeve of his turtleneck was soaked around the cuff.
"So it is," he said.
"I probably have one of your shirts in my quarters, still," she offered. He was almost certain that he'd cleared her quarters of all of his belongings but he wasn't about to turn down an invitation. Inside her quarters, disappeared into her bedroom, her hands already unfastening the clasp on her trousers. He busied himself pulling off his uniform jacket. Her blood was bright against the dull fabric at his wrist. At the time, he knew her injury was mostly superficial and easily healed. Now, staring at her blood made him feel uneasy and slightly panicked.
"You look like you've just seen a ghost," Janeway said, reappearing looking fresh. "What's wrong?"
He lifted his sleeve.
"You were hurt," he said.
"A scrape," she said. "Which you took care of."
"Right, but what if it had been more serious?" he asked. "You really do need to be more careful."
"All right," she said. "Now we have a problem."
"What?"
"I've seen that look before. I've seen it on every first officer I've had, every boyfriend, every fiancé I've ever been attached to," she said. "My job is dangerous. Nothing, short of getting a new one, is going to change that."
"Of course, but…"
"I'm the Captain, Tom. That's the end of it. I'm always going to be the Captain and no matter what you and I feel for one another, I have to be in charge. I have to take risks and you have to follow my lead without questioning your orders or this… this is over before it begins."
"You're right," he said. "Of course you're right. I'm sorry, Captain."
"Apology accepted," she said. "I couldn't find your shirt. Replicate a new one."
"Yes, Ma'am," he said. He used her replicator to produce a new turtleneck and jacket. He removed his comm. badge and pips and set them on her desk. She turned around, faced the wall to give him a little privacy. He quickly stripped off the old shirt and shrugged on the new one.
"We should… talk about what happened," she said. When she heard him zip up his jacket, she turned around.
"You kissed me," he said. "That's what happened."
"You kissed me back," she accused.
"I don't deny that," he said. "What more would you like to discuss?" She frowned at him, crossing her arms and looking stern.
"I don't routinely go around kissing people, Tom," she said.
"I didn't say you did," he said. "Or that kissing people is a crime."
"I know," she said. "You're just going to give me time to adjust, all right?"
"You're the boss," he said. "Janeway speed is my favorite speed to fly."
"Now you're just charming me," she said, stepping up to him. He smiled. When she didn't move away, he leaned down and kissed her softly. He slid his hands down her arms and settled them on her hips. She pushed up onto the balls of her feet and wrapped her arms around his neck, tilting her head so their noses didn't bump. He was just thinking of sliding his hands down a little further when they were interrupted.
"All senior officers report to the bridge." This was Chakotay, summoning them to duty. They could tell by his tone, though, that it was a summons for a scientific discovery rather a life-threatening emergency. Janeway stepped back and took a deep breath.
"To be continued?" she asked. He nodded, not trusting himself to speak. He turned to the door. "Wait, you have lipstick…" She wiped his mouth with her finger. "How am I?"
"A little smeared," he said.
"Go on," she said, rushing into the bathroom. "I'm right behind you." He waited, however, and endured the steely glare she gave him when she found him still standing in her sitting room. They picked up the pace in the corridor and when they emerged from the lift together, she barked for a report before anyone could notice anything. He slid into his chair, thankful for a new distraction.
The truth of the matter was, however, that seeing Captain Janeway and Lieutenant Paris together was becoming commonplace. News of the break-up of Tom and B'Elanna had spread quickly through the ranks and that being paired with the news of the implants was enough to keep the gossip mill going for a good, long while. Because everyone understood the necessity of staying close to one another when the implants were still blinking in their brains, but the fact that Janeway and Paris were still together a great deal of the time with no real explanation was a whole other story.
They ate their meals together, when Janeway bothered to eat. They walked the corridors together, they shared holodeck time and if one of them was exiting a turbolift, it was a fairly safe bet that the other was not far behind. And when, the crew noticed, Janeway and Paris were not together, they both looked as if they wished they were. Janeway hid it better, of course, she wasn't the Captain for nothing, but Paris got this wistful, impatient expression. If he was sitting, his leg bounced endlessly and if he was standing, his fingers were curled at his side.
Those who were up in the bridge rotations watched the pair carefully. Janeway tended to stay in her seat, her ready room, or up at Tuvok's security station and Tom, having a seat, stayed in it. But now, it wasn't unusual to see Janeway up at the helm, leaning against the console studying data or talking to her pilot with a serious, soft expression.
"How was it?"
Harry Kim was in the mess hall and had been approached by a few members of the lower ranks.
"How was what?" he asked, confused.
"Your bridge shift?" Ayala asked.
"Normal?" he answered, hopefully.
"Come on, Harry," Jenny Delaney said, sitting down across from him. "We all know Tom can't run a betting pool based on himself and someone has to step up. That person is me."
"Great," Harry muttered. "What do you want from me?"
"We want you to tell us what you saw," Megan Delaney said. "You're Tom's best friend! You work almost every bridge shift with Janeway!"
"Captain Janeway," Harry corrected, sounding uneasy. "I'm not going to gossip about the Captain."
"Fine," Jenny said. "Then gossip about Tom."
"No," Harry said, looking down at his dinner. It was growing cold on his tray and nothing, not anything that Neelix made ever tasted better cold. Both Delaney's crossed their arms in the same, huffy manner. "Look, I don't know what's happening with those two, but even if I did, it wouldn't be my place to say."
"Fine," Ayala said. Harry always thought he was a man who knew when to quit and smiled at him gratefully. "It's not like you were the only person on the bridge last shift."
Harry sighed and watched the three of them retreat. He'd been honest, however. He didn't know what was going on between Tom and the Captain. He did know that Tom had been all but absent from his life in the last two weeks and it didn't look like that would be changing any time soon. He also knew that the Captain had been uncharacteristically chipper through something that should have been a grave situation – an abduction and violation of individual rights.
And Tom – Tom was almost unrecognizable. Instead of being upbeat and open, he was secretive and had been dodging Harry. In fact, he'd been dodging everyone off shift. He didn't toil hours away alone in the holodeck, didn't hang around engineering anymore, obviously. Short of duty shifts and meal times, Tom Paris had pulled a disappearing act. Harry suspected, however, that Tom Paris was not alone. Would he say this to the Delaney twins and Ayala? No. Did he want to know what was happening with his best friend and his Captain behind closed doors?
Not even slightly.
oooo
Janeway fretted about making a mistake only when she wasn't with Tom. When Tom was working in Sickbay or when she was holed up in meetings all day, she fretted that she couldn't change her life enough to accommodate another person. That there was too much to deal with and that when she got home at the end of a very long day, she just wanted to be alone with her thoughts and to sleep heavily in a large and empty bed.
But when Tom was in the room, she couldn't ever remember her reasons for wanting to be alone. Tom managed to bring out the best in her. With Tom, she was funny and charming. With Tom, she managed to stay relaxed and alert and when she started to slip, he could see it and could somehow pull her back with a look or the touch of his hand on the small of her back.
Right now, though, nothing could cheer up Kathryn Janeway. She'd spent the day caught between two warring alien ships and Voyager had once again been in the wrong place at the wrong time. The ship had taken considerable damage and Janeway wondered idly if there was any of the original Voyager left or if they had rebuilt everything so many times that it was an all-new ship.
Her ready room was in shambles, the bridge was a mess – half of the consoles were out and the other half were still flickering. Sickbay was dealing with injured crew and she didn't even want to think about engineering. They'd limped away at half impulse and Tom had spent almost ten minutes explaining to her why he couldn't get a stable warp field to form but had realized soon enough that she wasn't really listening.
"Go work with B'Elanna," she'd said, rubbing her forehead and smudging it with conduit grease. She hadn't thought about the order much, it was her chief engineer and her pilot and to Tom's credit, he didn't bat an eye before heading to the lower decks. Later, when Chakotay had handed her a cup of coffee and she'd looked up expecting to see Tom, she realized what she had done.
"You okay?" Chakotay asked. She was sitting on the floor working on the Ops console – Harry had taken a blow to the head during the fight and was still in sickbay so she'd decided that after warp, sensors were the next highest priority.
"Yes," she said. "I just realized I did something… well. It's fine. Hand me that spanner?"
"Sure," he said. "I can get Seven up here to help you, if you'd like."
"She's working on Astrometrics," Janeway said. "If she gets that working then I won't even have to worry about these sensors."
"You look like hell," Chakotay said, sitting next to her. She snatched the spanner from his hand and went back to work.
"We all look like hell," she said. "But thanks anyway."
"I just mean you've been awake for 20 hours. You shouldn't be elbow deep in consoles and gel packs," he said.
"And yet, here I am," she said. "What's your point?"
"My point is Gamma shift is on in twenty minutes. When they arrive, let them take over and get some sleep, okay?"
"Fine," she said. "But only because you asked so nicely."
"Whatever it takes," he said, standing up.
When the shift change came on, she showed the ops ensign where she was in her repairs and got on the turbolift. She knew she should go to her quarters to shower and sleep, but instead she headed to engineering to check on progress there. Hopefully B'Elanna had better news for her and hopefully, Tom wouldn't be upset that she'd thrown him into the fray with his ex.
Engineering was still buzzing and she heard B'Elanna's voice above the din, still shouting orders. When B'Elanna saw the Captain, she didn't pause, just waved Janeway over and launched into her report. Things were bad, but not irreparable and B'Elanna said as much.
"So when will we have warp back?" Janeway asked, tiredly.
"48 hours," B'Elanna said. "Maybe a little longer for full efficiency."
"Good work," she said. "I sent Tom down to help, where is he?" B'Elanna, to her credit, kept her face neutral. She had a better poker face than Janeway her self.
"Tom is great with calculations and theory, but when it comes to actual repairs?"
"I know," Janeway said.
"I sent him off duty about two hours ago," B'Elanna said. "But he was helpful."
"Good," Janeway said. "Get some rest, if you can."
B'Elanna laughed as she walked away.
Again, Janeway knew she should go to her own quarters, but instead she went to Tom's. When she rang the chime there was no response, so she entered in his code and crept into the dark quarters. She found him on his bed, asleep in his uniform. He hadn't even taken off his shoes before collapsing. He was a sorry sight – sweaty and smudged. He had soot and conduit residue on his uniform and was snoring. She sat next to him on the edge of the mattress and touched his shoulder.
"Hey," she said. "Tom."
He opened his eyes and struggled to focus.
"Kathryn," he said. "What time is it?"
"Don't worry," she said. "I just got off shift and wanted to check on you. I wanted to… apologize for sending you down to work with B'Elanna without a thought."
"Why are you apologizing?" he asked, sleepily. "You did your job and you did it right."
"I know, but…"
"No buts," he ordered. "This is what we agreed upon." She smiled at him, touched her hand to his face.
"Thanks," she said. She moved to stand but he stopped her.
"You could stay," he said. She searched his face. They hadn't spent the night together since having the implants removed. They hadn't done much more than kiss, either. "Just to sleep."
"I need a shower," she said. "You do too, honestly."
"I happen to have one," he said. "You go first. Please, I'd like for you to stay." She didn't want to disappoint him and the thought of sleeping with him next to her again was too much to resist.
In his shower, she thought about him. She wanted him, she did, but things had been so hectic that every time they got a moment together, it was interrupted. The last time, they'd been on her sofa. They'd been kissing for almost half an hour. Her lips had felt swollen and her neck tingled from his slight stubble. They'd reclined so he was mostly on top of her and his hand had made its way under her shirt. She was just about to pull his own shirt off when the ship and shuddered with hostile fire.
As soon as she got a romantic life, even the ship conspired to take it away form her. It didn't seem fair. She shut off the shower and wrapped his towel around her. It wasn't the most soothing shower but all she wanted was to be rid of visible evidence of a disastrous day.
Tom came into the bathroom and she didn't even care that he saw her in his towel. The towel was enormous and covered everything from below her shoulders to mid-calf. He handed her a t-shirt and a clean pair of his underwear and she took the offered garments and moved past him so he could shower. She dressed and crept in to hang the towel back up so he would have it when he was finished. She knew he must be tired – usually, she'd learned quickly, he hummed in the shower a sound that ricocheted off the walls of the small bathroom and floated out into the larger living area, but now she could only hear the sound of the shower running and little else.
His clothes were too big for her. The neck of the brown t-shirt hung down, exposing one shoulder. The boxer shorts he'd offered were simple – standard issue – but she had narrow hips and had to roll the waist over a few times to get them to stay in place. It was her fault for having no forethought, for assuming she would be able to come in here and leave in the same hour.
The shower shut off and she crawled into bed, her hair wet and tangled against his pillow. She could smell him beneath her own smell. She pressed her face into the pillow and breathed deeply.
She was so, so tired. As soon as her body hit the mattress, she was already half way gone. She wanted to watch Tom come out of the bathroom, but instead, she felt him crawl into the bed next to her and she turned her head slightly but couldn't manage to open her eyes.
"Computer, no lights," he said and the computer chirped. The lights must've dimmed, but they'd been so low already she couldn't tell the difference from behind her eyelids. Tom settled in, pulling the blanket up over them both. She felt his knees press into the back of hers, the light dusting of a hairy leg against a smooth one. His arm rested in the dip of her waist, but she couldn't think about any of this. She was sleeping the deep and vast sleep of the exhausted.
oooo
Janeway woke up first. No matter whom she was involved with at the time, Janeway always woke up first. Her philosophy had always been that she could sleep when she was dead and she tried to live her life that way. Her body knew how much sleep it needed to function and when she woke up, she was awake. End of story.
She wasn't sure what time it was, exactly, or what had brought her back to consciousness. It took her a moment to realize that she wasn't in her own bed and that she wasn't alone. She rolled over and Tom's arm slipped off of her. He shifted in his sleep, accommodating for her movement. She watched him, mildly surprised. Tom was a good bedmate. Her first fiancé, Justin, had been restless like herself and when she moved in the night, he would wake up and complain. Mark, on the other hand, slept like the dead. He also liked to have his space and would hold her for a few minutes but then push her away. Tom, however, seemed to sleep through most anything and held her close in the night. He was warm though, a heat machine, and she pushed away the covers and slipped out of bed and into the bathroom.
She used the toilet and stared at her reflection as she washed her hands. Her hair was a mess and she looked tired and worn but she didn't care.
"Computer," she whispered. "What is the time?"
"The time is 0358," the computer responded. She winced, hoping the noise didn't wake Tom but when she padded back into the bedroom, he was still fast asleep. In two hours, she would have to start the process of beginning her day, but until then, she would crawl back into bed and wait it out in comfort.
Tom sensed her movement and rolled toward her when she got back under the covers. He cuddled up to her, pressing his face into her shoulder and sighing heavy and warm sighs.
"Tom?" she whispered. He mumbled something but she couldn't make it out. "What?"
"I'm sleeping," he repeated, slightly more clearly but still muffled by her skin and bone.
"I know," she said. "Sorry." She closed her eyes but her body wouldn't cooperate. She was restless, now, worried about her ship. "I'm going to get up," she said.
"No!" She heard that loud and clear.
"You want to sleep, I can't," she said.
"I want to sleep next to you," he said, stretching a little and finally prying open his eyes one at a time. "If you're not here, then, well… I'm just by myself."
"You're not really a morning person, are you?" she asked, raising her eyebrow.
"Did that not make sense?" he asked.
"It made some kind of sense," she conceded.
"I would like very much for you to stay for at least another hour," he said.
"Now that was clear," she said, relaxing back against him. She slid her bare leg over his and when he let his hand slide from her hip down her thigh, she sighed. She wasn't surprised to feel his lips against her neck yet and she turned her head to kiss him properly. His hand continued its journey, moving back up past her hips and across her flat stomach. The tip of his fingers brushed the bottom of her breast and her sigh turned to a gasp.
She suddenly knew exactly how they both could kill an hour.
oooo
Tom sat at the helm. He was working with B'Elanna again, but she was in engineering and sending him data through his console. She sent him another round of modifications and he input the changes.
"Hey!" he said. "I think we've got warp one!"
"Let's give it a shot!" Chakotay said, behind him. Janeway was nowhere to be found, somewhere in the bowels of the ship fixing something, no doubt. She'd been on the bridge at the start of the shift and she and Chakotay had spent nearly an hour in her ready room doing who knew what but when Chakotay had come back out he'd been alone.
"Yes sir," Tom said, now. He created the warp field and it remained stable for almost fifteen seconds before it collapsed. "Well."
"Yeah, keep working," Chakotay said. "Are you talking to engineering?"
"B'Elanna and I are on it," he said. Chakotay raised an eyebrow.
"Good," he said.
When Janeway came back onto the bridge, she was in a better mood than the previous day though she was once again covered with grease and grime.
"Mucking around again, I see," Chakotay said.
"My ship, my rules," she said.
"And don't you forget it," Tom muttered.
"Hey," Janeway said. "Just fly my ship, all right?"
"Yes, Captain," he said, biting back his smile. He could almost hear Harry smirking across the bridge.
"I don't want you out of that seat until we have warp, got it?" Janeway said, and this wasn't her teasing voice but the voice of the Captain. He knew what that meant.
"You'll have my best, Ma'am," he said. She nodded at him once and then stepped up to speak to Tuvok who had just reappeared at his security station. It was amazing how quickly the crew worked under pressure. Already the bridge looked almost back to normal and while they were still struggling to maintain a stable warp field, they'd have one by morning. He knew B'Elanna well, after all.
A couple hours before dinnertime, Janeway finally let them break for lunch. Tom and Harry didn't wait around for her to change her mind and hopped onto the turbolift. Tom looked at Janeway who looked at him back from just outside her ready room door. They locked eyes until the doors slid closed.
"Tom?" Harry asked. Tom had known Harry for four years now, had been his best friend for just shy of that. He knew Harry well and knew his tone of voice well enough to know that he was about to ask a brave question.
"Yeah, Harry?" he asked.
"Are you sleeping with the Captain?" Harry asked and Tom gave him some credit for keeping his voice steady. Tom thought about lying, thought about begging off a response all together, but the truth was, he owed Harry more than that.
"Yeah," Tom said. Harry exhaled, the end of his air turning into a dry chuckle. He shook his head in disbelief.
"Wow."
"You have no idea," Tom said.