Disclaimer- I do not own the copyrights to any of the anime/video games mentioned in this fanfiction. I own Holly and Haru. Ben, Zach, Steven and Timmy are muses who I know.
November 28th, 2007- Hey everyone! Here's another brand spanking new chapter of the variety show, brought to you by Pocky. Remember if it's a stick and delicious, it's probably Pocky. Oh and by the way I turn 19 on Saturday so I DEMAND PRESENTS!
Last time on the variety show: Geisha kidnapped Kato. Zach played poker with Dr.Tran, AND WON FIFTY MILLION DOLLARS!
" I'M NOT A DOCTOR!!" Dr.Tran shouted.
" YES YOU ARE!!" Zach shouted back
Oh and Holly had an idea on how to save Kato.
Holly opened the box and showed everyone her secret weapon. Geisha clothing, make up and for anyone with short hair there were black wigs.
" Gentlemen, were sneaking into that house as geisha," Holly proposed
" Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Wait a second" Zach said, " Isn't there any other alternatives. I mean sure, your ok with this plan Holly, because you're a girl"
" Actually this was my idea" Haru said, " Holly's the one who stole all the clothing from the Aoi Hana's main closet"
" I'm not dressing like a girl," Zach stated.
" Ditto" Ben said, " When I signed on I agreed to be shot out of a cannon, lit on fire and possibly killed by Sephiroth… But no cross dressing!"
At this point, your probably wondering what Steven and Timmy thought about this plan. Well truth be told the minute they saw the dresses they snuck out of the house and decided to take a much needed fishing trip.
" You think they'll go through with it?" Timmy asked Steven ask he hooked a worm onto his fishing line.
Steven only shrugged his shoulders.
" Ok let's see you come up with an idea" Holly said to Ben and Zach.
" Uh…."
After a few minutes of rational thought the two hung their heads in defeat. This was possibly the best way to get Kato out of Aoi Hana's without causing any harm to anyone inside. The only con was if someone outside of TSAC recognized them it would be one joke after another about someone's masculinity.
Except Holly of course.
" But why do you need all six of us?" Zach asked.
" Four" Holly corrected, " Steven and Timmy bailed on us about two minutes ago."
" GOD DAMN THEM!!!" Ben shouted and banged his fists the table.
There was silence for a few more moments. This wasn't a suicide mission or possible being crushed into nothingness by a black hole.
This was cross-dressing.
" Give me the fucking dress" Zach groaned.
Holly rummaged through the box.
" Which one-" Holly began to ask.
" I don't care!" Zach snapped.
So everyone got dressed in silence, save for Holly who was humming a sweet tune. Holly rarely wore dresses, but she did look cute. Since Haru could be classified as a bishounen he looked pretty good in geisha out fit. Zach had to wear a wig on the count of him having short hair.
" Come on gods.. kill me now" Zach mumbled, " Open shot"
And fifty miles away, Sephiroth picked his head up and grinned. He heard the death prayer uttered by some idiot.
" Here put this on," Holly said to Ben hand held up a geisha mask.
" Are you saying I'm ugly?" Ben asked.
" NO! ….Never!" Holly reassured, " Its just people will be able to tell you're a guy more then Haru or Zach"
" This is not going to end well," Ben grumbled while tying the mask up.
The four snuck into Aoi Hana's by a back door. The group walked in a two by two line looking around, making sure nobody recognized them. Although he was wearing a mask, Ben was trying to go to his happy place.
" Oi you four!"
The group turned to see the housekeeper. Ben recognized the housekeeper from last night, a sweatdrop appeared on the mask he was wearing.
The housekeeper scolded the four for being in a large group. She assigned each of them a room. Holly was assigned to entertain a group of businessmen. Haru was assigned to serve tea to some guy. Zach was assigned to kitchen duty.
" You!" the housekeeper said while pointing to Ben, " When there's a job for you I will let you know. Till then go upstairs!"
The four went their separate ways.
Holly was standing in the middle of a room, trying to figure out what to do for the group of businessmen. She started to do a nice little jig, the gentlemen started to get sweatdrops on their heads.
Geisha do not jig.
Haru and some man were laughing at a joke that the man told.
" Oh your so funny!" Haru giggled in a high pitched, girlish tone.
The man gave a small laugh and wrapped an arm around Haru's waist.
" Well..your pretty thin" The man said, " How do you keep in shape?"
Haru was really into playing the part of a geisha. God forbid Holly see Haru like this.
Somehow Zach was able to slip into some chef's outfit. He tied a bandanna around his head and started to chop up some vegetables.
" Ok…uhhh what do I know how to cook?" Zach thought to himself.
Ben was searching upstairs for Kato. The mask he was wearing made it difficult to breath. Since Ben was upstairs he took the mask off on the count of nobody was around.
" Eerie…" he said to himself.
Just then Ben felt some ki behind him. The two in the hall way had the exact same thought:
'Knock 'em out before he sees me'
Ben spun around to block whoever was about to punch him.
"Ahh…you suck!" Kato said in a wispy tone.
" Kato?…What the hell?!" Ben asked.
" Well I was trying to escape cause this place is really c-" Kato began to say.
" No, no, I meant that "You suck" voice" Ben said, " That was kinda weird"
…..
" Are you wearing a women's Kimono?" Kato asked.
"……" Ben didn't answer.
Before the inquiring of who was wearing what could continue another person came into the hallway. She looked at Kato, looked at Ben, then back at Kato.
" (GASP) CROSS DRESSER!!!!!" The housekeeper shouted at the top of her lungs.
Insert various swears in multiple languages here (author's notes: We at the Shingetsu Acting Company encourage bilingual abilities of our players. Give a Hoot! Learn a new language!).
So the two bolted for the nearest room, shut the door and barricaded it with a chair.
" Any quick ideas?" Ben asked dully.
" Anou…" Kato muttered as she looked around.
There was a table with an ink brush and bottle of ink on it. Kato grabbed the brush, drew a giant circle in the floor and poured the ink on it. The room now had a black puddle in it.
" Jump in" Kato said.
" What the-"
" I SAID F-CKING JUMP IN!" Kato shouted.
Ben poofed into prairie dog mode and jumped into the black hole. Kato backed away from the door unto the black puddle and she began to sink in. Just as the housekeeper and another geisha force their way in Kato's head went under. The two tried to jump into the puddle but all that accomplished was getting their socks black with ink.
So there was Zach, laying on the floor. Imagine Zach's surprise when all of a sudden Ben and Kato landed on top of him.
And they were inside.
" Could you guys get off of me…please?" Zach requested calmly, " My organs are being crushed."
The three stood up and Ben looked at the ceiling.
" What was that?" Ben asked.
" It's an ink teleportation trick I learned back a while ago" Kato said. " Think of it as an elevator"
Anyway at this point Holly crashed into the kitchen trying to pull some random guy off of her.
" GERROF ME YOU BASTARD!!" Holly shouted while throwing him across the hallway.
Since Haru had sensitive hearing he rushed over as soon as he heard Holly's shouting.
" This everyone?" Kato asked.
" Yeah. Steven and Timmy bailed on us" Haru said.
The group started for the back door, but by this time their cover had been blown and everyone knew exactly where to find them.
" STOP RIGHT THERE!!!"
The five turned to see an middle aged woman standing in front of a group of geisha.
" You, new girl, why are you destroying my house?" the older woman asked.
" My friends were trying to sneak me out of here because some of YOUR girls kidnapped me and brought me here" Kato said, " I am a writer! Not geisha"
" Hmmm…of course" the middle aged woman said. She walked up to Kato and took a look at her, " Yes you are too pudgy to be a writer"
Kato's eyes went wide with a hint of anger on her face.
" Besides they only kidnapped you as payment to Haru's debt" the middle aged woman said.
" WHAT?!"
" Ehehe" Haru chuckled with a sweatdrop.
" Yes" the woman said, " Haru owes us quite a bit of money. And since Haru couldn't pay us within the three months time, we took you as payment. It was his idea"
Holly immediately proceeded to punch Haru multiple times in the face.
" YOUBASTARDYOUSOLDMEOFFTOSOMEGEISHAHOUSEHOWCOULDYOU!" Kato shouted.
" You are much too violent as well to be geisha" the woman said, " Go now. We'll settle this later"
BACK AT THE SHINGETSU HQ!
Everyone was sitting in the TV room, watching a kung-fu movie. Kato was so furious that the angry energy radiated out of her, scaring the hell out of Haru. Everyone had thankfully changed out of the geisha outfits and burned them so that no evidence of cross dressing could ever be brought up against them.
Steven and Timmy walked back into the house.
" We're ba-" Steven began to say.
Five simultaneous death glares hit Steven and Timmy.
" Umm…I brought home some fish" Steven said sheepishly while holding up a tuna.
" Oh good I'll make sashimi!" Zach said.
TO BE CONTINUED!