Chapter 4- No Air
Abby
She had been in the hospital for 10 days, she was getting ancy, she missed her babies, she didn't want some stupid fill-in messing up her babies. Her lip had healed quite nicely and the bruise on her cheek was turning a pale greenish-yellow, the only reminder that something had happened to her was the cast on her right arm and the stitches between her thighs which was the most uncomfortable things she had ever encountered. They had kept her in the hospital for observation and therapy sessions, which were required after a rape case. God she hated that word, she hated when the suit wearing bimbo came to talk to her, that was all she wanted to talk about. How does that make you feel? Do you dream about it? Are they vivid dreams or more like memories? Abby never said a damn word, what was she supposed to say, she hated herself and nothing that suit wearing bimbo said would change her mind. She wanted to pretend it never happened, if it never happened she wouldn't have to deal with it. Why did everyone want her to face it? Didn't they understand it would crush her? She didn't want to be the weak Abby anymore, she wanted to be her old self, and no one would let her do that. She hadn't been alone since she was admitted and she felt like she needed fresh air, and room to think. She loved her team but they were suffocating her, she just needed to be alone to work this though.
The rest of the team had returned to work, even though none of them wanted to without Abby. After a while of getting things back in order it seemed things were going back to normal. No one saw her come in, or get on the elevator, but they could feel something was new. Abby released herself from the hospital and went straight to her lab. She needed to be at work, she couldn't let her thoughts consume then she really would break down. Her lab looked the same, but there was some annoying junk playing on the radio, she realized that this idiot was playing country music on her stereo. It was like this guy just came into her space and took over and no one even cared, she wanted to crawl into a ball and cry, they didnt care wether she came back or not, it was like a blow to the stomach she knew she had to get out of there or her knees were going to buckle. So she did what Abby did best she ran, she didnt know where she going, she didnt care, she wasnt wanted so why should she worry about it. She ended up in the elevator, riding it up and down kind of made her feel better. She just wanted to sit in the corner and ride the elevator until she died. She knew she would get caught soon she just didnt expect to feel so guilty.
Gibbs
His heart ached for her, he could see that she was spirling downward, and he planned to be there when she hit rock bottom. It scared him, Abby had been pushing everyone away, she was putting up her guard, he knew she would have alot to deal with he just didnt expect to feel so much pain. When he went to sleep each night, he prayed, something he hasnt done since Shannon and Kelly were killed. He prayed with every bone in his body, that he could take her pain away, make her happy again, he even begged God once to let it be him instead of Abby, he loved her that much. He was willing to take every nightmare, every flashback, every ounce of pain, just as long as she could be ok and not worry about anything anymore. It killed him to see fear in her eyes, she used to be so easy going and fun-loving, now it was like a piece of her had died and it rocked him to his core. How do you take the pain away and still leave the person the same? He had seen her sleep at the hospital, if you could call it sleep, there was thrasing, and whimpering, she usually woke up covered in sweat. He knew her nightmares were so real, you could taste them, he would always hold her hand and wouldnt let go until she was safely asleep. Sometimes he would scootch her over and lay down with her, she would put her head on his chest and she would sleep so soundly like she knew she was safe. But just as quickly as it happened it ended,she would turn over on her left side careful of her cast and move away from him, she didnt like to be touched anymore unless it was instagated by her. Even then it was rare.
Abby
She was only safe if she was awake, she found that out early on. When she was asleep her memories came back to haunt her leaving her breathless everytime. It was like getting violated everytime you shut your eyes, she finally found out a way to make the dreams stop, but it only made her hurt more. She found out if Gibbs slept with her, her dreams went away. He was her safe guard, but she couldnt depend him forever. If she was going to get through this, she was going to have to do it on her own. So she invested in a journal, she wrote when she couldnt sleep, when the world bothered her, when she couldnt escape from her thoughts, she wrote and wrote and wrote. She wrote so much she actually started to feel better, she wrote in her journal like it was a best friend, going to it when she needed help, when she couldnt find the answeres in anyone. That journal became her lifeline it was always with her, and always ready to listen. She loved that journal it never made her talk when she didnt want to, it never judged her when she wrote nasty things, it kept all her secrets. She didn't know it then but that journal would do more talking than she ever could, she figured she would just leave it with him and walk away making her intentions clear that she wanted him to read it. So thats exactly what she did, she could feel his eyes on her as she left him with her heart, she was scared but she knew he had to know. It was the only way, without making her feel like a complete and total idiot. She just hoped he still loved her the same when he got finished reading. She had layed it all out in front of him, every worry, every fear, every thought she has had since this began, she just hoped he could handle this messed up version of Abby.
Ok let me know what you think.. probably 2 more chapters then Epilouge not going into to much details.. but some suprises coming up!!