Chapter 4: Taking Flight Again
Olivia didn't stay asleep for long. Only about an hour passed before someone entered Elliot's hospital room. She shot up instantly, looking around frantically, all of a sudden on high alert. Her eyes searched the room until they landed on Kathy's face "Oh," Olivia mumbled sheepishly "Hi."
Kathy smiled reassuringly "Hey, sorry I woke you. I just came to see how Elliot was doing."
Olivia stood up "No, its okay. I'm gonna go get a cup of coffee. Do you want anything?" she asked Kathy.
"No thanks," Kathy shook her head "I'm all set."
"Liv," Elliot called after her "You don't have to leave."
Olivia turned around "I'll be back in a couple of minutes," she smiled faintly at him "I just really need a cup of coffee." She turned back around and left the room.
Kathy took a seat in the chair that Olivia had previously occupied "I really didn't mean to do that," she said softly, studying the simple white hospital issue sheets with greater interest than should be expected from anyone. She looked up suddenly "How has she been doing?" she asked Elliot.
Elliot sighed heavily "She's tough," he said "She'll be fine," he tried to gloss over the deeper issues and change the topic; it wasn't his place to be talking about Olivia and he knew what Kathy was asking about specifically "Why'd you come to visit me anyway?"
"I wanted to check in on you two," she told him "I promised Olivia that I'd come see her at the end of my shift." Kathy ran a hand nervously through her hair "What exactly happened to you?"
Elliot sighed again. He wondered if he could plead ignorance about the details. He wasn't entirely sure himself. He didn't know if the other man was dead or alive. He took a deep breath and simply said "I got shot," he studied Kathy's face and could tell that she wasn't buying it.
"How did you get shot?" she prodded in a slightly irritated tone.
"When someone applies pressure to the trigger of a gun," Elliot began "A bullet typically comes out and-"
Kathy stood up abruptly "Don't be an ass," she had to fight to keep her voice at an acceptable level "You are lucky you're in a hospital bed or I'd smack you," she walked to the door of the room and turned around "You stubborn, pig headed, son-of-a-bitch. All I asked was how it happened and I can't even get a straight answer from you on that."
"It was my fault," Kathy heard the voice behind her and turned to see Olivia standing in the doorway. She held a cup of coffee in her trembling hands "I should get going," and before either Elliot or Kathy could protest, she was gone.
"Oh no," Kathy murmured, suddenly overcome with guilt. She ran to catch up with Olivia. She saw her at the end of the hallway, waiting for the elevator "Olivia," she called out breathlessly as she caught up to her.
Olivia turned to Kathy "I'm so sorry," she whispered "I should have known and…" she had to turn away when she felt the tears stinging her eyes again.
The elevator door opened and Olivia stepped forward but Kathy put a hand on her arm to stop her "You should really stay here with Elliot," she told her.
"How can he even look at me?" Olivia asked softly "I'm the reason he's here. He'd be better off if he never met me."
Kathy guided Olivia to a nearby chair "I may not know what's going on here," she began as she sat down beside Olivia "But I know that whatever happened, Elliot doesn't blame you for it."
Olivia felt incredibly uncomfortable. She took a deep breath "He doesn't have to blame me," she stood up "The fact is that he got hurt trying to protect me. He could have been killed," she started walking back to the elevator "He'll be safer without me here," it broke her heart to say those words but it was the truth. The elevator came and this time Olivia stepped inside without being stopped by Kathy, who was too stunned by what Olivia had just said to even move. As the doors closed Olivia called out "Tell him I said goodbye and that I'm sorry."
Kathy simply stood there, staring at the elevator. How was she supposed to tell Elliot about this? She turned back towards the hall that led to his hospital room and walked slowly towards it. Kathy couldn't shake the uncomfortable feeling in the pit of her stomach. She approached the room. Through the door she could see Elliot lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. She took two steps into the room and cleared her throat. When Elliot turned to look at her she quickly whispered "I have to go," before turning towards the door.
"Is Olivia all right?" his question reached her ears, strained, timid it was obvious that he didn't feel comfortable asking her about his partner.
She cleared her throat again without turning around to face him "She had to leave. She said…" Kathy found herself choking on the words "She said to tell you goodbye and that she was sorry."
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Olivia stepped into Captain Cragen's office. She had been here before. She had done this before but she had come back then. Now she knew that there would be no turning back. She couldn't come back because if she did, it would put Elliot in danger. She didn't know how or when she would be the cause of his death but she knew that she would be and that thought scared her to death.
Cragen looked up and smiled sympathetically at Olivia "Olivia, I thought you would be at the hospital. How's Elliot?"
"He's fine," she said quickly, wanting to get this part of the conversation out of the way and get down to her real reason for comeing to the captain's office at such a late hour.
Cragen looked uncomfortable for a moment. He cleared his throat "Why aren't you at the hospital?" he asked softly.
"Is something wrong?" Olivia asked, picking up on Cragen's change in attitude instantly.
"It's just that Munch and Fin are interrogating Wilson and-" Cragen started to say but Olivia cut him off.
"Why are they interrogating Wilson?" she asked quickly, stepping further into the office and taking a seat across from Cragen.
Cragen cleared his throat again, feeling awkward Why can't someone else tell her this, he wondered. He breathed deep before speaking "The man who… the man Elliot shot was Stewart Mill."
Olivia felt the wind leave her body all in a rush. The string of victims all made sense. Her, Casey, Elliot all stood between Mill's client and freedom but something didn't feel right "Why would he go to such lengths for this one client?" she asked when she had found her voice again.
"That's what Munch and Fin are trying to find out," Cragen leaned back in his seat "You can observe the interrogation if you want to."
"No thanks," Olivia knew it would be too much for her, besides, she came here for one reason and she still hadn't even made mention of that reason yet "Captain I'd… I'd like to request a transfer."
Cragen leaned forward again "A transfer?" he asked disbelievingly.
"Out of state if possible," she studied the floor very carefully.
"Olivia," Cragen sighed heavily "I don't suppose I could ask you why and get a straight answer from you this time?"
"I'd like to escape the media feeding frenzy before it begins," it wasn't a lie. She didn't want reporters hounding her relentlessly with questions about how it felt to have spent nearly a decade pursuing sex offenders only to fall victim to one herself.
Cragen nodded slowly "You don't have to transfer out of state for that," he stated "So what are you running away from?"
"Excuse me?" Olivia asked incredulously "Who said anything about running away?"
"You didn't say it," Cragen told her "But it's damn obvious that you're trying to run away and it's not just from the media or from the memories of what happened to you. We've been here before Olivia. We've been in this exact same place. So tell me, what are you running from?"
"How dare you?" Olivia whispered as she stood up "I don't have to explain myself to you," she walked towards the door of his office.
"If I'm going to approve a transfer again, you sure as hell do," Cragen stood up and took a step towards her when the phone on his desk rang. He picked it up and had barely said his own name when the person on the other end began speaking so frantically that Cragen could barely get a word in edgewise. He held up his hand in Olivia's direction, signaling her to stay where she was as he tried to calm the person on the other end of the phone "Hold on… Elliot… Elliot… Elliot! She's standing right here! She's here in my office! Breathe Elliot, she's all right," he handed the phone to Olivia, muttering "Jesus, poor guy's worried out of his mind."
Olivia held the phone to her ear "Hello," she said in a voice barely above a whisper.
"Olivia," Elliot breathed "Oh thank God. Are you all right? Why did you leave so suddenly?"
Olivia looked in Cragen's direction, her eyes pleading for some privacy. Cragen nodded and allowed himself to be thrown out of his own office "Let me know when you're done," he said before closing the door after his retreating form. He had a sneaking suspicion that he knew what Olivia was running from and why and he couldn't let her do that. Cragen knew that Olivia would ultimately regret it.
Olivia sank into a chair and let the tears come "I'm fine," she whispered "Elliot I'm… I'm so sorry about all of this."
"Liv," Elliot commanded her attention, relieved that she was safe "You didn't cause any of this. That guy would have killed us both. I'm just glad that he…" Elliot trailed off.
Olivia stifled a sob "It's just better if I… I can't stay here anymore."
"What?" Elliot asked, surprised.
"I'm gonna transfer," she felt like she owed him the explanation this time, no matter how hard it was to give "If I stay here I'll… I just can't stay. Not in SVU and not in New York. I'm sorry."
"Liv," Elliot whispered. He couldn't believe it; she wanted to leave the state. He made up his mind right then and there "Let me come with you?"
"What?" it was Olivia's turn to be surprised "Elliot your kids-"
"Don't need me anymore," he sighed "They haven't needed me for a long time actually. Kathy's new boyfriend is more of a father than I ever was."
"Elliot," Olivia whispered softly. This was the first she had heard about this "You're a great father," she attempted to reassure him, forgetting for the moment that she was trying to let him go.
Elliot sighed "I love my kids," he said, taking a deep breath "But they're older now. It hurts to be around them sometimes."
Olivia took in Elliot's confession and met his honest words with understanding and compassion "They love you too Elliot."
"I know," Elliot whispered "But sometimes I think maybe it would be nice to get away."
"Elliot," Olivia ran the back of her hand over her eyes, glad that Elliot couldn't see her crying although she was fairly sure that he could hear it over the phone "I'm not just talking about taking a little break. I've got to get out of this place. I have to…" Get away from you before I screw up again and you die because of it.
"This city is suffocating," Elliot whispered "I'd love to know what it's like to live somewhere peaceful."
"I have to do this on my own," she whispered through the tears. In her mind she couldn't get rid of the image of a happy suburban house with a white picket fence, in a safe neighborhood, children playing in the front yard, children who weren't afraid, who had never known neglect or sorrow, her children, hers and Elliot's. The picture was just too perfect and it tore her up inside, because it would never be a reality.
"You don't have to," Elliot told her "You don't have to do anything alone. You never have to be alone," I'll never let you be alone again.
"Elliot," Olivia sighed yet again "If you come with me…" she choked back a sob "You'll just get hurt."
"What?" Elliot was confused again. She was already tearing him apart emotionally. He couldn't imagine hurting anymore than he did right now, burdened with the fear of losing her.
"Like tonight," she whispered.
"Olivia, that wasn't your fault," he repeated. He didn't care how many times he had to tell her this. He would repeat it until she believed him "Please, stop blaming yourself for this," he made a random sweeping gesture towards his stomach even though he knew she couldn't see him over the phone.
"I've gotta go," Olivia said suddenly "Cragen's probably gonna want his office back any minute."
"Liv," Elliot began but she had already hung up. He sighed and let his head fall back against the pillow. He wondered how long it would be before he could leave the hospital and when he finally did, would it be too late to stop her from running away from him?
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"All yours," Olivia nodded at Cragen as she stepped outside the office and started to walk away. She had no idea where she was going to go; she didn't want to go back to her apartment, not after what had happened there. She turned in the direction of the locker room to get her spare change of clothes from her locker. It was almost five in the morning anyway.
Cragen cleared his throat and Olivia turned to see him standing in the door of his office "About this transfer," he began.
Olivia shifted her weight from one foot to the other "Yeah," she murmured "I'd like to get away from here as soon as possible."
"You've been through a lot tonight," Cragen told her "Maybe you should go crash in the crib and we'll talk about this in the morning."
"It is the morning," Olivia corrected softly.
Cragen chuckled humorlessly "Yeah," he cleared his throat again "Listen, you're under a lot of stress and decisions like this shouldn't be made so hurriedly. I wouldn't want you to do something that you'd regret later on."
Olivia nodded, too tired to put up much of a fight about this. She was positive that this was what she wanted but if Cragen wasn't going to discuss it with her until she'd gotten some sleep then damn it she would just have to go get some sleep. She turned back towards the locker room "Goodnight," she mumbled over her shoulder.
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"It all boils down to this," Munch took a seat across from Wilson yet again. They had been interrogating this guy for an hour and a half and all they seemed to be doing was running in circles "Why were you so special to Stewart Mill?"
"I don't know," Wilson answered flatly "Maybe because I'm innocent?" he suggested, raising one corner of his mouth in a semi-grin.
"Don't feed me that bull," Fin slammed his hand on the table next to Wilson; the noise did nothing to phase the other man "We both know you killed your family," Fin hissed.
Wilson's expression remained completely calm as he turned to face Fin "I did not kill them," his tone was even, almost too even.
"Settle down," Munch interjected "You're not on trial here."
"Good thing for us," Fin muttered disdainfully "You'd probably higher someone to get us out of the picture."
"We just want to know what your connection to Stewart Mill is," Munch told Wilson. Munch was just as angry if not more angry at Wilson than Fin was but he had somehow fallen into the roll of good cop and he was determined to play the roll for all it was worth if it would get them a confession.
"He was my attorney," Wilson stated for the millionth time since he had been brought in for questioning "I don't know where he got the idea to do those two…" he trailed off, rethinking his last sentence "I don't know what happened that made him snap but it had nothing to do with me." He stood up "Now if you excuse me, I have court in a few hours and it looks like I'm going to have to represent myself." He walked out of the interrogation room.
"He had something to do with it, I just know it," Munch said annoyed.
"I'd love to just shoot him now and get it over with," Fin murmured.
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Robby Wilson hailed a cab just outside the station and got in. After telling the driver where to go, he leaned back against the seat. He may not have had a defense attorney anymore but the people didn't have a prosecutor or anymore witnesses. Even if someone from the DA's office came to fill Novak's place, they wouldn't be nearly as familiar with the case as she had been; they wouldn't be nearly as capable of making the case against him. He let out a relieved sigh. He was almost a free man.
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Olivia tossed and turned on the uncomfortable cot. She was exhausted but not even the thought that she was surrounded by police officers on practically all sides was enough to soothe her into slumber. It had been so easy to fall asleep in that chair at the hospital. She had felt safe then. She had been with Elliot then. She couldn't help it but she always felt safer when he was around. It had been uncomfortable to fall asleep in the position that she had been in at the hospital but she had fallen asleep anyway. She had been so tired and Elliot had been right there. She rolled over onto her other side, unable to stop thinking about him. She had to leave to save him. It was the right thing to do. Wasn't it?
A/N: The site isn't letting me upload word documents so I had to upload this in plain text and add all the formatting in again afterwards so I may have missed some Italics. Sorry in advance.