Kingdom Hearts Gaiden
Written by Shaun Garin
Kingdom Hearts in all incarnations belongs to SquareEnix and Disney. Warner Bros. Owns It's Own Stuff.
04: Max
Ever get the feeling you're living in someone's shadow? And no matter how far you wander from it, it always lingers, casting a link between you and the caster? I felt like that even now.
My dad's the Captain of the Guard, and my best friend is the son of a traitor. I can't say that life here in Disney Castle is NORMAL by any stretch of the imagination, but it has it's days. Although I always felt like I was being compared to him in every which way possible. The only person who didn't seem like he was had been dad himself. At times I'd blow up in my own teenager-ish way and he'd just smile and laugh in his way that I found myself starting to do.
Dad never compared me to anyone. He always encouraged me to be myself, but it's hard because people look at us like we're the clones of our fathers.
But you think my life is rough? Look at PJ. His dad, Pete was always a troublemaker, but when he started making more trouble than just selling a few bad pieces of land, it got to the point that King Mickey had to banish him to a remote part of the universe. It was tough on PJ and his mom and little sister; PJ and I were twelve when it happened, Pistol was seven.
Mrs. P was, well, IS a tough lady. I asked her one time why she married Mr. P a long time ago. She just smiled and said something along the lines of "He had something in him that made me love him". I guess love is something you can't understand, even when you think you know everything at the age of seventeen.
People look at PJ and at times I worry, because they give him these cold stares like they expect him to become a clone of his father. Not just in size but in personality. We spend a lot of time together when I'm not training with the squires and he's working at the science labs. PJ always was more technologically savvy than I was so we went into different fields.
The Knights of the Triangle Table were the order my father captained when he was still around. When he left to find the key with the royal court magician Donald Duck, that position has been awkwardly vacant. But people give me looks as if they want me to suddenly step into my fathers shoes. But when I looked at the chair, all I could see was a Goofy-shaped shadow that lingered over it.
I could run my hand over the fine polished grain of wood and still feel the warmth of his touch on the arm where he'd fall asleep leaning on it during meetings. My own chair is several seats down, almost at the tip of the triangular shaped table. Whoever thought of a triangle was off their rocker since that end tends to jab me in the stomach.
When it got too much, PJ and I went out to the garden so we could practice. We're big skateboarders and I know that a lot of places have similar devices on their world. PJ likes to film me since we make movies and videos out of the extreme sports that we do since he refers to the skateboard as a potential "Plank of death".
So here I was, pulling tricks and zipping around the bushes when suddenly, a platoon of HEARTLESS pull themselves from the ground. Old training snapped to attention and PJ had noticed. "GET THE GUARD!" I yelled at my best friend and PJ took off, zooming away on his Skateboard with a few of the little black bugs following him.
One of the things they taught us at the academy was "never stay and fight". Heartless were nasty things, able to swarm and overwhelm someone in an instant. Still, something inside me said, "screw that" and I flipped my skateboard into my hands as a makeshift shield.
The next fifteen to twenty minutes were nothing but a blur, moving fast and slashing creatures left and right. One of them tried to ambush me from atop Horacio's Statue. I blocked it, kicked another away and grabbed its foot. Using it like a living bowling ball, I hurled it into the pack where it knocked Heartless clean away.
My arms burned and sweat got into my eyes. I knew I was tiring and they seemed to sense it, closing in. Lifting the skateboard to shield myself from the next blow, the leaping heartless backed off as at least three were sliced by a glittering wave of silver. In the haze of the adrenaline pounding in my ears, the distinct warble of "THUNDER" echoed in the courtyard as warm hands pulled me to my feet.
"Are you okay, Maxie?" intoned my father.
I froze in shock. Dad? Here? NOW?!
"DAD!" I exclaimed but he merely pushed me aside to slash a Heartless in two with the sharp edge of his shield.
"Are you okay, Max?" he inquired once more and I nodded dumbly. "Good. Are you okay to fight with us?"
My heart thudded in my chest. "Me?" I stammered, looking at my dad. I've never seen him like this before. He was so INTENSE, his black brow furrowed as he glared at the Heartless, daring them to come any closer. The court magician Donald Duck and the boy whom according to my father's letters was named Sora, were leading the Heartless in a merry chase around the yard.
Dad nodded. In that instant, I felt like I was on top of the world. Grinning and snapping a crisp salute, I picked up my skateboard with a snap of my foot on the heel, flipping it into my hands. "Say the word, Captain."
"Flanking maneuver, alpha beta," snapped my dad and I followed him, clearing a path between us and the Keybearer. Between the four of us, we were a whirlwind of death; cutting Heartless of all types down, ducking magic and casting our own until finally PJ arrived, a platoon of storm trooper-type guards clanking into the yard, Queen Minnie right behind them.
"Alpha Guards, support the Keybearer and your Captain," ordered the Queen. "Beta Guards, clear the mobs before us. PJ, come with me."
Queen Minnie, like her husband was an excellent magician. Her tiny delicate fingers wove together powerful Holy and Pearl spells, casting them into whole scores of the seemingly unstoppable Heartless. Whole battalions died under the overwhelming force of the Queen's might, and Donald Duck unleashed a terrible Flare that ripped a crater into the midst.
In the middle of the chaos, my dad came out of nowhere, slashing and ducking beside me and the Keybearer who offered a breathless "Sora, nice t'meet ya."
"Max," I replied and together along with PJ, we drove the Heartless into a seething pack of enemies.
"HOLY!" roared the Queen at the top of her lungs as Donald chimed in with the deadliest spell he knew, a spell that dad commanded for everyone to hit the pavement. "ULTIMA!"
In an instant, the pair of energies collided and obliterated the wave of Heartless.
Disney Castle wasn't known for its high quality of Heartless, but the sheer overwhelming amount was, to say the least, worrisome.
Pistol and Mrs. P had arrived on-scene as well as CMO Dr. Clarabelle. Mrs. P worked in the orphanage, tending kids who had arrived on our world as refugees of their own dying. The orphanage had been greatly reduced in number as of late since Sora had restored a vast majority of them with his actions two years ago.
Pistol's five years younger than me or Peej but at the age of eleven, she's so different from the hyperactive little gunny sack of energy that I remembered at seven. She's training to be a medic, but at the same time had extreme interest in real estate; like her father. No one dissuaded Pistol once she set her mind to it, her hyperactive ADD-like state reduced to a quiet intensity that was years beyond her own maturity.
Peej often said that his sister was almost scary at times, but Mrs. P knew better when I asked her about her daughter. Pistol had grown up without her dad and she had loved him a lot. When Pete had been exiled from Disney Castle, there was no one to reclaim the good name. Pistol had grown up ridiculed for her traitor father, much like PJ had, but unlike PJ, she coped by becoming a well-trained financier. Oh sure the nobles talked about the mercenary daughter of Pete, but no one could argue she wasn't effective.
"There, how does it feel?" inquired the nurse attending to the scratches on my arm.
"Er, great actually, it doesn't hurt as badly now," I stammered, trying not to blush. The girl who worked on my arm was Roxanne, a girl I've had a crush on for three years at the academy. Despite being the son of the Captain of the Guard, I'm so far down on the food chain, you'd have to be a Naked Mole Rat to get any lower. She was great; smart, pretty, completely un-self absorbed like those other airheads at the popular table, and she stopped to help a kid who was picked on all the time. The girls gossiped about her as usual, high school academics being the piranha pit of evil as usual, but no one wanted to mess with her since her father is on the Table itself; a massive bear-like man who quite frankly scares me.
Dad is over at the Triangle Table with Queen Minnie, Lady Daisy, Uncle Donald and Sora, discussing plans on how to protect the world from another mass invasion that we just fended off. Five more chairs were vacant, their owners missed from the conversation.
The first missing chair belonged to Horacio, the Captain of the Guard before dad. He was the one who first organized the people into an armed force when the time came and his statue stood as a monument to his courage in the middle of the gardens. He had been lost on one of the early gummi expeditions when his ship went down on a random world. The second empty chair belonged to Ludwig von Drake, the head scientist who hadn't arrived just yet. He was in the employ of the owner of the third missing chair, Scrooge McDuck of Duckburg. Scrooge himself was missing from the line up of people, having gone to Radiant Garden to oversee shipping and handling of his goods. Both were terribly influential, and Scrooge held onto nearly 75% of the world's wealth in his giant Money Vault.
The fourth one belonged to King Mickey, the massive chair sitting at the table. I have fond memories of the King as he would often nod off during long meetings with air-bags of ministers. And finally, the last chair, equally large as the kings but set for a man triple if not four times his size: Uncle Pete.
Most people hated Uncle Pete for his part in trying to overthrow the King, but knowing him for so many years previous sometimes made me wonder what had him throw his lot in with the Dark Fairy. Many people wanted to get rid of the chair, but the King refused. I heard that the King once worked for Pete during the Pre-formation Days, before the Pen of Walt Disney combined with the Cornerstone of Light brought color to the world, creating the castle before us.
Sora was trying not to nod off during the planning, being tired from the long trip. He was sitting in a sixth chair, this one disused and still bearing dust from years of storage. But the Queen insisted on him sitting at the table.
He looks so SMALL compared to the chair he was sitting in, a chair built for a man, upright and strong. I've seen that same chair in the archives, and never before had anyone sat there since Walter Disney helped start the Formation.
That's where things get a LITTLE bit fuzzy.
Y'see, according to the history books, no one can decide on what Walt Disney really WAS; a normal man, a bard, a mage, a creator of reality or a destroyer of the mundane. They said he came from a world, bearing a pen that could bring imagination to life. Thus, many call him The Imagineer; a special man who could bring dreams to life. Some believe he was here all this time, waiting for the time when he could share his dream with the world. Honestly I don't know what to believe myself; I was born after the Reformation so I couldn't honestly say.
"We must have the Guard strengthen patrols," decided Queen Minnie after she shushed everyone who were in a hot debate about what to do. "But for this to work, we need to unite the nation of Toontown into a whole."
"That might be a little harder to do than it sounds Queen Minnie," Dad pointed out, scratching his head in that way that made him look like a galoot. "The Republic of Warner hasn't spoken to us cordially in ages. We don't know if they'll be willing to unite against the Heartless."
"We won't know if we don't try," interrupted Sora as he leaped to his feet. "We've got to send a message or something! They could have been attacked by Heartless already."
"The Republic closed its doors for years. We don't even know if we can get across the border, Sora." Stated Uncle Donald.
As Sora and Uncle Donald growled at each other, something in me grew. I don't know if it was foolishness or bravery, but actually to be honest, it was probably mostly foolishness. Getting to my feet, I slapped my hands on the table. "I'll go," I proclaimed, drawing shocked expressions from everyone. "Someone has to go. Dad can't, nor can Uncle Donald. They're needed here."
"Then I'll—" started Sora but I shook my head, cutting him off.
"You can't Sora, you're needed here too. The Keyblade would draw the Heartless to the Republic and that's the last thing we need."
"Maxie… Max. Are you sure you want to do this?" inquired Dad, his brow furrowed in some kind of emotion I hadn't seen on his face before. "Because you know, a trip to the Republic is a ten day trip on Gummi Rail. And there'll be danger along the way with the Heartless out and about."
"I'm sure dad. Me and Peej'll go."
"Man I can't believe you got me into this," groused PJ as he shouldered his pack. I grinned a little at him and he punched me in the shoulder. "Seriously man, we're going to be in so much trouble if we don't pull this off!"
"Will you stop worrying? We'll be fine!" I laughed, despite the ball of ice that sat in my stomach. "Look, we're armed and we're dangerous, and we're just bringing a letter to the Regent Lord. We'll be okay."
PJ heaved a sigh in that way that usually said "we're doomed". It was an expression I was long familiar with since he always used The Sigh when we were younger. "All right man, but if I become Heartless chow, you're coming with me. Deal?"
"Deal." And we fist-pounded. Seriously, what else was I supposed to say? No, I'll leave you to the heart-sucking aliens? Like hell!
"So, where's our guide?" I asked PJ as we got to the Gummi Rail. The Gummi Rail was built by the Gummi's of Gummi Glen before they left for their own world, but it was well maintained and used regularly. There would be two stops in major cities, one in Duckburg and one in St. Canard before we crossed the Great Sea to get to Outer Toontown.
That would be where it would get weird.
"Are you two Sir Max and Sir PJ?"
Of course I could be wrong.
Standing in front of us, barely knee-high was a pink hairless mole rat, wearing high tech battle armor. Despite the fact he was a naked mole rat with muscles bigger than my leg, I'd would have thought this was a common occurrence.
All I could do was stare however and the mole rat stared back at me before nodding. "So it is you two. Very well, come along. I am Rufus 9000, the newest generation descended from Rufus Prime."
"Wait, I thought we were only on the 3000 series," stated PJ in a sort of dazed tone as we took our seats on the Rail car.
"They were, but we're the new batch," explained Rufus. "I've been sent to escort you two as a protector."
"Nice to know they have such confidence in us," I stated sourly.
"Actually they do. I'm just here to ensure you go through with your mission."
Translation: They really wanted me and Peej to succeed, and I gotta say, that's sort of comforting. The Rufus line of warriors were some of the toughest clone armies around, a move sanctioned by the Stoppable Accord, three years ago.
With three days on the Gummi Rail, I highly expected there would be some trouble. To get through to Duckburg and then over to St. Canard, we had to travel through the Black Forest and around Death Mountain, two major landmarks that would have been impossible to traverse if it weren't for the Great Gummis that built the rail system for our people.
The Black Forest was home to some of the worst rogues this world had to offer. Oh sure, even a peaceful land governed by Disney Castle, but there were the odd people who made trouble here and there. Black Mountain was said to be the site where a great monster was fought long ago, but after the reuniting of the worlds, it just sort fizzed into view. Fortunately our world made allowances for it, but it's still a nasty piece of work, with all of the goblins and witches that inhabited the peaks.
Fortunately for us, the time it took to get through to St. Canard was spent mostly in lazy stupor, playing cards or swapping video game systems. It was when we pulled into St. Canard when our progress was hampered.
"What's going on?" Peej asked Rufus 9000 who wore an annoyed look on his face.
"The Great Red Line was attacked by Heartless three days ago," informed Rufus, seemingly growling in his own language about the timing. "They took down a few miles of the Red Line, and it'll take a few weeks to repair. Fortunately I had planned for this."
His PLAN was simple: we hop a train to the port town of Cape Suzette. It was a shipping lane, usually fishing and airplane commerce. But there was also two major hitches in that plan too, something I knew pretty well.
The first was Air Pirates, which technically shouldn't prove to be much of a problem IF we were taking a passenger liner. But we weren't. We were taking a flight on the good old Sea Duck, Uncle Baloo's plane. That isn't to say that Uncle Baloo isn't a good pilot, he's a GREAT pilot. The hard part there was to convince his "boss", the woman who bought out his self-run company months ago: Rebecca Cunningham.
Rebecca was pretty tough, as far as women went. She and dad had history before she moved out to Cape Suzette. Not THAT kind of history, but she kept one-upping him in some kind of class or something. I forget. The point is here that we had to convince Rebecca to lend us the use of Baloo and his plane. And then adding in the threat of Air Pirates and the fact that we were going to fly into Restricted International Waters was a big problem in itself.
I could hear her now.
Oh wait, I could.
"YOU WANT TO DO WHAT?!" shrilled Rebecca, making every man within twenty yards flinch from the force of her voice, save for Rufus 9000. And even Rufus 9000 looked a little frazzled from her shriek.
"Of all the crazy, irresponsible, half-baked plans you could come up with…!" added Rebecca before Uncle Baloo interjected.
He was good at that.
Somewhat.
"Aw c'mon Becky, we need to help them out," reasoned Uncle Baloo, patting Peej over the shoulders and ruffling my hair like I was a kid or something. "They're on orders from the Queen, and you know those are important."
"The business is still important," retorted Rebecca icily. "If we fly into Restricted Airspace, we'd be thrown into the Wackyland Prison faster than you could say Shere Khan."
"We CAN avoid that," replied Peej as he fished out the documents. "Max and I are official couriers of the Queen herself so that should extend to any vehicle and people we are in the company of."
Ah good old PJ; he always knew how to defuse a situation. When did he get so good at that I wonder?
Rebecca blew an exasperated sigh through her lips before relenting. "All right, but Baloo, you CANNOT go out of your way. Just bring them there and back. No detours."
"Aw you know me, I never go LOOKING for trouble," grinned Baloo and his adopted ward, Kit, grinned up at him. There was an unspoken "USUALLY" in that and it filled me with both dread and anticipation.
Maybe this trip wasn't going to be a COMPLETE loss after all.
The trip to Louie's Air Station was quiet and uneventful. Maybe Don Karnage had finally given up exacting his revenge on Uncle Baloo. But then again, I could be wrong: you never knew with him.
It's no big secret that Uncle Baloo and the Don, self-proclaimed King of the Air Pirates had a long-standing rivalry that started when Baloo first picked up Kit from the pirates and brought him in as his ward. The pair, plus other assorted people who seemed to gravitate around Uncle Baloo often derailed countless schemes of the Don for years.
So it was sort of a relief that we got to Louie's without incident.
Following Uncle Baloo into the station while waiting for the fill, Louie, the proprietor of the place waved, grinning from ear to ear. "Baloo! Kit! Well it's been a while. What's going on, Rebecca keeping you two tethered to the Cape?"
"Aw you know Becky, always trying to get me to do actual work," grinned Baloo and the pair shared a fist pound as well as one of Louie's drinks.
"And who're these two? Passengers? You know how you feel about passengers Baloo," added Louie, looking the pair of us over. "Official looking kids too."
"PJ and Max of the Knights of the Triangle Table," I introduced for both of us. Technically we were just Squires in Training but a title was a title. Louie seemed to brush that off and served us drinks before we settled down.
"So how long does it take the Duck to be refueled Mr. Baloo?" inquired Peej. "Due to the weight of the plane plus added cargo Miss Cunningham is making you bring along…"
"Aw she'll take a while to drink, so just sit back and relax. We're all among friends here!" chuckled Baloo as he leaned back with a drink. "The only threat up here is Air Pirates, and we've always got the Don on the run."
"Das is vhat you think!" proclaimed an accented voice from the door as it was kicked open with a boot, the doors swinging inward – and snapping back to smack the owner in the face.
The Don struggled back to his feet in a sort of ungainly scramble before straightening his lapels. "Baloo! You have thwarted me time and time again, yes? Now we settles the scores!"
"Aw c'mon Karnie, can't we do this later?" groused Baloo, getting to his feet and lazily rolling his enormous shoulders in preparation for a fight.
"NO!" proclaimed the Don and his expression, already feral with rage turned even angrier as a sinister feeling crept up my spine. "Today, it is you who will be doing ze runnings, yes?! Because I, Don Karnage, will have the pleasure of knocking you down!"
That's when the room was flooded with Heartless.
"FUCK!" I yelled, startling every resident in range who were staring at the shadows creeping out of the ground and the Air Pirates who were descending from orbs in the sky. "EVERYONE OUT! DON'T FIGHT, RUN!"
Peej and I exploded into action, my shield lancing out as it rebounded off walls before returning to my arm. Five shadows exploded into smoke as PJ pulled a tab on his oversized backpack. A huge weapon system burst free from the canvas bag, and he loosed shockwaves of supersonic noise that blew holes in the bar, throwing heartless left and right.
Those hardy enough to fight had taken up weapons stored somewhere and were helping with the melee. But more and more shadows began to pile into the room and the Air Pirates were strafing us with magical fire from the roof. "We need to get rid of their controller," ordered Rufus 9000 who had leaped to a chandelier to fight the Air Pirates with an oversized rifle. "If we take out Karnage, most of his army will crumble."
"That's a line I don't cross," growled Baloo as he slammed a chair atop a Air Pirate and his friends, watching them explode into smoke. "Can't we just knock him unconscious?"
"Hard to do," puffed Peej as he fired more sonic disruptions into the room, scattering more Heartless everywhere. "Even unconscious, Karnage's heart'll be putting out enough darkness to draw them wherever he lands."
"And that's something we don't need." I groaned.
Baloo looked thoughtful for a moment before he said, "Cover me. I've got an idea."
With the force of, well a bear, Uncle Baloo charged into the pack, throwing Heartless from side to side. From one of his shirt pockets, he pulled out some kind of knuckles. With a bellow of "KARNIE, LETS DANCE!" he slugged Karnage across the face. I swear I saw some teeth fly from that blow.
Immediately the Heartless became disoriented, their controller being disrupted in focus. I grinned and held up my shield, a wave of power flowing around it. "HIT THEM NOW!" I yelled as I swung the shield forward, the round disk bounding from Heartless to Heartless, vaporizing many in a single blow. More weapons discharged as Uncle Baloo and Karnage went toe to toe in an old fashioned boxing match.
Fortunately for Uncle Baloo, he was a lot hardy and way bigger than the Don, and soon, the Don went down like a sack of hammers. Just in time might I add since the last of the Heartless fell to a gunshot from Louie who looked pretty upset that his place was thrashed.
Fortunately he had insurance as Baloo, PJ, Rufus and I hightailed it out of there.
Toontown East.
Unlike Disneyland where there were several cities standing independent of the giant Castle Disney, Toontown was a huge frolicking mess, the boundaries ever-changing from day to day. And everything talked in there. I'm serious. Even the planes which escorted us in were talking.
"They'll be sending a limo shortly," stated the toon who had arrived to pick us up. He had a sour expression and huge buck teeth and looked like he had a chip on his shoulder like the Rock of Gibraltar. Silently I wondered who he was and why he looked so familiar. But when he turned away to make certain the car arrived properly, Peej leaned in and whispered, "That's Montana Max, one of the former richest kids and toons in Toontown."
"What happened? Spent his money?"
"Tried to overthrow the kingdom," replied Rufus, a sardonic expression on his face. "He's serving his community service."
"Where is that blasted car?!" demanded Max, obviously out of patience.
That was when the car ran OVER him, the rear end literally flipping upwards and slamming down from the force of the break. From it, a rabbit popped out before peeling Max out from under the rear wheel.
"Maxie! There you are!" proclaimed the toon whom I recognized as Roger Rabbit. He and my dad had history, like he seems to have with every person in this world.
Oh, you're probably wondering why we call them toons. That's because the Republic of Warner were a little different than the inhabitants of Disneyland.
You see, it's said that while Walter Disney came and breathed life into our world, there was also another creator who came along with him. Both had the same dream, to create and bring inspiration. But while Walter placed certain physical limitations upon us, the legendary creator was full of laughter and most importantly, gags.
Using his own ability the creator, whom we refer to as Marvin Acme, infused his people with the power of Gags; an ability that allowed them to defy most physical limitations that hamper us of Disneyland. It was here where Roger Rabbit made his home.
And so did another as Peej nudged me in the shoulder, gazing upon the woman before us.
Tall, red hair, luscious curves and a voice so sultry and a smile so brilliant, you had to view it through smoked glass. She wore a simple button-down shirt and skirt, but there was no hiding that this woman was SMOKING.
Unfortunately for the viewing audience, she was also taken.
"Oh Roger, hunnybunch, you ran over Maxie again," cooed Jessica Rabbit as she patted Max back into shape. "I'm sure Roger didn't mean anything by it, okay?" And she kissed Max on the cheek.
The little shrimp practically melted into a puddle before reforming. Nodding rapidly, he stammered out, "J-just a mistake ma'am, I was standing in the wrong spot. I'll get their bags ma'am!"
On the way there, Jessica sat across from me and Peej while Rufus 9000 sat next to her, looking stoic as usual. Roger was up front driving and despite his maniac fishtails and high speed interceptions and the usual "MANIAC!" that crowed from the pedestrians, the ride was surprisingly smooth.
No sooner than we had left, than we arrived at the Republic Tower. Well, it was less than a tower than it was a giant castle, similar in stature to Disney Castle in both majestic view and location. The Republic Tower as we refer to it was located exactly in the middle of Toontown, or as close to the middle as you could get. The banner of the Republic, a large shield with WB emblazoned behind a black anvil hung everywhere.
The enormous gates rumbled open and here, we swallowed our fears. This was it, the moment of truth.
Nervously, we followed Jessica and Roger up to the castle. Did I mention that they were nobles? Yeah, strange nobles. But then again, this is a strange, strange, mad world.
Ringing the doorbell twice, knocking once, and hitting a gong with an anvil-shaped hammer, the doors rumbled open as trumpets blared practically in our faces.
"PRESENTING THEIR HIGHEST OF HIGHNESSES," bellowed an equally loud crier, a kid half my size, in my ear, and dimly I wondered "their?" as he continued, "THE REGENT LORDS OF THE REGENCY, THEIR REGENT LORDS YAKKO WARNER AND WAKKO WARNER, AND THEIR GRAND SISTER, THE REGENT DUTCHESS PRINCESS ANGELINA CONTESSA LOUISA FRANCESCA BANANA FANNA BO BESCA THE THIRD!"
A pause.
"BUT YOU MAY CALL HER DOT!" roared the kid crier.
Ow. I think I'm deaf.
The huge doors on the other side and from it, marched a procession. Nobles first, then guards, then several ponies and horses…
When the mime was squished by an anvil, PJ muttered out from the side of his head "We're in the Twilight Zone, Max…"
And finally when the equally long limousine that could violate twenty blocks of traffic rules pulled up to us, a familiar black duck got out, ran over to the door and popped it open – only to get ambushed by three teenagers, dressed in royal finery.
"THANKS DAFFY!" they proclaimed before drenching him in a sloppy kiss.
Daffy Duck, the highest noble to date next to the previous Regent Lord, wiped his face of a bucket of slobber before bowing gracefully, his back to the limo.
That was when the Limo ran him over backing up.
"Hey everybody, we're the Warner Brothers!" proclaimed the pair of male Warners who stood before them. In their uncomfortable looking finery, the boys looked perfectly happy at the thought of being dressed in either pants or just a shirt. I never could get into that mind you.
"And I'm the Warner Sister," proclaimed the last, drawing our attention to her. She was equally tall compared to her brothers if an inch or two shorter, dressed in a fancy princess dress. Her white face had a beauty mark on the side and she batted her eyelashes at us before stating "But just call me Dot. Call me Dottie and you die."
"Hoo-kay," I stated. Really, what DO you say?
"Good Regents, we are messengers from Queen Minnie of Disney Castle," stated Rufus 9000, salvaging the awkwardness of the situation. "This is Squire Max of the Triangle Table, and his friend PJ."
"Also Squire," I pointed out hastily, lest anyone think less of PJ.
Yakko clapped his hands twice, and within seconds, all of the finery was whisked away as the Warners put on a table. Like the Triangle Table, it was shield-shaped with the emblem of the Regency. Sitting down on the wide side, they gestured to us to sit.
Ow. Is it just me, or do I always get stuck with the pointy end of these tables?
Yakko folded his hands under his chin, putting on a thinking expression. "Do you have the message?" inquired the eldest with a startling air of authority, born from years of rule.
I nodded and pulled it out, PJ handing it over to Yakko who popped it open with a flick of his finger and reading it over.
His siblings craned their necks way over to look at it, and I inwardly shuddered at the act of stretching the neck so far. After some assorted mumblings from the siblings, heads snapped back into place and Yakko set the letter down. "So, heartless."
"That is correct," nodded Rufus. "The Heartless have come to our world, and with it, a new threat. Already the Keybearer is preparing to correct this problem, but we need the Regency to aid in the defense of our world."
"Seems kinda involved," drawled Wakko lazily, but there was a look in his eye.
"It does mean the safety of our people. Bugs would have wanted us to do it." Pointed out Yakko.
"Excuse me, Regent Lords," asked Peej, drawing attention to him. "But what happened to the previous Regent, Sir Bugs Bunny?"
"Oh he just retired," grinned Dot easily. "He lives out on his estate, tending to his carrot gardens."
"And since we were next in line, we got the throne. Pretty neat, huh?" added Yakko. "All right, we Warners will meditate on the situation for now. Please stay the night and enjoy the party we'll most likely throw in your honor."
"Looking good bro," I offered to Peej as he walked out in a well-kept tuxedo. I myself was in my knights colors, having not expected to need formal stuff on the trip, but Peej had thought ahead.
"Thanks. Hey, do you think the Regents'll be there?" inquired PJ, nervously adjusting his cufflinks.
"Well yeah, they are throwing this bash for us," I replied. "What's up?"
"Oh uh, just y'know, thinking and all."
PJ was fidgeting. He only fidgeted under two things: being confronted about his dad and a girl.
And since his last love interest went down in a ball of flames…
I grinned and slung a arm around my best friends' shoulder. "Oh to be in love again," I drawled. "The Regent Queen IS pretty cute, ain't she?"
"Oh come off it," snorted PJ nervously as he punched me in the side. "What about you and Roxanne? You can't even say three words to her!"
"Oh low blow," I proclaimed, rolling my eyes as we arrived at the doors where Rufus 9000 stood, dressed in a tuxedo. Seriously, did EVERYONE remember their tuxedos and not me?
"Ready?" he inquired. "You two look preoccupied."
"Guy stuff Rufus, s'all," I said and Rufus nodded before beckoning to that insanely loud crier kid.
Good thing I came prepared and I stoppered my ears.
"PRESENTING SQUIRE MAX, HIS FRIEND SQUIRE PJ AND RUFUS 9000!"
Not more than a few toons looked shook up at the screaming kid, but most took it well as we mingled amidst the toons that were wining and dining amidst each other.
"Hey!" proclaimed a pair of rabbits, one blue and one pink who walked up to us. The girl was dressed in a red dress and the guy was dressed in a tuxedo.
Okay, I'm starting to sense a PATTERN.
"Buster Bunny," said the blue rabbit, shaking PJ's arm so hard that his teeth rattled.
"Babs Bunny," added the girl, delicately shaking mine.
"No relation," the pair chorused and by the enormous rock the girl wore and the possessive way Buster held onto her, it was pretty obvious.
"So you two are the ambassadors from Disney Castle, eh?" asked Buster, picking up a pair of carrot martinis and passing one to his girl. "I expected someone a little…"
"More knightly?" put in Babs and I sighed, rolling my eyes.
"Not really that, just more ready for a ball," pointed out Buster.
Okay, the Sea of Tuxedos was starting to get to me. Really. Instead though, I grinned and laughed.
"Knights colors are acceptable in formal events," recited PJ from memory, and I had to agree. Dad liked it better than wearing a stuffy old tuxedo. Thank you Peej.
"It's cool though, we don't really have knights here in the Republic," stated Buster, chewing on a carrot-appetizer. "We've got the police and all, but that's about as far as the pole-cat swings if you know what I mean."
I didn't, chalked it up to a local expression and nodded.
The night wore on after Buster and Babs filled me and PJ in, telling us about the history of the place, things we hadn't heard of before and some of the more important people in the room. High Judge Foghorn Leghorn, The Minister of Defense Tweety Bird, High Admiral Taz, the list went on.
When the clock struck three, quite literally due to it was being hit by a mallet-wielding guard, High Regent Bugs Bunny made his speech. Apparently, the Warners were still learning and Bugs made all of the big proclamations for them. Even after fifty odd years, the High Regent Lord looked strong and powerful, even when cracking jokes and chewing on a carrot.
"Can I get dese kids up here before I wrap tings up?" inquired Bugs and me and PJ found ourselves being ushered onto the stage. "Dese kids are great kids, dat much I can say for dem. Dey've been doing da tings that other people would take for granted and I likes dat. It is my great honor, dat with da approval of de council dat we, the Republic of Warner assist de Queen Minnie in da defense of da world from dese Heartless rubes. Dat's all folks."
The people broke into applause as Wakko and Yakko practically shook my arm off. Dot on the other hand broke off with PJ and he looked startled and stammered before she dragged him to the dance floor.
"Go Peej," I grinned and Yakko made an "AAAEEEEHHHH," sound as his sister danced with my best friend.
"I'm gonna have to give him the Big Brother talk," mused Yakko. "What's that, the tenth one this week?"
"Fourteenth," replied Wakko, downing a manwich bigger than his head.
"There we go, treaty and declaration of help signed," said Yakko, the signature scroll bearing over twenty different nobility signatures with the top of it reading "Bugs Wuz Here. Daffy Stinks." "Bing that to your Queen, and our Army, or what we have at any rate, will come running!"
"You have our appreciation," I said, bowing low and PJ and Rufus did so too. "Is the Red Line repaired?"
"Aaaaaaah, we're working on that," admitted Yakko, looking sheepish.
"We did get you a boat though," put in Wakko as he munched on another sandwich. "It's a mite bit slower, but it'll take you right to St. Canard."
"Well then, I guess we'd better get going," I said, standing. "C'mon Peej."
"I'm not going Max," replied PJ, startling everyone in range. "I'm staying."
"Huh?" To my surprise, Dot walked over and hooked her arm around PJ's own.
PJ smiled. "Dot and I understand each other much better than we did with any other person. I'm staying here, to learn how the Republic runs."
"Does this mean…" I then suddenly grinned. "Booyah. Nice going Peej!"
Meanwhile, Dot had turned to her brothers and was listing off things. "Don't hit him, don't pull the rug out from under him, don't scare him with gags, and for heavens sake Wakko, get his backpack out of your mouth!"
Wakko spit out PJ's stuff. "Sorry," he said sheepishly.
"Welcome back," greeted the Queen as we came up to the gates. "Did you have any trouble?"
"A rough patch with Air Pirates, but nothing too bad," I replied.
"Where's PJ?" inquired Mrs. P and I grinned, flicking out a letter. She took it and scanned it over, Pistol leaning over her mom's arm to read. Mrs. P's eyes went a little misty and she sniffed. "Oh my, PJ you're so grown up! And a Regent Queen to boot!"
"Wow, he so totally grew up," proclaimed Pistol as she snapped her gum. "Does that mean he's gonna be king?"
"Maybe. Depends. Dunno. But they're happy together, and hey, good enough for me." I said. "Now I'm tired and I want to sleep."
"Just a moment Max, there's something for you in the table room. Pick it up before you go back to your quarters, all right?" said Daisy, the Queen's best friend.
"All right, will do!"
The Table in the War-Room was still the ever-present reminder of my father, but there sat the package, sitting at a newly minted chair. Sitting down, I found a note attached to the front.
Popping it open, I began to read.
Dear Max…
I wanted to wait until you returned home, but Sora, Donald, Jiminy and I had to keep moving after we corrected the problem with the Cornerstone of Light. I hope you understand.
Also, I know it was your birthday two days ago, so I wanted to leave you something. Take care of it Max, and remember I'm always proud I'm your father, and that you're my son. And now you are a Knight of the Triangle Table.
Always Keep The Light In Your Heart.
Goofy
Pulling the twine off the package, the wrapping fell away. My eyes went wide as I pulled a shining shield from the depths of the wrapping paper. It was Save the King, my father's legendary shield, said to have been wielded in the darkest hours of our country and world.
Fixing it onto my arm, I swung it around, hearing the wind whistle as it cut through the air, singing as it did so.
"Dad…"
With a tremendous heave, I hurled the shield, the weapon spinning around and singing as it did so before returning to my hand. There was really nothing more I could say but hold it up, raised to the light.
Somehow that shadow that loomed over my fathers chair was no longer oppressive, nor was it a reminder of what was expected of me. Instead, it was comforting, resting gently over what I now knew was my chair on the table.
"Wherever we go dad, there's nobody quite like you."