Title: Dysfunctional Camaraderie
Pairing: IchiHichi
Rating: T
Disclaimer: Me no own-io, yo!
Summary: IchiHichi. Chapter 8, Renji appears, Ichigo gains a QuiltShield and Zangetsu is now known as the Harbinger of Unpleasant News.
A/N: I'm so sorry for the delay!
This chapter was a bitch to write. It refused to work!
You must all bow down to Na and kiss her feet for this actually getting up. She gave me a plot bunny to finish it so it wasn't only at 2'500 words. Thanks a lot Na! You're the best Beta I've ever had (the only one I've ever had but you're still the best) and I now proclaim my undying love for you!
Ahem, with that out of the way…I promised you all a present…I think…but unfortunately, I wasn't able to fit it in this chapter but the next one will certainly have it. One hundred per cent sure that you will. Like I said, this chapter was being bitchy and refused to cooperate. (Pokes chapter mulishly and almost get fingers bitten off) See!?
Reviews:
Hoshi2110: Will they be happy together? Hmm…you'll have to read and find out! Bwahahahaaaa! (Is totally evil like that) As for smuttiness…hmm…I'll probably post up some oneshots from DC-verse of smut and just have T rated sexual stuff in here. Changing the rating would be a pain…
Lightning Skies: Phew! I'm glad I was able to accomplish that then! Hope you enjoy this chapter!
fishing line: Ichi and Hichi are the sexiest thing since sex. (Is bricked) What!? It's truuuueee! Glad you loved it so far!
Deshwitat'slover: That was a complicated name to type up. Glad you think so!
Twiliblossom: Don't worry, it shall all be explained in the story…the first scene to be exact. Urahara was just simplifying it when the explanation ws much more complicated (I'm starting to think I should've entered this scene at that end of chappie 7 but, oh well). And the passages at the beginning are flashbacks and they'll be tied into DC shortly, hell, I'm writing a prequel surrounding them…but I'm getting ahead of myself. All shall be explained! Whooo!
Conjure Lass: Urahara is awesomeness incarnate and I've got his hat. Now I can prance around with my Dad's cane wearing sandals and his hat. I'm sad :P I'm happy you like this so far!
PenArtist10000: Here it is!
judikickshiney: Hey. Zangetsu had to occupy himself somehow…though yes, I totally agree with you. Zangetsu is a sadistic closet perv.
seasnake.756: (Checks Hana's last line). Heh. Oh yeah.
Zail the Demon: Misspelling happens to all of us. Especially on a mobile phone (Lunges into epic battle with her ancient mobile phone) HOW DO YOU BACKSPAAAACEEE!!!!???
fendstrat.chick: Ishida's face resembled a sunburnt tomato that mistakenly stumbled into a gay orgy of bishonen. …Dammit! I should've put that in!
SoulReaper71: Forcing ideas out is like bashing your head against the keyboard and hoping that the resulting collision enabled you to type up an idea (painful and pointless). I'm glad you're enjoying it so far though!
anon.: The IchiHichi starts slowly ;.; But I'm sure all of you will be pleased when we get to those parts. Eheheh… (blushes as lewd ideas pop up). Oh man…I'm gonna get bombarded with reviews for that. Ahem…cliffies are fun. Makes readers wanna lynch me but it makes sure they come back for the next chappie (winks) underhand and Slytherin-ish but in my brother's words: "Lauren is a sly, cunning bitch." Ah, can you feel the love?
Nasake: The 'doomed to be lovers' part was from Na. Couldn't resist not putting it in. Hahah! I'm happy that you loved it!
Kyra Windwood: That definitely sounds like Hichigo and Renji. All Chad was immediately attended to by Orihime so he is in no danger of becoming permanently deaf, though he has been assured that the ringing in his ears will vanish in a few days. :P
Hobo's-Junkie-Monkey-Pyro-Lia: Surprise plot attack! My specialty. :D
Shroud of Twilight: Ichigo gonna's exploit the loophole as much as possible. What's the loophole:D
moonlit dew: (Puffs up) Yosh! A kicking and screaming Hichi always makes me laugh! Hahahaha!
Hichigo: FUCK YOU!!! (Brain's her with a bag full of doorknobs)
Owww…
SoraXNamine: Yosh!
Masishiro Ishikawa: (Bows) This took longer then a month…I'm very shamed of this but hopefully chapter nine will come out quicker!
DeathGodGirl: Ichigo is in complete denial. And hides under his QuiltShield to escape from reality. (Shakes head) I'm gonna enjoy screwing them over! Bwahahaahahaa! Even I admit that the idea was a little cliché but that's why I used it. (snickers) but I won't reveal anything here since I'll spoil it. Eheheh…
Kokiiru-kun: W00t! Finally stunned someone so that they're speechless (in a good way)! (Boogies) My skills as a writer reach new heights!
Metamorcy: Heheh. I've been waiting for a chance to spring it upon them…and it only gets worse for them later on.
xxkiokoxx: You can use that line, I got it off my friend when she was being carted off to her do- erm, Welsh lesson so eh. Let's steal quotes off everyone!
Krazy Kitsune13: Hanataro is sooooo adorable. I just wanna snuggle him and ruffle his hair. Renji appears…with a role!!!!
jayanx: Pointing out other's shortcomings make you feel glad that you aren't them and thus, happy. Scheudenfreude at its finest. Ishida isn't one of my favourite characters, the only reason why I have some semblance of like for him is because he has Sasuke's voice actor.
chica blanca: I've converted someone! Whoo! I like all HichixIchi fics so my opinion doesn't really matter. The only reason I got into IchiHichi is because of Shaman King where I got into HaoxYoh. Michelle poked me and said, 'Heeey! I know another great pairing' and thus my passion for IchiHichi was born! …Whoa. Totally irrelevant. Aaaanyway, Mondays totally suck. (Because I have to face off again Mario and Buzz Lightyear during that time ¬.¬)
From the Psyche Ward: I think I sent you a PM but my internet went all 'GRRRRR' so I wasn't sure if ya got it. I'm sorry I disappointed you with a cliché idea, but it isn't all that it seems (still regretting not sticking the first scene in this chapter at the end of the last one) Knew it! I knew it! Should've done that… anywho, I hope I don't let you down again. (Bows) I'm very sorry.
Invader-Nehima: IchiHichi makes everyone feel better…like chocolate or mangos!
my renji-kun: Lots of people love those lines. :D
MysteriousEyez: My internet speech is crappy. Lmao? Anywho, glad you like it!
HitokiriKurisuta: I'm on DA too! Have the same penname (is uncreative like that). Infact…that's my penname on everything. Ah well. I'm curious to see your drawings now! Glad ya enjoyed!
ShaShiSar221: Fixed! And it's the thought that counts, so I'll imagine the candy. Heheh…thanks for kicking me outta my rut for this chappie. I think I was ready to storm off for a few more weeks and wait until my readers lynched me. ;
Favrite of Chaos: Thanks!
Riri Lee: Not a lemon (unfortunately) but I'll probably post up a oneshot 'alternative' scene where they do. That'll make everyone happy! Too lazy to bump the rating up :P And a happy Zangetsu is a scary thought indeed. Won't you hold me closer was the most saddest IchiHichi I ever read…I loved it!
tokyo majin: Bleh. And my exams start in 36 days. Damn it.
Animateia: The only voices in my head is Rei and Raiu. Rei telling me to update Viceroy already and Raiu telling me to actually post his story up. Selfish lil' buggers ain't they. They distracted me form this, eheh…
FireyFreedom: Thanks!
Afrieal: Ichi is still indenial…poor bastard.
Sei no Baka: Hmm…ByaHitsu…never seen that pairing before…who knows, I could prob'ly cause a chain reaction and ByaHitsu fanfics will start popping outta the mountain of BLEACH™ fandom like daisies…probably…it'll be funny at least. And don't worry, IchiHichi lovin' shall be docking in KivaEmber's port soon!
RuByMoOn17: Hichi likes to be in control. Being carted around on a human taxi means that he's not in control. Heh. Ichi hates being manhandled too…(perverted ideas come forth). Heheheh…
possessed obsession: Urahara is awesome! Whooo!
deformed beauty: Yosh! Get ready for more excitement…(though not right know ;D)
Phew! That took a long time to do…my hands hurt. Typed up all of those after I did Chemistry Practical Examination (ISA). Dropped fucking Thiosulphate and hydrochloric acid aaaall over my hands. Mixing those two is a bad idea…very bad.
Enough whining from me! I'm sure you wanna read this chapter that I laboured over with great effort!
Oh, the fish over the volcano line doesn't belong to me; it belongs to Book of Changes. XD
Enjoy!
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"Everything goes according to plan!"
--- Panic! At the Disco
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"Welcome back, my son!"
Ichigo nodded silently to his exuberant father, shyly accepting his twin sister's hugs.
"How long...was I away for?"
Isshin smiled. "Three months, my son!" The eldest Kurosaki swooped down and gave him the Hug of Doom(tm). "But don't dwell on that! We're going to go and have a Kurosaki Special Dinner!" The single parent laughed happily, the room brightening.
The three unmentionable months were shoved from their minds, the twins ignorant of where and why their big brother left and Ichigo unable to recall it. A transparent shadow flittered across Isshin's eyes as he ushered his son to the table, keeping his immature façade on. He felt guilt at what he had done, but it was necessary. He ruffled his son's vibrant orange hair whose bronze eyes, usually full of laughter, were apathetic.
It would return. His son's little demon knight. This was only a temporary fix after all. Isshin's heart clenched. When it returned...if his son wasn't strong enough... He shot a pained look at his son when none of his children were looking. He only hoped that Masaki would forgive him if he had to- He shook his head to clear that dark thought from his mind, giving out a bark of bright laughter at his dark haired daughter's scathing comment.
He only wished that he'd never see the day when his son's eyes turned that demonic shade of gold.
EPISODE #8: CONFUSION
Zangetsu tried to identify the peculiar expression on Ichigo's face. Never before had he seen anyone look quite like a fish thrown over a volcano.
Urahara erupted into a burst of maniacal laughter, taking over from Hichigo when the Hollow had to stop due to his lungs being unable to keep up. The eternally unshaven man was duly ignored, the room's occupants all in a state of shock.
Hichigo wheezed a little, attempting to regain his breath. "Well...that's corny, eh King?"
Zangetsu chuckled but shook his head. "That was a gross simplification."
The Zanpaktou tilted his head at the redhead's horrified expression. "There is a high chance you two could become lovers. Your soul will compel you to be as close as possible, such as a sexual or romantic relationship. It's inevitable, however, that you two will form some kind of comradeship."
Somewhat mollified that there was a loophole in there somewhere, Ichigo pointed at the madly grinning Hollow. "It's hard enough to live with him as it is! If you give me a muzzle..." He eyed the albino suspiciously before continuing. "And maybe some rope, I'll consider being friends."
Hichigo snickered. "Oooh! Didn' know you went fer that kinky shit, King."
Ichigo snarled, giving the Hollow a disgusted glare. "Ugh! I seriously don't want to know what's going through your head!"
The Hollow's eyes slimmed into amused slits, golden irises twinkling with amusement. "Oh?" Taking advantage of their seldom used mental link, Hichigo sent some rather...suggestive mental images of them doing things that should only be done in a pornographic movie to his King, cackling when the teen released a shriek of horror.
Understanding that the Hollow did something, Rukia elbowed the debilitated albino in the ribs sharply. Hichigo hissed, recoiling from the female Kuchiki, and stopped sending the mental pictures grudgingly.
Urahara smiled happily at them all. "Hmm...There's some other stuff that could be tacked onto this but..." His fan flipped out again. "Well...you'll find out soon enough." The eternally unshaven man cackled once more, making everyone in the room sigh.
Zangetsu seemed to be considering something, eyeing the grumbling Hollow closely. "Hichigo." The Zanpaktou started, the albino jerking to attention at the use of his name - first time the solemn man had ever used it. "There's something important that you need to know." He paused, looking at Urahara - who was rapidly blinking as if tapping out the Morse code for him to stop. "...But...you'll soon discover what it is."
"Heh?" Hichigo blinked. "Ya don' jus' start somethin' an' leave it at that, Old Man!"
Zangetsu smiled mysteriously. "You'll soon discover what it is." He repeated, his form dissolving away to reveal the cardboard cut out. The Hollow cursed, flipping the white cut out with a birdie salute.
X.x.X
Renji knew he wasn't the smartest person around, and that his knowledge about the politics and inner workings of the Gotei 13 (Or Gotei 10) was minimal at best. But even he had to admit that there was something off in Seireitei that day.
Apparently, a huge horde of Hollows had decided to invade the material realm - Karakura Town to be specific - and two Arrancar orchestrated the whole thing. Seireitei wasn't that worried however, as Kuchiki-taichou and Hitsugaya-taichou were at that location and the Hollows and Arrancar had successfully been beaten back. But that wasn't what worried him.
Rumours had it that the female Kuchiki had appeared before Unohana-taichou asking for a 4th Division member. That meant that someone had been injured and people whispered that it was 'That orange haired Ryoka'. Renji wasn't worried about that either. Ichigo was a stubborn guy and would probably bounce back stronger then before.
What he was worried about was the sense of unease amongst the Captains.
And he knew it involved Ichigo.
He had passed the outlandish Captain of the 12th Division - who seemed unusually ecstatic - when on his way to the training facility to work on his Bankai. Kurotsuchi-taichou was mumbling to himself (like that wasn't new) but what he heard as the Captain walked past made his screech to a sudden halt.
"Hmm... the Hell Butterfly...me, stated that...split from his Hollow half...how odd... how that has affected Kurosaki's soul?"
Renji felt his body go cold, very much like he had been blasted by Hitsugaya-taichou's Hyourinmaru. He didn't understand how the other Captain found out. He knew that Hitsugaya-taichou or his squad wouldn't have blabbed, and his own mouth had been securely shut. He knew his Captain had practically bribed the IS to keep their mouths shut, and Renji still didn't know how the male Kuchiki managed that.
Someone knew what was going on and had informed Kurotsuchi-taichou about Ichigo. The only question was why. Why would someone in Seireitei want to get rid of a valuable ally in the war against Aizen? To make the Shinigami turn on Ichigo?
Someone who supports Aizen would want to get rid of a possible threat to him.
And that was when a horrifying thought struck the tattooed Shinigami violently over the head. No one had known that three Captains were going to defect until it was too late, Captains that many Shinigami revered and would have followed to Hell and back. If no one was paying attention, it was possible that little a spy within the ranks could easily go overlooked.
No, Renji didn't know much about the subtle workings of politics and Seireitei, but he was pretty good at kicking the crap out of people.
It was only a matter of who he was going to kick the crap out of.
X.x.X
Byakuya frowned, slim fingers swiping a small bead of blood from his cheek. He had gotten careless, underestimating his opponent. He should've learned from Kurosaki not to do that.
Hitsugaya was frowning, watching as the corpse of the Arrancar dissolved into spirit particles. "That shouldn't have given you trouble."
"I underestimated it." The 6th Division captain murmured. The shallow cut on his cheek was soon forgotten. "I felt something wrong with Kurosaki's reiatsu. It split?"
Hitsugaya considered him thoughtfully for a few seconds before answering. "His inner Hollow has somehow split from his body. Kurosaki succumbed to an Arrancar's poison as has the Hollow and Kuchiki has gone to Seireitei for a 4th Division member." The young Captain paused. "What do you think of this?"
Byakuya didn't need to ask what he meant. "It is most troubling. This has never occurred before."
"Kurotsuchi-taichou has probably found out by now." Hitsugaya continued, watching the now clear blue sky. "What can we do without alerting Yamamoto-sou-taichou of Kurosaki's...abnormality?"
Byakuya's lips quirked upwards briefly. "Everything about Kurosaki is abnormal." The 6th Division Captain turned from Hitsugaya. "I think we should do damage control in Seireitei. I have a feeling my Lieutenant is going to do something rash."
As Byakuya opened the portal to Seireitei, the young Captain couldn't stop a snort.
"When doesn't he act rash?"
X.x.X
Ichigo had decided that God despised him.
He kept his back to the Hollow only one meter away from him, curled up inside his QuiltShield™ as he mused over numerous ways to escape this unwanted relationship. His only respite was that there was a loophole, and he was going to exploit it, dammit! Exploit! There was no way in a million years that he was going to- to- to do intimate things with that Hollow! The mere thought made him shudder.
Where Ichigo was horrified, Hichigo had no clue how to react.
First thing though, blame King. Everything was his fault as he was the primary controller of the body and therefore, the one who probably caused the problem in the first place. With that out of the way, his second thought revolved round: 'How could this benefit me?'
Oh, and he was pissed at the Old Man for tricking him like that, unable to win against King no matter how hard he tried. He was going to kick the Zanpaktou in the balls for that and he was going to enjoy it. He snickered evilly at the mental image before sobering up. He could make plans on that later, this was more urgent.
Returning his somewhat unfocused mind to the matter at hand, Hichigo watched the meek 4th Division member fiddle with some vials and other medical equipment. At the moment, he had his own body, but he wasn't sure whether or not it was permanent. If it was, well, then the fact that he couldn't try and defeat King anymore was a moot point and he could do whatever the Hell he felt like. If it was temporary, maybe Hichigo should castrate Zangetsu instead of simply kicking him in the balls before throwing himself off one of the many skyscrapers in King's inner world. The Hollow's gaze snapped to the lump under the futon's thick quilt. Or probably throw King off the skyscraper...
The lump twitched and the albino felt King's irritation surge through their mental link. Huh. It seemed like he had accidentally transmitted that thought to King. Ah well. Hichigo sent a wave of amusement down their link and sniggered at the muffled growl from beneath the covers. His amusement didn't last long however, when his diaphragm decided to throw a seizure and constrict his breathing, resulting in a violent coughing fit.
Hanataro looked up from his notes. "Ah! You shouldn't push yourself, um...Hollow-san! The poison will make breathing very difficult!"
"Ya s-should've (cough cough) told me th-th- (cough) that earlier." Hichigo wheezed, thumping his chest to get everything back in working order. Once his breathing was back to normal, the Hollow grimaced lightly. "Guh. It's gettin' worse."
Ichigo grumbled and rolled over reluctantly, pinning the Hollow with a slightly glazed glare. "No shit Sherlock." He released a small cough of his own. "Dammit. Your Hollow reiatsu isn't doing much, is it?"
"Ah, shaddup, King." Hichigo grumbled, narrowing gold eyes at the feverish teen. "I'm th' one keepin' us from suffocatin' so don' start bitchin'." Feeling his diaphragm spasm again, the Hollow hunched, coughing a little more harshly then before. "Ugh. Hey," He turned an irritated gaze to Hanataro, who squeaked in response. "Ain'tcha got a cough medicine or sumthin'?"
"Urhm..." Hanataro laughed sheepishly. "That's what I was doing...a normal cough medicine wouldn't work on this since it's a muscle relaxant rather then an illness, so..." The scrawny Shinigami trailed off, returning to fussing with his notes and vials. "Maybe if I mix this and this...?"
"Great." Hichigo sighed. "I've been degraded from a horse to a guinea pig."
"Could be worse." Ichigo pointed out, but then remembered that the situation was already as bad as it could be. "Oh wait...it can't..."
The Hollow rolled his eyes, slouching further against the wall and pinning the feverish teen with a critical eye. "Hey, King..." He started, a sly tone to his voice.
"What?" Ichigo mumbled; bronze eyes slipping shut as the flushed redhead began drifting off.
Giving the distracted 4th Division Shinigami a sidelong glance to make sure he wasn't paying attention, Hichigo grinned a little. "What d'ya think of Crackhead's theory, eh?"
"Horrible." Ichigo growled, bronze eyes snapping open. "Having you in my inner world, lurking-"
"I didn' lurk." Hichigo interrupted, pale eyebrows contracting into a frown.
"You lurked." Ichigo snapped. "And that's the word I'm using so shush!" The redhead rubbed his scorching forehead, attempting to remember what he was going to say. His thoughts were all jumbled up in a huge mess so it took a few minutes longer for him to carry on. "Uh, anyway, yeah, having you lurking about in my inner world giggling randomly-"
"I didn' giggle either!" The Hollow protested. "I cackled! And it wasn' randomly!"
"Cackle, giggle, same difference." Ichigo slurred, feeling a heady daze slow his already sluggish mind. "Anyway, bein' stuck with you's gonna be horrible as usual..." It seemed that when Ichigo was sick his grammar took a drastic nosedive. "So sh'up."
Hichigo stared at the teen for a moment, wondering why the normally serious substitute Shinigami was acting odd. Shrugging it off, the Hollow ran a hand through his white hair.
"So ya think bein' stuck with me is gonna be horrible?" The albino pressed a hand over his non-beating heart with a mocking upset look upon his pale face. "That hurts, King. Yer so cruel."
"Tch. You can't feel emotions." Ichigo's muffled mumble growled through the QuiltShield™. "You don't have a heart."
"Caught me." Hichigo snickered before falling into another coughing fit. Catching his breath, the Hollow wheezed out, "I don' think I'm gonna have any fuckin' lungs after this either."
"If you stopped giggling-"
"I don' giggle!" Hichigo protested loudly, unknowingly causing Hanataro to flinch at the sudden shout. "An' yeh th' one who placed us in th' shit pond anyway! Everythin's your fault!"
Ichigo pulled the QuiltShield™ down again, narrowing his bronze eyes. "My fault!? You're the one who offered the deal in the first place! So this is all your fault!"
"I didn' come up with th' deal! Zangetsu-" The Hollow paused.
"Zangetsu..." Ichigo echoed vacantly, finally able to impale the blame on someone who won't argue about it. "Zangetsu told you the deal." It wasn't a question.
Hichigo nodded slowly, cursing himself for not seeing through the Zanpaktou's manipulative machinations before it was too late. The sly bastard. "Maybe he thought that forcin' us inta some sort of relationship would give some peace..." The Hollow mused absently, thoughts mostly centred on how he was going to mutilate the sombre man.
"I'll kill him when I stop feeling like shit." Ichigo decided, pulling the QuiltShield™ back up. "And after I kill you."
"Kill me...?" Hichigo snorted. "Ya can't defeat m-" He remembered what Zangetsu said, now known as the Harbinger of Unpleasant News. "Damn."
The redhead twitched at feeling a rush of frustration from the Hollow's end of their mental link. "You should've seen it coming, Hollow." Ichigo muttered, curling up under the thick duvet despite how hot he was. He felt much safer with a synthetic material covering between him and his incapacitated inner Hollow. It gave him a comfort zone in this crazy, horrifying situation. And he wanted comfort. Badly.
"Heh. I should've." Hichigo murmured softly. He always taunted the substitute Shinigami about how brainless and dense he was, unable to see things beneath the surface. And here he was, fooled by a Living Rock to be doomed to some unwanted camaraderie with the person he despised most and was at the top of his 'To Kill List' (His other one was full). Irony was Shakespeare's department to enjoy, not his, so Hichigo's pride was more than stung. "Man this sucks." The albino sighed.
Ichigo couldn't have said it any other way.
X.x.X
"Hmmm..." Kurotsuchi paced around his lab in thought. "Interesting, interesting..." The Hell butterfly that had appeared moments before from his Lieutenant had had very...illuminating information. Perhaps that stupid girl wasn't as useless as he thought.
"Split from his Hollow half...and now starting to bond in separate bodies..."
The outlandish captain of Division 12th abruptly stopped pacing. "Usually that would mean the two would die since...but no, no, no...if that was going to happen then Kurosaki would already be dead. He's the weakest one of the halves according to Nemu."
Kurotsuchi's golden eyes lit up with malicious glee as an epiphany dawned. "Of course! How could I have missed it!? No! The bonding isn't happening! Well, not that one anyway!" The captain returned to his furious pacing, still ranting to an imaginary person. He was still used to his useless Lieutenant standing there and nodding cordially to his words. No matter. "This is a unique case, very unique..."
A pause. "But...if it was completed then...hmmmm...it's either snatch them up now or have a little struggle dragging them in. But how would I explain this to Yamamoto-sou-taichou?"
He loved a good puzzle.
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A/N: Hah! This little scene at the end was all I needed!
The IchiHichi starts soon, don't worry!
PLOT BUNNIES ATTACK!
PREVIEW FOR EPISODE #9: ACCIDENTAL?!
Hichigo: I have a bad feelin'.
Ichigo: Was that before or after we were told that we were dragged into an unknown marriage?
Hichigo: We're married?
Ichigo: (Face palms)
Hichigo: No…I have a bad feelin' as in…we're gonna have a tough fight…well, you will, I'm too awesome t' get beaten.
Ichigo: …(Walks away)
Hichigo: H-Hey! Don' ya turn yer back on me!
STAY TUNED FOR MORE DYSFUNCTIONAL CAMARADERIE! DON'T FORGET TO REVIEEEEWW!!!!!!