A/N: Well, I see I have touched a nerve with this bovine inspired insanity. Thank you all!
Disclaimer: I don't own the boys. And I don't hate cows. Really.
Part 3 - everything but the kitchen sink
Time to go to ground, hole up, re-group. They make it out to the middle of nowhere, take refuge in a cabin that Coyote and Dean create out of thin air. They can't go into the populated areas, not with all the shit this thing is throwing at them. Ten minutes after the F-150 and that white cow hits the ground a Holstein and a Jersey cow bounce off the shielding around the Impala.
And it pisses Dean off to no end that somehow Sam the ultimate geekboy can tell the difference between the two types. "You been up to somethin' in your spare time that you'd like to share with the class, Sammy?" Dean leers, and he waggles his eyebrows for full effect.
Coyote barks laughter, and John snickers.
The cabin's shielded, of course, large enough to accommodate the Impala inside. Dean's not about to leave his girl at the mercy of whatever the hell that is outside. Once everyone's inside safe, they have the usual argument then. Winchester drama all around. Coyote and Dean want to evac John and Sam, get them out of harm's way, to Bobby's, or to Ellen at the Roadhouse. Sam gets that tight-jawed look he always gets whenever Dean goes into his "I know what's best for the family" mode.
It's especially irritating now that he has Coyote to back him up.
John just looks at Dean with a mixture of affection and frustration. "We're not going anywhere, Dean."
Dean growls under his breath and Coyote does the same.
Of course, there's always the chance that either Coyote or Dean would transport John and Sam's stubborn asses out of harm's way anyway. It's happened before, and it could probably still happen again. John watches his eldest son and his trickster half pace back and forth. They're both getting a little too worked up. They growl each time something hits the ground outside. They might listen to him only so far before their patience runs out.
Coyote paces the floor. So does Dean, in the opposite direction. Sam and John are pretty sure they're not even aware that they both have the same tight-lipped expression on their faces, the same angry bob of the head.
Dean wants to kill this fugly. He needs to. Whatever the hell this is threatens his family, and he wants to kill it, rip out its balls (if it has any) force-feed them to it, kill it stone cold eternal dead, resurrect the damn thing after it dies, and do it all again.
Cheerfully.
Coyote's hackles are raised and his tail is bushed out. It's obvious he feels the same way.
It's fascinating to watch, and Sam can't decide what he wants to look at, Dean and Coyote or the action taking place outside.
"Moooo"…SPLAT.
Sam glances out of the window just as a medium-sized brown and white Abondance dairy cow bounces off the shield and hits the ground in a cloud of dust and dirt.
Hmmm. French cow, Sam thinks.
A pair of Red Poll heifers come in for a bad landing next.
"Mooooooo"…DOUBLE SPLAT.
Holstein, Brown Swiss, Guernsey, Jersey, Red Holstein…name the cow, and it comes raining down from the sky.
"Mooo"… SPLAT.
Sam's pretty sure that if Dean ever gets his hands on whoever's responsible, the word carnage won't even begin to cover it.
"Mooo"… SPLAT.
Two minutes later a large shadow falls over the cabin, blotting out the sun and part of the sky. There's no noise, no bellow of fear and surprise. This is something new.
"Now what?" Dean looks up, practically snarling.
When the thing hits the ground shakes and rumbles from the last impact. It sounds like a repeat of the pick-up truck, but heavier. Way heavier.
John and Coyote join Sam and Dean at the window. The dust cloud settles, and they see this huge leg sticking up out of the ground. It's the right shape, but the wrong color.
It's bronze. It's too big to be a friggin' normal sized cow.
"What the hell…" It's the few times in life that John Winchester actually looks puzzled.
Sam gets it first. He actually turns a little pale. "Umm…that's the Merrill Lynch bull."
"The..what?" Dean sputters.
"Merrill Lynch. Wall Street. This statue is in front of their building." Sam shrugs. "At least, it was…"
"Wait a minute." Coyote lays his ears back. "So you're telling me this sonofabitch is throwing commercial icons at us now?"
"Yep."
"Huh." Dean, John and Coyote say it all at the same time.
000
John's cell goes off. "Yeah?"
"So you got cows, huh?" Bobby sounds pissed.
"Yeah. Bobby? What--"
"A black and white Holstein just crash-landed out back. Damn thing wrecked this truck I was working on and scared the hell outta my dogs. What's going on, John?"
"We're right in the middle of this thing, Singer. We don't know what's going on yet."
Dean's cell goes off.
"Hello? Ellen?"
"Dean? You boys nearby? I got something strange I wanna show you."
Dean freezes. "Don't tell me, let me guess. Falling cows?"
"Yeah. Not plural. Just one. How'd you--"
"Lucky guess. Anybody hurt?"
"Well, no. It took out a section of the parking lot." Dean could almost see her shrug over the phone."Didn't hit anyone."
"Okay. Uh, don't go outside, okay? Stay inside. Keep everyone inside until I call you back."
Sam's cell goes off.
"Oh. Hi! Uh…yeah. I know. Cows. Yep. Uh huh. No, just stay inside, okay? We're working on it. I'll call you back."
Coyote, John and Dean each quirk their eyebrows at him.
"Who was --"
"Rebecca, Dean."
"Rebecca." Dean says slowly. "As in Rebecca in St. Louis. St. Louis, Missouri Rebecca."
"Uh huh."
"Son of a bitch!" Dean explodes. "This bastard knows more about us, and we don't know jack about his sorry ass. How the hell could this possibly get any worse?"
Sam looks out the window just then. "Uh, dude. It just did."
"What?" Dean stares out the window and he freezes.
One by one, the cows pull themselves out of the craters, which is a pretty neat trick considering that they are just as dead as doornails and mangled dead. Necks, backs and legs are broken, heads hang at awkward angles, but they get up and move around with stiff, jerky motions.
The cabin is soon surrounded by freakin' zombie cows. They mill around the edges of the shield, and they all have the same goofy look on their faces. That is, if they still have a face left after all that. Some of them landed pretty hard.
It's obvious something is pulling their strings all at the same time. It's also obvious they can't get in. Several of them bump up against the invisible shielding and they're pushed back without much effort.
Once Dean sees that he crosses the room and is out the door in three strides. Coyote's right beside him. Sam and John are right behind.
The black and white Jersey cow with the crushed cowbell around its neck smiles at him. "Hello, Wil-burrr. I'm Mr. Ed."
Dean scowls. "Dude, not only is this sick as hell, you got the wrong damn species. Mr. Ed was a horse."
Coyote's growling under his breath so deeply it's felt more than heard.
"Nowhere to run, Wil-burrr," the cow rumbles. "Nowhere to hide."
"What the hell do you want?"
The answer comes from all around.
"You," that undead Holstein rumbles.
"Smashed flat as a pancake," the Red Poll heifers squeak out.
"Begging for mercy," what's left of the British White flaps its ears.
"Just a little thing, really," the Brown Swiss chirrups.
"Leave your family and come with us, Wil-burr," the Jersey grumbles. "We won't hurt them."
"Think I'm gonna believe you about that?" Dean snarls.
"No choice. Put some fire in you, boy." Dean stares angrily at the Holstein like he would dearly love to wring its already broken neck. "Keep those shields up."
John's not surprised when he's suddenly frozen in place. He hears a sharp intake of breath from Sam, but he doesn't have to turn around to know that Sam's frozen too. It's Dean's doing. Boy's always had a damn martyr complex.
Dean and Coyote fade out, only to appear outside the shielding, surrounded by several undead cows.
Inside his head John curses up a blue streak.
000
The shadow stands in the pasture nearby and laughs. This has been a lot of fun so far, and it's just getting started. It has so many heavy blunt objects to throw at that mangy mutt, and all the time in the world.
Next update this Saturday. I think this one will be five chapters after all. Don't worry, Phoebe. HurtDean and HurtCoyote is in the next chapter. How could I forget that?