OFUR Xmas Special
Christmas Eve at the OFUR, and all through the Abbey
Not a creature was stirring – mouse, rat, dog, or tabby –
Except a young ferret whose first name is Molly,
Who got up to search in hopes of a new dolly.
As silent and soft as an ant in a tomb,
Molly slipped out of bed and crept to the next room.
Two assassins were sleeping, curled up in their beds,
While visions of Sue-slaying danced in their heads
And Bleeproducts freely flowed all through their veins,
And they snored with the sound of a dozen freight trains.
Molly searched Foxglove's cupboard, dismissing her worry
That she'd wake the girls up – but she would have to hurry.
There were so many places she had to search through;
Cupboards and drawers and beneath the beds too …
And under the mattress on Laburnum's bed.
(Most ferrets do tend to sleep like the dead.)
But her search yielded nothing, so with sneaky intent
She left them, and into the next room she went.
This one was the room of Naomi and Drake,
And they also both seemed unlikely to wake,
So she went through their stuff with paws small and deft,
But nothing she found, and so once again left.
(After stealing a spork from Drake's famous railgun.
Well, while she was there, she might as well have some fun.)
In her foster-folks' room she kept searching for loot –
Even checking the soundbox of the weasel's lute,
Pulling it from his paws as he sprawled in his chair.
Apparently he does hide his Bleeprin in there.
The gifts weren't there either, but Molly just said,
"If I can't find my presents, I'll steal some instead!"
So she went through their chocolate stash, then she crept
Downstairs to the rooms where the students all slept.
"And who knows," thought Molly, now filling with cheer.
"Maybe they thought I'd not find my own stuff in here!"
The stockings were hung from the bedposts with care,
Though the textbooks and clothes were still strewn everywhere.
She checked every stocking and rummaged through each,
Though some of the larger ones she did struggle to reach.
Not one single corner escaped this ransack,
As she jammed her loot into a "borrowed" backpack.
She took CDs, and books (even though she can't read),
Lots of sweets, stuffed toys, some girls' makeup and beads,
And a note that was signed by one Mister Claus –
Supposedly – reading "I O U one horse".
She took as much weight as she thought she could cope
With. (She left all the girl students' presents of soap.)
And so many things Molly managed to filch.
Did she find her own presents? Nope. Zip. Nada. Zilch.
Soon she finished with that floor, she'd find no more there,
And so once again did she head for the stair.
But all did not go according to plan.
As she dashed to the staircase and down it she ran,
She tripped on her nightgown, and so down she fell,
With a thump and a crash and an earsplitting yell!
When the students and staff overheard all this clatter,
They rushed from their rooms to see what was the matter.
On the bottom step in an undignified heap
Lay Molly Rath, bruised and beginning to weep.
The stolen gifts lay round her, scattered about.
Her leg hurt, and worse, she had now been found out.
At the front of the crowd, looking extremely mad,
Was Sawney Rath, her biological dad.
"Miss Rath!" yelled Miss Minty, all sympathy gone.
"It's four in the morning! What on Earth have you done?"
Molly tried to get up, but the pain made her groan.
Stormsong checked her leg … and found that she'd broken a bone.
They took back the gifts, cleaned the cut on her head,
And bandaged her leg, then put her back to bed.
At dawn everybeast ran to see what they'd got,
But Molly, the poor little ferret, could not.
She lay in bed sulking for five hours long,
Till she heard the sound of a holiday song …
The PPC agents all burst in the door
Bearing packages, boxes, presents galore!
Foxglove brought Molly's "brother", young Moses the otter,
And Sawney Rath came in to meet with his daughter.
Molly tore all the paper from every toy,
Thanking all her friends, laughing and whooping with joy.
A Sue pelt, books-on-tape, plushies, sweets in a tin,
And – a bad move on Sky's part? – a new violin.
Around noon they brought Molly lunch on a tray,
She wolfed it down while they continued their play.
Then cake, of which Molly ate more than one slice –
And did not really mind when she then threw up. (Twice.)
When they'd finished the games and they'd pulled the wishbone,
Laburnum said, "I think we should leave you two alone.
You should get to actually know one another,
And forget all that business about Molly's mother …
And there's always a foodfight here! That we can't miss!"
So Skyfire gave Molly a hug and a kiss,
And the agents left Molly to talk to her dad –
When not badfic-possessed, he is not all that bad.
"You're a sneaky young brat," the old ferret avowed,
"How perfect! You'll be a great thief! Make me proud!"
So in spite of her fall, Molly had a good day,
And everything really did turn out okay.
The agents went down and joined in the school party
Where students and staff bade them eat and drink hearty.
Laburnum was right, there was a foodfight,
Which soon switched to snow, then went on until night.
And what happened then? Well, ask Drake and he'll say
That their livers all shrank by three sizes that day!
They sang, ate and drank with many a shout
Of joy, then all crawled up to bed and passed out.
So the PPC group all had lots of fun …
And we wish happy holidays, to everyone.
[Miss Minty: Kit is busy again, but he sends you all his well-wishes.
Let me say this: I am NEVER AGREEING TO WRITE A POEM THIS LONG AGAIN, however simple and Seussish it is. If some of the rhymes seem a little strained, remember A) bad poetry is a fine old OFU tradition, B) it's the Christmas season and I'm of drinking age now, do the maths – don't worry, just kidding on that one. But seriously, I hope you like this, and that you're all enjoying your respective holidays.
In case you haven't picked up on this from other stuff I've done, Molly is Sawney's offspring, saved from a badfic by the PPC and inflicted on S&S because they were the only mustelidae at HQ and throwing her in with the human kids would have been too much of a shock. That or the Flowers just like tormenting them. Moses the otterbaby was Tagg's Sue-spawned kid, who has also been adopted by the Protectors of the Plot Continuum. We'll be seeing more of these two once the PPC show up. (We haven't seen the last of the violin either, I didn't just intend that for a rhyme. It won't be showing up until main storyline parts set after Christmas, obviously, but …)
Actual chapters will resume some time after my January exams. Happy holidays!