"I'm telling you, it's gotta be canon! If it's by the original author, it has to count, unless it's specifically retconned!" Marmalade the Cherry Squirrel declared, waving a paw to emphasize his point.
"Yeah, but this is just a spinoff, and it's for even younger kids than the original series …" Sandflame Montmorency protested.
"What are you guys talking about?" Suzi asked, hopping onto her chair so she could see over Sandflame's shoulder. Being three inches tall had distinct drawbacks.
Marmalade slapped down a small thin book on the table. Suzi read the title; A Redwall Winter's Tale.
"We're trying to work out whether the Snow Badger actually exists within the canon," the squirrelboy said, scratching his tail. Some of his now decidedly brown-looking leaves fell out.
"Snow Badger?"
"Mystical giant badger which appears at midnight on 'Winter's First Day' and makes it snow," Sandflame explained.
"Oh. Cool."
"Hey, I overheard Miss Minty say it's Winter's First Day tomorrow!" said Sandy Aesevak, leaning over.
The students looked at each other and slowly nodded as they all came to the same conclusion.
"Ladies and gentlebeasts," said Suzi, raising a claw and grinning, "I believe we have a bet."
"Can't we just set up a camera? I think my phone still has enough battery to work it," complained Tiraamilaen.
"Might not work," explained Suzi, counting the packets of coffee the girls had stolen, borrowed, or bought from various staff members. "We don't know if this Snow Badger would show up on film, a lot of magical things in fiction don't, and if we screw this up we won't get another chance because we'll be back home next winter."
"I guess," said the golden-eyed otter, holding out a mug for her coffee ration. Landred Banwood and Tipardity filled the mug with hot water - somehow both of them had managed to sneak kettles upstairs, probably thanks to calling in favours from staff members.
"Okay, everyone, we need as many people as possible to stay awake at once," said Suzi, clambering onto her bed so everyone could see her better. "That way we have corroborating witnesses." She mused that being here was good for her - three months ago she wouldn't have been able to use the word "corroborating" in a sentence. "If you need to sleep, tell everyone else and try to just take a short nap. Keep your eyes open, if it's going to come it'll be tonight. It'll have to go all round the building so we should be able to see it, and I guess it would be pretty hard to miss a five-hundred-foot white badger. The guys and the Predators are watching out as well, but if you see it and you've still got a working camera try to get a shot of it for proof. Okay?"
The girls who had agreed to join the watch stomped their footpaws and saluted in perfect unison. Being taught by Long Patrol hares and vermin leaders was paying off in that manner as well.
"This is stupid," said Sandflame. "I'm going to bed. Tell me if it shows up."
"Sure, we'll wake you up," said Zeph.
"Please don't, I want to sleep. Tell me in the morning."
"Sensible," said Snowspine. "Please don't wake us up, okay?"
"Awww, don't you wanna see it?" said Fernflower.
"Not enough to give up a night's sleep," said the hedgehog firmly. "I have to get up early tomorrow, I want to go and see my mustelids before class."
"Oh, you're both being so boring!" declared Suzi.
"You know, it's getting near Christmas," said Sandflame with a fixed grin. "Ever hear of the phrase 'goodwill to all men'?"
"Yes."
"Well, technically speaking, you, as a female mouse, are not a man, therefore I am not required to show goodwill towards you. Understood?" With that, Sandflame climbed into bed and rolled over, and Snowspine did the same except with the movements modified slightly to avoid impaling hir spines on the mattress. One or two other girls followed them, a handful looking longingly towards their own beds but staying by the window thanks to peer pressure. Most looked out of the window in eager expectation.
Next morning, most of the students were dozing in front of the windows, empty coffee mugs clutched in their paws, the few who had brought their music players and headphones still wearing the headphones even though the batteries had all run down from being played at full volume all night. The dawn light woke the sleepers up, and they all rubbed their eyes and looked out of the window.
"Agh! Crap! We must have slept through-" Suzi looked out of the window. "-absolutely nothing?"
Sure enough, there was no snow. Not a single flake.
"This can't be right!" said Oaknin, blinking. "It's a kids' book series! There's always snow the second it turns to winter in kids' books!"
The students dashed out of the dormitories and outside without even bothering to get dressed, as if going outside would suddenly produce snow. They scattered across the grounds, ignoring the curious staff members who joined them, and searched every nook and cranny of the outside of the building. No snow, no rain, no frost, no hail ...
"Guys! Guys, I found something!" Aleen Streambattle scurried around the grounds in the manner only mustelidae can master, bounding around like a Slinky toy. "Comean'lookcomean'lookcomean'look!"
Everybeast ran after the young otter to the Abbey pond. It was iced over, thickly enough to look perfect for skating, except for the message apparently deeply carved into the ice. They slowed as they reached it, and stared.
Thom read it aloud. "'This happens every damn year. Stop trying to watch me or I swear I'll run a glacier through the dormitories. Normally I would only send messages in anagram form, but I feel it would be lost on you all so I'm going for the straightforward route. I'm coming back tomorrow night even though it's completely against tradition for me to come on winter's second day, and any student I catch watching me will be turned into an ice sculpture in record time. Sincerely, Snow Badger'."
There was a long silence.
"Well," said Sandflame. "Looks like I owe Marmalade five bucks."
Korora fluttered over the ice and scanned the message. "Wow, anthropomorphic personifications are really touchy."
Meanwhile, Mister Kit looked out of the window at the pond, sighed, and shook his head.
"Alright, Minty, you win. We'll pump sleeping gas into the dorms tonight."
"I knew I'd find a use for all that anaesthetic gas one day!" Minty declared triumphantly, shaking a clenched paw in the air.
"Why do you even have that?"
"Like I said, I knew I'd find a use for it."
The staffroom was noisy and bustling as always, though around the fireplace and in the corners there were little oases of peace and warmth of which various staff members were taking advantage, sipping hot cordial or mint tea or just catching quick naps before going back to work. Kit and Minty were surrounded by various staff members, mostly vermin, who were demanding a Christmas celebration - "It won't turn out like all the others, Miz, we promise! We got rid of the fireworks, really we did!"
The PPC agents were settled around one of the coffee tables. Laburnum was perched on the arm of the couch, in the middle of teaching Drake to sing "Fairytale Of New York". Somehow they'd managed to get the roles switched around, possibly due to their impressive intake of eggnog. Stormsong was reading The Day of the Dissonance, looking up occasionally to correct them on the lyrics. Foxglove was huddled in an armchair, dozing quietly. Naomi, in the form of a honey badger, was sitting on the floor, teaching Blaggut to play Cripple Mister Onion.
There was a knock at the door, but nobeast noticed in the general racket. They did, however, notice the loud siren which immediately started up, waking Foxglove and causing several Dibbuns to start screaming.
"WARNING! WARNING! STUDENT AT THE DOOR!" blared an electronic voice.
Stormsong ran to the door and looked through the peephole, then turned and waved to the staff, who were by this time holding weapons.
Nay, 'tis fine! She be with us."
The alarm ended. Snowspine, looking rather shellshocked after the siren, entered, clutching a bag with two wrapped parcels in it.
"... Bad time?"
"Sorry, the alarm system hasn't been reprogrammed to deal with guest students yet," said Martin, putting the Sword down. "That happens sometimes."
Snowspine shrugged - carefully, what with the spines - and pulled the two presents out of the bag. "Stormy, Sky? I got you some early Christmas presents - well, I didn't think you celebrate Christmas as such, and it's nearly a month away anyway, but why pass up an excuse to get presents?"
"Oh, thanks!" said Skyfire. "We're in a bit of a hurry at the moment, can we open them later?"
Squeaks of annoyance issued from what appeared to be a large bundle of cloth that Skyfire was holding. Close inspection showed it to be Molly Rath, swamped in an oversized coat, at least one thick sweater, daisy-patterned wellies, a tail-warmer with a pompom on the tip, a scarf which wrapped seven times around her neck, and a bobble hat which kept sliding over her eyes. Skyfire was attempting to force mittens onto the tiny ferret's already glove-clad paws.
"What the heck are you doing to that poor kid?" Snowspine asked, looking at Molly. "She looks like a parcel! She can't need all that, you told me she was raised in the wild and she's a tough little-"
"Sshhh!" Skyfire waved her paws urgently and whispered in Snowspine's ear, trying to avoid the spines. "I know she doesn't need all this, I'm using it as an excuse to lower her mobility so I can keep track of where she is! And the gloves are so she can't use her claws. Shame there's nothing similar I can use for her teeth."
At this point, Drake and Laburnum reached the second verse of their song - the uncensored version, to be precise. Skyfire quickly clasped her paws over Molly's ears and glared.
Stormsong looked up. "Drake! Laburnum! Language, please, there be Dibbuns present!"
"Indeed. I don't think it's appropriate to call someone that in front of Molly," said Skyfire, disregarding the fact that Molly probably already knew far worse words.
"Aww, c'mon," slurred Laburnum, waving the hand holding the mug and sloshing eggnog on the floor. "C'mon, I love this song! 'M reconnecting with my Irish heritage!"
"You've never been to Ireland and your family hasn't been from there since the potato famine," Foxglove pointed out.
"Still counts if I wan' it to. Homeopathic genetics, eh?"
"What about Drake? He's not even European! Technically speaking, he's Japanese!"
"Wouldn' 'e be American 'f he's from the dub version?"
Naomi looked up from her card game with Blaggut. "Oh, he's from the original. You won't believe how long it took me to get him to not mangle English and Japanese. At least he didn't throw in chatspeech."
"We are stopping this conversation right now, and you are toning down your language!" Skyfire let go of Molly's ears. Molly made a mental note to steal something and use it to bribe someone to tell her the words.
"But it's traditional, this song. Laburnum says so ..." Drake complained. The others ignored him.
"Miss Minty said it was okay for me to go shopping in the Real World, she said I should get my shopping for this holiday thing done before the rush. You can come with me when you sober up, if you like. I think I have some Purple Stuff ... here." Skyfire tossed the purple bottle to Laburnum, who swigged it and groaned as the alcohol instantly left her system.
"Not anywhere in England, please. Technically there are probably still warrants out for our arrest there," she said, passing the bottle to Drake. "Oh, reminds me, I guess I should get something for my parents and sister this year now they know I'm alive again ..."
"But Laburnum," pleaded Drake, swigging, "we have the Disguise Generators, can't we just change a few details? I wanna go as a girl again!"
"One day that shapeshifting obsession's going to get you in trouble," Skyfire told him.
"Yeah, I know about when you and Stormsong got zapped with the thing and you got stuck as-"
"And we agreed we were never going to discuss that again!"
"Have fun," said Snowspine, putting the bag down and heading for the door. "I have to get to class. I'll come back this evening, okay?"
"I'll join you!" said Naomi, abandoning the card game. Blaggut shrugged and started laying out the cards for a solitaire game. "I need to stop by an army surplus store to shop for some of the people on my list."
"Can I come? I have some cash burning a metaphorical hole in my pocket," Foxglove said, hopping up. "Some of the students bribed me to let them have coffee yesterday. Don't know why they all wanted coffee suddenly, must be the cold weather or something ..."
"So that's where my coffee went!" Naomi snarled.
"Foxglove, you sure you want to be dabbling in the black market? Think of what the Flowers would say," Laburnum pointed out. "They hate us already after the Trees thing."
"Hey, the pay for Protecting the Plot Continuum sucks considering we're effectively defending everything that exists. I don't see why I can't earn a little extra on the side. Besides, I need it. I have to buy Christmas presents, then those two girls from Voyage of Slaves asked me to help them with their Kwanzaa decorations and I need to find a library so I can look up what the heck Kwanzaa actually is, I think it's an American thing they picked up ..."
"Yeah, but still ..." Naomi sounded unsure.
"I'll buy you something extra nice for Christmas."
"Like PS2 nice? If so, you have a deal." Foxglove and Naomi shook paws, grinning. "Also," Naomi leaned forward, "I could use a second helper to back me up, and carry some of the gear I wanted. I lost a bet to Cluny so I have to pick him up a special item. I have no clue where he found out about them, but heck, it would be funny to see them trying to operate a Panzer tank."
"Where the heck are you gonna get that from?" Laburnum asked, pulling out a Portal Generator and handing it to Naomi as Foxglove set the disguises and slapped Drake's paw when he tried to "help". "You pick the co-ordinates."
"I have no clue, but a word of advice; don't take any last minute bets from a warlord, even if you have a flush. It just means they have a royal flush."
They stepped through the portal into the snowy city. It was at that stage where the snow is just falling, thick enough to give the ground a slightly crunchy white overlay without yet having been turned to brownish slush. The beauty was lost on Foxglove, who was staring at Skyfire's hair.
"Weren't you a redhead last time?"
Skyfire pulled her white-blonde braid over her shoulder and examined it. "Hm. Must be because it's ermine season."
Drake looked around, then squealed happily and headed off down the street. Naomi sighed.
"Storm, can you help me with Drake? I think he spotted the army surplus store."
She looked over to see Skyfire glaring at her.
"What? PPC agents do like their bowie and k-bar knives...."
"Fine, let's stop at a pet shop and get a leash. Molly's eaten hers again anyway, she needs a new one too."
"Uncle Storm-eeee! I'm six! I don't need a leash no more!" Molly whined.
"Never mind, Molly, you'll wear it when we're out until you learn to stop running off and eating people."
"No fair, I only did that once an' I never ate a whole person!"
Stormsong swung Molly up onto his shoulders. She started gnawing his ear. By now he was used to it.
"Why don't you try a steel leash this time?" Naomi said, grabbing Stormsong by the hand and pulling him down the road towards the shop into which Drake had disappeared.
"Are we allowed to bring children into-" he started to say as she dragged him off, ignoring him completely.
Laburnum and Foxglove looked at each other. "Bookshop?"
"Hell yeah."
"So what are you getting for everyone?"
"Don't know. I think I should replace the Enya CD Stormsong broke over my head when he tried to exorcise the spirit of Trent Reznor, so that's him sorted ... what about Molly?"
"That depends - would Sky kill us if we gave her live prey?"
That evening, back in the staff lounge, Naomi was screaming at Drake and Skyfire was helping Stormsong bandage his right paw. Molly was sitting on the floor, playing with something best left unidentified and hiccupping her way through a surprisingly good rendition of "December Will Be Magic Again" (well, she didn't yet know most of the words, so she was mostly singing "la la la", but she was perfectly on-key).
"It wasn't my fault!" Drake protested. Naomi ignored him and continued shouting.
"Can't we have one outing which doesn't end in us never being able to show our faces in that place again without being arrested?" Skyfire complained. "I was so hoping not to have to go through that again."
Naomi wound down and sighed. "Don't I wish."
"It's not my fault!" Drake protested. "What kind of idiot tries to commit armed robbery in a gun shop in the first place?"
"True. But did you have to use the railgun? I'm just glad it didn't hit anyone, but then it made the guy with the revolver jump and ..."
The siren went off again as Snowspine entered. This time shi was expecting it and managed to get through the crowd with no trouble, possibly assisted by the fact that nobody pushes up against a hedgehog in a crowd. Shi noticed the scene, wondered briefly what had happened, and decided shi didn't want to know.
"Hi," shi said, waving a paw in greeting. "Just wanted to see if you were back yet."
"Well, yes, as you can see, we're back." Skyfire put her claw on the final knot as Stormsong finished with the bandaging. "And we have time to open our presents from you now!" She unwrapped her gift. "It's ... a bunch of tapes?"
"From the secret cameras I heard were installed in your shower. I bought all the tapes of each of you before anyone made copies or put them on OFUTube, and I managed to get the cameras removed into the bargain! I didn't have any money so technically Klitch and Romsca each have claims on my soul now, but Minty promised to get the Archangel Gabriel to help her find a loophole in the contracts. Apparently he's good at that."
"... I'm sorry, you lost me at 'secret cameras in our shower'!"
"Ah, it's not the holidays without at least one person wanting to commit murder," Naomi declared cheerfully as Skyfire stormed off. Skyfire's yells of rage and Klitch's pleading for mercy echoed through the staffroom, and the usual din reduced slightly as several staff members stopped what they were doing to listen. "This place really does feel like home."
Snowspine looked slightly crestfallen. "And she didn't even open the card ..."
Stormsong picked up the card that had been attached to his package of tapes, opened it, and read. Happy tears sprang to his eyes.
"A written apology for the death scene ... and for 'everything else that hath happened in my life up to this point'?" Very carefully, he hugged the hedgehog. "Ah, Snowspine, 'twas no need for that - at least half of my life's total misfortune hath been Laburnum and Foxglove's fault! ... well, one-third. The remaining third was Drake's fault."
Drake's ears drooped. "You're mean."
Skyfire returned and slumped in a chair. "I'm tired. I'm going to check on the baby and go to bed ... who's babysitting Moses at the moment?" Moses had had to be farmed out to various badger, otter, or hare volunteers among the staff when the musteline agents arrived at the OFUR, because otters are much larger than stoats and weasels and it's hard to take care of a baby that's bigger than you are.
Right on cue, Deyna appeared, exhausted, smeared in milk formula, and holding his sleeping son as if the cub was a bomb that was about to go off.
"Hi, guys," he groaned weakly, sitting down on the floor and trying inexpertly to find a comfortable way to hold the baby. "Awwgh, I'm too young to be a parent. I hate to admit it, but Sawney's better at the domestic thing than I am. Even if he is technically, y'know, evil."
Stormsong looked up curiously at the otter. "I never would have expected thee to volunteer to care for Moses, considering the, ah, circumstances of his birth."
"Hey, he's technically mine, whatever his mother was like. I should see to it that he's growing up right." Deyna shrugged. "Taking responsibility is what I do, ever since that little spat with Sawney."
Skyfire, Naomi, and Drake burst into simultaneous "Awwww"s.
"And I have to keep the little monster till tomorrow morning when Mellus can take him ..." Deyna moaned, getting up. "Agh, I guess I did volunteer. I'm going to bed now, I'll need to go to sleep early because he'll keep waking me up."
In his room, Deyna tucked Moses into the hastily-set-up crib, where the pup curled up like a furry hat and continued sleeping peacefully, much to his father's relief. Deyna locked the door and lay down, and was just dozing when a pebble rattled against his window. He jumped up and opened the window to see the source of the disturbance.
"HIIIIIII!"
"Dammit, Tira-whats-yer-name!" he hissed as loudly as he could without waking the baby. "Go away! There's a sleeping baby in here!"
"Aww!" Tiraamilaen cooed. "Baaaaby otter! I luvs babies! Can I come up and see him?"
"Please remember my disdain for violence is a personal choice and, given enough provocation, I might rethink it!" Deyna snapped. "You have five seconds to leave! One-"
At this point, he was fortuitously saved from having to compromise his principles by a group of Minis who were patrolling the grounds. Tiraamilaen screamed and fled, Bluefin and Klith snapping at her tail. Deyna smiled, satisfied, and flopped back down on his bed without remembering to close the window. It wasn't terribly cold, and otter cubs have fairly thick pelts, so this wasn't as potentially-dangerous as it would have been with a human baby, but Moses whimpered a little in his sleep and burrowed under his blanket.
As dawn broke the next morning, there was a knock at the bedroom door. Deyna sprang up, Taggerung abilities allowing him to get into gear upon waking much faster than most normal beings, and opened the door to find the two exorcists.
"Hey, guys," he said, stepping back to let them in. "He's been fine - woke me up once or twice, but that was it."
Skyfire entered the room and found herself facing the open window, and a fine sprinkling of melted snow on the floor. She yelped as she noticed Moses was no longer at the head of the crib, her paw automically reaching for her sword. A happy gurgling made her pause, she looked at the other end of the crib, and she saw Moses gnawing at a piece of paper - well, more drooling on it then actually gnawing, since at two months old he was too young to have any teeth. In his other paw, he clutched a teardrop-shaped crystal threaded on a very long white hair.
"Moses! Bad baby! Very bad baby!" Skyfire reached into the crib and tried to yank the paper out of his paw. "That is not food!"
"Where did he get that from?" Deyna asked confusedly. "I didn't give that to him. Did you? I don't remember seeing it last night."
"Nor do I," said Skyfire, picking up the note and reading the bits not smeared by otter drool. "Hey, I think this is the same poem that was in that book I read to Molly. It's the coded message from the Snow Badger. Must be a prank somebeast's playing."
"I don't think so, I lock my door," Deyna said. "Never known the Snow Badger to leave messages for visitors here before, but it looks like he did this time ..." He held up the beautifully clear crystal. "Yep, this looks genuine. Good going, little fella."
"Deyna, please take that thing away from him! He may swallow it!" Stormsong squinted at the other side of the paper. "Hm, I think something may be written on the other side. 'Tis hard to tell, the ink hath run."
Skyfire turned the paper over. "Hey, you're right. It's a bit smudged, but I think I can make out some of it ... I think it says something about 'beware your sister'?"
"Well, we know Molly may not be the most, ah, emotionally stable of children."
"True. When we get back to HQ I'll see about getting them permanently transferred into the Nursery so they can keep an eye on her. I'm sure they must have dealt with at least one child as difficult as her before, they've had everything else at one time or another ... Strange, though. Has Molly ever been anything but perfectly well-behaved around Moses?"
"Come to think of it, I think not ... she doth leave mine ears looking like sieves sometimes, but she never even looked the wrong way at Moses in my recollection. Still, 'tis better safe than sorry."
"Can you read anything else?" Deyna asked, squinting at the note.
"I don't think so ..."
Before Skyfire could make out any more words, the door burst open and Drake and Molly, each holding pawfuls of snow, crashed into the room.
"SNOWBALL FIGHT!" they yelled in unison, releasing the snowballs in Deyna's direction. He spluttered, spat snow, and laughed.
"Snowball fight, is it? I'll give you a snowball fight!"
"Eek!" Molly squealed and scampered down the corridor, closely followed by Drake, Deyna, and Skyfire, Stormsong following at a more leisurely pace as he examined the crystal pendant. The paper fell to the floor and drifted under the bed.
Mother Mellus was at this point walking down the corridor to pick up Moses for her turn babysitting. She sighed and rolled her eyes as Deyna ran past.
"Tut. Not a good influence, is he?" she said to Moses, holding him up to the window. "And he forgot to close the window - poor little thing, you must have been freezing last night. Look! Your first snowfall! Isn't it pretty?" Moses stared and blew spit bubbles in his usual manner, then clapped his paws once and gurgled happily. "Come on, little fellow, let's get some breakfast and then we can go and look at it close up," said Mellus, leaning the baby otter against her shoulder and heading downstairs.
[Miss Minty: Sorry this year's was late, I've just started a new job and therefore have minimal time to write because the school holidays are our busy season. Hope you like this one, anyway. Anyone else actually read "A Redwall Winter's Tale"?
According to Wikipedia, Kwanzaa is a non-religiously-connected celebration of African heritage, but that's pretty much all I know. As far as I know, it's not celebrated in the UK, so I have an excuse for having to look it up.
Ooh! Foreshadowing or something with the note! Yes, we finally get around to an actual plot. Eventually.
Pronouns "hir" and "shi" are not typos, they're gender-neutral pronouns I've seen Snowspine's writer use. Since the parts about hir here weren't from another character's POV, I thought we should use them. Most other student characters will probably still think of hir as female because it's hard to pronounce a difference between "hir" and "her".
The Day of the Dissonance is by Alan Dean Foster, and is part of the Spellsinger series. Those who've read my MSTs will recognise them as the series featuring Mudge the otter and the "----ing unicorn". I think Stormsong would like them. Speaking of whom, I will say it again: go read VQ. And Spellsinger. The "robbery in a gun shop" is based on real events, according to the Darwin Awards. Go look those up too.]
[Mr. Kit: Sorry again. We were busy with life. It happens.And yes, we have a plot. Yes, they have a crisis coming up. More than that, we can't really say.
VQ is a good story. Although, just be warned, if you have not read it, be prepared for gruesome deaths.
The crystal on the hair may or may not be important. Feel free to make your guesses.]