Booth's guilt gets the better of him during the weeks he was 'playing dead'. Slight spoiler for Pain in the Heart.
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I look at my reflection in the mirror. I hate the liar that stares back at me; see the lie on my chest that mocks me.
I take a swig of the strong bourbon I've made friends with this past week, my only companion in this hole of a motel room. Being away from my Bones aches, almost as bad as this seeping wound above my heart.
Another lie.
Will she ever forgive me for them, God help me. These lies burn as bad as the bourbon going down my throat. I spit it out and heave into the sink. I keep heaving to purge myself of the lies.
The memory of her screams, her pleas for me not to leave her haunt me. Those memories leave as bitter an aftertaste as this cheap liquor. I've failed miserably to forget the thought of her anguished face and I feel the bile rise once more.
Behind me my uniform hangs pressed and ready for the final act of this deception tomorrow. Could I forget my treachery and move on? Not likely, that bullet left a timely reminder of the lies I've told. My only solace is that I will finally see her again.
I suddenly panic. Will she hate me for abandoning her to this ludicrous ruse; will she dwell on all my deceit? I suddenly shudder and think if she was never told the truth, then heave until I have nothing left. The feeling won't pass until I drown it with more liquor. I'm drowning already in guilt, weighed down by my lies.