I don`t own Twilight, you know the drill
Ok, after recently finding my joy in writing again I decided to start with cleaning up the stuff I have already written. Since this is my first story and still my little baby since it actually is just a scene from something I play around with this one was the first. I didn`t change much just added here and there some stuff so it works better with the sequal of Jaspers pov I have planed for so long and hopefully will actually get ready sometime soon.
I heard a knock at the door and wondered. It was half past one at night. Who on earth would come at such an unholy hour?
`Something unholy!`
It shot through me with electricity. I felt anxious, excited, most of all, I felt it coming.
A knowing smile cursed my lips for a moment before I got up and walked through the room, calm and slowly, even for a human.
I opened the door and took his appearance in.
He hadn't changed a bit. Or at least imperceptible for my human eyes.
He was still the golden blond haired Adonis he had ever been and I took in his face like someone who had seen the sun for the first time after spending years in darkness. After all, that was how it had been for me.
He grinned at me devilish and I meet his crimson piercing eyes – the only thing that had changed.
I hold his gaze in mine and he froze for a second bewildered. Probably because he didn't sense any surprise or shock. Maybe because he waited for the fear.
Well, I wasn't. Like I said, I saw this coming. And I had known that when I would see him again this would be the one thing about him distinguishing him from the past. After all, it was the only thing that could change.
"Hello, darlin' "
His voice was as angelic as I remembered it. It always had wondered me how such a demonic creature could be so seraphically
"Jasper" I nodded smiling. I loved the way his name rolled over my tongue. "It has been a long time."
I stepped beside and let him enter my apartment before I closed the door behind him.
"Not for a vampire that is." He stated amused.
"Three years can change a lot, even for a vampire."
And I knew things had changed for him. He wouldn't be here if it hadn't.
He tilted his head to the side as he tried to read me. It was harder than he had expected. He wasn't the only one that had altered. But then, he never really knew me in the first place. Tonight that would modify.
"You are right. Three years can change a lot." He finally repeated.
"Are you alone?"
Again his eyes pierced through me maybe because he thought my question was directed at something else. It wasn't! I wasn't asking for HIM. I didn't care for HIM. Not since he left, not after the way he did it.
"Yes".
"Since when?" He knew my question was directed not only at his solitary status but also at his change of diet.
"A couple of month after we left Forks"
That did surprise me. I saw him sensing it and his eyebrow shot up in question. I didn't answer it though.
"You aren't afraid." It was a statement, a fact, yet it hold a question in it. The most powerful question of all. `Why?`
I laughed over his curiosity. `Didn't he know?`
"Why should I be?"
He didn't like that. He liked to be dangerous, liked the people around him feel it and shock away from him.
He didn't like to be refered to as weak. I always knew that was the reason why his life with the Cullens didn't work out for him. Because they saw him as weak. Saw him as the uncontrolled one.
He hated it.
Hated it because he wasn't. He was strong. He was the predator. And he had once enjoyed letting his prey knew this. Enjoyed the emotion he could sense when he unfolded his true nature.
I never knew why I was aware about all of that about him. We never had spent much time together barely spoken more than 10 words with another. Yet I knew him better than any other one of them who had spent nearly a century with him.
But he wasn't one to talk much after all. At least not until you reached a certain level in his repute. You needed to earn him talking to you, revealing something about him. It wasn't something he gave easily, I don't know if there were people at all who had reached that status.
But it didst matter much to me. Not when I was finally able to try to read him so openly even without him saying anything. After all silence sometimes spoke louder than any word ushered. And even if he hadn't spoken many to me those four words he once told me years ago in a hotel room made up for every word he didn't.
`You are worth it`
I could still recapture the moment with perfect clarity. It were those words that kept me from loosing it after what happened. After the hurtful words Edward spoke when he left. It had been those four words that made me get up in the morning and sleep through the night whenever the abandoning seemed to swallow me whole.
I felt him tense and concentrate on me. The way he always did when he tried to manipulate my emotions. He tried to make me fear him tried to show me I should. It was funny, in some ironic way. He was the strong one, the powerful and I was the fragile human. Yet I held so much power over him. I chuckled.
"Look around you" He did in a swift graceful motion so fast I barely noticed him move. "Does that seem to you as a life someone would be afraid to loose?"
"Do you seek death?" He asked amused.
"No, but I came to accept it." Another questioning stare tore right through my core. "It's a part of the circle of life, isn't it" I shrugged. "Everything - everyone - dies sooner or later. Humans just tent to reach the sooner faster than your kind does the later. In fact, my kind starts dying the second we start to life outside our mothers wombs when yours is simply frozen in place at some point until it reaches the end. You start to realize that when you came near death as often as I have." I snorted more for my own amusement than for his before I moved onto something else.
"I always knew this would happen. I am surprised it took you three years though." I told him. It was of no use to lie to him now besides I wanted him to know. Wanted him to know that I had always known, that I was right there with him.
"You did?"
I chuckled again.
"Did you really think of me as such a naïve stupid girl?!" He gave me a look that told me it was exactly what he thought. I didn't like that fact.
You see, I didn't like to be thought of the weak and stupid one myself, even if, by being the human, I am. There was a time in my life mostly when I met them when this had been the case and I had hated it with the same intense he had, being in this position.
In that moment I wanted nothing more than to change that impression. I needed him to understand. Because he was the only one who could.
"Do you remember the last time we saw each other?"
He snarled. Of course he did. It was the one time he smelled my blood and scent and it's potency free and unprotected out of my skin. It came so close that day. He came so close.
"Recall it!" I demanded and by the way he took a deep breath to take in my scent I knew he did.
"What do you see?"
He spoke with his eyes again, let them form his questions.
"I know the bloodlust had overruled you but I also know that you were still able to smell all emotions in the room maybe even more than before. You just didn't care about them. You had, lets refer to it as "an other goal" at this moment."
He smirked at me and I could tell he was impressed by my calmness about the situation.
"Try to remember it. Let it wash over you." I waited a tiny second until I knew he was back there. "What do you feel?"
"Fear, shock, possession and an urge to protect and of course the desire and lust for your blood" He stated and I knew he mentioned the last one in an attempt to get some emotional reaction. It was cute.
"Is that really all of it?"
I saw him concentrating again and suddenly his eyes widened as if he had realized something he never did before.
"I feel calmness?" It wasn't so much a question if he really was right it was more one that asked for the meaning behind it.
"Something else?"
And that was when it hit him.
"The desire wasn't for your blood" He suddenly stated astonished "it came from your blood! You longed for it!" He pointed out at me as if he would tell me something I didn't know.
"You taunted me!" He tried to make sense out of it but I could tell he couldn't.
"You were calm because you were ready - why?" He demanded to know.
I shrugged with me shoulders.
"Like I said, I came to accept it. It wasn't mine to give any more."
His eyes pierced into mine again the way Edward had done thousands of times when he desperately tried to read my thoughts.
"Tell me everything" There was no room for disobedience in his voice.
I walked to my couch and we sat down. Surprisingly he didn't take the seat next to me but sat himself in the armchair to my left.
"Do you really think I was never aware of the way you looked at me? Do you really believe that I was oblivious to what was around me?"
"Everyone else was."
"Yeah" I chuckled again "They wouldn't have understand it anyway." I thought about it "Well, Edward might have but he was too far lost in my scent himself to realize. And even if he would have he wouldn't have understood it clearly. They were different. He might have killed and slaughtered himself, they might have understood the bloodlust, they felt it after all, but they never understood the siren and rule of blood. The power that lays in it. You do. That's what made it so difficult for you in their, well, lifestyle. You know the mastery of blood know the power and regency that comes with it, comes from it."
I could tell he was amazed and surprised to hear my words.
"How do you?"
"I have no idea. This knowledge just comes to me like I had always known it but forgotten. And then something happened a scent, a look, and I remember.
"It was all in your eyes" I told him. "The first time you looked at me, I mean really looked at me the knowledge burned right through my core and stuck with it."
I took another deep breath. It was time, I could feel it even more intense than ever before so I revealed my last secret.
"Edward once called me his own unique brand of heroin."
I could sense he was astound at the fact he had actually used that phrase and then told me.
"Didn't know the boy had it in him" He chuckled and I couldn't help but joined him.
"Yeah, I seem to bring that out in people, or vampires for what it matters." I grinned and he returned it, too.
"Anyway, he told me he would crave my blood more than anything else ever before. Told me he was addicted to it, to my scent. He put it down to love, explained it away. I always knew it wasn't true. Knew his fixation wasn't so much about love but about longing and desire, his craving to drink and bath himself in me. He might have been in love but not with me, it was more the idea of a me than myself. First I was his singer, a challenge to proof his superior, his control, his determination. Than I was the silent mind. Again a challenge, an anomaly something unique for him he never encountered before. He tried to decipher it, tried to find out what makes it, me, tick and then I was the possibility of having someone at his side. Only I wasn't. I never was at his side, never could have been. I always was behind him, was something to protect, to cherish. The way he treated me in the most simple things showed clearly I would have never been his equal. He would have let me make my own decisions if that would have been the case. But it wasn't. Instead he was protective or possessive about me and maybe that makes me bitter but I can't help thinking if that might have been for my blood too. He didn't want anyone else to have it. He treasured me, treasured it. But, being the good boy he was, of course he couldn't let it go there. I knew when he left, it wasn't so much as to protect me from him but the other way around. He was afraid about what I brought out in him." I took another breath.
"You aren't. You enjoy it." I smiled at my revelation and so did he and in this gesture I realized he let him fall and drown more and more at me true appearance.
"You see, I wasn't the naïve and stupid one! He was. I knew with perfect clarity why you never let yourself be around me, around us. I know it wasn't because of the fact that you didn't want to `suck me dry`"
Another chuckle this time about my bluntness.
"It was because you couldn't stand the fact that he considered me as his. You didn't want to see me with him. It disgusted you it taunted you to show him the truce but you weren't ready back then" He growled angry and I knew he didn't like the fact I considered him as "Not being ready" it sounded weak. I smiled inside.
"I knew his so-called addiction and craving for me was nothing compared to yours. I was aware of the glances you gave me when you thought no one was looking. I always felt your eyes tearing into me - into my soul - into the depth of the one thing that made my blood pumping away! I could feel you in me, in my blood as if you had already invaded it. It was screaming at
me, too."
I took a breath, OK, here it goes.
"I have to admit, I liked it. I craved for it myself - the knowledge of being desired on such a level. It gave me a kick and highness I doubt any drug or anything else ever would. That was when I came to accept it. That I would never be anyone else's. That sooner or later this will happen and there was nothing I could do about it. Since you left I waited for you to come back. I knew you would sooner or later you would claim what was already yours."
His eyes widened at me in complete mystification. At the fact I knew and admitted it so openly. The fact how high my level of knowledge was. And I could tell he kinda, on some basic level
feared the fact that I knew so much about him. That I could read him so easily.
As I said, you have to earn this kind of knowledge and here I was, possessing it without anything to pay the prize. Well, that was not true. I have something and it was rather valuable.
It was the reason why he was here in the first place.
"That's why I say it wasn't mine to give any more because you had claimed me long before and I could feel it. It wasn't in my power to disobey. I started longing for it." I mad another little pause, he wouldn't like this one, I had to mitigate it.
"That's why I put up with Edward. This way I could be near it longer could outlive the sensation for some more moments. I knew he would protect me but at the same time let me stay close to it. Not that he would have been actually capable of protecting me if you really would have set your mind at it. I remember it took more or less the power of the whole coven to restrain you from me when my blood actually spilled."
The change of his elevation about me manifested itself inside me with every word I had spoken. I became aware of the growing attraction between us and knew it was at his high point. My time was nearly up but at the same time it seemed to have elongated itself. He looked at me with different eyes. With respect. I liked it more this way.
"I am astonished though that you actually dragged it out for so long yourself. It showed how in control you really were, still are. It made me smile inside every time someone else tried to explain how unstable you were. It was hilarious! I would have laughed in their faces if I could have without revealing too much."
I knew he would enjoy the statement of mine the way I had wanted him to. He was easy to please and I took delight in the fact I was able to do so.
"How do you know all of that?"
"That I have no clue about. I just do. I hoped you could make sense out of it. "
He subdued himself inside his mind - letting my words sink in and unfold their true potential.
"Why don't you fight it?"
"I tried, at first, but after a while, I just couldn't. It seems that even on a physical and emotional level I don't stand a chance against you and the pull you have over me. It's not that I have a deathwish, it's just that I feel, I don't really know, I cant explain it, it is some kind of belonging it doesn't lay in my power it runs in my blood. I was always attracted to you, in every way. And sitting here, even knowing completely what will happen I cant help but for the first time in what feels forever, I feel at peace. Maybe it is the knowledge, maybe it is something else, I have no idea but the feeling is there nevertheless."
He was debating with something I could tell. I was curious about what and how the outcome would be. I had the feeling that I would experience the conclusion sooner or later. Probably sooner. I needed to know something else instead.
"Can I ask you something?" His brow rose again, he was curious.
"I know you aren't a fan of much words especially when it descends to disclosing something about you, but why did you? Wait so long I mean."
He smiled. It was not one of his devilish grins it was a real smile and it dazzled me. I hadn't experienced this in a long time and it caught me unprepared. I became dizzy until I realized I had stopped breathing. I forced some air in my lounge and he chuckled about it.
"Maybe I wanted to drag it out myself"
This time he released his most devilish and sexiest smirk on me and I was hit with a wave of emotions that whirled inside me and drove me over the edge. I knew it were his. It was his way to communicate. And I took it all, grateful for his trust and honesty, for the fact that he let me in, for the gift he gave me.
My last gift.
There was desire and longing and a deep primal drive of possession and hunger.
There was passion and heat and a never experienced level of pure ecstasy.
There was pain inflicted on me as punishment for letting someone else touch me, for letting James take a sip of what was his, for letting Edward come so close to me.
There was bliss, solidarity and finally there was love.
It baffled me to feel it. I hadn't expected to feel love and it reaffirmed me even more.
I was lost. I let it overwhelm me and drank everything in.
I was so far gone I hadn't even realized he had dragged me on my feet and pressed my back in a deep strong unbreakable hold to his chest.
"Are you ready now?" His tender and passionate voice called me back to him and I felt his breath on my neck. It sent another wave of pleasure and desire over my body.
"I was ready the first time you took in my scent" I confessed only whispering above my deep - and what might be last - breath.
His nose and his lips moved only millimetres above my skin up on the back of my neck and he burrowed them in my hair. He took in my scent for a last time letting it uncloaks its true potential by hitting me with another wave of emotions in their purest way.
"So delicious!" He growled "You are pure ambrosia! If your blood wouldn't be so irresistible, I could drown in you scent forever."
I heard moans and whimpers escape my lips while feeling the pleasure his words and actions sent through me.
"Do you want it?"
"Yes!" I answered without hesitation.
"Beg for it" His grin and satisfaction was clearly singing in his voice.
"Please!" I whimpered compelled to answer him. "Please do it!"
"Take what is yours"
"I want it"
"No, I need it"
"I have waited for it forever"
Every sentence I said was answered by him with a stronger wave of his passion and desire for it. It sent me on fire and I felt my blood starting to boil. I knew he knew precisely what he was doing to me and he was right there with me enjoying it exactly the way I did.
This was his gift working at me, this was his favourite way to do it. He didn't do it often this way so. It was special for him too.
I felt the pleasure expending itself through my whole body. Wave after wave of heat and lust rolled over me. I heard myself moaning his name and felt his arousal as I did so. He pressed me even tighter to his body while his hands started to move up and down at my front. Every sense of my body was on high alert and overwhelmed at the same time. And on the highpoint of my roller coaster I heard his voice one last time.
"As you wish, darlin'"
And finally he obeyed.
I could feel his teeth sinking into me sending even stronger ripples of pleasure through every cell of my body.
I hadn't expected it to feel so good!
After everything they had told me, the horror they, mostly him, had painted in all cruelty with words had led me to believe it would be painful beyond imagination.
The encounter I had with James only ensured it.
But, of course I had always hoped it wouldn't. More, I had been sure that if he would finally do it, it would feel different. Maybe because even if there would be pain, I would welcome it as a treasured gift he had given me.
Still, I hadn't expected it to be soo good!
With every pull he took I felt myself letting go and loosing me in him. My body had started to tremble in pleasure and I suddenly understood why the French called sexual release "petite morte" - "small death".
And then there was darkness.
I didn't know how long I have already been in that state. Frankly I didn't care so much. It was like I had spent all eternity in this weird stance of completely numbness. There was no smell, or sight or any other the senses stimulating feeling. It was nothing, true emptiness maybe the way you imagine how it might feel if you slide trough the universe.
Complete blackness and agravicy.
But I had my mind and that was all I needed to glide back into my perfect bliss. Because having my cogitations meant also having my memory and there was one memory I really wouldn't mind repeating over and over again for all times.
The memory of him and my last moments on earth.
I knew it would be my last, knew I am dead.
I was sure he hadn't turned me because he would have had to pull back and stop drinking to do so and I knew he wouldn't have done that. Not because I did believe he wasn't strong enough to, no, I knew he was. It was because it would mean he would have to spare my blood unable to have it all and - after all - that was what he had wanted the most. Every single drop of it.
So, this was it, I was dead and this was how I would spend eternity. Well, it wasn't that bad! Could have been worse. Could have been in hell, could be burning in some ancient eternal fire or something. Seems like religion was wrong after all.
On second thought maybe this was heaven! Maybe heaven means to be able to spend that one perfect situation in your life - the one that made it all worth it. And boy, this had been a situation worth living for, or dying being more accurate.
Suddenly I felt something changing. There was something pulling me out of it. Something strong. It was as if I would wake up out of a dream.
Had this be a dream? Had I dreamt all of it?
Before I could continue thinking further about it I felt myself taking a deep breath. Deeper I had ever taken a breath before - Not just taking air inside my lungs but more life itself.
My eyes darted open and my body and senses were back.
I was aware of his presence before I felt him. I layed in his lap my back leaning at his chest and his arms around my waist.
"Good mornin', darlin'"
His voice shimmered even brighter and profound than ever. It was like I heard it for the first time and yet had known it forever.
"Slept well?" Amusement glimmered through it and I was sure it was because he felt my confusion.
"What happened?" I spoke but yet heard the words been said from a foreign voice. .
I freaked and pulled out of his arms in the other corner of the bed. It was my bed I realized. We were still in my apartment. I looked around and frowned. It looked different yet somehow the same. As if seeing two things at the same from two opposite perception.
And that was when I realized what had happened and how idiotic I had been to take so long to realize.
My gaze meet his and his amusement was still in his eyes.
`Stupid empathy being able to read everything inside me`
"You turned me!" I stated the obvious looking deep in his eyes.
"Why?" I demanded to know.
"You wanted to know. You wanted to understand and me to make sense out of it, remember. This is my conclusion."
He smiled at me and his eyes hold a warm gaze. They were beautiful in every way.
"It would have been a waste. Would have been a shame not to. You clearly are meant for this. Are meant for me." He pulled me rough in his arms and locked his eyes in mine. I could lose myself in their depth. A wave of possession and love in his true powerful strong but also painful and dark way washed over me.
"You are mine!" He told me
"Have always been" I answered.
His lips crushed to mine and I was lost in the sensation. I felt myself being pulled into him, felt a clearness and awareness of the world like I never did before. I felt finally complete.
I thought his bite had given that to me, had awoken me, now I know better. It was his kiss, his lips on mine, his tongue battling with me. I never wanted to lose this feeling again. Never wanted to stop it. And being a vampire now without the need to breathe I knew I never needed to ever again.
I had been right. This was heaven.