Notes on An Aftermath
Chapter Four: Justice Not For All
H.T. Lawson sees Bill Janssen coming out of his precinct.
"Detective Janssen," Lawson says as he approaches Bill, who looks at him strangely.
"Do I know you? You look familiar," Bill says.
"I'm city counsel man H.T. Lawson."
"Right, I've seen you on TV," Bill says. "Campaign season's over, and I didn't vote for you. Now if you'll excuse me…"
Bill begins to head to the parking garage when Lawson stops him.
"I have eyes and ears everywhere, William," Lawson says. "And I know what you did."
Bill turns to look at the man.
Lawson is in his sixties, he definitely looks his age, and he has salt and pepper hair which is slicked back. He is dressed in a black suit and coat, looking like a politician. The wrinkles on his face show that up to this point, he's had a hard life. There is something vaguely familiar about him.
"What the hell are you talking about?" Bill says.
"It's time to fix the mess you've started," H.T. says.
"You don't know what you're talking about," Bill says.
"I do," H.T. says. "How's Linda, your mother?"
Bill turns to him.
"How'd you know my mother's name?" He asks. "Who the hell are you?"
H.T. puts his hands on Bill's shoulders. "William, you're my son."
Bill furrows his eyebrows and shakes his head.
"What? No," Bill says. "My dad died in a-"
"It's time we had a chat, William," Lawson says. "And it's time that I tell you about your brother."
"My brother?"
Bill is thoroughly confused.
"Thomas Crane," H.T. says. "He was your brother, my son."
Bill feels sick to his stomach, and he can't speak.
"C'mon, we'll talk over dinner," Lawson says, taking a shocked Bill to his car.
/\/\/\/\/\/\
Chester had been waiting for the searing, burning pain of a gunshot wound; he'd been waiting for the one instant of pain, then death. He didn't close his eyes, he'd been looking into Lohman's eyes as he trained the gun on him. He saw his finger on the trigger, he heard the shot go off, but he felt nothing.
"Jesus Christ, Lohman," Frank says, prying the gun from Lohman's hands. "Get a grip."
Seconds before Lohman pulled the trigger, Frank had rushed in and redirected Lohman's aim and the bullet collided with the tile backsplash of the kitchen.
Frank holsters Lohman's weapon.
"Get out there and gather up the rest of the trash," Frank says and Lohman casts one last scathing look at Chester before going out into the cafeteria.
Frank approaches Chester and puts his hand on the younger man's shoulder.
"You alright, kid?"
Chester nods.
Frank takes a closer look at the knot on the back of Chester's head.
"Took quite a hit there, Lake," he says. "You're going to the infirmary."
Frank escorts Chester over to the line heading to the infirmary.
Chester really wants to get on his knees and thank God in heaven for this saving grace. He now has a sense of urgency. He needs to get the hell out of dodge before he has another run-in with a CO out to kill him.
There is a long walk to the infirmary, and he sits onto an exam table.
The warden, Warden Charleston, is in the infirmary speaking with some of the nurses about the exact number of prisoners maimed during the seven minute scuffle in the cafeteria.
Chester closes his eyes and rubs the back of his head. It is sore, and all he is in desperate need of some aspirin and some cold water. After nearly being choked to death, his throat is scratchy and sore, his neck muscles are tense from the struggle.
After about twenty minutes, a nurse comes up to him and flashes a penlight in his eyes.
"Follow the light please," she says.
He follows the light in every direction she takes it then she stands back a bit and holds up her fingers.
"How many fingers am I holding up?"
"Three," Chester says.
"Tell me your full name, where you are, and what day it is."
"Chester Michael Lake, I'm in the infirmary at Riker's Island Prison, and it's Tuesday…evening."
"Good. I'm just going to feel the back of your head, okay?"
She pulls on some gloves then she feels the bump on his head.
"No blood, no fragments of anything," she says. "You don't have a concussion, but to be on the safe side, we'll keep you here over night and monitor you. The doctor will prescribe you some Ibuprofen shortly."
"Thanks," he says.
The nurse nods and then goes to attend to another patient.
He runs his hands over his face then he sits back onto the bed.
After a few moments, he eventually tunes everything else out, and he is thinking about just how sad Casey must be right now, and he hates himself because he is the cause. He is still reeling from finding out that she is pregnant.
I should have known, he laments. She was eating bananas for God's sake…she hates bananas. I should have been paying attention. She really hates bananas.
He doesn't know how he should feel about them having a baby, mostly because they've never talked about having children before and quite frankly, he's scared. Not having a stable family growing up, he's not sure of how he'd be as a father, if he actually has the staying power, if he can really provide what his child needs emotionally.
Chester is in love with Casey, and for a year and a half, and he thinks in terms of her and him. They're both independent people, yet he thinks of them as a pair, and while they've forged a strong, loving relationship together, he doesn't know if a baby will bring them together, or exploit their views on the things they haven't gotten around to talking about and polarize them.
"Hey Lake," Frank says.
"Yeah," Chester answers.
"You think you're up for some more good news?" Frank asks with a smirk.
Chester sits up and scowls at the older man.
"It's genuinely good news, I swear," Frank says.
/\/\/\/\/\/\
Bill Janssen ponders over everything his father has just told him. It's quite a shock, learning that his best friend, was also his little brother, his little brother by barely a year. His own flesh and blood, gone. Adding to that, here is H.T. Lawson before him, saying that he is his father and that he and his mother, Linda Janssen had a short little affair, and that Thomas's mother, Vernita Crane had been a college student when he also slept with her.
"I wasn't much for commitment back then," H.T. remembers fondly. "But my old man didn't do a damn thing for me. I may not have been in your life, but I made sure that your mother and Tommy's mother were taken care of. I'm glad that you and Tommy came up together, though."
Bill shakes his head.
"Did Tommy know?"
"No," H.T. sighs. "Although now I wish I had told him."
Bill sets his jaw. "I'm so pissed off at that bastard Lake…that bitch ADA, dragging my little brother through the mud like that…Tommy risked everything for me, and I let him down. I'm going to get them, sir."
"Good," H.T. encourages, putting his hand on Bill's shoulder.
/\/\/\/\/\/\
O'Halloran is heading out of the crime lab, when he sees Casey in the reception area.
"Casey?" He asks.
She looks up and she stands up and approaches him.
"Hey," she says.
"What are you doing here?" He asks, taking her into a nearby empty room.
"Listen Ryan," she says quietly. "I-I need your help…I think I know who really killed Thomas Crane."
"What?" He asks. "Who?"
"Well, I'm not sure," she sighs. "O'Halloran…I-uh…is there any way that I can see the evidence?"
"Are you out of your mind?" He asks. "I can't do that…"
"Please, Ryan," she says. "I just want to be sure before I say anything to anyone else."
Ryan runs his hands through his hair.
"Look, it's no secret that you're career is on the rocks," he says. "I don't want you taking me down with you…I-"
"I promise you I'll make sure this doesn't come back around to you," she says. "Please, Ryan. There's a lot riding on this…I have to look at the evidence."
He sighs and puts his hands on his hips.
"I don't know…"
"Ryan, I know that you know Detective Lake is innocent," she says. "Everything got so completely screwed up…this is the last chance I have to make this right."
O'Halloran nods. "Alright. Just uh…give a couple of days."
/\/\/\/\/\/\
Mila is busy poring over the ten year old Hernandez case.
"You're going to go blind," Ham says as he walks into the rather dim office and turns on the light.
"Oh, thanks," Mila says, not looking up from the file.
"What are you doing?" He asks as he sits down at the table with her.
"I'm looking over Lake's case file," she explains. "This guy is a neat freak. After ten years, this file's in mint condition."
"That doesn't mean he's a neat freak," Ham shrugs. "It was just a touchy case."
"No…" Mila says. "Everything is perfectly organized, nothing is left out…he pored over every single detail, he didn't leave anything out…"
"What have you found out so far?"
"Well, when Lake got to the scene, there was some tension," Mila says. "According to his initial report, he had a problem with the number of cops at the scene…there's something about how there was one sector car that was way out of their patrol area. And that same sector car got the call about Alyssa Hernandez before the initial call went out to Detective Lake's precinct."
"That's suspicious," Ham says.
"Yeah, but he couldn't make anything out of that," she says. "He made some extra notes in here about looking into the responding officers…Kralik, Crane, and another cop, Bill Janssen. After that, there's nothing else except evidence photos and a background on the vic."
"Every cop has that one case, you know?" Ham sighs. "I'm surprised that it's not something they teach in the academy…how there's always going to be that one case that stays with you and makes you obsess over it, and before you know it, ten, twenty years have gone by and you're still looking at the same damn thing over and over, and it doesn't crack the case. It takes away a bit of your soul."
Mila nods.
"It helps to have someone there for you," she says. "I mean, you've got your wife, your kids, grandbabies…you don't completely fade away, do you?"
Ham shrugs. "Depends on the cop."
"We've got to have a long talk with Detective Lake when he gets released," she says. "Maybe he'll be able to figure out this whole thing."
/\/\/\/\/\/\
Prison time feels longer than what he knows is standard time. It goes by slower, even though logically, he knows that there are still twenty four hours in a day. Of course, being in a completely different society, being isolated, and told what to do every moment of everyday can have an affect on one's mind and sense of time. Chester has only been in prison for a few days, and he feels like he's completely lost his sense of time, even though there is a digital clock at the end of every block.
Frank told him last night that he's going to be released soon. He is beyond relieved that he is getting the hell out. He's realized how stupid he's been when it comes to Casey, and that he would have been stuck in prison while she was having his child, raising the baby all by herself.
It makes him wonder, though. Perhaps what he thinks happened didn't. Perhaps he's been on the wrong track the whole time. He is thinking that perhaps Hector Hernandez didn't kill Thomas Crane at all and that there is something deeper going on, something that is beyond his control.
He is still in the infirmary, being monitored in case he happens to go unconscious in his sleep. He is completely fine, and he wonders when the warden will get the ball rolling on his release. He is praying that he doesn't have to spend another twenty four hours in this place because he not only needs to see Casey, but he also needs to figure out just what exactly is going on.
He wonders if Casey has been to a doctor yet, if she's seen the baby for the first time. If she has, that is a moment where he should have been there.
Chester thinks back to when he and Casey first met.
She breezed into the squad room, emanating an aura of self-confidence and professionalism. When he first laid eyes on her, he thought that she was absolutely sexy and beautiful from head to toe. When their eyes really met, he knew that she was going to change his life, and she did.
She's taught him how to be more transparent, how to be honest with not only her, but with himself, she made him feel completely comfortable around her and he never had to hide anything from her. They both found what they were looking for in each other, and the loneliness they both felt before was gone.
God, he loves her.
Fin had been right. Nothing, not his case, not his pride, not even his anger is worth more than Casey and their child. She's worth fighting for and he can only pray that she will be able to trust him again.
/\/\/\/\/\/\
Olivia sighs as she walks down the hallway to her apartment. She is completely exhausted, and she just wants to get into bed. She isn't even hungry, and the dust on her pots is an indication that she hasn't used them in ages. She knows what lies ahead for her in her apartment: signs of her slowly losing control of her life. She feels an overwhelming sense of shame fall upon her.
If only they really knew, she thinks to herself.
She makes it to her apartment, and she takes out her key and enters it. She closes the door then she flips the switch for the light to come on. When it doesn't, she furrows her eyebrows, knowing that she is on time with most of her bills. For some reason, it seems darker than usual to her, and she carefully makes her way over to the lamp in her living room and she flips that on, but no light illuminates her dark space. A sense of panic befalls her as she goes over to the next light and unsuccessfully tries to provide herself some light.
Her heart is pounding and she is beginning to sweat.
She goes over to her desk and grabs a flashlight from the drawer and she turns it on, the bright light only partially illuminating the room. She turns round and right in her way is Harris.
She screams as he knocks the flashlight from her hands and pulls her into the consuming darkness.
"NOOOO!"
Her own screams jar Olivia awake, and she sits bolt up right on the couch.
She looks around frantically, and she can feel herself dripping with sweat. When she sees no one in her apartment, she calms down a bit, and she takes a deep breath and lies back onto her couch, throwing the blanket off of her. She wipes the sweat from her forehead, and she closes her eyes again, even knowing that she won't get much sleep for the rest of the night. She is soaked in sweat and she gets up and she goes to her bathroom. She turns the water on for a shower, then she takes off her clothes from the day and tosses them into her already full hamper.
Once the water is lukewarm, she steps in, feeling cooler already. She steps under the spray and lets the water cascade over her. She grabs the bar of soap and she runs it over her body, and memories come rushing back to her; the memory of how harsh and cold her shower had been, how hard the soap felt against her body, and how her skin peeled and felt brittle thereafter.
She shuts off the water then she steps out and dries off, then she pulls on her robe and gets into her unmade bed.
Olivia turns onto her side and she closes her eyes.
It's been three months…why do I still feel like this? She asks herself. I wasn't even raped for heaven's sake…I don't have the right to feel like this because all he did was…
She can't even say what he did, not even in her thoughts.
The phone rings, and it causes her to jump, and she rolls her eyes and she picks it up.
"Benson," she answers.
"Hey Liv, it's me," Elliot says.
"What's up?" She asks.
"We got another vic," he says. "Cragen wants us at the scene."
"Same guy?" She asks.
"Yeah," he sighs. "You okay?"
Olivia inhales, then lets it out. "I-I…can you tell Cragen that I'm not feeling too well?"
"Liv, tell me what's wrong," he says.
"Just tell Cragen for me, please," she says.
"Okay," he says.
"Thanks," she says before hanging up.
/\/\/\/\/\/\
The light of day has finally broken, and Chester looks over at the window as the first rays of sunlight flow into the quiet infirmary. It is about seven in the morning now, and he rests back onto the bed.
After a few more minutes, the curtain is drawn back and it is Warden Charleston and another man wearing a suit.
"Inmate Lake?"
"Yes," Chester says.
"I have notification from Assistant District Attorney Graylek that you are to be released immediately," Warden Charleston says, looking at his clip board. "Are you well enough to participate in the process of your release?"
"Yes," Chester says, glad that he will be getting out of Riker's very soon.
"Come with us," the other man in the suit says.
Chester gets off of the bed and he follows the two men.
He is taken into the administrative part of the prison and taken into a room.
"I'm Tony Willis, head of the department for Conditions of release. Have a seat, Mr. Lake."
Chester sits down.
"I'm going to inform you of where your status is with the courts, then I'm going to ask you to sign some forms and fill out some paperwork," Tony explains. "We should have you out of here by nine or ten. Is there anyone that we can call to come and pick you up, or will you need us to provide transportation for you?"
"I have someone that you can call," Chester says.
/\/\/\/\/\/\
Casey collapses onto her bed, that after rushing to her bathroom to vomit. Her morning sickness is making her absolutely miserable, and she is more tired than ever. She wants so badly to call her mother because she just needs to hear a familiar, comforting voice in her head right now. But she doesn't know what to say.
Hi mom, I know it's been a long time since we talked, but I really need you because within a couple months I've managed to get pregnant, lose my job, and my boyfriend is in prison for something he didn't do…how have you been?
No.
Hey mama, I'm sorry that I haven't spoken to you in a while…um…I know that we've had our problems but I need to talk to you. I've been having a rough time, but I have some good news, though. You're going to be a grandma…again. I wish I could be happier, but the man that I love is in prison, I'm going to lose my job, and with every day that passes, I'm finding myself getting more and more sad.
Not that either.
Hi mom…I know that we've never really gotten along, but I love you and I need you. I've gotten myself in a whole mess of trouble. I've ruined my career, I'm pregnant, and I'm in love with a man that I may or may not see ever again. I can't trust anyone. I don't even trust myself and-
That's all wrong too.
Just like her job now, many years ago, she'd left home on a bad note. People had been hurt and upset, things had been said, and things had been done that can never be taken back. She finds it funny that people have always had the impression that she came from a prestigious and wealthy background…that she had a charmed childhood and grew up in an idealized world. How wrong they are.
She hasn't told Chester all of the details about her family, just the basics: dad, mom, Catholic, one of eight kids, grew up in rural small town Colorado. He isn't aware of what she faces when she finally finds the courage to reach out to her family again.
She sighs and bites her bottom lip. She just wants to be happy, and she fears that she may not ever be truly happy again. After Charlie, she didn't think she could ever love anyone else as much as she loved him. He'd been her first love…her first everything. So when she had to call off her engagement to him due to his illness, the hurt she felt went to her very heart because she'd given everything to him, to their relationship. After that, she didn't think she could ever have anything as good and wonderful as she'd had with Charlie.
Enter Chester Lake.
The moment their eyes met there was a connection, and she couldn't ignore it. Of course, about three or four months into their relationship, she began to feel the stirrings of being in love with him and she wanted to bed him at some point because she admits that she lusted after him for weeks, but she'd been pathetically nervous and hesitant. What with her very, very short sexual history, she didn't know if she was ready to go that far or if she even could be the one to take the initiative.
She smiles when she thinks about it. As it turned out, her lack of a sex life wasn't a problem for Chester at all.
All those moments, all the time they've spent together, building their relationship…part of her always thought that it was too good to be true. That at some point, things were going to go wrong and that it wouldn't last. Her own sick prediction is becoming more true with every minute that passes and of course, all she can think about is hindsight.
Those few days she spent with Chester in Philly…she now regrets that she didn't tell him that she could be pregnant. She had just realized that she skipped her period for the month, and at that point, she knew she could no longer ignore the symptoms or the possibility. She wanted to tell him, but she was too scared, and she barely wanted to believe it herself. She was biding time.
She wonders if things would be different if she had told him and they'd found out together.
There's no point in thinking about it now because what is happening is happening, and her last chance at perhaps turning this around is riding on if her realization of the real killer is correct.
There are so many emotions that she is going through.
Her phone rings, and she groans, the shrillness ringing in her ears and causing her headache and nausea to become worse.
Just to alleviate the symptoms, she picks up the phone.
"Hello?"
"Hey, it's me."
She sighs and closes her eyes. "Chester…"
"Are you okay?" He asks.
"I'm tired," she says shortly. "So…could you just hurry up so I can go to sleep?"
"I'm getting released," he says.
She shrugs. "Okay…"
"I just wanted to let you know," he says. "Fin's giving me a ride."
"Hope you've got the key to your place," she huffs. "Because you're not coming to my house."
"I know that I've hurt you," he says softly. "But I really need to talk to you. There's-"
"I don't want to talk to you," she hisses. "I don't want you near me, don't even fucking call me, Chester. I don't care what you do anymore."
With that, Casey hangs up and she lies onto her back.