Notes on an Aftermath
Chapter Eleven: Bitter End
Mila rubs her hands over her face as she makes her way back to her desk at IAB. Ham is gathering up the files as he speaks with Tucker on the phone.
"Yeah," he says as he hands the files over to Mila. "I'll go ahead and tell Graylik…alright."
Ham hangs up and then he sighs.
"Well, the Hernandez case is officially closed," he says. "ME Warner confirmed that Bill Janssen's DNA matched her other samples…he was the rapist and Thomas Crane is his half brother. Crane's dead, Dave Foster is on his way to Riker's, and Casey Novak rid the world of Bill Janssen."
Mila nods. "Glad that's over and done with…you know, Lake was right."
"About what?" He asks.
"His girlfriend is a good shot," she explains. "It was dark as hell in that hallway and she got Janssen square in the head."
He nods.
"We still don't know who killed Thomas Crane," he says. "I mean, that was the whole MO for wanting to take out Casey Novak and Lake. Foster said that he and Janssen thought Lake killed Crane. Imagine his surprise when we told that dumb bastard that Lake didn't do it."
"I'm sure he was shell shocked," she sighs as she plops down into her chair. "Well, if we never find Crane's killer, I can live with that. He was a bastard just like his half brother…guess being a criminal runs in the family."
"Yeah, it sure does," Ham says, handing Mila another file. "I had a forensic accountant work on finding out the source of Francis Tramer and Brea McKenna's instant wealth…turns out that all the money came from a one H.T. Lawson."
"Who the hell is that?" Mila asks.
"He's a city counsel man," Ham says. "But apparently, he's got stocks, bonds, and he's a silent investor in several companies…he's rolling in it. I dug a little deeper, and found out something real interesting."
"What?" She asks.
"H.T. Lawson is Bill Janssen's and Thomas Crane's father."
Mila furrows her eyebrows.
/\/\/\/\/\
Olivia is boiling some water for some tea as she cuts up some lemon to put in it. When the saltines made Casey's nausea worse, Casey told her that ginger snaps would be best. Olivia asked if Casey needed anything else from the store, she said no. It's been a few hours, and Casey has been sleeping pretty well, just stirring slightly every now and then.
When the kettle whistles, Olivia goes over to the stove and she takes it off the burner. She turns off the stove then she places the kettle on a trivet. She then opens up her fridge and she takes out a green apple. She's hoping that the tanginess will help Casey's stomach and entice her appetite. She peels the apple then she slices it.
"Hmm…"
Olivia looks up and she sees Casey beginning to stir again. When she quiets, she goes back to making Casey's snack. Once she is finished, she goes over and gently pats Casey's arm.
"Sweets," she says. "Casey."
Casey furrows her eyebrows and inhales, opening her eyes. She rubs a hand over her face and she sits up, sighing.
"What time is it?"
"Nine thirty."
Casey combs her fingers through her hair.
"I made you a snack," Olivia says. "You feel up to eating a bit?"
"I guess," Casey says.
Olivia goes into the kitchen and she puts the apple slices onto a plate then she puts some ginger snaps onto it before she goes over and hands the plate to Casey.
"Thank you," Casey says.
"Do you want some hot water with lemon?" Olivia asks. "That helps too."
"Please," Casey says as she eats an apple slice, puckering her lips. "Sour."
"Good," Olivia chuckles. "That should help your stomach."
Olivia pours some water then she squeezes some lemon juice in it before she drops it into the mug. She sits next to Casey and hands her the mug, and the younger woman takes it gratefully.
"Thank you," Casey says, taking a sip before she bites into a ginger snap. "Liv…"
"Yeah?"
"I'm sorry I got pissed at you about telling Chester about the baby," Casey apologizes. "I realize now that you were just looking out for me and him too."
"No Case," Olivia says. "You don't have to apologize. You were right. You made a decision and I should have respected that, no matter what the circumstances."
"Still," Casey says. "I'm sorry because I was more angry at myself than I was at you."
"How does Chester feel about the baby?" Olivia asks.
Casey sighs. "He's scared…he's not sure if he'd be a good father or if he'd be there emotionally. I mean, that's what he was trying to tell me. I already had it in my mind to be upset at him and I didn't want to hear what he had to say to me. It's all so silly now because look what happened. It's my fault."
"Casey, none of this is your fault," Olivia says.
"Yes it is," Casey says, beginning to cry. "I should have told Chester about the baby sooner. I had a feeling that I'd gotten pregnant, and when I was in Philadelphia with him, I should have told him. I wanted to tell him but I was afraid. I didn't know how he'd react because we never talked about having kids."
"Honey, there's no way you could have known any of this was going to happen," Olivia says.
"But I should have just told him," Casey sniffles. "I should have trusted him like he trusts me. Things would be so different if he knew. They would, Liv."
"All you can do now Case," Olivia begins. "Is press on. You, Chester, and the baby are all okay. You're going to get through this, and become a family."
Casey nods, then she grins.
"Just before we left to go to Philly, Chester brought me flowers. He knew that lilies were my favorite."
Olivia nods.
"I was so scared," Casey continues. "When our relationship became deeper and more intimate, I was scared that I wasn't ready because I didn't realize that I'd been holding on to what I had with Charlie for so long."
"Did you tell Chester about Charlie?" Olivia asks.
"Yeah," Casey says. "It actually all came out after the Piccard case. I was so hurt and I was crying, and I just told him everything. Charlie was my first everything…and I didn't think that I would ever love another man as much as I loved him. Then Chester came into my life, and over the last year and a half, I've laughed more than I have in years, I started going out more…he makes me feel good about myself. I like who I am around him."
Olivia rests her head on her fist as she draws a knee up.
"You know, now that I think about it," Olivia begins. "There were a few times where Fin mentioned that Chester kept staring at your ass."
Casey laughs.
"I mean," Olivia continues. "Everyone knew that he had it bad for you, but it's amazing that there are four other detectives in the squad and we didn't notice that you two were dating. It's a shame, actually."
"That's no reflection on your detective skills," Casey assures Olivia.
Casey sips at the tea and she sighs, her stomach feeling soothed. She puts a hand on her abdomen and caresses her thumb over it.
"As soon as this morning sickness passes," Casey begins. "I'm gonna have a huge t-bone steak dinner, a tall glass of lemonade, and then after that, I'm having a big ass banana split sundae for dessert."
"You hate bananas," Olivia mentions.
"I know," Casey grins. "But I've been craving bananas and mangoes. Now I'm craving a steak dinner, but I can't stomach it right now."
Olivia takes a ginger snap when Casey offers her one and she bites into it. Casey looks at her watch.
"I should head back to the hospital."
"Call and see if Chester's out of surgery yet," Olivia says, handing her the phone.
/\/\/\/\/\
"First, I'm gonna splatter your brains all over the floor, then I'm gonna drag your girl down here to see you. I want her screaming while I rip off her clothes and do her like the slut she is."
Chester can feel his heart racing, and he wants to move, but his legs feel like they have lead weights on them. He tries to sit up, to try to execute some defensive move, but the pain is much too great. He feels the barrel of the gun in Janssen's hand press against his forehead. Bill Janssen lets out a humorless chuckle before he pulls the trigger.
Chester knows that he's dying quickly. He hears Casey screaming and crying, and he can hear Bill slapping her.
"NO! NO!"
He can see Bill dragging her along by her arms, and she is kicking and screaming and struggling. He feels his heart slowing down, and breathing is hard to do now. He doesn't want to see her get hurt. He wants death to come and engulf him so he won't see the horror of his failure to help Casey.
"Stop fighting me, bitch!"
Casey wrenches from Bill's grasp, and he sees her running toward him, as his vision begins to fade.
Bill aims the gun and he takes a shot, and Casey stumbles to the floor.
Death, where is it? Now he has to watch her die? He has to watch her die with his baby inside her?
He closes his eyes and then he hears a baby crying.
He opens his eyes again, and he sees Casey holding their baby in her arms. She is sweaty, pale, and exhausted from giving birth, and she smiles as she hands the infant to him. He takes the baby into his arms and he smiles.
Suddenly, the baby stops crying, stops squirming, its slippery, bloody body lifeless, and he looks at Casey, and she's bleeding everywhere. He calls for help, but no sound escapes his mouth. He screams out for help, and he feels his throat getting scratchy from making soundless sound, and slowly, everything just fades away…
Chester emerges from his dream state, and his eyes open slowly. The room is dim, and he hears the beeping of a machine. He blinks slowly again, his mind foggy, and swimming with drowsiness. He groans at the pain in his chest when he tries to sit up a bit. He exhales then he pushes himself up, muddling through the sharp pain as he sits up a little more in bed. He sighs, resting back onto the pillows, then he looks around the room, and he spots Casey, and he's relieved to be in this reality. She is safe and sound, sleeping peacefully in the lounging chair next to his bed. She's wrapped up in a blanket, and curled up underneath. She looks beautiful, and he can't imagine how exhausted she must be from everything that's happened, and from the baby.
The baby.
He wonders if she's been checked out by a doctor, if she's made sure that the baby is alright. He doesn't want to wake her to ask her though. She needs to rest. He hopes that she's eaten too, if not, he will tell her to go eat if she's already been seen by a doctor. She's stubborn as hell though, and she will insist that she's fine, but he will ask for a meal and give it to her to eat.
He has a headache now, and he feels hazy.
Oh God, he thinks to himself. Her house…she'll be completely devastated. I don't think she'll be able to salvage anything. She had pictures of her family…her grandmother's necklace…it's all gone now.
He wonders what they will do now.
He's still got his apartment, and she's got some clothes there, and some of her other jewelry.
He's got to take care of Casey. He's got to give her a home she deserves, he's got to make her comfortable so that she has a healthy and relaxing pregnancy, he's got to prepare for their baby.
Chester will work as hard as he can to support Casey and their child. He's secure in the knowledge that he will be able to transition easily from one career path to another. He's always had a plan B because anything can happen. Everything that could possibly go wrong has gone wrong. He and Casey both are at the lowest point in their lives thus far. But there's hope in the knowledge that the only direction they have to go in is up.
He looks over at Casey again.
He loves her so much and she's too precious to him; he knows that he's hurt her and that he tried to shut her out, keep her at arms' length when all she'd wanted to do was help him and be there for him. She was trying to stop him from making the biggest mistake of his life, their life. Chester realizes that the decisions he's made lately have been well-intentioned, but misguided. He feels incredibly guilty for costing Casey her career. He should have known that their relationship would cloud their judgment.
God forgive me, he prays. I was selfish and vengeful…it almost cost me the woman that I love, my child…I love them both so much, and I don't want to put anything else ahead of my family again. Casey is the best thing that's ever happened to me…you brought us together, and I don't want to mess it all up again.
Chester looks over at Casey again when he hears her whimper in her sleep, but she turns onto her side and goes back to sleep.
It is quiet for a few moments before the door to his room opens and closes rather harshly.
"Mr. Lake?"
The doctor's deep, resounding voice plus the sound of the door wakes Casey with a start, and she sits up, her eyebrows furrowed, and her hair a bit tussled. She blinks her eyes a few times.
Chester looks at her, and he can see that she'd been awakened from a deep sleep because her eyes are still drooping a bit. She still looks completely wiped out, and he glares at the doctor, who is looking at his chart, not even noticing that he's caused a ruckus. He's pissed at the doctor now, for waking her.
The doctor turns to Casey finally.
"Afternoon, Ms. Novak," the doctor says. "I'm sorry to wake you."
"That's alright," she says before she throws the blanket off of her and she rubs her eyes a few times before she gets up, grinning when she sees Chester looking at her. "Hey…"
"Hey sweetie," he says.
She gets up, combing her fingers through her hair before she comes over to him and kisses him softly.
"Ms. Novak and I have already met earlier. I'm Dr. Paulson, I performed your surgery."
Chester nods.
"Well, your vitals look good," Dr. Paulson explains. "The surgery was a success, we were able to stop the bleeding, and we had to remove your spleen because it'd been ruptured from the beating. We've set your ribs, and we've removed the bullet in your shoulder, and the wounds in your leg and elbow were flesh wounds, no broken or fractured bones, but you did need stitches, though. We're going to keep you here for a few more days, then discharge you. With a few months' rest, you should make a full recovery."
"Thank you," Chester says.
Dr. Paulsen nods then he heads out of the room.
Casey takes his hand in hers.
"How long have you been awake?" She asks.
"About twenty minutes," he sighs. "I was watching you sleep. Did you get checked? Is the baby okay?"
"Yeah," she smiles. "The baby's fine. The heartbeat is strong and the baby's at the right size."
"Thank God," he says, putting his hand on her abdomen. "How are you feeling?"
"I still have some morning sickness," she shrugs. "But other than that, I'm alright."
"Have you eaten anything?" He asks.
"I ate some fruit," she says. "I'm staying with Liv until the doctor discharges you."
He sighs. "They told you about your house?"
She nods. "I saw Janssen start the fire. I knew that it would be gone."
"I'm sorry sweetie," he says.
She shakes her head. "What matters right now is that we're both okay and that our baby's okay. The house is replaceable."
"But you had pictures of your family, a lot of your stuff," he says.
"I know, but…it's okay," she says.
"Have you been to see the house yet?"
She shakes her head, her eyes glistening.
"Chester," she begins, now crying. "I'm so sorry for the awful things I said to you. I knew what you meant. I know that you're scared about the baby, I am too. I wasn't honest with you…I should have told you about the baby sooner. I should have told you when we were together in Philly…"
Chester grins.
"I figured out that you were at that point," he chuckles. "You were eating bananas, and you couldn't stand the sight of jelly on toast. At the time, I didn't think anything of it, but when Liv told me, it made sense."
"I wanted to tell you," she sniffles. "But I was afraid that you wouldn't like it…we never talked about kids."
"I want to have kids with you," he says. "I want to be a father, Casey. I do. Even though I'm scared, I'm willing to overcome that and be a good father and provide for you and our baby. I want a family with you."
She leans down and kisses him. "I love you so much."
"I love you too," he says. "You should go back to Olivia's and get some rest."
"I want to stay here with you," she says.
"I'm not going anywhere," he grins. "You're exhausted, I can see it in your eyes."
She sighs. "Alright. I'll come back tomorrow morning, okay?"
He nods.
She kisses him again and he caresses her cheek.
"I love you," he says.
"I love you too," Casey says.
She picks up her sweater then she heads out.
/\/\/\/\/\
H.T. Lawson sits in his study in his brownstone, a small glass of whiskey in his hand.
Both of his sons are dead, and now, he's got nothing.
He called both Bill and Thomas' mothers; he informed them that their sons were dead and that he'd take care of the funeral arrangements for them. One mother had been upset, the other had been…relieved.
He swivels back around to his desk and he looks at a newspaper article about ADA Casey Novak. The anger boils within him, and it is so strong that he shatters the glass in his hand when he slams it onto his desk. He finds a permanent marker, and he furiously crosses out Casey Novak's face on the page. He then picks up the paper and hurls it across his office, sections and pages falling out and scattering.
He's failed his sons.
He leans back into his chair and he sighs.
His grandson is too weak to seek justice, and he is as well.
H.T. is getting on in age, and he can't do any more physical damage than what Bill has already done.
He swivels back to look out the window again.
There is a knock on his door.
"Mr. Lawson?"
It is his maid, Hannah.
"Mr. Lawson, there are some people here, they say they're from the Internal Affairs Bureau."
He turns and he stares at the door.
There is a louder, more insistent lock this time.
"Mr. Lawson, this is Agent Robert Hamilton. I have a warrant for your arrest. Step out of the room, sir."
Ham and Mila both look at Hannah.
"Is there a key?"
"Yes, but he took it from me," Hannah says, beginning to cry. "What's going on? Why-"
There is a gun shot, and Hannah stumbles back against the wall of the vestibule, screaming and holding her shoulder. Mila immediately aids the woman, and takes her out of the line of fire.
There are two unis with him and they get on the opposite side of the door.
"Goddammit, Lawson!" Ham yells.
There are three more shots fired through the door and Ham and the two other unis crouch down.
H.T. Lawson fires again, then he sits back down in his chair. He checks his pistol, and there is a single bullet left. He spins the barrel then it clicks back into place. He'll be damned if he goes to jail. He's got nothing to hold on to anymore, nothing but his good name.
"One, two-"
There is another shot and Ham kicks in the door, gun trained on Lawson, but he quickly lowers it when he sees H.T. Lawson's dead body slouched in his large, leather chair, a bullet in his skull.
/\/\/\/\/\
Casey made it back to Olivia's apartment building. Olivia made sure to give her a duped key so that she could come back in because Olivia had to be at work. Casey had to drive Chester's truck because her car had been totaled because of debris from her house. Fin and Elliot had dropped it off for her, and she realized just before she left to go to the hospital that she didn't have her driver's license on her. Everything had been in her house. Of course, she didn't mention that, because not even the three detectives realized it and she didn't want to waste any time debating it with them.
She'd had a time parallel parking Chester's truck, though. She hadn't driven a truck since her pre-teen years on her parents' farm. Her father had the bright idea of teaching her how to drive when she was just eleven because he wanted her to learn how to take on more responsibilities on the farm. That whole year, she'd been a nervous wreck trying to drive, and her father constantly yelled at and berated her about her lack of understanding. It didn't help anything that it was a stick shift and not an automatic. By the time she was of age to drive, she'd developed a hatred for both four door Chevy pick-up trucks and stick shifts.
Lo' and behold when Chester showed up at her house with his black Chevy pick-up truck to pick her up for their third date. Flash backs of the horrid time she'd had in her father's truck assaulted. She'd been a nervous little kid, and all of that came flooding back to her.
Casey takes out the key Olivia gave her as she steps off the elevator. That short ride up to Olivia's floor made her dizzy. The motion of it made her feel lightheaded and she had to steady herself on the wall. She heads down the hall, but then she slows down when she sees that the door to the apartment is ajar. Surely, Olivia can't be home from work this early, and the older woman is super-vigilant about her safety these days since her trauma at Sealview.
She bites her lower lip, feeling nervous and on alert now because of her own traumatic experience in the last twenty four hours. Her hand inadvertently lands on her abdomen, an innate need to really think about the best way to handle this while protecting her baby. Her heart is pounding in her chest, and she fights back tears from her nervousness as her breaths become shallow as she casts a glance down the hall then back to the door. She is pressed up against the wall just a few feet away from the door.
Her mind is racing, thinking that perhaps it might be Dave Foster. Maybe he escaped and he somehow found out where she'd be. Maybe he wanted to finish the job Janssen started…
Something crashes to the floor inside the apartment and Casey jumps, and tears fall down her face, and she feels nauseous.
She slowly goes to the door and she pushes it open slowly, so slowly, it feels like she's moving in a jar of molasses. She wipes her tears with her free hand as the other pushes the door open. She doesn't see anyone in the living room, and she takes the opportunity to sneak into the kitchen and pick up the cutting board. She knows how to defend herself, but she is thinking about her baby now and her body is a bit too weak to fight.
She hears some noise in Olivia's bedroom, and she slowly makes her way down the hall. The door is ajar as well, and just as she reaches her hand out to push it the rest of the way open, it opens up and a tall, broad-shouldered man appears before her, and instead of fighting, Casey panics and screams and she drops the cutting board. It falls to the floor and she backs away, her hands covering her face.
"NO! NO!" She screams. "DON'T HURT ME!"
"Hey, hey," the man says, trying to see who it is. He knows that this woman isn't Olivia. This woman is much too pale, a bit slimmer, and she's got longer, reddish-blonde hair. "Calm down."
Casey leans up against the wall, hyperventilating and sobbing all at the same time. She puts her hands on her chest, and she looks at him, and she recognizes him, but she can't recall his name at the moment.
"Casey Novak?" He asks, finally recognizing her.
She regards him suspiciously, still hyperventilating. She sniffles and begins to calm down her breathing, closing her eyes and leaning her head back against the wall. Once she calms down enough to speak, she looks back at him.
"What the hell, Porter?! You scared the shit out of me!"
Dean slowly approaches her. "I'm sorry for scaring you."
"What are you doing in Liv's apartment?" Casey asks, still pressed up against the wall.
"I have a key," he says. "She ought to not be so predictable. She leaves her dupe in the broken sconce out in the hall."
She furrows her eyebrows. "Granted that is predictable and quite stupid of her to leave it there but…why are you here?"
"I could ask you the same question," he says humorlessly.
"Don't pull that bullshit with me, Porter," she hisses, glaring at him. "You just put me in a really fucking bad mood."
Her green eyes have instantly turned from light green to a dark jade green, and he takes his attitude down a notch.
"Sorry," he says.
She wipes her tears and she gets off of the wall and she crosses her arms over her chest.
He picks up the cutting board.
"So is this a habit of yours?" She asks. "Coming into Olivia's apartment when she's not here like some perverted, obsessed, creepy stalker or something? She seriously does not need that right now, believe me."
"You've spent way too long at SVU, Ms. Novak," he sighs as he walks past her and into the kitchen.
She stalks into the kitchen.
"You've got some damn nerve," she huffs. "I come into Liv's apartment only to find you in her bedroom, going through her stuff. Considering what a prick you are and the fact that you're here without Olivia's knowledge, I'd say that it was a fair question Agent Porter."
He puts the cutting board onto the counter.
"Whenever I have some down time, I drop by," he says. "Sometimes unexpectedly, but I can assure you that Olivia doesn't react to me being here so defensively like you just did."
Casey furrows her eyebrows.
"That's a lie, Olivia can't stand you."
"Eh, she puts up with me," he grins. "Now, enough about me, what are you doing here?"
"That's none of your business," she frowns.
He goes into the living room and he sits on the couch, much to Casey's chagrin.
"You don't think you're staying until she gets back from work, do you?" She asks.
"Look, contrary to what you may believe, Olivia does have a life," he says. "And I happen to be in it more than you think. She's okay with me being here, trust me."
Casey pushes her hair behind her ears and she sits on the loveseat and pulls her knees up to her chest.
"Whatever," she huffs before she puts her head atop her knees.
Dean can tell that Casey is obviously distressed by something.
"Look um, I really am sorry for scaring you," he apologizes. "I've been out of the loop. What's going on? Why are you here at Liv's? Did something happen?"
"Olivia's fine," Casey says tearfully as she looks at him. "She's helping me out right now. I'm in a lot of trouble, and she's letting me stay with her for a few days so I don't have to be alone."
"What kind of trouble?" He asks.
"Would you just leave me alone?" She asks, getting up and going into the guest bedroom and slamming the door.
She cries as she lies down. She can't face what's happening head on anymore. She's way too scared, way too tired, and she wishes that there was a reset button so that she could go back and do the last couple of months differently. She's got a baby on the way, and she's managed to screw up her life. She feels like a failure, and she feels irresponsible.
How can Chester and I bring a baby into this world right now? She asks herself. We're both in a horrible situation, and how do I know that we're not going to drive each other crazy? How do we know that we have the same ideas about raising children? What if Chester turns out to be like my dad? What if I'm too submissive and hover like my mom? God knows what kind of families Chester has had to deal with growing up in the system…I can't deal with this! I just can't! I want to call my mom. I want to call my sister…I can't. I don't have anything, not even a fucking cell phone! I'm such a failure and I'm an idiot!
Casey gets up and she goes out of the room.
Dean looks up as she rushes to the door.
"Where are you going?" He asks, but she doesn't answer as she walks out and closes the door.
/\/\/\/\/\
Marion Kralik finishes packing up her belongings.
There is a bus ticket to Montana, where her sister lives. She can't stay here anymore. She's got to leave and start over. She can't deal with all that's happened, she can't deal with the gaping hole that her husband's death has left in her heart. She needs to fill it up with something else. The last couple of months has revealed an ugly, dark side to Edward. One that she didn't want to face. Edward was a rapist. He'd raped those two young girls, and it makes her wonder.
How long had he had those feeling about little girls? She thinks back to all the holidays, all the Christmases he'd spend in the company of her sister's three young daughters. She wonders what he was thinking all that time while he picked them up, hugged them, kissed them on their cheeks…she wonders if he'd ever thought about doing what he'd done to those two girls ten years ago. She wonders if there's more that the police don't know about.
She wonders.
She doesn't care about her furnishings, she's donated all of Edward's clothes and property to charities around the city. She's thrown away her wedding ring and all the jewelry he's bought her over the years, suddenly finding that she can't stand the sight of them.
All the times they've made love…the memories now sicken her because she wonders if he'd been picturing a ripe, young, pretty little girl…all those times when he'd been a little too gruff, when it'd been too hard and one sided…what was he thinking about?
The first time she thought about it, she vomited.
Marion picks up her suitcase, then she puts her bag on her shoulder. She then picks up her ticket and puts it into her purse before she grabs her other bag, full of her books and crossword puzzles for the trip. She heads out into the hallway and she closes the door and locks it. She walks down the hall to the elevator and she gets on, facing the wall. She doesn't want to look back.
Ever.