Notes on an Aftermath
Chapter Twelve: Taking Stock
Olivia walks into her apartment with a bag of groceries in her arm. The lights are on, and she assumes that Casey is somewhere in the apartment. She has some things to make Casey a hearty dinner because the younger woman is looking beyond pale and fragile these days, and Olivia knows that it's from her barely eating anything for weeks on end and her current situation. She can't imagine how stressed and tired Casey must be.
Olivia realized at work that Casey had no cell phone when she tried calling her again in the afternoon. Then it also hit her that she'd let Casey drive to and from the hospital without a license or identification. She'd have to help Casey sort all of that out some time. She also hopes that Casey will remember to get a new prescription for prenatal vitamins. There's a lot of things that Casey needs to take care of.
"Casey?" Olivia calls. "Case? I've got some stuff to make some dinner. You're gonna eat if it kills you."
There is no answer, and she figures that Casey might be asleep.
Olivia goes into the kitchen and puts the groceries onto the counter.
"Casey…"
"She's not here."
Olivia jumps at hearing another voice in her apartment.
Dean sits up off the couch and she tilts her head to the side.
"What are you doing here?" She asks, coming over to him.
"I'm in town for an orientation," he says. "Thought I'd stop by."
"Where's Casey?" Olivia asks.
"I accidentally scared her," he explains. "She was a real nervous wreck…she got pissed at me then she left."
"And you just let her go?" Olivia huffs. "She's got no cell phone…no ID, no money…"
"I didn't know that," Dean huffs.
"She's very emotional and irrational right now," Olivia argues as she goes over to the window and looks outside. "Shit. She took the truck."
She turns to Dean, who is now behind her and she shoos him out of her way as she opens up her cell phone.
"What's going on?" Dean asks.
"You clearly saw that she wasn't all together," she criticizes further. "You just let her go out there…you could have given her your cell phone or called me at the very least when she left."
"You're right," he agrees cynically. "Yeah, because I'm completely aware of what's going on and I can read your mind."
"Federal Bureau of Imbeciles…" She laments, shaking her head and glaring at him. "My tax dollars at work."
He sighs. "We actually prefer Federal Bureau of Idiots…imbeciles are the CIA."
She frowns at him as she flips her phone closed, sighing. Once she thought about the only other place Casey would go beside to see Chester at the hospital, his apartment, Olivia's apartment, and her local parish.
Olivia rubs her hand over her forehead.
"Mind if I have a beer?" Dean asks and she looks at him incredulously.
"You are such an asshole!" She hisses then she heads out.
/\/\/\/\/\
There's absolutely nothing that Casey can salvage.
She'd come to the house, wanting to go through it herself to see if there was anything, pictures…something that she could find just to dampen the pain. She tore off the tape that had been cordoning off her front yard and she went up to her house. The smell of charred wood, accelerant and some other caustic materials surrounded her and she went back to the side walk and she vomited. She'd taken a deep breath before entering her house again, against her better judgment, willing herself not to become sickened by the smell.
She spent the rest of the evening going through the house carefully, jumping a few times at the sound of unstable debris and wood.
Everything was blackened and dirtied, or it was ruined by the water. It didn't help anything that her entire upstairs was now collapsed into the downstairs. Her bedroom was in her dining room, completely destroyed, her office and guest bedroom were now on top of her kitchen…she couldn't get to the closet under the stairs, and she couldn't go into her basement because the stairs had burned down to ground level and the platform at the top was gone too.
At some point, Casey gave up and she stumbled over the part of her roof that used to cover her porch, then she just sat down in the grass, where she is sitting now, feeling numb and cold.
She draws her knees up to her chest and she rests her head upon them, willing herself not to cry because there is no point. Crying will not solve a damn thing, nor will it changed what's happened. But she sure does want to.
It's a good thing she'd asked for more pictures of her baby when they checked her out at the hospital. She knew that those were gone.
She wonders if Chester felt the slight, firm bump in her belly. The baby is growing, even as she is thinking about it. That is something good that they can look forward to; their baby will be here soon. It's months away, but the baby will definitely be here soon enough. She thinks about holding her baby for the first time. She thinks of how good it will feel, becoming a mother for the first time, Chester being a father for the first time.
What a time for me to be pregnant, she thinks to herself. I want to be a mother, but…I need time to get past all this. The baby will be here before I know it. I want to be a mother, but I'm not ready. I've ruined everything for us. I shouldn't have been so stupid. Daddy was right about me…I get something good and I somehow manage to screw it up. How will I be as a mother? Am I going to fail at that too?
The street lamps come on and the front yard is dimly lit, and she closes her eyes.
/\/\/\/\/\
Olivia drives down Casey's street. The neighborhood is old, and so are the houses. Casey took great care of her home, though and she helped her elderly neighbors from time to time. That is what is so heart breaking for Casey, the fact that she put so much time and effort into decorating her house and keeping it up.
All of it is gone now and Olivia feels just as devastated as Casey.
Olivia pulls up to Casey's now destroyed house, and she sees the younger woman sitting in the front yard with her knees pulled tightly into her. Olivia parks and then she gets out of the car and heads over toward Casey.
"Sweets?" Olivia says softly as she sits down next to the younger woman. "Are you alright?"
Casey looks at Olivia, shaking her head as the tears come.
"No, Liv," Casey cries. "No, I'm not alright. Everything is gone! There's not a single thing in there that-"
"You went through the house by yourself?" Olivia asks. "Case, you could have gotten hurt or worse. You shouldn't have done that. You-"
"Don't start that with me right now!" Casey yells tearfully. "Just don't…do that right now! Just leave me alone!"
"Casey, you really need to rest," Olivia insists. "Too much stress can affect the baby…and you need to eat. You haven't eaten for hours. There's nothing you can do about what's happened."
"This was my house, Olivia!" Casey cries. "With my things inside…this all happened because of me! I'm a failure, and I have no idea what I'm going to do!"
"Well, you'll figure it out, Sweets," Olivia assures a distraught Casey. "You and Chester are going to be just fine. The two of you are very strong, intelligent, resourceful, driven people. I'm sure the both of you will figure out where to go from here."
Casey sniffles and wipes her tears with her sleeve. "I'm just so scared, Liv."
"I know honey," Olivia says. "But you need to give yourself time to work things out. Just deal with one thing at a time. Besides, you'll have cute little baby to love on pretty soon. Knowing that even cheers me up."
Casey smiles a bit. "You wanna be Auntie Liv?"
"Of course," Olivia grins.
Casey sighs and she glances back at her house then she looks at her hands.
"Everything is happening so fast," she says. "Chester and I never talked about anything commitment wise, we never talked about having kids together…moving in together. I'm going to have to move in with him now, even though I really don't want to."
Olivia is surprised by this confession.
"Why not?" Olivia asks. "I mean, you're in love with each other, you should move in with him."
Casey shakes her head.
"I don't want to."
"Why?"
"It's too soon," Casey says, pushing her hair behind her ears. "I do love Chester. I love him so, so much, but I'm not ready for that."
Olivia sighs. "Is this because of what you went through with Charlie? You do realize that you're in a completely different relationship, right?"
Casey nods. "I know that…I just…even though Chester and I have a great relationship, it's been hard. It's been really hard for both of us because of things we've been through before. I don't move in with him, and then it falls apart and we both end up hurt. Or we move in together and never marry each other…"
"Sweets, this is all based on what's happened before and what you think will happen," Olivia says. "I mean, what are you saying? You're not thinking about breaking up with him, are you?"
Casey bites her bottom lip and she looks at Olivia.
"Oh Sweets," Olivia groans.
"I don't know," Casey says, putting her hands on her forehead. "I can't think about that. I can't think about any of this right now."
Olivia puts her hand on Casey's back.
"And you don't have to," Olivia says. "C'mon."
Olivia helps Casey stand up then they walk over to Olivia's car.
/\/\/\/\/\
After spending another couple of days in the hospital, Chester is finally being released. Casey is with him and she is waiting patiently for him to finish signing all the paperwork.
"Alright Mr. Lake, you're good to go," Dr. Paulsen says. "But I would advise you to rest a few more weeks and not overdo it."
"Thanks," Chester says as he hands the discharge papers back to Dr. Paulsen.
Casey fishes out his wallet from the bag his clothes are in and she hands it to him. He takes it gratefully and he kisses her cheek.
"Thank you sweetie," he says.
Casey looks a little more rested than when he'd last seen her and he's glad that things are beginning to settle down now. He knows that they both have a lot to think about, but right now they both just need to take everything in and cope with everything that's happened before they can even talk about what to do next.
Chester acquiesces when the nurse nearly badgers him about their policy of escorting a patient out of the hospital in a wheelchair.
They make it to the front of the hospital and he gets up and takes Casey's hand in his.
Aside from her saying good morning when she first arrived, she's been quiet ever since.
"Are you okay, Case?" He asks.
She looks at him. "I'm fine…I'm just so tired. It sucks right now because all I want to do is puke and sleep."
"Now that everything's over, we can both get some sleep," he says. "You especially."
The drive to his apartment is quiet, and he wonders what is on Casey's mind.
They go up to the floor his apartment is on and they walk in.
"Do you want anything to eat?" He asks. "Because I can order something-"
"No," she says, her arms crossed over her chest. "I'm not hungry. I can make you something if you want…"
"I'm not that hungry either," he says. "I'm not that tired, but you should lie down for a little bit. I know that you're exhausted."
Casey's cheeks burn with irritation. She doesn't want to be mad at him, but she is, and she is angry at herself, tears are glistening in her eyes.
"No, you don't know," she huffs as the tears fall down her cheeks. "You don't know…"
She sniffles and combs her fingers through her hair then she shakes her head.
"I can't do this Chester," she cries. "I just can't…I love you, but I can't do this."
Chester comes over to her. "Casey-"
"No, just let me finish," she cries as she steps away from him. "I am just barely beginning to really grasp all that's happened and even though I didn't mean to say all the horrible things I said to you…I'm still mad at you, Chester. Even when I thought I would lose you, I was mad at you. I'm willing to accept my part in everything that's happened, but…I needed you. The moment I lost that case, the moment Liz told me that I may lose my job…I needed you there with me and you weren't."
"I-I'm sorry-"
"Stop saying you're sorry!" She yells. "I don't care that you're sorry! As many times as I've been there for you, you weren't there for me! All this time I've felt so guilty for not being there, but why should I? You made that case more important than me and that's what hurts, Chester! You left me alone from the start of this whole thing when for a while I was the only person that trusted you, that knew you and believed you."
"What do you want me to say?" He asks, trying to be patient with her. "I told you that I never wanted to leave you. I never meant to hurt you, and I promise you that from this point on, I'll never leave you. I love you too much, and I know that I've made mistakes."
"No, this was more than just a mistake," she says. "This whole thing told us something about our relationship, about each other. It told me that I haven't been the most important thing in your life, and it told me…how utterly and pathetically insecure I am. You know who you are, you're proud of who you are, and I love that about you. I don't know who I am, Chester. You may know what you want to do next, but I don't. I don't have a clue, and I'm having a baby. I'm going to be a mother soon and I have no idea what I want to do next."
"We can work on that together," he says.
"No," she cries. "I can't…I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to move in with you…I don't want to be with you anymore."
He is angry with her now. "So that's it? You accuse me of wanting to leave you, but what do you call what you're doing right now?"
She wipes her tears, heading to the door.
"I-I have to go," she says as she opens the door and walks out.
/\/\/\/\/\
"Casey," Olivia says softly through the door. "Sweets, c'mon, at least come out and try and eat something."
"Go away Olivia," Casey says miserably from within the guest bedroom. "I just want to be by myself right now. Leave me alone."
"Honey, you're never going to get through this if you lock yourself away," Olivia sighs. "If anything, you've got to eat."
It's been two days since she broke up with Chester, and she's been ignoring Olivia and ignoring his phone calls. She's so tired, tired to the point that she can barely get out of bed anyway, her malaise is that severe. She doesn't even want to try to eat something because she won't keep it down anyway. Liz Donnelly did leave a message, telling Casey the date and time for her appearance before the disciplinary board, like she could give a shit about it anyway at this point. She can't wait until this part of her pregnancy is over because it is just awful.
Olivia comes into the room and she puts her hands on her hips.
"Case, get. Up," Olivia commands.
"No," Casey groans defiantly.
"Yes," Olivia insists. "I am not going to let you do this to yourself. You made the decision to break it off with Chester, you chose to throw your career away, you chose to put your personal feelings ahead of what you know and believe is right. All the choices you've made…it's all on you. Chester has to deal with the consequences and so do you."
Casey sits up with much effort and looks at Olivia. "I know that. And I do accept the consequences of my actions. I just want to be left alone because I'm tired, and I'm sick. Sure, I'm sad over the break up, but it has less to do with that than just the fact that this baby is kicking my ass right now."
Olivia comes in and sits on the bed.
"Do you want some tea?"
Casey shakes her head.
"I think the reason why you feel so bad is because you're not doing anything," Olivia says. "You need a good, healthy meal, and some exercise. That should help fight the nausea. I made you a green, leafy salad for the fiber, and I bought real ginger root, and peppermint leaves for you to eat when you feel like you have to vomit, and lots of fruit."
Casey furrows her eyebrows. "Peppermint leaves?"
Olivia shrugs. "Oregon."
"Ah, gotcha," Casey nods, understanding the reference.
"C'mon, get out of bed," Olivia encourages as she gets up and picks up Casey's robe from the end of the bed and holds it open.
Casey sighs as she gets out of bed slowly, and Olivia helps Casey get her robe on. Once Casey ties her robe she turns to Olivia and she hugs her.
"Thank you for being such a good friend to me," Casey says appreciatively.
"No problem Case."
Casey pulls away and sighs.
"C'mon," Olivia says as she gently pushes Casey out of the room an into the hallway.
Casey trudges into the living room and collapses onto the couch, resting her forehead in her hand.
"I'm so damn tired," she groans.
"It'll pass soon, Case."
Olivia comes into the living room.
"Here," Olivia says as she places a plate with a heaping salad onto Casey's lap. "Try and eat some."
Casey sighs and sits up a little straighter and she picks up the fork and begins to eat.
Olivia places a glass of water onto a coaster on the coffee table.
Casey furrows her eyebrows.
"What'd you put on this?"
"Lemon juice," Olivia says. "I didn't want to put anything oily or fatty on it."
Casey nods.
Olivia goes back into the kitchen.
"Where's Dean?" Casey asks.
"At his hotel," Olivia sighs. "He wants me to have dinner with him on Sunday, but I told him no."
Casey looks over at her. "Why?"
Olivia shakes her head. "Because…"
Casey tilts her head to the side. "You didn't use me as an excuse did you?"
"I really don't want to leave you by yourself, Case," Olivia says.
"I hate to break it to ya darling, but I'm thirty two years old," Casey quips. "I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself."
"I just thought that you might need some moral support."
Casey frowns. "Moral support my ass…which will be the size of this state by the time I have this kid."
"No it won't," Olivia chuckles.
"What's the deal with you two anyway?" Casey asks, as she puts the plate down. She could only tolerate a few bites.
"What's the deal with you and Chester?" Olivia bounces back.
"You first."
Olivia shrugs. "Nothing…I mean, when he's around, we have a good time. It's just that neither of us have time for a relationship. Long distance or otherwise."
"Well, aside from the fact that he's a prick, and that he sticks in Elliot's craw," Casey grins. "I think Dean would make a lovely boyfriend."
Olivia smiles. "I'm glad you think so highly of him, Case. Now…you and Chester."
Casey tucks her feet under her on the couch and sighs.
"I don't know what I want to do," Casey begins. "I just need some time alone to think. I can't focus on what I'm going to do next while trying to work on our relationship…I told Chester that I don't even know who I am. I-I'm not as confident and self assured as I look."
Olivia comes over and sits next to her friend.
"All of us have insecurities Sweets," Olivia says. "You're not perfect, and I don't think Chester wants you to be. He loves you for who you are, and if you think that you're the only one that's heartbroken, you're wrong. He's heartbroken too…heartbroken for you. You can't face this alone, Case."
"I've been facing things alone long before Chester came into my life," Casey says.
"I know that, and you're a strong woman, but now you have a child on the way," Olivia says. "And you have a man that loves you and wants to be with you and raise his child with you. He doesn't want you to do this alone anymore than I do."
"I'm so mad at him though," Casey says angrily.
"Why?"
"Because…" Casey begins. "I needed him with me…I needed him with me when I lost the case, I needed him with me when I found out we're having a baby together. I needed him to tell me that everything is going to be okay and to hold me and to be happy with me. And I know that I've been a whiny, selfish, hormonal bitch, but it's how I feel."
"Sweets, you've got to forgive him," Olivia says. "He's so in love with you and I know that you're in love with him. Now is a perfect time for the both of you to start over. Even if you don't want to live with him right now, this is still a perfect time for the both of you to really talk. Things have been wonderful and going your way for a year and a half…this, everything that's happened is a trial, and you have to get through it."
Casey nods. "You're right…I just need some time though."
Olivia nods.
"Thanks," Casey says. "Now, I need you to do me a favor."
"What?"
Casey gets up and she gets the cordless and she hands it to Olivia. "Call Dean and tell him you're meeting him for dinner."
"Case…"
/\/\/\/\/\
Mila and Ham drive up to the 1-6.
Ham sighs as he parks the car and then he looks over at Mila, who is checking her appearance in the mini mirror inside the visor.
"Are you sure you want to do this?" He asks. "I mean, you're takin' a step down…and a deduction in your pay grade."
"Not that much, Ham," she says. "Besides, I'm completely sure…I want to do this. I mean, these people have so much passion, and dedication. I want this more than I've wanted anything in my life."
"But are you prepared?" Ham says. "I mean, mentally and all?"
"I can handle it," Mila insists.
"Alright," he relents. "Good luck."
Mila smiles. "Thanks, Ham."
With that, she gets out of the car and goes into the precinct.
She goes up to the third floor to the Special Victims Unit and she walks into Captain Donald Cragen's office through the side door to avoid being seen by the other detectives.
"Captain Cragen?"
He looks up from his paperwork, and he stands up.
"Mila Fischer?"
"Yes sir," she says as she comes in.
"Please, sit down."
Mila closes the door behind her then she sits in the chair across from his desk. She hands him her jacket, and he takes it from her and opens it up.
"Captain I-"
"I'm going to make this brief," he interrupts her. "I'm not going to formally interview you."
She furrows her eyebrows.
"Sir?"
"I'm going to be frank with you," he says firmly but gently. "Those four people out there, my detectives, have been on this unit for the better part of ten years and I can tell you right here and now that the crimes we dealt with ten years ago are nothing compared to what we see and deal with now."
Mila turns and looks through the blinds at the four detectives who are conversing together over coffee.
"The victims we get are broken, battered, bloody, and in pain…and alive," he continues. "We've seen such brutal, horrific things that boggle the mind and test its limits. It's only by the grace of God that these detectives still have their wits about them after the shit they've had to wade through dealing with the boils on the butt of society. There will be days when you just want to say fuck it, let's kill the bastards, there will be days when the justice system works in our favor, and days when it screws us over. That's the nature of this job."
Mila swallows thickly.
He glances at her file.
"I see here that you're pretty straight-laced, by the book…"
"Yes sir," Mila says, trying to find her stronger, confident voice. "I um-"
"That book you follow?" He begins. "Toss that goddamn thing out the window, because the way we handle things here aren't even in the book."
"Alright," Mila says.
Cragen closes her jacket then he stands up and extends his hand.
"Welcome to SVU, Detective Fischer."
Mila is confused, having been used to going through the formal process of transferring, getting promoted, and interviewing. This is highly unorthodox, already going against the grain of her professional prudence and traditions.
She shakes his hand, shaking her head.
"I-I don't understand, sir…"
"I'm going to partner you with Odafin Tutola," Cragen says. "Seeing's how we're going to be short a detective very soon, you'll take the desk across from Tutola's once it's emptied out."
"Thank you sir," Mila says, still reeling.
"Look forward to working with you," he says.
"Likewise," she says then she makes her way out.
Before she opens the door, she turns and looks at him.
"Wait," she says. "A-Aren't you going to ask me why I want to work SVU?"
He looks at her. "After your first case."
She nods, then she heads out.
/\/\/\/\/\
Chester debates whether he should try calling Casey.
He's left her alone for the rest of the week and part of the weekend just to give her time to cool off and get some rest. He knows how tired she is, he could see it when she came to the hospital. She'd been dead on her feet. She's already stressed enough as it is, so he is cautious in thinking about what to say to her as well. He doesn't like this break up situation at all. He never saw it coming, and he doesn't know whether to chalk it up to her weepiness and moodiness as of late because of the pregnancy, or if she'd been serious about her not wanting to be in their relationship anymore. He's determined to work things out with her because he loves her. Completely in love with her and he loves their baby, and he doesn't want her to have to raise their child alone.
But the other thing that she revealed to him in their- well, her-tiff is what's giving him pause.
He telling him that she didn't know who she was…throughout the time that they've been together, he did sense that she'd always been an overachiever growing up, with her type-A personality and her drive, he saw that sometimes, when things didn't go her way that she'd criticize herself, make herself think of ways to do better the next time. That's just a part of her personality, but he never realized that some of those traits were deep-seated enough to where she feels like she's a stranger to herself.
She always seemed confident to him and always told her so; how beautiful and intelligent she is, how proud of her he is.
He wonders what she's been translating that into all this time.
He picks up the phone and dials Olivia's number.
The women had come to an arrangement, and Olivia informed him earlier in the week that Casey would be living with her for a while. Olivia came by that same afternoon and gathered up the rest of Casey's belongings and took them to her apartment. So now, sadly, he has his bathroom back, her side of the bed is empty, his closet is a little less crowded.
After a third ring, there is an answer.
"Hello?"
It is Olivia.
"Uh, hey Liv," Chester says. "Is Casey there?"
"Yeah, but she's sleeping right now," Olivia says, rather disappointed for him. "She was going to call you, but she dozed off before she got the chance."
"At least she's getting some rest," he says.
"Yeah, but she hasn't been eating much," Olivia reports. "I think she needs to see a doctor about the nausea. She can't keep anything down."
"I should come over and see her," he says.
"How 'bout tomorrow?" Olivia asks. "Casey's out like a light right now."
"Okay," he says. "Thanks for helping us Liv."
"You're welcome," she says. "I gotta go."
"Okay, bye," he says.
"Bye."
He hangs up then he sighs, praying that he's not going to have to spend his life without Casey.
/\/\/\/\/\
Olivia finishes getting dressed and putting on her makeup, then she turns and she sees Casey sprawled out on her bed, across all of the dresses she'd tried on. Olivia supposes now that it probably wasn't a good idea to ask an exhausted, pregnant Casey to help her pick out what dress to wear on her date with Dean, considering that just about twenty minutes in, Casey began to nod off.
She gently shakes Casey's shoulder.
"Sweets," she says and Casey stirs. "C'mon honey, go get in your bed."
Casey opens her eyes slowly and she pushes herself up off the bed.
"Did you pick a dress finally?"
Olivia chuckles. "Yeah, with no help from you. Go to bed."
Casey groans. "It's too far…"
"C'mon," Olivia says, helping Casey up.
The younger woman combs her fingers through her hair as she makes her way to the guest room.
"Have fun on your date tonight Liv," Casey says. "And no funny business…if Dean tries anything, shoot him in his ass."
"I'm not packing tonight honey," Olivia chuckles.
"Well then kick his ass," Casey corrects, smiling slightly. "Alright. Good night, and no head-board banging tonight."
"Casey Novak!"
/\/\/\/\/\
Olivia is a vision, with her shimmering, smoky, but modest make up, her coal colored silk V-neck dress that stopped at her knees, with dainty black open toed heels. The dress hugs her body in all the right places, but doesn't reveal too much. Her hair is shiny and pulled back with a simple black headband. It brings out her round, expressive eyes.
Dean realizes just how much he's missed her.
"Stop staring Dean," she says as she looks over the menu.
"Can't help it," he says. "You're beautiful. You look amazing."
She grins and looks at him. "You look good yourself."
He chuckles.
"So," Olivia begins as she puts her menu down. "Don't you have to get back to D.C. tonight?"
"Tomorrow," he says. "I wanted to spend some time with you."
She raises an eyebrow. "You might strike out tonight, Dean."
"I think we can work around your prego roommate," Dean says confidently.
"Dean, I really hope you weren't planning to buy me dinner just so we could…"
"No," he says.
"Especially if you're just going to leave again," Olivia huffs. "I mean, I know that we have something between us, but I need more than just a handful of days or nights with you. I don't have time for a long distance thing…I don't even know what this is, Dean. I couldn't even call it a relationship."
"Well, that's part of the reason why I asked you to dinner," he says. "I'm moving here permanently to Manhattan."
Olivia tilts her head to the side.
"Really?" She asks. "Why?"
"I'm the new director of the FBI headquarters here in New York," he announces with pride.
She smiles. "Wow…congratulations. So have you found an apartment…?"
"I bought a house near Rochester," he says. "It's great. I'm set to move in next month."
"That's great," Olivia smiles. "That's…I'm happy for you."
He reaches over and takes his hands in hers.
"Olivia, from the moment I met you, I felt a connection," he says. "And since then, the reason I keep coming back is because I like being around you, I have a good time with you, and I miss you when I leave. You're part of the reason why I took the job."
She turns her hand and laces her fingers with his.
"Are you sure that you want to try?" She asks. "Because if you're not sure…"
"I'm sure," he says. "I-I want to be with you Liv. No more games. I'm willing and ready to give us a try."
She sighs, looking at their joined hands.
"I'm willing and ready too."
They spend the rest of the evening talking, laughing and enjoying the soft jazz music playing the restaurant. For the first time in a long time, Olivia feels genuinely happy, and she has something to look forward to.
After sharing a dessert and a dance, Dean pays for their meal then they walk out of the restaurant hand in hand.
He hails a cab, and he puts his hands on her hips when she kisses him softly.
"Where do you want to go from here?" She asks.
"I like your place," he says. "Considering I drop by there all the time…but will Casey be asleep? It's only ten-thirty."
"Oh trust me, she's sleeping like a log," Olivia says assuredly.
He raises his eyebrow then he kisses her again.
/\/\/\/\/\
She thought the pains were in her dreams. She'd been dreaming about running, and cramping up because she didn't have any water with her. It was hot too, and she was sweating. She hasn't exercised in a long while, and in her dream it felt good, but once the cramping began, it ceased to feel pleasant.
Casey wakes up from her dream and she is curled up in a fetal position, clutching her midsection, feeling painful cramping. She is sweating, nauseous and dizzy. She slowly sits up, willing herself not to throw up until she made it to the bathroom. She takes the covers off of her and she carefully gets out of bed, but another cramp grips her and she nearly collapses.
"Ah, ow…" she whimpers.
She opens up the door to her room and she stumbles down the hallway and into the bathroom.
She opens up the toilet seat and then vomits into the bowl.
She takes in a deep breath, trying to stand up, but it hurts. Her whole body is seized by pain.
It feels as if someone is stabbing her over and over, twisting and shoving deeper.
"Oh God help me," she prays.
Olivia stirs then she tries to pull the covers over her more fully, but there is a deadweight obstructing the movement. She opens her eyes and turns onto her back and she sees Dean sleeping next to her, his back to her, and she grins as she turns onto her side and slides her arm over him as she kisses the back of his neck.
Just as she'd said, Casey had still been nearly comatose sleeping, and she invited Dean into her bed. Again.
She really hopes that he's sincere in what he told her over dinner because life is way too short to play games like that. She wants to have a good, healthy relationship and be happy and content. At forty one, she doesn't have much to offer at this point except her fidelity and her willingness to commit to a solid relationship. But she's happier these days anyway because she's helping Casey, she's looking forward to being an aunt in the very near future, and she feels like she's back in college. Casey isn't a bothersome roommate by any means. She's neat, she cooks (big plus), and she's responsible. It wouldn't surprise Olivia if Casey found another job in the next few weeks or so.
Olivia dozes off again for a few moments, until she hears water running.
She furrows her eyebrows, wondering if she's hearing things, or if it's her toilet acting crazy again.
But the sound is distinct. It is the shower in the guest bathroom.
She gets up and she wonders just what the hell Casey is doing showering at two o'clock in the morning.
Olivia grabs her robe and pulls it on, and heads out of her bedroom as she ties it.
"Case?" She calls as she knocks on the door. "Sweets?"
She hears crying from within and Olivia opens the door.
She sees Casey sitting in the tub, near the spray, crying.
Olivia sees that Casey got sick, and then she sees a pair of bloody shorts and panties in the floor. She is miscarrying the baby.
She rushes over to Casey.
"Honey, look at me," Olivia says.
Casey opens her eyes.
"I-I…my baby…"
"I know," Olivia says.
There is crimson blood mixing in with the water flowing down the drain.
"OW!" Casey screams, sobbing and hiccupping. "It hurts! OW!"
"I'm taking you to the hospital," Olivia says.
"No, no," Casey shakes her head. "It hurts too much…"
Olivia feels so helpless in this moment.
Casey is unnaturally pale, and her skin is cold to the touch. The water is running cold and Olivia turns the knob so that warm water could cascade down. Casey is crying hysterically, and she leans her head back against the tile, praying and yelping through her sobs, rocking herself, shaking her head.
"Please God make it stop," she prays desperately. "Don't take my baby…please God…"
Olivia gets into the tub with Casey and she holds her friend close.
"Oooh, ow, ow!" Casey screams. "God…no!"
Dean comes into the bathroom, and his eyes widen when he sees Casey suffering.
"Liv-"
"Just close the door Dean," Olivia says.
"Shouldn't we take her to the hospital?" He asks.
"Dean, just close the door please," Olivia says calmly.
He walks out and he gently closes the door.
"He's going to hate me!" Casey sobs.
"Who?" Olivia asks.
"Chester is going to be mad at me!" Casey cries. "It's my fault! He's not going to love me anymore!"
"Shh," Olivia says softly. "Chester is not going to hate you…"
"Y-yes he is," Casey hiccups.
"Casey, Chester's not going to hate you," Olivia assures her. "Sweets, he loves you and this isn't your fault. These things just happen, sweetheart."
Casey gasps as a more painful cramp attacks her and she whimpers, then she feels more blood.
"AH! OW!" She screams miserably. "Don't leave me, please…"
"I'm not, " Olivia says in a motherly tone as she smoothes over Casey's wet hair. "I'll be right here. Shhh…"
Casey closes her eyes and shuts out her world.