.

Suddenly I See

Chapter Two

"Make no promises to me, you're slowly melting.
Wake up then fall back asleep, you're quickly fading."

Oblivious

There he was again; with her. It figures. Even after the previous evening, when they had seemed so close to one another again, he would always run off back to Suki. And she would be left alone. Again. She missed the real good old days, when it was just the four of them, when he was able to make her laugh so effortlessly. Sure, that was still the case, but it was now such a rare occurance that from time to time she would find herself longing just to hear his voice. Only his voice, and even just a few simple words.

Where had that come from?

The war was over, it had been for a few years now, and everyone was betting, hoping, on some stupid and non-existent "Happy Ending". As if that was going to happen; it was nothing more than wishful thinking, granted it was better than dreading, daily, what may happen next. But they couldn't hide from it, sneak under the covers and hope the possibility will disappear, forever. Around the corner would be another attach, another invasion; another time the Avatar would have to unleash his powers upon the world and carry it through to peace. Freedom comes at a price.

From the other end of the campsite, Sokka leaned over a pecked Suki on the cheek. Toph couldn't see it but she could damn well hear it. That girl's pulse had to be the most unwanted thing that she had ever had to put up with. Her expression changed into that ever-familiar frown that she wore now-a-days and her blood seethed beneath her skin, pump rapidly through her veins.

She wanted to be Suki. It wasn't even that hard to imagine being her for once, just for a day. Sometimes she could almost feel his touch. It sent shivers down her spine. His hand taking hers, his fingers caressing her cheek, his lips brushing chastely against hers… and she hated the thought. This was Sokka, why did she feel this way? They were friends, that was all. Just friends. Yet she couldn't stop her heart from increasing its beat in her chest, just the slightest, when they talked. When he would turn to her and smile, when he would ask her questions, even when he was moping for being made a mockery of; she loved it.

Why?

Katara had told her once that she was in love ('course, she hadn't been stupid enough to reveal who she had these feelings for – she seemed to think it was Sparky). She had dismissed the assumption before the mere idea could get inside her mind. She didn't want to think of him like that. Not at all. She wanted to be friendly with him again, without caring how she acted, how she spoke, even what she looked like. It was all so unknown to her to experience this.

She blamed Suki. She had been happily oblivious to her feelings for Sokka before he and Zuko had brought her back from the Fire Nation prison. Back then she hadn't particularly cared what he thought of her. As long as he didn't hate her, she was fine. She could laugh at him, rather than with him, without feeling guilty; without being in constant worry that she had hurt him in some way. What was wrong with her?

Lately she even had to ask herself the same question, repeatedly;

Shouldn't she be used to it by now?

Maybe she would forget about him some day. And though it hurt to even think about such a thing, she knew that it had to be done. He was perfectly happy with Suki; he didn't need her anymore. There was no point in standing on the sidelines, waiting to be wanted, needed, again. She used to be singled out to him; he used to be someone she was actually able to talk to about the things she didn't show. What had happened to those days?

He was completely unaware of the way she saw him, that she knew and knew it well. But it still hurt. And surely she could forget about him if she tried. She really could, for it couldn't be too much of a challenge to erase one person from your heart, forever, could it?

Wishful thinking, that's what it was.

"Hey man, you'll have to wait your turn, I can see that your jonesin.
Taste no flavours on my tongue, they've evaporated, you've disintegrated."

.