Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, but I do own a rather large Gaara poster.
"Talking"
'Thinking'
Flashback
"Demon Talking"
'Demon Thinking'
Thank you sooo much to those few who reviewed, I love you guys!! You are my Hero's!! You know who you are (and I'm typing on a computer without internet or you'd get special mention, I'll try to put it in later but you guys rock!!)
Japanese in the chapter:
Otou-sama means father
Tou-chan/san is like saying daddy
Nee-chan (pronounced: nay-chan) is big sister
Nii-san/chan/sama (pronounced: nee-san/chan/sama) is big brother
"A man named death?" The man sneered.
"Yes," Hotaru responded emotionlessly, "a man named death."
"Did this man happen to finish your name, Hotaru?" He asked hitting a nerve.
"I am Hotaru, I have no other name." Hotaru said standing up tall bangs overshadowing her eyes.
"Oh is that so?" The man taunted her "A girl with no last name, no family? Where did you come from Hotaru?"
"I come from Sunagakure, the village hidden in the sand." Hotaru said with no emotion in her normally cheerful voice.
"Where did you come from before sand? Who is your Otou-sama, Hotaru?" he asked, if his face was visible Hotaru knew that he would be smirking at her.
"You know where I came from, I do not." Hotaru said voice cracking as tears started to fall. "My Otou-sama is a snake."
"Now Hotaru, that's not very nice." another male voice came from behind her making the hairs on the back of her neck stand on end and her back go rigid revealing her wide eyes as her bangs fell away from her face.
"Glad to see that your wings actually work," The man said staying in the shadows circling her like a shark, "When I last saw you, you wouldn't pull them out even if we threw you down a flight of stairs. I thought you'd lost them."
"Otou-san." Hotaru breathed too terrified to move.
"Yes?" the man said appearing right behind her in a flash. Hotaru screamed and fell forward crawling backwards away from her father.
"No!" Hotaru screamed terrified as he came closer. She brought her knees up to her chest squinting her eyes shut as tears flowed down her cheeks.
"No!" she shrieked putting her hands up to shield her face as her wings came forward to shield her from harm.
Her father's face was obscured from her vision by shadows as she felt his hands on her wings parting them.
"NO!" Hotaru yelled as memories flooded back to her
–FLASHBACK–
A six year old Hotaru sat huddled in the corner of a white room hugging her knees to her chest and burying her face in them crying, blood running from deep gashes on her arms, and legs. Blood and burn marks marred the white walls and burnt, bloody, dead bodies littered the room around her. Her light blue sun dress, like the walls and carpet, was covered in both her own blood and the other peoples blood and ashes that had once been some of the other people.
"Why?!" she sobbed into her arms, "Why is it like this?! Why does every one that Tou-chan bring to play with me yell at me and call me a monster? I'm not a monster am I Kaa-chan?"
"No," nibi purred comfortingly in Hotaru's head, "They are monsters, my sweet little girl."
"Then why do they all try to kill me?" Hotaru asked sobbing into her knees.
"Because you are a monster." her father hissed walking into the room and slamming the door.
"Tou-chan?" Hotaru asked looking up into her fathers cold abrasive eyes, untold hurt and confusion held in her own soft brown eyes as more tears fell from them dripping down off of her chin to sting the cuts on her arms. She painfully stood and began to limp over to him as more blood trickled down from her wounds onto the already blood and ash stained white carpet.
The next thing she felt was her fathers hand come across her face in a brutal slap. He hit hard enough to knock her down onto the ground. Everything seemed to go in slow motion for Hotaru as she fell. She could see droplets of her own blood and tears falling through the air behind her and she could see her father smiling as she fell to the ground. The carpet stung and tore at her wounds that had started to heal thanks to the demon held inside of her, but her new found pain from her impact with the floor was nothing compared to the pain in her chest that sparked up as she saw the malice and disappointment in her father's eyes.
She crumpled up into a ball clutching her chest as she felt the burning and tearing feeling in her chest that she could only describe as her heart breaking.
"I never loved you, Hotaru," He spat as he kicked her in the stomach knocking the wind out of his six year daughter and sending her flying into the wall, "No one loves you, you are a monster."
"T-Tou-san!" she wheezed tears streaming down her face as she continued to clutch her chest.
" I am not your father you pitiful little monster," he sneered looking down at Hotaru, "you are a tool that I forced the woman who gave birth to you to make. There never was any romantic love story that lead to you being born, just tragedy after tragedy." He said viciously ripping apart the tiny girl "The people that I brought to play with you so often were not playmates, they were assassins that I hired to try to gage how strong you were, if you died you died." Hotaru felt like she was dying inside as her heart was ripped out and torn to peices. "I am your master not your father you will obey me without question or I will give you away to another person who may not treat you as well as I have."
"I was– you – it was... all a lie?" Hotaru managed to say through her pained tears.
"Everything that you knew was all a lie." He smirked "I do not love you at all, I do not care if you are happy, I would not care if you were dead." then he left, closing the door quietly behind himself.
Hotaru lay there crying for about ten more minutes as her wounds began healing slowly, all but her heart. She slowly got to her feet, her hair hiding her eyes and hands balled into tiny fists at her sides. She looked up to the wall next to the door where she knew a one way window was and looked sadly at it sensing where the person was. Then she allowed her hair to cover her face again and more tears fell from her eyes as she filled the room with fire and screamed out in anguish as she burned the Kanji for truth into her shoulder permanently scorching it into her skin.
–END FLASH BACK–
"Orochimaru," Leader-sama said in a commanding voice, "You are to leave now, your experiment is mine, you sold it and now it is mine."
"Oh is that how it is?" Orochimaru asked "Fine, good luck getting it to do anything for you. Good bye, shichi." (A/N Shichi means seven)
–FLASH BACK–
Hotaru stood staring at the ground several feet behind Orochimaru who was looking down at a lab through a one way window where a young boy was screaming in pain as a number of men in white scrubs and hospital masks performed some kind of experiment on him. The boy screamed out in pain one more time arching his back before he went silent laying limp on the table he was bound to.
Orochimaru sighed turning to look at his daughter, he looked at her shoulder where the black kanji for truth stood out against her pale skin.
"How long has it been since you burned yourself girl?" He asked nonchalantly.
"Three years in two months." She answered quietly.
He simply ignored the fact that she answered and asked another question. "Would you like to make me happy and add some worth to your worthless life?"
She looked up at him hopefully "What is it? What can I do to make you happy?" the small girl asked willing to do anything to make the man who treated her so horribly happy, to feel some kind of worth. She had killed for him just for him to tell her good job and see him smile evilly as he patted her head, she'd do anything for him to see her as worth something. He was her father and she wanted to make him proud of her and tell her that she did good.
"You see, I'm having a problem with my experiments, none of the subjects seem to be able to deal with the stress of the experiment," He began.
"You mean the boy?" she asked peering down at his lifeless body as she walked towards the window.
"There have been five others before him, he's the sixth," He explained placing a hand on her tiny shoulder from behind, "and you are a demon so you should be more stable than the other six. So will you help you dear Otou-san?"
"I'll help otou-san!" she said turning to face her father smiling brightly up at him. Then she realized what she'd said and covered her mouth with both hands eyes going wide as she shook her head.
"I'm sorry." she said quietly barely removing her hands, "I didn't mean it, It was an accident!"
"You can call me that afterwards, ok." He said stooping down and picking her up. She was shocked, her father had barely even talked to her after he had shattered her heart, let alone carried her. "You're name will be shichi from now on, you will not be called Hotaru anymore."
Hotaru nodded and smiled, she didn't care if she had to change her name to a number, as long as she could be her fathers daughter again.
"Let's go get you changed, you've been wearing the same black dress for a month." he said as he carried her towards her old room that hadn't been used in years, she had been sleeping in a prison cell that was never locked but she didn't dare to leave it unless called for by her father.
She nodded again smiling happily at her father and then hugged him. "Thank you." she said quietly
"No, thank you." he said as he smiled one of his evil smiles.
–a few hours later–
Hotaru's screams echoed through the corridors of Orochimaru's hide out as the scientists preformed painful experiments on her while she was tied down to a table wearing a black hospital gown.
"Tou-san!!" she screamed in an incredible amount of pain as tears clouded her vision, "Tou-san it hurts, I don't want to do it anymore, please!! Make them stop!!" she begged then screamed in pain again as they began cutting into her back.
"Why?!" She cried out asking the men that were causing her pain "what are you doing?!" she sobbed "Why?" she asked quietly as she felt her blood begin to run down her sides.
Fire had whipped across the room earlier but stopped after a few minutes as Nibi changed her focus to keeping her fragile little host alive. The doctors had been prepared for her attacks and had fireproofed the room and worn fireproof soots under their large scrubs.
Hotaru's vision went fuzzy as they continued to operate on her sensitive back "why?" she asked one more time before she slipped into unconsciousness.
When she finally awoke she screamed feeling the burning pain in her back, she was lying on her stomach in her old room, not the prison cell but her actual room. Her back felt unusually heavy along with the unbearable searing pain. She reached up to her back slowly afraid to feel what they had done and touched something soft and warm.
'Feathers?' she thought 'is there a bird sitting on me?'
"No child," Nibi said sadly, " get up and look in the mirror, you should be able to walk, I can't do much about your back though."
Hotaru nodded and stood up wincing as she felt something pulling on her back. She walked over to the mirror then screamed in horror at her reflection. She had huge, horrible, black wings.
She screamed again falling on her wings painfully as she willed the reflection in the mirror to go away. Tears began streaming down her face and she rolled over onto her hands and knees, then threw up.
–END FLASH BACK–
Hotaru looked around half expecting her father to be smirking down at her.
"He's not here anymore," Leader-sama spoke up, "leave, have Deidra show you to your room and remove the chakra seal, you won't get far if you try to escape."
Hotaru nodded and walked towards the door.
"Kid," Leader-sama called, "just in case wear this." he lazily tossed her something. Hotaru caught it in her fist and peered at it cautiously at first then opened her fist to reveal a silver charm bracelet with a single cat charm ant it. The cat looked as though it was sitting on a window sill watching birds flit by. Hotaru looked up at Leader-sama and bowed.
"Thank you leader-sama." she said respectfully then clasped undid the clasp on the chain and then redid it around her wrist.
She then pulled open the large stone door and walked through it for the second time that day and just as she expected it slammed shut behind her. It looked like it was just Deidra and Kisame still waiting for her. Kisame was leaning against the wall and deidra was sitting cross legged on a clay chair meditating, he opened one eye when he heard the door slam then opened the other one letting his chair shrink and catching it in his fist as he landed gracefully on his feet.
"How'd it go,un?" Deidra asked gently.
"You were screaming a lot in there kid, you ok?" Kisame asked showing a little concern.
"Yeah, I'm fine, I think." She responded a little bit unsure.
"What happened,un?" Deidra asked sauntering over to her.
"My-- ...Orochimaru." Hotaru answered looking down at the ground.
They were silent for a while not knowing what to say, they had known that he was viciously cruel and brutal to her but they hadn't been able to see her after the experiment. They had heard about what Orochimaru had done to her but they didn't believe it at first but when they came to see her the next time they were turned away and told that she didn't live there anymore. They hadn't dealt with it to well and killed about a fourth of the guards looking for the girl they had come to know as a sister. The only thing that had kept the group of murderous teenagers from wiping out the rest of the guards was a dark room with a one way window showing Hotaru with wings spread sitting in a room surrounded by various scorched dead bodies and crying and screaming as fire raged around the room. Needless to say this didn't make any of them happy and they would have laid siege on the whole building if Leader-sama hadn't ordered them to go back to the base telling them to forget about the girl, that what they were doing was showing weakness. The funny thing was that Itachi was the one to protest the most.
"Deidra-san,"Hotaru said quietly, breaking the two men out of their thoughts, "Leader-sama said I should tell you to remove the seal and show me my room."
"Oh, umm, yeah this way, un." Deidra said motioning for her to follow. She walked over to him without a word and stood by his side.
"I'll come with you." Kisame said walking on the other side of Hotaru.
The group walked down the hallways drawing attention to the new guest. The first occupied room that they passed by was Sasori's. Sasori poked his head out and mouthed "Hotaru?" to Deidra who nodded. Sasori was stunned for a moment but as the group continued to walk he felt compelled to follow, and since he really didn't have anything better to do he followed them.
The next open room they passed was Zetsu's who was conversing with himself over god knows what until he saw the growing group pass by. He looked at them questioningly as he saw the girl with them then followed curious as to what was going on.
"Deidra-san?" Hotaru asked quietly.
"Yeah, un?" Deidra asked in return.
"Who all is following us?" she asked not very concerned but still curious.
"There's me, Kisame-san, Sasori-dana, Zetsu-san, and I think Itachi-san is too, un." Deidra answered looking back to see who all was following.
"Hn." she responded causing Deidra to chuckle slightly.
They finally reached a closed door. "Here's your room, Hotaru-chan, un." Deidra said a bit uncomfortable.
"I'm pretty sure there's already stuff in there for you, kid." Kisame added trying to relieve some of the building tension. Silence. As they all stood there, most shifting uncomfortably every once in awhile, then a figure dressed in all black wearing a bright orange mask with a swirl decoration on it walked across the opening to the hallway, then walked backwards and stopped in the entrance way.
To him this was an extremely odd scene, Itachi was standing on one side of the hallway opening out of the view of the rest of the akatsuki members who were all gathered around a previously unused room with a thirteen year old girl with wings in the center of the half circle.
"What's up?" He asked walking up to the rest of the group. "Is there a reason that Itachi is hiding and your all gathered around an... angel? Did Sasori make a new weird puppet?"
"Show some respect, Tobi-san, and use your honorifics, un! And no he did not make a new puppet, un!" Deidra yelled at Tobi while strangling him.
"Deidra- san," Hotaru asked curiously still facing the door, "who's that."
Deidra released Tobi and turned to face Hotaru, "No one, un." Deidra said anger still barely audible in his voice.
"Tobi is a good boy." the man on the floor coughed the air returning to his lungs.
"No, Tobi-san is a bad boy, un." Deidra said putting his hands on his hips.
"Then Deidra-chan is a girl." Tobi said sounding like he would be smiling.
"Tobi!!" Deidra yelled lunging at the masked man.
"Screeeeeeeeeeeeeee." Tobi screeched scaring Hotaru with the loud high pitch noise and she turned to see what had emitted the horrid noise.
"What was that Tobi?!" Deidra yelled rubbing his ears.
"Deidra-chan should use her honorifics." Tobi said crossing his arms.
"Tobi, I'm gonna kill you!" Deidra said lunging at Tobi again but stopping halfway when he heard Hotaru laughing behind him. Everyone turned their attention to the now laughing Hotaru who just minutes ago had been extremely morbid.
"Dei-Deidra-nee-chan," she managed between laughs, "is a girl."
"Hotaru-chan," Deidra whined at her, "don't encourage him, un!"
"Nee-chan? Deidra-chan has a sister?" Tobi asked popping up behind Hotaru who jumped a bit but sensed no hostility or killer intent so let him be.
Sasori and Zetsu had disappeared a while ago and Kisame was leaning against the wall debating on weather or not he should follow suit.
"No, Tobi, Deidra-san has an old friend that's like– wait a minute." Deidra stopped mid-sentence and stared at her for a minute, "You just called me nee-chan didn't you?" He asked accusingly.
"Sorry." Hotaru mumbled no longer laughing, she felt like she'd done something wrong by calling him nee-chan again. She felt like she was betraying Gaara by being so friendly with her kidnapers and let a tear slide down her cheek. She felt a black gloved finger swipe across her cheek wiping away the tear.
Kisame decided it was time to go and disappeared in a puff of smoke.
"Deidra-chan look," Tobi said shoving his black gloved finger Deidra's face, "Deidra-chan did it, Deidra-chan made Hotaru-chan cry." Tobi scolded.
"What, un?!" Deidra pushed Tobi out of the way who just stood for a moment then turned and left. Deidra knelt in front of Hotaru. "Hotaru-chan, I'm sorry, I'm not mad you, you can call me whatever you want, un! Just don't cry, un!" Deidra knew he sounded weak but he didn't care, he felt like he was some how tied to the small girl.
"Deidra-nee-chan," Hotaru looked up at him revealing more tears streaming down her face "I miss him!" she cried throwing herself at him and crying into her brother figures chest. Deidra was temporarily stunned and didn't know what to say so he just returned her embrace.
"Why?" Hotaru cried "It hurts, why does it have to be so confusing nee-chan?" she asked desperate for an answer.
"What's so confusing, un?" Deidra asked trying to somehow comfort his adoptive sister.
"I-I feel like I'm betraying Gaara-kun if I enjoy my time here and treat you guys like my brothers again but then I feel like I'm betraying you guys if I distance myself from you all and– and– and I missed you all when you stopped being able to visit, and now I miss Gaara-kun and it's so confusing and my– my heart hurts!" She choked out through tears.
Deidra was unsure on what to do or say in response then he found the perfect answer, "I'm sure that Gaara-san wants you to be happy no matter what and I know that no one here, not even Itachi likes to see you upset like this, un." Deidra said into his little sisters hair.
"Y-you're right nee-chan," Hotaru said wiping her tears off on her arm as she released Deidra, "I'll keep smiling for Gaara-kun and everyone." she smiled, and it seemed to illuminate the whole hall.
Itachi was still out of sight but he was still there still listening, Sasori had seen him on his way back to his room and just raised an eyebrow at him then went on his way, Tobi had seen him too and was now leaning on the wall next to him mimicking the younger man.
"What do you want Madara-san?" Itachi asked annoyed with the childish older man.
"Tobi." Tobi corrected him.
"Right, the mask, your Tobi." Itachi snapped.
"Tobi wants to know what Itachi-kun is doing." Tobi answered grinning with his voice.
"I'm listening while not having to engage in conversation." Itachi said as if it should have been obvious.
"Tobi thinks that Itachi-kun might be spying, maybe Itachi-kun has a crush on Hotaru-chan." Tobi shrugged then stood up straight and began to walk the opposite way from where Hotaru and Deidra were.
"Maybe Itachi is a pedophile, or has a lolita complex." Tobi called over his shoulder
–Deidra and Hotaru–
There was a small period where they were both quiet then they heard Tobi yell something.
""Maybe Itachi is a pedophile, or has a lolita complex." they heard than a dull thud followed by a louder thud.
They looked at each other then went to investigate. They burst out laughing when they saw what was going on, Tobi was lying sprawled out on the floor one hand rubbing the back of his head, a shoe lying a few feet away from him, and the culprit? Itachi stood towering over Tobi glaring down at him, one bare foot showing brightly against the cave floor as he bent down to pick up his shoe.
Itachi looked up at the laughing pair after putting his shoe back on and glared, instantly silencing one but the shorter of the two didn't seem to notice or care. Itachi glared one last time at Tobi before walking off past Hotaru and Deidra and slamming his door which, ironically enough was right across from Hotaru's.
"You should go to your room too, un" Deidra instructed not wanting her to get in trouble with Leader-sama.
"Ok, good day, nee-chan." Hotaru said smiling at him then ran off to her room.
Once she shut the door she sighed heavily leaning against the door then sank to the ground and cried. "Gaara-kun, I miss you so much already." she whispered "I feel like my heart is being ripped up but I'm still glad to see my old brothers. It hurts so much Gaara-kun, please don't hate me, I feel like I betrayed you."
Itachi was in the hall and heard her whispering to herself. "Forget about him already, Hotaru-chan, it's hopeless." he whispered inaudibly then walked silently down the hallway.
"No it's not Itachi-Onii-san," Hotaru had heard him because with Nibi being inside of her she generally heard anything around her making her an even better ninja, "G-Gaara-kun and me, w-we'll find a w-way, we'll be t-together again s-somehow, I have f-faith in him." she choked out quietly through tears.
–With Gaara–
Gaara regained consciousness on the desert floor, only to find that he was still regaining his chakra, Kisame's sword had managed to suck chakra out of him even without him touching it making him run out of chakra faster than he should have and he hadn't noticed it until shukaku had told him in his sleep.
"Hotaru." he wheezed dehydrated.
"Gaara!?" he heard a woman yell frantically.
"Gaara?!" this time it was a male voice.
"Who is it?" Gaara growled.
"It's your siblings, It seems as though they came to save their monster brother." Shukaku taunted no longer feeling sympathy for his host.
'Shut up raccoon.' Gaara ordered in his head.
"Gaara!!" Temari yelled coming into sight, "Oh my Gods, Kankuro-kun over here I found him."
"Be there in a flash Temari-nee-san!" Kankuro yelled letting his sister know that he'd heard her.
"Gaara, can you walk?" Temari asked kneeling at his side.
"No I'm just lying here for fun. What do you think, Temari baka?!" Gaara ground out angrily.
"Hey, where's Hotaru?" Temari asked looking around expecting to see the younger girl some where nearby and when she didn't see her she panicked, "Hotaru?!" she yelled standing up.
"Damnit Temari shut up!!" Gaara roared hoarsely from the desert floor, "She's not her so shut up!! Just shut up!!"
Temari tensed flinched back from her little brother before she went almost completely limp from shock as her shoulders slumped in disbelief. Gaara was crying again, Temari thought it had looked like he had been crying when she got there but she just brushed it off as symptoms of Gaara's severe Dehydration, her little brother hadn't cried in years.
"Oh my Gods are you crying?" Gaara gave her death glare through tears and Temari thanked her lucky stars that he didn't even have enough chakra to stand. "Who was it Gaara? Was it those guys that were at your house? We have to tell Otou-s– I mean Kazekage-sama!" Temari fired off her questions one after another. She had learned a long time ago that using Otou-sama when addressing their father in front Gaara would result in being pinned to a wall by sand by the throat and choked into unconsciousness.
"Keh, don't bother telling that bastard," Gaara scoffed angrily, "He didn't help earlier, what makes you think he'll even care now!?" He yelled only coming out as a scratchy whisper now.
"Why?!" He screamed tears no longer falling because he didn't have the water to spare, "Why take her, she's mine, they can't take her!!"
Kankuro now appeared on the scene carrying a canteen full of water. It was a pitiful sight, Sabaku No Gaara lying broken on the desert floor dehydrated and beaten up, skin cracked in various spots, a sad expression on his normally stoic face which was now marred with fallen and dried up tears. He had bruises and cuts from the sandy desert to accompany the cracks in his skin, along with wicked sun burn on his normally pale skin.
"C'mon, Temari, help me get him to drink this." Kankuro said squatting down next to his older sister and opening the canteen. Gaara had exhausted himself again and was near fainting when Temari lifted his head to drink and had started to hallucinate. Kankuro lifted the canteen up to his younger brothers parched lips and poured a small stream of the cool liquid through his parched lips. Gaara coughed and sputtered at first but soon enough he was drinking, limp in his sisters arms. They gave him about half the canteen then Kankuro capped it and attached it to the bandages that were looped around his shoulders to keep Crow on his back.
"Let's get him back to Suna." Kankuro said looping one of Gaara's arms around his shoulders to support him.
Temari nodded and mirrored Kankuro's actions and then they both stood up at the same time, each supporting fifty percent of there little brothers weight, he was surprisingly light without his gourd that still lie forgotten in his haste to try to save Hotaru.
"Why?" he asked them one last time before he faded back into the bliss of darkness. He didn't understand why, after how cold and cruel he was to them, they had come to get him. He decided that they were fools and as he was forced to sleep by his body's exhaustion he dreamt about what Yashamaru had told him on the night he betrayed Gaara, He was a monster loving no one and only loving himself, yes, that was what he would do. He would finish what he started before Hotaru, He was now forever changed and was colder and crueler than ever.
Shukaku then went through all of the things that Gaara had loved and had hurt him, Yashamaru, Hotaru, everyone he had ever met had only hurt him, causing him unbearable pain. He would never be hurt again, he would never "love" anything again, He was Gaara, Sabaku No Gaara the demon of sand, uncaring and unfeeling.
--Small-Time-Skip--
Gaara woke up in the hospital a week later feeling better physically and not feeling mentally but then something hit him. He had his new old resolution, but it still hurt, it wouldn't stop, this horrible pain was the one thing he couldn't stop, he wanted to scream but he couldn't, he wanted to cry but he wouldn't, He wanted to forget everything but he shouldn't, couldn't, and would never. So he roared. He roared in pain, guilt, anger, frustration, sadness, mourning, confusion all mixing and mingling together. The sound was not human, it was a sound that many of the villagers had heard in the night many years ago and had haunted them every night since. The last time they heard that sound many people on the worst side of town started to disappear and horribly gruesome and bloody scenes were needed to be cleaned up almost every morning, now completely innocent villagers would start disappearing without a trace, lost to the demon of the sand forever.
So what did you guys think? Please review, I'm starting to get lonely and a little discouraged. I'm going to keep writing this even if you don't, so at least tell me if you thought it sucked. C'mon people, please?