Disclaimer: Naruto, I don't own it
Disclaimer: Naruto, I don't own it, Kishimoto-sama does. I don't own Until the End by Breaking Benjamin or Superstar by Toybox.
A/N from Misukai-chan
Sorry, both of the computers we have, the one I use to type and the one with internet, were both in the shop so I couldn't do anything for a while and now they both have internet so I can't get more than twenty minutes of typing done on them before getting kicked off, buuut I managed to get around that. One of my sisters graduated highschool and got a laptop recently so I got her old hand me down laptop that has basically solitaire, paint, powerpoint, and Microsoft word, which I didn't have before (I had word perfect) so I can type for a long time and there are no interruptions. Thank you to the people who told me about my mistakes, I will go back later and fix the spelling of Deidara's name and that it's danna not dono. I'm so clueless lol.
--
Hotaru awoke the next morning and stretched looking around and expecting to see her familiar surroundings. When she opened her eyes and saw dark grey stone walls she leapt out of bed screaming.
"Where the hell am I?!" she screamed reaching for a kunai only to find that they weren't there.
"Damn it, Hotaru!" Itachi yelled slamming her door open causing Hotaru to jump then slide into a defensive position, "You're in a cave, the Akatsuki base and it's five in the fucking morning!"
"Oh yeah…" she said dropping her stance
"What's goin' on, un." Deidara asked sleepily walking into Hotaru's room.
"Umm, nothing Deidara-nee-chan, I just kinda forgot where I was for a minute." Hotaru said and smiled sheepishly at him.
"'kay, un." Deidara said sleepily then walked back to his room.
"Go back to bed." Itachi said gruffly then walked out of the room closing the door silently behind himself.
Hotaru climbed back into her bed and stared at the ceiling, she couldn't get back to sleep. Living with Gaara, she had acquired some of his bad sleeping habits and so this was the time that she'd normally get up. She sat up and looked around taking in her surroundings. Earlier she hadn't really looked around, she had been to depressed and had crawled into bed and cried herself to sleep last night so there hadn't been much time to take in her surroundings.
There was a dark wood dresser with a small metallic-black boom box on it and some clothes were messily thrown in, sticking out of the closed drawers. She turned her head to what was across from the door, there was a box taped shut and sloppily labeled "Girl Stuff" in black marker along with a smaller box labeled "stuff." Then a few feet away from the head of her bed was what looked like a desk with a large mirror on it, there was a black brush, comb, and straitener (sp?) amongst other hair things on it. Her bed was a simple four post bed with black sheets on it, it was in the corner, close to the door which opened away from her bed. The walls floor and ceiling were carved out of the stone, probably using a jutsu.
Hotaru got out of bed and trotted over to the two boxes, her curiosity getting the best of her. She picked up the smaller of the two marked girl stuff and tore the tape off. Inside there were some packages of pads and a box of tampons (hey she's gotta use 'em some time, she is a girl after all.). She blushed then closed the box and set it back down. Then she turned to the other box marked stuff, it was an older box that was worn and the letters of "stuff" were slightly faded. She tore the tape off and opened it up, inside there was a bunch of pictures of her and the guys from when she was little there was also an old stuffed cat made with black fabric and button eyes topped off with a red ribbon tied around it's neck in a bow.
"Neko-chan!!" she whispered excitedly picking up the stuffed cat and hugging it.
"Last time I saw Neko-chan you were…" she stopped for a moment to think, "I let you stay the night with Itachi-Onii-sama, then I never got to see them again!"
"Oh! I missed you so much!! But I completely forgot about you!" she cooed then pulled it out an arms length away, "Forgive me Neko-chan!!" she then pulled the little cat close again.
"The pictures!!" she exclaimed quietly and placing Neko-chan beside her gently.
She picked them up out of the box, the first one was a picture of her and Zetsu, she was dressed in a light blue floral printed sundress with her long-ish hair pulled into pigtails with matching light blue ribbons and holding his white hand and pulling him towards a fake potted plant and pointing at it while he visually sweat dropped. She could see Sasori in the background pointing and laughing at him. She remembered that day, they had come over to play/train with her a little bit even though they were older than her they still could train with her effectively because of her demon, which they full well knew about. She had asked Zetsu what the green thing was that was always around his head and he had glared at her and told her it was a plant and it was a part of him. She had then proceeded to drag him over to the plastic potted tree in her room and point at it saying "plant." Then point at him and say "Plant-Man, Zetsu-nii."
The next picture was of her in a plain white dress with her hair pulled into a low ponytail with a white ribbon and Tobi wearing his normal Akatsuki outfit. Hotaru had a large multicolor lollipop and was holding it up to compare it to Tobi's mask a thoughtful expression on her six year old face. Tobi was watching her curiously not really sure as to
why she was holding the candy up as close to his face as she could. She remembered this moment too, it was the first picture that had been taken by Leader-sama, the rest were taken by either Tobi, Madara, or another member. Hotaru had found out, due to a mishap involving her Tobi her messy room and Tobi's mask being jerked off by a bedpost, that Tobi and Madara were the same person but at the same time they weren't. Soon after she had decided that she liked Tobi better than Madara.
The next picture was of Kisame and herself. She was wearing the same kind of outfit as in the first picture but this time it was purple and she was holding Neko-chan. She knew that in both pictures she'd been seven because of the dresses, later on she'd change her style again but for age seven it was all flowers, bows, and pigtails. Hotaru was pointing at Kisame mouth open talking and Kisame was anime fainted on the ground twitching. Hotaru couldn't help but laugh as she remembered the day, She had been told that they had another member and that he was kind of like Zetsu but different, definitely different than Zetsu. The blue skinned teen had walked through the door looking as though he had better things to do and would rather be elsewhere, this annoyed Hotaru so she got back at him by pointing at him and declaring a single word, "Fishy." Sasori, Tobi, and Zetsu had burst out laughing while Kisame glared at them then turned back to the seven year old ready to let her have it but was surprised to see her holding out her stuffed cat to him and looking remorseful. "I-I'm sorry," She had apologized, "You can take Neko-chan home with you for a while if you want to." The rest of the people there had all gotten quiet looking to see what the newcomer would do, the rest of them all knew that Neko-chan was very important to Hotaru. Kisame could tell from the look in her eyes and the way that she was gripping the cat tightly that it meant a lot to her so he just ruffled her hair, "Forget about it, kid, I get that all the time."
The next picture was of her and Sasori. She was wearing a white dress with purple accents and her hair tied into a low ponytail by a purple ribbon. She was six in the picture because her father was still dressing her, she winced as she thought of her Father but quickly shook away the thoughts of her father and continued to look at the picture. Sasori was using a porcelain doll as a puppet and Hotaru was staring at it intently as he told her stories from when he was a kid. In the end He'd smashed the doll, Hotaru's eyes filled with tears as she hugged him and told him that she could fix it, all she needed was some glue. They had come back the next day to find that Hotaru had glued the doll back together and when Sasori came in she'd given it to him and told him: "See, I fixed it!" He'd just smiled at her and accepted the doll.
The next picture was of her blowing out eight candles on a birthday cake in a frilly pink and white dress with frilly white sox and white shoes along with pink ribbons tying up her two pigtails. Sasori, Zetsu, Tobi, Kisame, and Orochimaru were all gathered around the table cheering while leader-sama was barely visible in the shadows in he background.
The next picture was from just a few days after her party, It was of Hotaru and Itachi. Hotaru was wearing a black Lolita style dress with white lace everywhere, she'd gotten it for her birthday, wearing her hair down and a yinyang symbol hung from her neck. Itachi was wearing the Akatsuki cloak and sulking in a corner of the room with a sleeping Hotaru leaning on his shoulder. Hotaru remembered that day too, Itachi had been there the whole day and was just sulking in the corner and Hotaru thought he might be feeling sad or maybe missed his family so she'd gone over to sit with him and fallen asleep.
Flash Back
Hotaru sat down next to a very upset looking teenage Itachi, mimicking his sitting position and facial expression.
"Go away." He said emotionlessly.
Hotaru just smiled at him "I'm Hotaru, who are you?"
"I am Uchiha Itachi, I killed my entire clan, I tortured my eight and a half year old brother and left." He said glaring at the little girl.
"I turned eight four days ago, Nibi says I'm getting too old and that she doesn't like Tou-chan." Hotaru said smiling, "Oh yeah, Nibi is the demon that's sealed in me, she likes to kill people and she's really old and mean but she's nice to me, at first she was really mean but now she lets me call her Okaa-chan and she thinks that you are a bad person but I don't, you didn't kill your little brother so you aren't all bad, maybe a lot bad but you're not all bad."
"You are very… strange." Itachi said looking over at her, "Why do you call everyone here your brothers?" He asked stoically.
"Because they're all very special to me and they're the closest things to brothers that I ever had and I love them all." She answered honestly.
"hn." He said facing forward again.
"Is it ok if I call you my brother too, Itachi-sama?" She asked.
He looked at her for a while trying to figure out just what her intentions were but couldn't find any thing wrong with her asking it so he answered her. "Do what you want, I do not care." He responded looking forward again.
"Ok Itachi-Onii-sama." Hotaru said cheerily then faced forward like Itachi. After a few minutes she fell asleep and wound up leaning on Itachi's shoulder.
Itachi looked down at the sleeping little girl when she fell over onto his shoulder but decided to let her be then looked back in front of him only to see Tobi holding a camera then was blinded by a flash.
"Madara." Itachi hissed angrily.
"Tobi." He corrected as sternly as Tobi goes.
"Tobi," Itachi hissed, "what the hell was that?!"
"A camera!" Tobi stated giddily and ran.
"Shit." Itachi groaned leaning his head back against the wall.
"Shit is a bad word, Itachi-san" Kisame said leaning against a nearby wall, Itachi just glared at him.
"Relax Itachi-san, we've all got a soft spot for the kid," Kisame said grinning wickedly, "there was something about a blood line trait that her mom had, that makes you want to befriend her and not want to hurt her making it harder for an attacker to kill her. Leader-sama plans to have her join us because of her untrained power but Orochimaru-san doesn't wanna give her up so easily, something about an experiment. Leader-sama wants her to get attached to us so she'll come with him more willingly."
"How do you know all of this?" Itachi asked without emotion.
"I'm a ninja, the walls have ears and the ceilings have eyes." Kisame said coolly
"Let me guess you went to do something and happened upon and open door." Itachi asked glaring at Kisame.
"Basically." Kisame said still grinning.
"It sounded like a badly rehearsed speech, or a slackers academy report." Itachi pointed out bluntly.
"I try." Kisame responded shoving his hands in his pockets.
"this blood line trait, can it make someone fall in love?" Itachi asked his curiosity getting the best of him.
"Only for twenty four hours and she has to do an ass load of hand signs and she doesn't even know about the blood line trait so…" Kisame answered picking little Hotaru and carrying her to her bed, "Why so interested, Itachi-san?"
End Flash Back
Hotaru smiled gently at the picture, She didn't know what had happened after she fell asleep but she remembered waking up when Kisame put her on the bed and then apologizing for falling asleep then telling everyone good night individually. Suddenly she felt so sad, She'd seen them one last time on the last mission she'd done for Orochimaru and she hadn't been nice.
Flash Back
Nine year old Hotaru stood over the dead bloody dead body of a man with her wings resting behind her lazily, He had seen inside of her father's lab and seen the experiments being preformed on her. He had planned on telling a nearby villages kage about the base and what was going on inside but Orochimaru would put a stop to it. He sent Hotaru after him because that would send him the best message in the eyes of Orochimaru, the person that he aimed to save coming and killing him, it would destroy him before she did. She'd finally cornered him in a clearing in the forest, he'd thought she'd escaped and was running away but when he went up to her he'd found out what her true intentions were when a kunai slashed him across the face.
Hotaru's blood lust had gotten the better of her this time, She had cut the man so many times that he'd died of blood loss quicker than she had wanted him to. Hotaru's simple dark blue sundress was now stained a dark purple and her hair and skin were tainted red with the man's blood, but he was definitely worse off. His arms and legs were all broken and he had so many cuts on his face that he was no longer identifiable, there were deep gashes on his arms and upper torso and one of the bones from his legs was sticking out of his shin . She sensed more people coming and growled raising her kunai into an offensive position, retracting her wings.
She heard a twig snap from behind a nearby treeline and few seconds later the Akatsuki calmly walked into the clearing.
"Hotaru-chan!" Tobi and Deidara yelled from the back of the group.
"Hey Kid." Kisame said grinning and shoving his sword in the ground and leaning on it.
Sasori smiled up at her from his puppet body that looked just like he had before he was a puppet, at first she was glad to see them but knew that she'd only bring them more pain and sadness.
"Stay away or I won't hesitate to kill you!" she called out in warning as she shifted to fully face them.
"You wouldn't kill your Onii-sama would you?" she heard a familiar voice from behind her.
"Itachi-O—" she went silent for a moment then started again, "Itachi-sama."
"What's the matter Hotaru-chan, won't you tell us? Won't you tell your brothers?" Zetsu asked eerily appearing to grow from the shadows on the ground beside the group.
"Hotaru, when did you get so violent?" Itachi asked emotionlessly staring at the lifeless body at her feet, his sharingan activated already, anticipating anything.
"Otou-sama told me to and if you must know, I'm having a bit of a vicious bloodlust right now." She said smiling maliciously.
Suddenly Itachi was in front of her bending down to look her in the eye and gripping her shoulders, "What did he do to you!?" He demanded quietly, concern showing on his face though his voice didn't change he deactivated the sharigan, searching her eyes for an answer.
Her bangs fell over her eyes and tears started to run down her face mixing with the blood.
"…hate… Itachi-sama…" She murmured.
"What?" he asked straining his ears to hear her.
"Itachi you're not using that eye on the kid, are you?" Kisame asked knowing what Itachi was capable of.
Hotaru looked up clearing her bangs from her eyes, tears streaming down her face, "I hate you Itachi-sama!!" She screamed flames erupting all around her forcing Itachi to jump back.
"No Kisame-san." Itachi glared at Kisame, red sharingan eyes showing brightly, then turned back to Hotaru.
"Leave me alone, I hate you!! I hate you all!!" Hotaru yelled the green in her eyes spiking out mimicking the fire crackling in the air and fat droplets of water cascading down her face, evaporating before they hit the ground.
"Go away!! I never want to see you again!! I hate you all!! I-I hate you Itachi-sama!!" she yelled making her voice go hoarse as she yelled the last hate.
"If you can't kill me, settle for hating me too!" She wailed repeating Itachi's words to his little brother, Sasuke.
Itachi straightened his back and went back to being emotionless. "I will not kill you, I do not feel like wasting my time." Itachi made eye contact with her once more before turning and walking away, he would never forget the look in her eyes, it had hurt her to say it almost as much as it hurt him, this was why he hadn't gotten close to anyone, this was why he'd wanted his brother to hate him, people that get close to you hurt you the most.
Her eyes had haunted his dreams every night since, sometimes she'd be chained beaten and broken in her father's clutches, others she'd be a carefree little girl living a normal life, or somewhere in between, any way she appeared she always had the same look in her eyes, they were filled with hurt, pain, sadness, anger, blood lust, restraint, inner conflict, and drained of all happiness.
"Itachi we can't just leave the kid," Kisame started then choked on his words as Itachi's glare.
"Leave her, she is of no importance." Itachi commanded and since none of them had a death wish they simply walked away Deidara looking back sadly at her crying form and watched as she opened her wings to fly she tilted her head up towards the sky and beat her wings hard once making fire bursting out from her in a shockwave as she took off, burning all the blood stained flowers and grass in the clearing and leaving the corpse singed.
Hotaru flew through a few hands signs then reached her hand up to the sky, "Water style: Rain of Tears." She whispered as drops of salt water began to fall from the sky. She was finishing her mission, she was punishing the village for sending a spy by making it rain saltwater. Crops and livestock would be affected by it, not to mention that anyone with a cut outside was probably in a lot of pain right now. It would rain saltwater for a week straight unless she stopped the jutsu.
"I'm sorry Deidara-nee-chan, Tobi-nii, Zetsu-nii, Sasori-nii-sama, Kisame-nii-san, Itachi-Onii-sama." She whispered as she watched them walk for a moment then turned and flew back to the hell she called home.
End Flash Back
She shook her head and put the pictures back and started to sing as she looked around her room. She sighed then took her MP3 player out of her pocket and put the ear phones in and started to sing along with the first song.
(Here's the song Until the End by Breaking and I would like to point out again that I don't own it)
"So clever, what ever, I'm done with these endeavors," she sang in time with the song
"alone I walk the winding way, here I stay. It's over, no longer, I feel it growing stronger." Then a thought hit her, she hadn't had a mission in a while and she'd been having violent urges recently, She'd need to kill soon or Nibi would go crazy with bloodlust and over power her.
"I live to die another day, until I fade away! Why give up? Why give in?" Why should she give up now?
"It's not enough, it never is, so I will go on until the end," Nothing she'd ever done had been enough to prove anything to the villagers about herself and the villagers.
"We've become desolate, it's not enough, it never is." She and Gaara had become all alone when they were separated from each other and everything they'd done to try to get back to each other had failed.
"but I will go on until the end!" She would go on until the end, she'd wait for Gaara forever, even if he didn't come for her she'd go on for him.
"surround me, it's easy, to fall apart completely," It was so easy for her own loneliness to surround her and make her fall apart.
"I feel you creeping up again, in my head," she could feel the blood lusting beast of the Nibi coming out again.
"It's over, no longer, I feel it growing colder." It was over, her time with Gaara had come to an end and she would no longer see him, she could feel her heart slowly growing colder, and knew she had to stop it.
"I knew this day would come to end," she knew that staying with Gaara forever was too good to last.
"so let this life begin," so let her knew life as the little sister of the Akatsuki members begin.
"Why give up? Why give in? It's not enough it never is." Why should she give up being a ninja? It wouldn't be enough to make them let her go back.
"So I will go on until the end," she'd fight until the end, she'd use this as an opportunity to get stronger and train.
"We've become desolate, it's not enough, it never is, but I will go on until the end."
"I've lost my way, I've lost my way, but I will go on until the end." Hotaru was lost somewhere between love and hatred.
"living is, hard enough, without you fucking deep breath in up!" she managed to keep her voice fairly quiet, enough so that it didn't wake anybody but still went with the song. She was the one, in her mind, that kept on fucking up and making her friends lives harder than they already were.
"ahhhhh, why give up why give in? It's not enough it never is so I will go on until the end"
"We've become desolate, it's not enough it never is, well I will go on until the end."
"I've lost my way, I've lost my way but I will go on until the end. Ooo oooo ooo(x2)"
"The final fight begin, the final fight I win, well I will go on until the end." She listened to the music as it faded and the next song started to play. Hotaru giggled as she heard the opening.
"I am a superstar with a big big house and a big big car I am a superstar with a big big house and a big big car I am a super star and I don't care who you are." She sang. She swore that she heard someone chuckle from outside the door and assumed it was Deidara or Kisame so she ran over to it and flung it open. She was momentarily shocked to see Itachi standing outside her door but was too excited about her new decisions to really care and dragged him into her room closing the door behind him.
"don't be strange, come in instead of standing outside my door." She smiled cheerfully at the Uchiha.
"I'm not being strange." Itachi stated standing next to her door in the shadows, there was a lamp in a corner on the other side of the room that was switched on but didn't reach him.
"Look at you Itachi-Onii-sama, being all "oh-my-god-the-light-it-burns" over there." Hotaru teased playfully.
"You do realize that Leader-sama knows all and sees all that happens here." Itachi said stoically.
"He better not be "seeing all" when I'm changing." Hotaru said crossing her arms and huffing "peeping tom."
"…" (-- Itachi)
"I am a superstar with a big big house and a big big car, I am a superstar and I don't care who you are," Hotaru burst out singing along with her MP3 player and jumping around the room, "I am a superstar with a big big house and a big big car, I am a superstar and I don't care who you are"
"…" (Itachi)
"I've got a red farari, I'm a superstar," she lowered her voice and grabbed a brush and started singing into it, "I really like to party, am I cool or what?"
"… chuckle"
"Oh my God did you just laugh at me Itachi-Onii-sama!?" Hotaru asked dropping her brush and getting really close to him, standing on her tippy toes to get a better view of his face.
Itachi pushed her down by kneeing her in the stomach hard enough to make her earphones fall out and her MP3 player skitter across the floor, "I am not your brother." He ground out towering over her fallen figure.
Hotaru looked up at him from the floor tears welling up in her eyes, "Itachi-O… Itachi-sama…"she said quietly, "I-I'm sorry, I-I didn't mean it," She whispered as a few tears slipped down her face, "I was j-just… I didn't want you to… I'm sorry, I didn't mean it." She almost yelled as she finished but managed not to.
Itachi knew what she was talking about, her voice had held such malice that day, she'd hated him for leaving her, for letting it happen to her, for not being there to stop them, that much was what he'd gathered in the long years since she'd told him she hated him.
"I-I don't hate you, Itachi-sama, please forgive me, please!" she begged as she staggered to her feet, everything was taking more of a toll on her because no one had remembered to remove the chakra seal.
Itachi moved closer and did a few hand signs then caught her in one arm as she started to collapse and put a hand gently on her stomach, breaking the seal on contact. "You are forgiven, Hotaru," Itachi said in a barely audible monotone, "but I am not your brother."
"I understand." Hotaru said smiling weakly as she regained her strength, "Can I see Leader-sama again, I'd like to reconsider." She said as Itachi helped her to her feet.
Itachi gave her a look and began to walk out of her room, Hotaru took the look as a "follow me" kind of thing and followed after him.
They walked down the various hallways, making turns at all the right corners and walking past all of her brothers rooms until they reached the large stone door. It opened as they approached and Hotaru followed Itachi inside.
"Leader-sama." Itachi said bowing slightly.
"Itachi, Hotaru." Leader-sama said from his position in the shadows.
"I want to reconsider what I said earlier. I will go on missions but I will not go on missions that involve the sand, I want nothing to do with harming the sand, and… I want to compete in the chunin exams." The last thing was said as more of a question than a demand.
"Why do you want to compete in the chunin exams?" Leader-sama inquired.
"I've been training this whole time so I could become a chunin, I one day hope become Jonin ranked and the next step to that is to become a chunin." She told him honestly while nervously toying with the ripped edges of her shirt.
"That will be complicated," Leader-sama sighed, "but I don't see why not, will your "master" be there?"
"Y-Yes I think so." She responded staring at the floor.
"No." Leader-sama said simply never shifting from his position.
"I swear, Gaara-kun won't save me and if he tries I'll stop him!" She begged him shaking her head, "All I want is to become a better ninja, and I don't want him to save me!! If he tries I know that he'll be killed!! I won't let him die!!" she cried.
"…not for me." She added quietly.
"I thought your masters name was death, little one." Leader-sama smirked thinking that he had caught her bluff.
"Gaara-kun is death, other people make life and he takes it away." Hotaru said staring at the ground and pulling on one of the many threads hanging from her shirt.
"I thought he was the master, not you, does the pet tell it's mater what he will not do?" Leader-sama asked mocking her and Gaara.
"I get in the way of him killing innocent so he doesn't kill them," she explained fondly as she thought back to when she was always with Gaara, it felt like it had been so long, "after all my master was fond of me and what kind of a good master would kill his pet?"
Leader-sama understood what she was trying to tell him, If Gaara tried to take her back and kill her guards she would get in the way and stop him, but the only reason she'd stop him was to keep her guards from hurting him
"Very well, I will send Itachi and Kisame as your team mates and Deidara as your sensei, now leave my sight this will be discussed later." He commanded.
"Arigato Leader-sama." She said bowing respectfully and grinning from ear to ear then ran off to tell Deidara.
Itachi was about to disappear in a puff of smoke when Leader-sama spoke up again,
"Nice work Itachi." He said his eyes smiling evilly at Itachi's back.
"I have done nothing." Itachi said then disappeared.
Sorry for not updating in so long as I said earlier my computers were down for a while and we only have one of them back so far, the computer guy's on vacation in Mexico… I know it's not good when the guy who has your computer "Flees the country" but umm I think my parents trust him… anyway please review!! (the little fact thingy's have been discontinued and will be removed soon for reasons that I do not feel obligated to explain.)
It is currently 3:00 AM on June 28, 2008