Chapter 11

While she was waiting in front of the door, Calleigh looked around. It's been a week since her talk with Elijah. A week that didn't pass by without problems. While work she had encountered Horatio inevitably, which hadn't made the whole situation easier. They hadn't shouted or snarled at each other, but there had been this strange feeling of being in the wrong place and knowing that people around you were talking and making their own assumptions. Now she was at the point where she wanted to know how things stood. That's why she had taken Elijah's words by heart and had driven to Horatio without telling him before. And that was also why she was nervous, because she didn't know what or who would be waiting for her. She already wanted to go again, when there had been no movement at her first ring, but she tried again. Maybe Horatio was out of earshot. Either way she had done her best.

Groaning, Horatio got up from his couch and cursed his old bones. It was never good when you had laid on a comfortable couch and your legs fell asleep. Then they never did what you wanted them to. However he asked himself who his guest could be. It was early evening after all and he wasn't expecting anyone. It couldn't be Elijah, because the boy would storm into the house and Samantha always told him before she would come by. So it had to be a salesman or one of his neighbors. He couldn't think of anyone else. He was all the more surprised to see Calleigh through the peephole. "Calleigh?" he asked stunned and opened the door a bit wider. "Did something happen?" Even though they weren't friends any longer, he was still worrying about her. It was in his nature.

Faintly she smiled at him, because his worry was plain to see. "Not exactly," she answered him tentatively and took a deep breath before she continued, "can…can we talk?"

"Uhm, sure...," he nodded and opened the door so she could step in. "What do you mean by not exactly?" he asked her confused and motioned her to go into the living room. As long as he didn't know what was going on, he was worried.

Even though she has went through all the possibilities, Horatio's readiness to talk surprised her. Slowly she walked into the living room. "Something has happened, that's right, but it doesn't only concern me but both of us."

"Oh…okay." Now he had a bad feeling. Hopefully Calleigh didn't want to resign. That would hit him nevertheless. "Do you want something to drink?" He could stall for time then.

"Water maybe?" She wasn't that thirsty, but she didn't want to turn down his hospitality.

"Good. Just a moment, please. Have a seat," he offered her and disappeared into the kitchen where he had to get himself together. This had been the longest sentences he had exchanged with Calleigh for weeks now. Just the question how long this would continue. With a glass of water and a soft drink for himself he came back a few minutes later and took a seat in the chair across her. "Okay…"

Nervously she fumbled with her glass before she put it on the table. "I've…been thinking and I wanted to apologize for what happened. I'm really sorry," she said slowly, because she wanted to make sure that there weren't any misunderstandings. Her glance wandered from the table to Horatio.

"I'm sorry too…," he mumbled and touched his cheek unconsciously. "I haven't been tactful…and I threw you in at the deep end, I have to apologize for that. As well as for avoiding you in the lab," he sighed. Finally he had said it and silenced his conscience.

They made the first step and that lifted her spirits. But still it wouldn't be easy to talk about her emotions and feelings. "Well, we both made mistakes," she nodded weakly. "And learned from them hopefully. I overreacted, because I felt betrayed. Being told about Elijah and your wife, well ex-wife, after two years…shocked me."

Sorrowful he looked down at his can and hoped that he would find the right answer. "Ex-wife yes, we got divorced about 14 years ago," he nodded. "I'm trying to…block Elijah from the world we're working in and sometimes I overplay it. I'm just afraid that the wrong people would get wind of his existence.."

"I'm not sure if I can understand that…it's strange to block both of them from the world. I mean, not even Tim and Eric know about them, do they?"

"No, there's only Alexx who knows and the Chief if something happens to me. But except for those two, no. Well and now you too," he explained her with a faint smile. "I know that you can't understand that…"

"No, I can't," she admitted. "But maybe you can...explain it to me?"

"I…can give it a shot," he nodded. "When Samantha had told me that she was pregnant back then…I was so happy at first, because I love children. Unfortunately it happened in a very bad time and like every father I got scared. The normal fears like the uncertainty if you're a good father…of the responsibility..and that your whole life changes," he told her in a steady voice.

"But what I feared most was the fact that my job could hurt him. You must know back then..there had been a lot of gang wars about drugs and I put a lot of them behind bars. At first I got threatening calls…in the office.. on my cell and later even at home, where one told me that I should keep my hands off their business or the ones I love will pay for it. I couldn't allow, that they would hurt Elijah and that's why he's never had the Caine as his last name. He's got his mother's maiden name and…sometime it was too much for Samantha and we got divorced. And since then it's in me. I could never forgive myself when something happens to Elijah because of me…"

Intently she had absorbed every word and every detail. "So far it's replicable and I'm sure that you wanted to avoid every risk. But what makes me mad is, that you don't trust me or the team. We're family…and I bet that the boys have told you one or two secrets..and you," she said quietly, "are holding something important like this back. Can you imagine what it feels like? When you get to know that someone is living a double life? Wouldn't that hurt you too?"

"I've never said that it won't hurt you," he clarified. "And I can't do more than telling you that I'm sorry. I didn't want to tell you from the start when we started dating, that I have a son. I wanted to make sure that you're serious with me and that you like children. Because there never is just me, Elijah is always a part of my life. And..I should have said something in the beginning, but I can't turn back time."

There was another thing occupying her thoughts, even though Horatio had already went into details. She leaned forward and asked him calmly. "And what if we make a fresh start and..have our own children, do you want to keep them hidden too? Feign ignorance?" She wanted to be with him, yes, but if he wanted to continue with this hide-and-seek she wouldn't play along. She wouldn't accept this "game". This wasn't her nature.

He didn't have an answer to that. For one thing it came unexpected and for another thing he had never thought about it. "I…I don't know," he shook his head. "I've never thought about it what it would be like to be a father again, because to be honest I never thought that there would be a possibility," he admitted her. But he was more interested in her insertion. "A fresh start?"

She nodded yes. "Because I still love you."

Surprised but nevertheless happy he looked at her. "Really? I mean despite this..matter?" He didn't want to get dumped again.

"Maybe even because of this matter. I've seen a new side of you; a side I really like seeing."

"So it's okay for you that I'm a father?" he asked surprised, because most of the other women he had tried to date hadn't been happy about it. "Oh…that's great!" And still he had the feeling that there would be a But.

"You already gave the answer to that…Elijah will always be a part of your life and I can't change that," she shrugged. "I hope however that there aren't more secrets about other children."

"I hope not. Well I don't know of any, so no..," he smiled. "So does that mean we're a couple again?" he asked and stood up to take a seat next to her.

She looked into his eyes but couldn't hold it for long. Her next words would probably hurt him. "I came here today, because I wanted to straighten things out and now..I need some time to think about it," she told him candidly, because this was very important to her. "There is a lot of information that I still need to process."

"Oh…" This was certainly not the answer he had been waiting for. Unsure he folded his hands in his lap and didn't know what to say. "So this mean that I should give you time and then..you'll tell me if we get a fresh start or not?" he asked and didn't like it. He didn't like the fact to be depending on other people's decisions. "Is there something I can do? Except leave you alone?"

In fact Horatio could have used her answer as an opportunity to reject her request, but he showed her understanding, which caused Calleigh to lean to him and placing a kiss on his cheek. "I know it's much I'm asking for, but I really want to make sure that we have a basis again. Anything else would be a sham."

"I think that's okay after everything that happened," Horatio nodded and flushed pink when she kissed him. "I'll give you time and you take your time and then we'll see." He could just wait and see.

"Yes," she smiled at him and took his hand. "Thank you for your honesty."

"Thanks for the chance to explain," he smiled back and had missed being close to her. "Do you want to stay for a bit?"

Her answer came hesitantly. "I don't think this would be good, Horatio."

Again an answer he hadn't expected, but he was kinda sure that it wouldn't be the last time. "You're probably right. Then we..postpone it to another time and..if you have questions, just come to me, okay? No matter what about."

"You bet," she grinned in order to tone down the heaviness of this subject.

"Good. Then I'll kick you out and you think about things," he laughed lightly. "So we part as friends today?"

She sighed with relief. "Yes, today we part as friends." This talk went much better than she had originally thought and she was glad that she had made this step.

"I like that a lot," he squeezed her hand. From now on it could only get better.

Tbc

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