"There is everything to talk about." He stood up then, taking my hand in his. His molten topaz eyes kept boring into mine, not showing any sign of release.
"Fine then," I muttered, defeated. My favorite crooked smile flashed across his face. My breath caught. Even as a vampire, I was still susceptible to his inhuman beauty.
"Where to start…" he mumbled, looking out into the river.
"How about where have you been since you left me?" I wasn't going to say "left me," but it slipped out, and he turned mournful again.
"Various states and countries. Germany, Russia, Alaska, Maine, and Greenland really stick to my mind though."
"Why is that?"
"They reminded me of everything we did together for some reason." Finally, this was getting too much. I slipped my hand out of his.
"Edward, don't go there. You left on your own accord. No one made you."
"I know, I know, and I don't regret protecting you. I just miss you sometimes." My hole for some reason was back, and it was throbbing. I had to get out of their so he wouldn't see me curl up into a ball because my dead heart felt like someone cut it out and kicked it across the universe. (A/N: Across the Universe is a song by the Beatles)
There was no choice except to run away. He tried to follow, but I was too fast. By the time I was locked up in Alice's room, he was running through the front door. When he was at the door, he kept yelling, "Bella, Bella, come back! We still need to talk! Bella!" Hearing this made me curl up into a ball.
Although I was currently unbreakable, I felt like I was cracking apart, and there was nothing no one could do about it. I felt numb, and not because of the cold skin temperature or because there was no pulse.
I felt numb because the man I had been mourning over was outside the door, begging for forgiveness. And I wasn't forgiving him.
A few months ago, I would give my soul to the devil just to see Edward, and now here I am, closing the door in his face and curling up into a ball trying not to let the pain crack me open.
Finally, he burst in (and surprisingly didn't break the door in the process) and stared at me, in a ball sobbing tearlessly.
"Bella…" he whispered, picking me up in his cold, hard arms. And instead of fighting it, I let it comfort me, even though he'd never love me again. He carried me to his room, and he sat on the couch with me in his lap.
I tried staring at him, but it hurt too much. I just sobbed into his shoulder, waiting for the tears that would never come.
Finally, the sobs quieted until there wasn't any. The pain subsided to a bearable dose. And there wasn't any sensation of being breakable.
"Better?" he whispered. I nodded. "Good. Because now I'm going to talk and you're going to listen.
I nodded again, looking at the clock.
5 a.m. This was the time Edward left my room after he spent the night on weekdays. This thought pained me, so I steered clear and listened to Edward.
"On your birthday, when Jasper was going to bite you…I knew I couldn't be around you any more. Not with risking your life every minute of every day.
"After realization took hold I could leave you, I left as fast as I could. I knew I was hurting you, but as long as it was an emotional pain, I knew I could and should do it." He paused for a moment, and then continued.
"When I left, it hurt bad to be away from you. Knowing that I may never be able to see you again was…painful, to say the least.
"In Switzerland, I think, I couldn't stop curling up in a ball thinking of you. You were my life, my heart, my everything. When I left, my life, my heart, and my everything were gone. Even though I have no life or a beating heart, this was different.
"It was a hollow space and existence, and everything was aching in pain. Then, I realized I couldn't do it any more.
"I had to come back. I had to see you again, despite the risk. I couldn't just do that to you. As I told you before, I'm a selfish being. I crave your company.
"But when I came back and Alice told me she changed you, my world was upside down. You had become the thing I swore to protect you from becoming. But after realizing it would've never happened if I stayed, my hollow space doubled up in pain. I knew that until I saw you and told you this, I would be in pain for the rest of my incredibly long existence.
"And now that you're here in my arms, it doesn't hurt any more. Now that you're here and I've explained myself, I'm fine."
I desperately wanted to believe what he had said. But the problem was…
That this was my problem. That the pain he was feeling was my same pain. And he didn't want me anymore, so him feeling my pain was impossible. It was time to go again.
"Edward, I…have to go." I sat up and tried to run, but he was still holding on.
He whirled me to face him. "Bella, please don't go. Please."
And without permission or warning, he bent down and kissed me.
Sorry about the short chapter. There's one more, and then they get longer I swear.
-Ayame