Chapter 2

Susan felt tired of holding on. Her body felt heavy, and holding onto it hurt. She chose to let it go. As she did, she heard God's voice say, "I love you." Letting go did not feel like she expected. She thought that she'd feel lighter and see a tunnel of light. Instead, she felt stronger, more capable of holding her body up. As she laid there, she opened her eyes. She saw Marcus laying on her chest, hooked up to the life force machine.

Susan tried to reach over to unhook Marcus, but her body wouldn't cooperate with her mind. She tried to call out for Stephen or anyone in vocal range, but her throat was too dry to make more than a raspy whisper. She began to cry in frustration. "You can't die on me, Marcus. I can't believe that you did something this bonehead stupid for me. I'm not worth it," she prayed hoping that God would alert someone, anyone to what was happening. As she laid there, an alarm began to beep alerting medical personnel to the changes in her life signs.

Stephen rushed to Med-lab from his quarters. He was prepared to see his friend Susan dying. Nothing had prepared him for what was actually happening.

When he arrived in Med-lab, he saw Susan lying in bed, crying. Marcus was sitting in a chair by her bed with his head lying on her chest. He was hooked up to the life force machine. Each second, it was taking his life force and giving it to Susan.

Stephen called Marcus' name as he ran into the room, but there was no response. He sprinted to the machine and unhooked Marcus. Then, he shined his penlight into Marcus' eyes, but there was no response. Stephen called for a med-team, and they began working on Marcus.

Susan tried to speak, but all that came out was a rasp. As the med-team took care of Marcus, he offered her a drink of water. Susan took a drink and began sobbing harder.

"I was ready to die. I never asked him to," she cried over and over.

"I know," Stephen answered. "Marcus took what happened to you very hard. I don't think he could live without you. He loved you a lot. He was always trying to prove it to you."

"I never should have pushed him away," Susan replied. "Maybe, he wouldn't have done this if I hadn't pushed him to it."

"I doubt it," Stephen said. "Marcus never could have let anything happen to you. Now, I need to go work on Marcus. You stay here and rest."

Twenty minutes later, Stephen put Marcus' body in a stasis chamber at Susan's request. He and his medical team had worked diligently to save Marcus, but he was too far gone. His body was perfectly fine, but there was nothing they could do to bring him back without his life energy. Lorien had brought John back from the dead, but he and all the other first ones had gone, never to return.

Susan stayed outside of the chamber crying. She wished that she had a way to save Marcus like he had saved her, but there was nothing she could do. On John's orders, Stephen had destroyed the machine because it was too dangerous to keep. No one wanted anything like this to happen again.

While she was keeping vigil, John called to say that her promotion to captain had come through. Stephen came in and told her. She exclaimed, "I don't care. Marcus is dead, and there's nothing I can do about it. I was prepared to die and go to Heaven. He gave his life to save me, and he doesn't even believe in that much. He only wanted me to love him. I couldn't do that. I knew that he wouldn't hurt me, but I was too afraid."

Stephen reminded her that she had been hurt in the past and that anyone in her position would have issues trusting people.

Susan turned her back on Stephen to end the conversation and said, "All love is unrequited."

Susan knew Marcus couldn't hear her, but she wanted Marcus to know how much she loved him for what he tried to do for her. She told him about how everyone in her life had abandoned her and how she couldn't stand the thought of losing another person. She told about her mother's suicide, her father's distance, her brother, Talia and various other men. She told him that she wanted to be with him, to hold his hand and spend the rest of her life with him.

"You need to wake up! I want to be with you, and all you can do is lay there and sleep. Wake up, that's an order!" Susan shouted.

Instinctively, she looked up for a response, but of course, nothing changed.

Stephen came in silently and dropped Susan's captain rank insignia off. When she looked at it, she realized that she had to make a choice. She couldn't spend the rest of her life crying in Med-lab; she had to move on, but Susan knew that there was no way she could stand to stay at the station. It would only remind her that Marcus was not with her. Being reminded of that every day was too painful for her to contemplate.

Susan walked to a computer terminal and began to look at ship's command positions that were open. One really stood out. It was a survey of an unexplored section of space where a number of First Ones had lived before they left the galaxy.

"The doctor's are wrong," Susan thought. "I can save Marcus." Someone, somewhere had to have the technology that could save him. Then, she could return for Marcus, save him, and they could spend the rest of their lives together. The only thing that she had to do was take that first step, alone. "It shouldn't be too hard," she told herself. She had spent all of her life up to this point alone, and now she had hope that she could end it.